chapter 47
My ■■■ (6)
What Eremus, now called a trial, did was simple.
– Hypocrites, the time has come for you to pay the price.
It was to kill the priests of the Pantheon who planted false hope.
And to destroy the jar of solitude that would still be creating others like him.
He repeated such actions over and over again.
– I will give my life, so could you please spare these people?
– …
– Well, I am still the saintess of the order. I think my life has some value.
– Woman.
– Woman? I have a name, it’s Hecate.
– Why are you sacrificing yourself?
– Because they are the ones I decided to take responsibility for! How disgraceful would it be to run away after making such grand promises?
In the process, he realized that not all priests were hypocrites. There were those who were willing to lay down their lives.
– …Take those worms and get out.
– Ah! Can I really do that?
– Before I change my mind, immediately.
– Yes!
But he couldn’t find any meaning in it.
Perhaps it was because when he realized that not all priests were evil, he also realized that not all those he saved were good.
Those he rescued would sometimes encounter inquisitors elsewhere and be killed or become criminals.
Every person is a potential evil and a potential good.
Such contradictions existed.
Eremus felt that he was becoming increasingly strange. He could no longer determine whether what he was doing was right or wrong.
Is the world beautiful? Is it worth surviving to this extent?
Just as such doubts began to sprout.
– Huh?
He realized that there was no one left who could follow him.
He couldn’t control his power.
In the midst of doubt and despair, he couldn’t find the beauty of the world. He couldn’t even find the meaning of his actions, feeling still isolated.
Because of that, he could no longer accept anyone.
Neither humans nor demons, nor priests.
He felt disgusted with everyone. He felt potential in everyone.
No, neither. He ended up knowing nothing.
It was time to end it.
But if he stopped like that, he didn’t know what would be left of him.
Therefore, Eremus continued his meaningless journey. Killing the hypocrites of the pantheon he encountered, saving the demons who pleaded their grievances, but ultimately causing them all to die because they couldn’t withstand his power…
At the end of such a life, clinging to a purpose without meaning or conviction.
– …What does this mean?
He lost the meaning of life.
While thinking that he should now stop and slowly face death.
– Daddy!
– …
Eremus found a being identical to himself, but much more immature, tugging at his hem.
He couldn’t tell where the girl had come from.
He could only feel that the girl who appeared by his side, where no one could approach, was just like him.
And, wasn’t that enough?
So, in such a strange situation, he didn’t doubt for a moment and just hugged the girl, feeling her warmth.
-Yes…
Only then did Eremus, still a boy who had not yet become an adult, realize.
-Thank you for coming to me.
That he was lonely.
Eremus stopped.
He settled in a quiet forest and made his nest.
Eremus looked at the girl and gave a sincere smile.
The world was not beautiful.
But the world his beloved daughter would live in was sure to be beautiful.
So much so…
-Hihihi!
Because she was a child who smiled brightly.
* * *
After traveling around the world beyond the dark cave, I was able to return to the place I first came to.
The dark cave.
Eremus’s mind.
“Lilia is…”
Lilia is not a separate being. No, it would be more accurate to say she wasn’t.
Just as Geppetto created Pinocchio using his heart as a medium, Eremus used his power to create a kin to soothe his loneliness.
In some sense, it could be called a clone…
“You were his real daughter.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
In the end, family is certain.
“Lilia doesn’t know where her hatred comes from. Because it’s not hers, it’s mine.”
“Then I feel a bit unfair about being hit.”
As he first said, it was a hatred even he couldn’t understand.
Lilia is being swayed by memories that aren’t her own.
The truth that emerged was that if I had been hit, it would have been by Eremus, not that damned kid.
How could this be?
“Lilia left home, you know. Because I’m going to die soon.”
“I don’t understand. You dying. Is aging or dying of weakness even possible?”
“Impossible.”
“Then…”
Eremus is saying that he desires death. He is slowly killing himself.
Then what is the reason?
Is there a reason to leave his beloved daughter, whom he loves enough to give up everything, alone in this world?
“I have to die to live. Because the world Lilia will live in remains. My power is slowly becoming unbearable for her too.”
“……”
A power that even his own kind cannot endure.
Eremus clearly defined the reason he had to die.
“Don’t you think that the kid left in this world will suffer the same pain as you?”
“No, Lilia isn’t trapped like me. Even now, her power occasionally goes out of control, but she’s adapting well to the city of Rubia, isn’t she?”
“Calling her adaptation while acting like a tyrant is a bit problematic.”
“Hehe, that’s true. So I was thinking of letting her out into the world a bit later.”
“But she ran away.”
“Mm… It’s my fault. I hastily talked about my death. Lilia, who wasn’t ready, got scared. She’s protesting, hoping I’ll change my mind about dying.”
“What a significant family issue.”
It’s impressive that the scale could potentially shatter the world itself.
At least I understood why Lilia doesn’t kill people.
The kid was afraid of death. She had already seen the shadow of death approaching her parents.
She could fear that intangible thing more than anyone else.
“Can you persuade Lilia?”
“When you were urging me to do so, and now you say this?”
“Now I think I can completely trust you.”
“Then before?”
“If I couldn’t trust you, I was thinking of leaving you to die.”
“That’s terrifying.”
Eremus’s words, accompanied by a shrug, send chills down my spine.
Well, considering that Lilia’s hatred originated from Eremus, it’s only natural.
Thinking about the existence that could be called the source of that hatred, it’s amazing that we’re even having this conversation.
It means he’s swallowing all his displeasure and not showing it.
“But why all of a sudden?”
“Hmm?”
“You tormented me so much, and now you say you can trust me. I don’t understand the basis for that.”
To be honest, I can understand why he couldn’t trust me.
I was exactly like the Inquisitor of the Pantheon he hated.
Even if he killed me on the spot, I wouldn’t have had anything to say.
So, for him to say he trusts me now…
I can’t believe it at all.
“Because you no longer make excuses.”
“Excuse me?”
“Just know that.”
“Oh, okay…”
It was a gentle smile, but I couldn’t express any further doubts.
“Now, the erosion won’t bother you anymore. I no longer need to keep an eye on you.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“And from now on, no poison will be able to erode your body.”
“I like that even more.”
I never thought I’d receive such a reward after going through so much hardship.
At most, I thought I’d just be returning a runaway daughter.
“Then go now. If you stay any longer, you’ll suffocate to death before the erosion gets you. Hehehe!”
It was a joke I couldn’t laugh at.
* * *
Lost left.
But in the dark cave where Lost had left, Eremus still stood, staring into the void.
The master of the dream had already disappeared, but he still had work to do.
“How was it?”
But there was someone speaking to him.
A woman in a pure white mask and attire, her hair color indiscernible.
“Well, it was unconvincing.”
“That’s different from what you said earlier.”
“Still, I thought I could at least bring back the runaway daughter.”
“I see.”
Seeing Eremus smile as if that was enough, the woman felt like she was smiling too.
“Oh my, are you leaving already?”
“If I stay, it will make him uncomfortable.”
“It will be lonely.”
“That’s not my concern.”
“……”
Eremus chuckled and walked into the dark cave.
His back no longer looked like that of a delicate boy.
“How bittersweet.”
Left alone, she turned around.
Where she turned was not a dark cave, but her warm-feeling garden.
“Do you know?”
■■■ does not know.
“That I had been searching for you for a long time.”
In the void of his memory.
The girl, called the saint of the sky, had been left behind.
“You looked at my back. I never imagined I would become your support…”
■■■ was her support.
She endured the harsh world, looking forward to the day she would meet him again.
“At first, I thought that was enough.”
She looked at ■■■’s back, and ■■■ looked at her back.
The two people who trusted each other more than anyone else, ironically, were not looking at each other’s faces.
Only as a target to chase, only from a step back. That’s how they were only looking at each other’s backs.
“With the strength I borrowed from you, I tried to do what you had to do, but in the end, I failed.”
The world perished.
No matter how much she struggled, it was broken beyond meaning.
The conclusion of her trying to handle something beyond her means.
“But you can do it, right?”
To him, she was the sky. But perhaps she was the ceiling that blocked the sky where he truly needed to rest.
“Because you are someone who can do better tomorrow than today.”
She believes.
The existence that made her who she is now.
The person who became her support.
“My…”
He was more vast than anything, the one she loved more than anyone.
“Cielo.”
Because he was a beautiful sky (cielo).
* * *
It was a short word. It was also a joke thrown as if it were nothing.
But when I heard that word, I finally realized.
-Because you no longer made excuses.
Yes, that’s right.
I had been blocking my own growth by making excuses all this time.
How foolish it was.
She was the person I respected the most. I wanted to be like her.
But in reality, I…
-I am different from her.
-I can’t do it like her.
I had been denying that from the beginning.
Yes, I could never have been like her. It would have been impossible to bestow the same kindness to others as she did.
“I…”
But still. Even so, I should have said this.
“I’ll do it, just like you did.”
My body feels light.
It felt like something that had been weighing me down until now had disappeared.
Because the erosion is gone? No, maybe that’s not the only reason.
Something inside me has changed.
Lillia is looking down at me.
From the place where she threw me, she is looking at me with a horrified face.
Only then did I realize that I had been thrown into the inner part of the waterway.
The water did not wet me.
Like a miracle, the overflowing water was avoiding me.
Just in case, I lightly jumped and escaped from the bottom of the waterway.
My body was not heavy, and the divine power that I always thought was lacking was overflowing.
Crack──!
The mask I used to hide my own inadequacies cracks.
It couldn’t withstand the punch I received from him.
Although it was a fairly solid mask, it was natural that it would break soon once it cracked.
Wasn’t there a weak part anyway? Although it was a mask without any special decorations or craftsmanship, one thing was firmly engraved.
Crack!
A crack runs along the reverse cross engraved on my forehead.
Horizontally long, and then vertically.
The lengths on the straight line intersect.
Because I am not upright even before God, the reverse cross on my forehead, which means I will be martyred upside down, turns into the shape of a cross along the crack.
Thud.
The mask, which was broken along the cross, fell to the ground as if it was no longer needed.
“You, what the hell are you…?”
“Come to think of it, I said I would talk, but I didn’t even introduce myself.”
For the first time, fear is embedded in Lillia’s eyes as she looks at me.
A feeling of seeing something unknown.
But I, at least I, could clearly define myself.
“I am…”
This second chance.
I know it was originally the chance that should have been given to me.
But I could assert.
Even if this power was originally mine, she was not a fake.
She saved me with actions only she could accomplish.
To me, she was a saint who could embrace this world.
Therefore, I define myself, who has changed through her and can stand here again, like this.
“The Saint of Proxy.”
This power is mine, but the path I will walk is the one she illuminated.
Yes, I am not special.
She was not the only one who was special.
The sky is not beautiful just because it is blue. It is even more beautiful when white fluffy clouds are mixed in it.
So, I am a companion and proxy who fulfills her wishes together.
“Cielo.”
With that declaration, the dark clouds covering Rubia are lifted.
And beyond that, finally.
The blue sky appeared.