An extra’s tale

Resin woke up, his eyes fluttering open to a grey, dull morning. His heart felt heavy today. That was because of the wretch. It seemed that this day wouldn't be easy.

Sighing, he got up, making his way to the kitchenette to fry up breakfast. Mary and Judas had been living with him for a week now. It was odd. He never told them to leave, and they didn't offer to. Reshi knew if he did, they'd die. The people the Boss had sent still hadn't left the area, meaning if they were to leave, they'd be captured and killed.

Reshi found he didn't want that. He found that he cared about their safety.

He didn't know why he didn't want that. He had thought himself devoid of emotion. An empty puppet mindlessly existing till death. All heroics, and emotions, everything that used to be him should be dead. Yet, every time he thought about kicking them out. Returning to his old life, he just, couldn't.

Making three plates of food, he sat them down on the floor.

Mary and Judas had woken up from the sound of his cooking, as they always did, making their way over to him from his old room.

"Hey Reshi", Mary called out with a smile.

"Morning Mary."

She sat down, her son too engrossed on the food to even notice him.

That made him smile. A small smile, more of a twitch really.

They ate in a comfortable silence. The food was good. Since they had came, the food always tasted good. It was nice.

After finishing, Mary took the dishes, and began washing them.

"Have you got work today?"

"Yeah, day shift."

"Okay then, go get changed. I'll pack you a meal so you don't get hungry."

Reshi was silent.

'Someone making me food huh. Feels nice.'

Doing as Mary said, he got changed. Then sat down with Judas as Mary made him a meal.

"Hey Judas, what do you want to be when you're older?"

"I want to be strong. Like you. That way I can save other people."

Reshi smiled, "You don't wanna be stronger than me?"

"No, well yeah I do. Then I can protect you too." He smiled at that. An innocent bright smile that made him seem his age for once.

"I'll be looking forward to that then Judas. My little bodyguard eh."

"Mhm Yep. But you gotta make me breakfast every day."

"Deal."

Chuckling, he got up, taking the food that was in a small container.

"Thanks Mary."

"No problem Reshi", she smiled back.

Ever since that day when she had finally believed he didn't want anything, she had become happier. He didn't think a person could ever smile so much.

He wasn't complaining of course. It was just an observation.

He made his way to the convenience store, his mind on Judas and Mary.

As he made his way a group of people turned onto the street in front of him.

One man had crutches, his face a mass of bruises.

Reshi froze.

'Azrael.'

He was with the group of men that was sent by the Boss.

He turned away, hoping to still appear nonchalant.

"Hey you!!"

Reshi froze. 'Shit, he recognises me. Shit, shit, shit.'

He should've ran away. Looking back he knew that. He should've run. But he couldn't, something was stopping him. It was more than being frozen in fear, he felt as if a giant hand had wrapped around him, preventing him from moving.

"Oi you, i'm talking to you."

Reshi turned just in time to be grabbed by two people. They held him firm, preventing him from moving.

"That him Az?"

Reshi watched as the bruised man regarded him for a moment.

"He looks similar maybe?"

Reshi held his breath. 'It was dark, maybe he can't recognise me. Please, if there's a god in this world, do me this one favour. Please'

But of course, when had god ever answered him?

Reshi saw as Azrael eyes went down and saw the bandage on his left hand. How they opened wide as he recognised the wound he had put on him.

Reshi felt a sinking feeling, as if his heart had just dropped into his stomach

"Yeah, that's the bastard that got me!"

"What we gonna do?"

"Take him to the boss first. He'll know."

Reshi saw a gloved hand, the knuckles padded with metal fly towards to his chin.

Then he saw no more, he was out cold before he touched the floor.

....

Reshi dreamed of his family. There were in the sitting room. His mother cooking breakfast, his father reading his newspaper. His little sister played with his twin brother. Again he was a ghost. He wasn't there with them, as if they were separated by a metal sheet of reality.

Then he heard his mother.

"You know the secret to good food Resh?"

His eyes widened. Mary, his mom was looking at him now. Her dark eyes burning with a familiar warmth, he auburn hair framing a face that had aged gracefully.

She could see him. This had never happened before. He'd always just been a ghost in these dreams. He felt tears forming in his eyes as he shook his head numbly.

"No, mom."

"Silly, the secret is to do something good. The only ingredient you need really. Pride in yourself, being proud of what you did makes the sun seem brighter. It makes the gloom feel a little weaker, the day a little better, and the food a little nicer."

Then she smiled. It was such a beautiful sight. Her face shone like the sun, twisting into a curve of warmth and love.

Reshi tried to walk forward, to hug her, to cry. He wanted to stay here, but as he made his first step, he felt hands pulling him back. He struggled against it. He knew he was waking up.

"No! I want to stay. I don't wanna go!"

He saw the living room falling away, his mother's gaze still locked onto him.

........

Reshi opened his eyes.

His head was pounding. Vaguely, he tried to call what he had been dreaming about. It had felt important. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember.

He looked around. He was in a dark room. His hand's were tied behind his back. There were men surrounding him, men with knives and guns. The Bosses men.

"Hello, Reshi. We've got a lot to talk about, don't we." It was a deep rich voice.

Looking up he saw well built man, with dark hallowing eyes and midnight hair. He regarded Reshi with a flicker of amusement in his eyes, as he rested on a chair.

"I-I don't understand."

"Oh, don't you. That's funny, after you beat up my right-hand and took my wife and kid."

'Huh. His wife and kid. Mary, Judas?'

"Y-you mean M-Mary and J-Jud-das", he stuttered.

"So you do understand. Well, that's lovely isn't it. Now if you were to tell me where they are, I'll let you live." His tone was casual and flippant, as if he was talking about the weather.

Reshi gulped. Most of him wanted to give up Mary and Judas and return to his old life. To avoid all these troubles and simply give up. The wretch whispered to him again.

The wretch was him. A part of him born from the blood of his family, and his sweat as he buried them. It was cold, empty and dark. It was apathetic to everyone and everything. It spoke to him now, whispering in his ear. 'Just give them up Reshi. Why do you care? Didn't you learn your lesson last time. Give them up, you know what happens when you play the hero.'

Reshi gritted his teeth. He wanted to give them up. He was scared, scared of caring, scared of failing, scared of being the hero, scared of everything.

But, another part of him imagined the face Judas would wear as he realised he was betrayed. The cries Mary would scream as she struggled against those who she had tried to escape from. Her screams as she realised it was because of him that she would die.

"N-no."

"No? Do you want to die?"

Reshi laughed. It was a insane sound.

"Or maybe you're scared they'd know. If that's it. Don't worry, they won't know you betrayed them."

Reshi looked up at him. 'If they don't know, then, that's okay r-right?'

He felt his willpower begin crumbling. Vaguely he remembered something an old friend in the army used to say to him. 'If you want to see the true face of a man, let them put on a mask.'

"Cause if you don't", the boss continued, "I'll find them anyway. And I'll make sure it is you they hate as I kill both of them. They'll die screaming your name, Reshi. But if you were to tell me, they'll both live. I promise." The Bosses voice had a soft soothing, convincing quality. It urged you to get washed away into what he said.

'He'd let them live. Won't I be helping them?'

Gritting his teeth Reshi closed his eyes. He made sure his eyes were closed, as if it would make what he was about to do okay.

"They're in my flat. 33AD Friday street."

"There you go, wasn't that so easy. As I promised, I'll let you go. Enjoy you're life Reshi. I hope we don't meet again."

Reshi kept his eyes downcast as he was dragged out of an abandoned building and placed into a van. He was discarded on the street where they found him with a shove.

He crawled to the curb, curling into a ball. Tears were streaming down his face.

Reshi slept on the street, his burning self-loathing keeping him warm against the cold.

......

Reshi was dreaming of his living room. But it was empty. His mom wasn't cooking. His dad wasn't reading the newspaper. His sister wasn't running, and his twin was nowhere to be seen.

He was alone, again.

When Reshi woke up, it was night.

He forced himself to stand up. 'They've probably been taken by now', he thought numbly.

He began making his was to his flat. It was cold again. Not the cold that made your ears numb, and your breath smoke. It was a cold that made your heart feel like a shaft of ice, like in those first days after his family had died.

The door was left open when he approached it. It looked like it had been forced open. As he entered, he looked around. It was quiet. He had forgotten how quiet this place used to be. How funny, they'd barely stayed here, and already it felt wrong without them.

He began cooking, plating two synth-eggs and making three-synth buttered toasts. Sitting down on the floor, next to the couch. He remembered how Judas had been so adamant to keep Mary safe on that first night.

Reshi ate the first mouthful, it was sour and bitter. Coughing he spat it out.

'It doesn't taste nice anymore.'

Then he remembered. His mom, she'd spoken to him. She told him something. Something important. It had been a secret. The secret was, "to do something good. That was the secret ingredient to good food."

He looked back down at the plate, his mind was racing. Again he faced two choices.

One was to close his eyes again, and live a life where the food will never taste nice.

The other was to do something else. Something stupid and foolish.

He sat down contemplating, playing with his food.

Then Reshi smiled. It had been the first true full smile he had done since the funeral. Strangely, the smile warmed him. Thawing the cold and quieting the wretch.

It felt good.

Like a resurrection.