A Real Goddess Would Let Nobody Die

Kennalaria had felt a twinge of guilt at how impressed Suri had been with Her willingness to go through the pool expansion process. A few hours per day of pool expansion was not even close to the most that She could do to help.

Then, Izzie had proclaimed that the Goddesses always helped, and being able to help but choosing not to was hypocrisy.

Spending a lot of time thinking about it while Her Mother worked with Suri had put Kennalaria into a gloomy mood.

She had not said anything yet, about doing more, because She could foresee how the conversation would go. Wearing Keekee's tunic, Her Mother's dismayed reaction was extremely predictable. But, Kennalaria still felt like She needed to raise the topic somehow. Otherwise, She would be fleeing from Her responsibility, selfishly abandoning Her sacred purpose in favor of living a charmed, carefree eternal life.

Of course, Keekee already knew everything. She had been linked with everyone the whole day to facilitate the conversation, which meant She was privy to what Kennalaria had been thinking.

<After Your Mother finishes with Suri and all of Us have said Our goodbyes, I'll set up the link for You,> She answered Kennalaria's unspoken request. <In the meantime, please keep in mind that what We have been saying to Suri about unreasonable standards applies to You, too.>

Kennalaria said nothing in response. There was no need. Keekee knew everything.

After Suri and Zyriko were returned to their bodies and Kennalaria changed Her clothes back, Her family returned to the Sanctuary for the dusk spells, and Keekee set up the link Kennalaria had wanted.

Izzie's voice sounded in Kennalaria's head, unusually serious.

<What is on Your mind?>

<I've been thinking about what You said to Suri, about how We help anyone We can without worrying about whether it is convenient for Us.>

<I see,> Izzie replied, in the same solemn manner that She had used with Suri. <I tripped Menelyn's 'I should infinitely sacrifice Myself with complete disregard for My Own welfare, and anything less is unforgivable selfishness' imprint.>

Kennalaria stared at Her Mother's back. Also, Izzie's back. Aided by what She had seen while wearing Keekee's tunic, She had an epiphany seven hundred years overdue.

<Are You sure that isn't Your imprint?>

Izzie didn't say anything, so Kennalaria continued.

<You have been sharing Your body and pools for a long time.>

Still nothing.

<You are the One Who was vaporized for the sake of humanity then woke up next to a rock after 944 years, a rock You had sought out on posthumous instinct because, rather than Your Own welfare, You were worried about Your Sister's. After being revived, You promptly ignored Your Own, from Your perspective, immediate post-fatal-battle trauma, comforted Your Sister, then agreed to descend into the abyss to fight once again for the sake of the world, acting the whole time like You were completely fine, for Your Sister's sake.>

Silence.

<Why am I so good at teasing, and where did all of My charisma and confidence come from? My hair always flows so elegantly behind Me, I love doing acrobatics displays, and I am impossibly good with a sword, not just because My magic is cheating...>

She trailed off because She could foresee that a reply was finally on its way.

<You raise a series of compelling points,> Izzie conceded at last. <Nature versus nurture?>

<I sure do, big Sis. And maybe.>

<...Is this what You actually wanted to talk about?>

<No, I really did want to talk about Our duty to help. I just realized the other stuff right now.>

<So, the duty thing is why You are all pensive?>

<Yes. Let's get back to that.>

<Alright, so...> This was the most awkward Kennalaria had ever seen Izzie. <You are already going faster than Izenakee did. And, if You tortured Yourself all day every day, Menelyn would either need to stay with You all day every day, or You would need to follow Her around pretending not to be in agony.>

<I know. That's not what I'm suggesting.> Kennalaria was well aware of the practical issues with that plan, and it wouldn't speed things up as much as what She had in mind, anyway. <What I mean is, I am almost the same strength as You were when You died, right? So, like Keekee said earlier, I am probably strong enough now for My mana not to dissipate if My body were destroyed. If I were transferred to one of Your bodies, I would be able to empower My spells with Your mana, the same way You-->

<Right, I get it,> Izzie cut Her off. <Not just any self-sacrifice. Excessive, extraordinary, and spectacular self-sacrifice. Never halfway for Goddesses. Yes, it is true that We could be there immediately. All We would need to do is gather around Your bedside, say Our goodbyes, and murder You in some kind of unholy ritual that transfers Your power into One of Us. Definitely not something the Bad Guys would do.>

<You're missing the point! I wouldn't really die, any more than You did!> Kennalaria insisted. <What is the difference between sacrificing Myself for the people of that world, and Your Sacrifice for the people of this one?>

Izzie was silent for a while, but Kennalaria could already see the beginning of Her reply, so She waited.

<It is touching that You admire My Sacrifice so much,> Izzie said at last, <but I am not glad that You do, not in this way. Please do not interpret what I was forced to do as an expected standard of service for Goddesses. I did not throw My body away as a first resort. I lost it as an act of desperation. It was the only way. If it had been possible for Me to protect everyone without losing My body, I would have chosen that path.>

But how was that desperation, that lack of alternatives, any different from the present situation?

<Suppose that We told all of the people enslaved on Suri and Zyriko's world that We could be there immediately if My body were sacrificed,> Kennalaria argued, <and otherwise there would be little hope for them, that giving up My body was the only way. I think they would vote that I should do it.>

Kennalaria was confident of that. They were desperate. They were suffering.

<...Probably,> Izzie reluctantly conceded. <What if We asked You? Does Your body have no value to You? Do You want to give it up?>

Kennalaria was ashamed of what Her answer to that question was, so She asked a question of Her Own, instead of answering directly.

<Should I be attached to it? Are You not happy as You are? Isn't My Mother happy that You are always with Her?>

<You are mistaken if You believe that Menelyn prefers having Me in Her head, versus being in My original body.> Izzie was somber, now. <She misses the original Me as much as I do, and yes, I do miss My body. It did have value to Me. I liked being Me, the same as You like being You, and how many times do I need to tell You that You owe no apologies for being proud of Who You are?>

Izzie did say that a lot.

<Being bound to Menelyn can be a frustrating limitation,> Izzie admitted. <I will give You an example. For millennia, it would have been helpful if I could stay in Our Temples and speak with people while Menelyn and Izenakee did whatever the day's task was. Now, You fill the role that I never could, because You can act independently. That is valuable. Remember that We must think in the very long term. Giving up Your body may be helpful in some respects in the short term, but We would pay the cost for eternity afterward. You, most of all.>

<You always say that You wouldn't have it any other way,> Kennalaria challenged.

<I do say that, and I mean it, but that is unique to Our situation,> Izzie explained. <Menelyn and I occasionally discussed splitting. She might be able to do it, if She invested enough time into the problem. In the early days, I refused mostly because I needed to be here to keep Us both sane. Now, I think We could both handle it, although that talk Menelyn had with Suri is giving Me second thoughts about how secure She really is, but there are other problems.>

Izzie paused briefly, to assemble the list.

<First, Menelyn's glow would be so obnoxious that it would pose practical problems, and similarly, I would suck all of the light out of every room I entered. Second, I would not be able to cast at anything close to full power without Menelyn's shields, so I would not be able to act truly independently in many respects. Third, I would not want a replacement body, I would want My body, which is gone forever. Fourth, We have lived like this for a long time, so it feels natural now. If We split, I would miss aspects of being fused in the same way that I miss aspects of having My original body, like when Menelyn rolls Our eyes at My greatest masterpieces.>

Kennalaria suppressed a snort. Izzie had said that last bit as solemnly as the rest!

Shortly later, She learned that the joke had been carefully placed to distract Her and thus conceal the last item from Her foresight, maximizing its impact.

<But none of that matters compared to the most important reason that We will never, ever split. We need to be fused to keep My Star Temple from irradiating Herself.>

Oof. Fuzzies.

Still, every attempt to justify keeping Her body felt so hollow, considering what giving it up could achieve.

<But is this not My purpose?> Kennalaria pressed. <You made Me immortal so that I could enable Us to help people, no matter how distant They are. I am now strong enough that I could be transferred into One of You. I wouldn't feel a thing. I wouldn't even really die. I would just lose My body, and in exchange We would free how many millions, billions from slavery? Prevent billions more from ever being enslaved? And start solving whatever other problems are out there to be solved throughout the stars? I cannot so easily dismiss that.>

She wanted to, She just couldn't. She felt like one of those hypocrites, someone Who could help, but was choosing not to.

<Like I said, this would be a very temporary gain, with very long term costs, but I can see that argument has not convinced You,> Izzie replied. <So, let Me try another one: Izenakee eradicated an entire species because it treated others, especially the singers, like enchanted items. Are You nothing more than a glorified enchanted item that One of Us can equip? I never said that We will do anything for anyone no matter what they ask of Us. I said that We help regardless of whether We will be rewarded, and regardless of the inconvenience to Us. You have been living up to that standard every day for centuries. Before You try to argue: Disembodying Yourself is more than an inconvenience. The ancient mages We held in contempt refused risks, not guaranteed executions. They refused to travel and take time away from their lives. Remember what Your Mother told You about holding Yourself to 'a standard unreasonable even for a Goddess' when You first started this process, and just explained to Suri a few hours ago.>

Seeing that Kennalaria was still not convinced, Izzie continued.

<Let Me remind You of something that I think You have not considered. It is not only You Who could be sacrificed; this whole plan of Yours would work in reverse. We could have all agreed to kill Izenakee and put Her into Your body on Your twenty-fifth birthday. We would have arrived more than seven hundred years ago! Why did We never even discuss that possibility?>

Izzie was right. Kennalaria had not considered that.

Keekee, still sitting in the chair, answered Izzie's question.

<Because some things are too valuable to ask for, even from a Goddess. I like My pink just the way it is, thank You very much. I like being able to go to My room alone. I like being able to look where I want to look, breathe when I want to breathe, speak when I want to speak, walk where I want to walk, scratch My nose when and where and how I want to scratch My nose. I would be sad to lose My body, and I would be just as sad if My sparkling, twirling, skipping little Sister were reduced to a voice in My head. I would be sad forever, in both cases! Izena's loss was and is a tragedy, not an ideal. It is a kind of death. You are not obligated to take every evil in the stars upon Yourself.>

So, They were supposed to allow such a great tragedy to continue, despite having the power to stop it immediately, because They preferred Their Own bodies? That was difficult to accept.

<Yes. You did not enslave the people of Suri and Zyriko's world, any more than I did, any more than Your Mother enslaved the generations of Ezentans that She did not help. We will help them anyway, as soon as We can without destroying an important part of Who We are. It is already such an extraordinary self-sacrifice to torture Yourself daily for millennia in order to help them that the injustice of it, the imbalance, the unpayable debt, made Suri angry on Your behalf! You are not obligated to prioritize Yourself even less than You already have. Do You want to give up Your body?>

Keekee already knew everything. There was no point in denying it.

<No, I don't,> Kennalaria confessed. The purpose of this whole conversation was to seek a justification for that sentiment, a way to forgive Her Own selfishness.

<Should We abolish the Trusted Guard, because it no longer matters if any of Our bodies are destroyed?>

<...No.> Of course it still mattered. It was just, did it matter enough?

<Do You want to ask Suri and Zyriko what they think of Your offer?>

...Suri would go on another rant.

<Yes, she would, and it would be way worse this time. She would scold You.>

As Kennalaria took Keekee's place in the spell chair, She was reminded of something by Her Sister's mention of the Trusted Guard and the security of Their Sanctuaries. Kennalaria could foresee that They would approve of this suggestion, at least.

"I think We should find a trustworthy blue mage and make an item that could help Keyic's soldiers get the jump on their enemies," Kennalaria announced, and waited for Izzie's praise.

Izzie applauded.

"She gets that from Me," She said proudly.

"We know," Kennalaria's Mother groaned.

"Suri could make as many copies as they can use," Kennalaria continued, pleased with Herself, "and there would be no risk to the security of Our Sanctuaries! Their enemies would have no way of knowing that they came from Us, since they don't know what My magic does!"

Kennalaria thought it would be useful, but Her Mother and Izzie were the real military experts.

"Certainly, it would be an enormous tactical advantage for small teams of commandos, across small distances, but it would also be an enormous logistical advantage on a large scale, across large distances," Her Mother said thoughtfully. "Imagine, an army that can always return to its home barracks at night! Izenakee, can Suri make Her copies more powerful than the originals? She could make a much longer-range version than any blue mage here could manage."

Keekee searched the memories She had obtained.

"Yes, she can, if the item is simple enough that she understands how it works," She confirmed. "Ultraviolet jumps are among the simplest magic to cast. I expect that the items would be relatively simple, and she could figure it out."

<This is the kind of thing that We can do to help, without devaluing Ourselves,> She added discreetly, to Kennalaria.

Kennalaria still couldn't shake the feeling that She could do more to help, and was choosing not to, but at least Her Sisters agreed that it was forgivable, and that the onus wasn't entirely on Her.