Only Realized After Losing You

61. I Hope It’s Not a Minor Thing

“This sounds like nonsense from a dog.”

It was hard to believe that those words came out of my mouth. I actually made a face of disbelief.

My one-man audience applauded twice.

“Good job. But I wish you had spoken a little more confidently.”

The one who applauded was Hardwin.

A satisfied smile spread across his face.

“Okay. I’ll try to be more confident.”

“Pretend that I’m my uncle.”

I was reminded of Hardwin’s uncle, whom I only learned about in detail today.

After we received his letter, I learned his personal information from Hardwin.

His name was ‘Baltan Roymon’ and he was in his early 40s.

The man, who loved to bet, had lost a big wager and lost his title as a baron and his assets as a result.

I sensed that he was a man with a personality similar to my father.

Ever since then, Baltan began coveting the count’s title, but he had always been thwarted by the formidable Hannah each time he tried.

Hardwin said that Hannah’s attitude towards Baltan was very fierce.

It was a wonder Baltan didn’t slap back at Hannah.

At some point, he seemingly realized that he could never win against Hannah, and after that he stopped coming to the count’s residence.

It was a perfect victory for Hannah.

Hardwin’s comments on the victory was as follows:

‘She was undefeated. If she had been a knight, she would have destroyed an empire.’

The Hannah of the past was just as wonderful a person as the one I knew.

Because of that, I ended up feeling a bit of pressure.

I wondered if I could imitate Hannah, who had the aura of an undefeated warrior that could command the battlefield.

I thought that after showing off my dance moves perfectly at the ball, I would be able to relax for a while.

But another ordeal seemed to be on the horizon

How many more unexpected events would occur in the future?

“Ellie, are you ready?”

I nodded.

Phew. Deep breath, deep breath.

I glared at Hardwin.

“Get out of my sight.”

Hardwin’s eyes widened.

“Oh. That was actually good this time.”

“Really? How many points do I get?”

“A perfect score.”

“Heh heh. We’re so silly.”

He’s not even a kid and he’s giving scores.

I enjoyed our simple daily life. It was a pleasure I discovered only after coming to the County of Phever.

Hardwin, who was staring intently at my smiling figure, said.

“Don’t smile like that in front of Uncle Baltan., okay?”

“Why?”

“Because you and Hannah have completely different smiles.”

I wanted to ask how it was different exactly, but Hardwin quickly continued.

As if to prevent me from asking more questions.

“Ellie, do you want to try speaking arrogantly to me too? Think of me as the real me, not my uncle.”

To Hardwin, arrogantly, hah.

I held back a smile and crossed my legs seductively as I spoke without hesitation.

“Hardwin. Know your place.”

I think I really have a knack for sounding arrogant.

As soon as the act ended, I loosened the stiff expression on my face.

Hardwin spoke in a bewildered tone, in stark contrast to my bashful smile.

“Did you mean that?”

“Huh? … Ah, no, you told me to do it.”

“Did you think I didn’t know my place all this time?”

“I said no!”

My ‘no’ apparently didn’t reach his ears.

Hardwin let out a deep sigh.

“Sigh. My kindness turned out to be met with resentment from you.”

“I shouldn’t have said that… I won’t say that again.”

It was then that Hardwin’s face stiffened as he looked at me.

“Ellie… Are you crying?”

He asked, as if he was at a loss for words.

Am I … crying?

I brought my fingertips to my eyes. I felt something terribly hot.

They were indeed tears.

Probably the first tears I’d shed since Hannah’s death.

The tears that overflowed from my eyes soon rolled down my cheeks and dripped down my chin.

Tears I didn’t even realize I was shedding.

“Yeah. I-I guess I’m crying. I must have been afraid that you would think badly of me.”

I let out a breathy laugh. The few tears that were streaming down my face stopped.

“Oh goodness. If I joke around one more time, I’ll be in big trouble.”

He didn’t offer any comforting words.

Hardwin, who was sitting across from me, strode toward me.

He brushed my cheek with his thumb, gently.

“I was just kidding. I thought it was funny to hear you be bratty. You were like a child, weren’t you?”

“Yeah. I was like a little kid.”

“Ahem. I, Hardwin Phever, childishly swear to always remember my place from now on.”

I answered with my lips twisted playfully.

“Don’t joke around.”

“Okay. I will reflect on my actions.”

“… … .”

“Your tears have stopped.”

Hardwin slowly wiped my eyes.

“But Hardwin. Is it a big deal if I cry?”

“Then would it be a minor thing?”

“I hope it’s not a minor thing.”

He chuckled as if he found it ridiculous.

Still, the hand that was resting on my cheek did not move, even though my tears were no longer flowing.

Hardwin’s voice dropped down to a whisper.

“I think we’ve really become close. Don’t you think so?”

I nodded.

I felt so comfortable with him, like he was my friend, like a brother, and sometimes like a man.

So much so that the fact that they were not the same seems strange.

I was sad that we would have to be apart someday.

Would I still be able to stay by his side once my role as Hannah’s substitute ended?

That was too far in the future to worry about now.

I decided to focus on my upcoming task.

“Hardwin. I’ll do well this time too.”

“It’ll work out okay. I have a feeling.”

Hardwin shrugged.

He didn’t seem too worried.

But I couldn’t think of it so lightly.

Baltan’s sudden visit was suspicious.

Why would Baltan choose to visit at a time when the real Hannah was dead?

He hadn’t visited her in the past few years.

“By the way, when will Uncle Baltan arrive? I must chase him out quickly.”

I had to.

I thought of Baltan’s letter, where the day of his visit was not listed.

* * *

It was that dream again.

Lennon woke up with a furrowed brow.

He had the same dream ever since Ellie disappeared.

He was tired of the same dream.

Now he just wanted to get away.

How could he escape from a dream that kept repeating itself every day?

Why did he keep having the same dream?

“If I keep Ellie by my side, I can escape.”

Lennon reached into the air and clenched his fist.

Almost simultaneously, he remembered Hannah’s slender wrist that slipped from his hand.

‘You’re in love with her.’

Her words echoed in his ears.

“… How funny. Love.”

Of course, he thought of Ellie a little differently.

Every time he thought of her, he felt a pang in his chest.

But it was woefully inadequate of what he would call love.

Love was supposed to be a more ecstatic, passionate emotion.

For Lennon, who had never truly loved anyone, love was a somewhat difficult emotion.

Whatever love was, Lennon just wanted to see her in person.

He just wanted to see her, have casual conversations like they used to, be in the same space, and maintain a relationship where they occasionally engaged in brief, casual physical contact.

But he didn’t want another man to stay by her side.

Whether it was Hardwin, who pretended to be a friendly brother to his sister while looking at him with a sharp gaze.

Or his subordinate, Lebrado.

Or anyone else, no matter what.

He thought that he was the only man who should be by Ellie’s side.

It was a possessiveness that did not suit his temperament, when he would usually get tired of everything easily.

Lennon pushed himself up from his bed and began to get ready for the day.

He changed into his wrinkle-free clothes, had a simple meal to appease his hunger, and then headed to his office.

The first thing he did when he went into the office was to make himself a cup of tea.

The tea he drank was a beautiful red hibiscus tea, which was his favorite as of late.

Its red hue, which didn’t seem to allow for any other color, resembled the color of his eyes.

He felt a strange affinity for the familiar red color.

Lennon sat leisurely on the sofa, sipping tea and thinking quietly.

His thoughts turned to ‘the possibility that Ellie was Hannah’, something that had been on Lennon’s mind lately.

He was more concerned about that than making his father feel defeated or maintaining a decent relationship with my stepmother.

The bottom line was that Lennon was pretty sure Hannah was Ellie.

As colorful as her performance was, Lennon was pretty sure of his thoughts.

Of course, he wasn’t sure of her identity at the beginning.

When he first met Hannah, Lennon was quite confused.

‘You’ve got the wrong person.’

Lennon was greatly taken aback by her words, when she spoke without wavering.

But after tracking down the coachman of the carriage Hannah and Ellie were riding in, witnessing Lebrado’s reaction towards her hands, and investigating people connected with the Phever siblings, he was more or less convinced.

Of those linked to the Phever siblings, the one who lent to most weight to Lennon’s suspicions was a man named Baltan Roymon, a fallen baron and uncle of the Phever siblings.