The World Has Become Kinder to Her

Lotus Estelle, with her crimson hair resembling a lotus flower and her striking green eyes, stood before Kenneth. He vaguely remembered her from the past.

*— Thank you for your help, Sir Zahard.*  

*— Do you need an escort to the ballroom?*  

*— …No. I’d rather go back.*

More than her captivating beauty, it was the tearful expression in her eyes and her monotone voice that had left a lasting impression on him. Kenneth, ever indifferent to the world around him, had no idea of her circumstances back then—how she, as the illegitimate child of the Marquis of Estelle, was mistreated by noble ladies and courted by noble sons. He simply assumed she was another woman who had been betrayed or abandoned by her lover, seeking him out in a moment of desperation. There had been others like that before.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you just said. Please, leave,” Kenneth responded.

“Wait! Isn’t it a knight’s duty to protect the weak?” she pressed.

“And what does that have to do with this conversation?” Kenneth asked, his patience thinning.

“It’s everything to do with it! I came to you, Count, because I want to live a life where I am not controlled by others. If you don’t grant my request, I will devalue myself even further, spiral into ruin, and live a life I never wanted,” Lotus argued, her voice growing sharper.

“That’s absurd…” Kenneth muttered.

“Why do you call it absurd? There isn’t a single lie in what I’ve said. Do you have any idea what kind of resolve it takes for a woman to offer her first time to a man?”

Her green eyes were unwavering as she threw the question back at him, her determination resembling that of a soldier on the battlefield. Yet, at the same time, there was a sense of tragic resignation, much like the expression of the innocent puppies forced to die before him long ago.  

She reminded Kenneth of himself, of the part of him that had been left behind. That resemblance cracked through the ice in his heart.

“I understand you’re serious, but I can’t grant your request. After all, this is only our second time meeting, isn’t it?” Kenneth said, trying to deflect.

“You remember that day?” Lotus asked, a glimmer of surprise in her voice.

“…Yes. But how can you trust a man you’ve only met twice to do something like this for you?” he asked, perplexed.

“It’s your eyes,” she replied.

“My… eyes?” Kenneth echoed, unsure of what she meant.

“Yes. I like your cold, ice-like eyes. And besides, I don’t believe time matters in the relationship between a man and a woman.”

Kenneth stared into Lotus’s green eyes, searching for some understanding. In her gaze, he saw the same frozen determination—the look of someone whose heart had hardened from the weariness of the world. Only those who had suffered endlessly carried that look. His long-dormant heart stirred slightly.

The conversation continued, an odd back-and-forth between a woman asking for something unimaginable and a man trying to refuse. The autumn night’s wind was harsh, and Lotus, having stood outside for a long time, began to shiver. Watching her frail form tremble in the cold began to unsettle Kenneth’s stoic composure.

Sensing his hesitation, Lotus pressed further, driving the nail in.

“The fate of an illegitimate noblewoman is almost always the same.”

“…”

“They’re sold off into marriage, to be useful to the family in some way. Or rather, perhaps it’s more accurate to say they’re married off as though they were being sold.”

“I see.”

Kenneth’s reply was cold and detached, his lips barely moving as if frozen in place. Lotus gave a sorrowful yet graceful smile.

“Yes. But I don’t want to submit to such a life. To walk the path I desire, I need a memory—something like a night with someone noble and respectable, like you, Count. So that no matter what happens later, I won’t be completely ruined.”

Perhaps it was the sadness of knowing that no one had reached out to him when he was lost in the past, or perhaps it was her plea not to be destroyed that struck a chord deep within him. Whatever it was, her words finally unlocked the last barrier within Kenneth.

With a darkened expression and a heavy, somber voice, Kenneth spoke.

“I’m not the noble or respectable man you think I am.”

“Neither others’ opinions nor even your own evaluation of yourself matters. I believe in what I see.”

“A fool like me is called a hero of the battlefield, but in truth, I’m nothing more than a coward. I’ve survived by using the lives of my subordinates, friends, and even my mentor as shields,” Kenneth said quietly.

Lotus didn’t respond, but her eyes stayed fixed on him, unwavering.

“If you still believe that this coward can be your hope, then… come in.”

The words left Kenneth’s mouth before he could stop them, and he regretted them instantly. But he didn’t retract them. He saw Lotus blink in surprise, and then, for the first time, she smiled—a radiant smile that made his heart ache.

“Thank you.”

She added something after that, but Kenneth chose to ignore it. A woman employed as the head maid of Count Owen’s household assisted Lotus, tending to her needs as she prepared for the night. After being chilled by the cold wind outside, Lotus soaked in a hot bath to warm herself and get ready for bed. Since there were only a few maids in the household, the robe she was given was a simple one, taken from the maids’ own belongings.

Yet, even in a plain robe, Lotus’s beauty wasn’t diminished. In fact, her modest attire only amplified her delicate and pure appearance, evoking a quiet longing in those who saw her. Kenneth, having bathed and changed as well, emerged with a rugged masculinity that only added to the tense atmosphere that now hung in the air between them.

In the dimly lit bedroom, where the young man and woman faced each other in simple clothing, an unmistakable tension lingered.

However, Kenneth’s eyes remained cold and detached as he spoke.

“It’s not too late to change your mind. You could choose another path or find a better man than me.”

“I’ve already attended countless banquets and parties, looking for men, but none of them had eyes as beautiful, cold, and sad as yours.”

“Sad eyes?” Kenneth murmured, caught off guard.

He had often heard people describe his eyes as being like sapphires, cold, or even beautiful—but never sad. Yet, it was true. He had lived enduring sorrow and exhaustion for as long as he could remember.

Lotus’s green eyes seemed to see through him in a way others didn’t. They reflected something deep and personal—something that unnerved him. She was different from others, and that thought both frightened and intrigued him.

“Count, you seem tense,” Lotus observed.

“You’re right. I’m more nervous than when I’m facing monsters.”

“Well, I’m sure I’m prettier and weaker than any monster you’ve faced.”

Her remark was so peculiar, given her fragile appearance and resolute demeanor, that Kenneth couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

“Of course, there’s no comparison. You’re far more beautiful.”

“But you’re not really looking at me, are you? You’ve been turning your head slightly, as if you find my appearance unpleasant.”

“…That’s not it at all.”

Her observation was true, but not because Lotus was unpleasant to look at. In fact, she was stunning. But Kenneth, who had spent so many years surrounded only by rough men on the battlefield, found it embarrassing to gaze at a woman who had begun to stir his feelings while she was dressed so revealingly. The thin robe she wore exposed her pale skin, her collarbone, and the curve of her legs.

“If that’s not the case, then forgive me,” Lotus said softly.

Without warning, she rose on her toes, her small hands clenched, and gently pressed her lips to Kenneth’s. It was a soft, fleeting touch, like petals brushing against him. It was the closest and most intimate contact he’d had with another person since the kiss his mother gave him when he was a child.

In that moment, Lotus whispered in a teasing voice, “You’re cruel, Count. You’ve made me take the first step… and yet…”

Her words pulled Kenneth’s mind into a haze, more disarming than the destructive whispers he had heard during the battle with the White Grub. For a fleeting second, his impulse overtook his reason. Kenneth grabbed Lotus’s wrist as she tried to pull away shyly.

He tasted her lips more fully this time, savoring the sweetness he hadn’t noticed in their first kiss. His actions became more forceful, as if he were trying to make up for the hesitation he’d felt earlier. He kissed her deeply, biting, licking, and drinking in her taste.

When he finally regained control of himself, he found himself standing over Lotus, who had fallen back onto the bed. Their eyes met—her green eyes, clear and full of sorrow, brought him back to his senses.

Kenneth, confronting a desire within himself he had never known existed, tried to suppress the storm of emotions swirling inside him.

“Look… this is a mess, isn’t it?” he said, his voice shaking slightly.

Lotus remained silent, watching him intently.

“Let’s stop now, please. This isn’t right,” Kenneth pleaded, though a part of him knew he was already too far gone. The warmth of another person, something he hadn’t felt in so long, was too intoxicating. It was as if he was already lost, drawn in by the temptation that was Lotus. He feared he would lose control—perhaps he already had. At the same time, a selfish part of him wanted her to hold onto him, to not let go.

Lotus, still gazing at him, finally spoke, her voice soft but firm.  

“Please, give me a night of hope.”

Those words, filled with a mixture of plea and seduction, broke through Kenneth’s last bit of resistance. He bit his lip, acknowledging his defeat, and gently rested his face against her soft, full chest.

***

Kenneth had lived a life far removed from women. From a young age, his life had been filled with blood and screams, spending years on battlefields. Even after he earned his title and became captain of the knights, he avoided romantic encounters.

Perhaps it was because so many noblewomen reminded him of his stepmother, or maybe because their advances felt like the lure of a carnivorous plant—beautiful but dangerous. For that reason, Lotus was the first woman with whom Kenneth had ever allowed such intimate contact. He found himself surprisingly shaken by her forwardness.

Why did she unsettle him so? Was it because she resembled his younger self, or because she saw through him more keenly than anyone else ever had?

In the army, surrounded by men, Kenneth had heard plenty of vulgar conversations. He had always ignored them, but now, at this moment, the things he had overheard were suddenly useful.

Kenneth’s instincts quickly compensated for his lack of experience. His hands were clumsy but filled with care and consideration. Lotus’s body flushed under his touch, and her pale skin began to blossom with marks that matched her crimson hair. His own blue eyes burned with heat as their bodies continued their wordless conversation.

Things were progressing smoothly until the moment he was about to enter her—when he noticed tears welling up in her eyes.

Kenneth’s mind raced with countless thoughts. Had his clumsy actions hurt her? Was she disappointed? Or had something he done made her sad?

“I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” Lotus stammered, her voice filled with embarrassment.  

Kenneth paused, and though he didn’t understand completely, he thought he knew a little of what she felt. Perhaps it was similar to how he had felt before his first battle—fearful, even though he had made the decision himself.

Though his father had pushed him into it, and he had ultimately chosen to fight, the fear and uncertainty had still been overwhelming.

After carefully choosing his words, Kenneth spoke.

“I’m not very good at offering comfort. But… I’ll wait. Until you’re ready.”

“You’re kind,” she said, though her sobs grew a little heavier. Despite the tears, she smiled, her green eyes shimmering like emeralds.

“You’re very, very kind… but it makes me a little scared.”

“It’s normal to be scared your first time,” Kenneth said, trying to reassure her.

“Have you… ever felt the same way?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And what did you do?”

“In my case, I realized that if I ran away, all that awaited me was a more miserable future. So… I ran forward.”