Aristocrat (HP/SI)

10 reviews = bonus chapter

50 comments = bonus chapter

200 gems = bonus chapter

Full story at:

patreon.com/FanFictionPremium

***

Slanted Alley was crowded with people. Wizards and wizards in robes and pointy hats, with children and alone, wandered down the alley. From everywhere came the hum of human voices.

- No, look at this - dragon's liver and unicorn's horn have gone up! - An elderly witch nearby was loudly complaining.

- It's crowded in the summer," Richard said calmly. - Scott, what's the deal with the wizard-bodyguard? I could use one in a crowd like this.

- Boy," the detective said, sighing heavily, "finding a wizard like that hasn't been easy. Everyone I've talked to is either a muddy individual, a racist muggle-hater, or an inept couch analyst who can only protect people in theory.

- Is there really no one at all?

- There was one wizard, a good one, but he turned out to be a werewolf," Scott said. - There's another wizard who's not bad, but he's about as tall as you and Harry. If there's a power conflict, he'll fall apart. And to rely on magic alone... Pfft!

- What's wrong with a werewolf? - Richard asked.

- He's a werewolf!

- Is that it?

- Yes.

- Does he eat children for breakfast, rob, rape, kill?

- No, lad," Scott shook his head. - 'I've talked to a lot of wizards, nothing like that has ever been seen with this guy. But they say he's not very good with responsibility. It's bad enough that werewolves are contagious!

- All right, sir, we can forget about the werewolf. What's wrong with the dwarf?

- He's a goblin quartheron," the detective explained. - That's why his reputation among wizards is so low. He's a bit of an oddball, but the mages haven't said anything bad about him, and that's an indicator.

- If he's not fit to be a bodyguard, then at least as an escort?

- I don't think so," Scott shook his head. - He's a quarter goblin, but he's a racist.

- Sir, you could weed out all the mages in Britain with that kind of selection criteria. Every single one of them is at least a little bit of a racist muggle-hater. Even a fucking giant woodsman, seemingly a creepy mutant monster himself, the spawn of a vicious love affair between a man and a giant, and yet there he is!

- Take it easy, kid, because people are looking at us," said the detective. - I'll look for a suitable candidate, but I can't promise anything.

- Yeah," Richard said. - I guess I'll have to find my own staff. It's probably best to recruit from Hogwarts.

- Look! - Harry exclaimed, pointing to the huge crowd in front of Gringotts Bank. - There's a lot of people here.

- It's strange," Richard remarked.

- Strange indeed," said the detective. He approached the wizard in the old beige suit and asked:- "Sir, can you tell me what's going on here?

- Oh! You must not have heard? - The magician was eager to share the gossip. - There was an article in the Daily Prophet yesterday about someone trying to rob Gringotts. The goblins replied to the reporter that nothing was missing, but it's understandable that they might be lying. Here, I want to withdraw the money. It'll be safer that way.

- I see... - Richard stretched out. - The usual panic. Harry, sir, it's best not to go to Gringotts today or for the next couple of days. I've got some change. We should have enough for robes, potion ingredients and wands.

- Then let's go to Ollivander's! - said Harry.

- I'm not going to that old goat! - Richard said flatly. - He kicked me out of his shop last time without explanation. No! I'll buy a wand from Jimmy Kiddel.

- Then I'll do the same," Harry said in solidarity.

Richard ignored the murmur of the crowd until he heard an interesting conversation between a young witch in a green dressing gown and an older lady in a shabby dressing gown.

- 'Suspicious,' said the young witch.

- What is it, my dear?

- 'We had a Hogwarts forester admitted to Mungo's shortly before the bank robbery happened. He was shot by a muggle with a firebreather.

- Oh, really?! - The old woman gossiped with the curiosity of an inveterate gossip. - A muggle? If memory serves me correctly, there's a half-giant working as a forester at Hogwarts now. A half-giant with a pelt almost like a dragon's.

- Yeah, yeah! My mate in the minor injuries department said the big fella drank half a pint of Raspberry Decoction. Incredible resistance to magic!

- What's suspicious, my dear?

- Because Hagrid kept saying he had to go to Gringotts on very important and secret business! He kept trying to escape from the hospital until he was fully recovered. And on the morning of the robbery, he'd just left Mungo's...

- Oh, Merlin! What are the Aurors doing? Inhumans robbing banks and then walking free on the outside afterwards!

Harry called out to his friend who was frozen in place:

- Richie, are you coming?

- Yes, Harry, Richard, let's go," said the detective.

Jimmy Kiddel's wand shop was a little further away. Nice interior, clean, boxes of wands on shelves on the walls wherever you looked.

A young, medium-sized, round-faced wizard with thick brown hair pulled a smile on his face at the sight of the visitors and ran his brown eyes over each of the boys.

- It is a pleasure to welcome you to my shop. Are you going to Hogwarts this year?

- Yes, sir," Harry replied.

- 'You,' Mr Kiddel looked at the young Lord, 'are Richard Grosvenor. I've already had you. Now I can sell you a wand. And you, young man? - He turned a questioning look to Harry.

- Harry Potter, sir.

Mr Kiddel's eyes widened in amazement.

- Harry Potter?! What an honour, sir! And why did you choose my shop rather than-?

- It was because of me, sir," Richard said. - You, unlike Mr Ollivander, have been kind to me. That's why I've recommended your shop to all the wizards I know. Has Mr Finch-Fletchley been to see you before?

- He bought a wand from me a few days ago," Mr Kiddel confirmed with a nod of his head. - Thank you for the recommendation, young man.

- You're welcome. You're welcome," Richard replied without irony.

- Justin is a magician? - Harry exclaimed in amazement, after he had digested what he had heard.

- I found out myself at his birthday party," Richie replied. - Justin hadn't realised it until the visit of the Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts.

- That's news! - Harry stretched out.

Potter Junior looked amazed, even dumbfounded, but a little happy to be going to the same school as his friends.

- Well, let's get you some wands," said Mr Kiddel. - Would you mind if I used a special charm on you? It's safe and will speed up the selection of a magic instrument considerably.

- Yes, sir, please," Harry nodded.

- I don't mind, sir," Richard replied.

The wizard swung his wand. First he pointed it at Richard, then he cast the same spell on Harry. After that, he stood for a while with a thoughtful look.

- Mr Potter, I think you'll find a wand made of oculus with a thunderbird's feather," the salesman beckoned a box from the shelf, from which he took out a wand and handed it to Harry. - Wave it away from people.

With bated breath Harry waved the wand. A shower of red sparks erupted from it at the same instant.

- Warm..." Harry whispered with joy on his face.

- That's good! That's a very strong wand. It certainly suits you, Mr Potter," Mr Kiddel said as he summoned another wand and handed it to Richard. - Mr Grosvenor, try it.

The wood in Richard's hand warmed. This wand, unlike the last one, which the young mage could hardly feel, gave calmness and seemed to caress like a faithful and loyal puppy.

Richie waved the magic tool. A rainbow burst out of the tip of the wand and quickly dissolved.

- Splendid! - Mr Kiddel was even more delighted. - The wand suits you perfectly, Mr Grosvenor. Beech and dragon's heart vein. A rare combination. A well-fitting beech wand is capable of a skill and craftsmanship rarely seen in other wands. And the dragon vein is a very powerful core. I am sure, young man, you will do well with enchantments.

Richard only took the information to heart with a silent nod. He had only learnt spells, and the words of the wand maker lay on the ground prepared by his lessons with his mentor. Richard knew from Griselda Marchbanks that with this or that wand some kinds of magical arts are given easier or harder - it all depends on the predisposition of the wizard.

- And my wand, sir? - Harry asked.

- Ostrolist is best suited for defensive spells, and when paired with a thunderbird or phoenix feather, it becomes a formidable weapon. Against the wielder of such a wand it is better not to get in the way of anything and everything - it will sweep away and will not notice.

"He'll throw himself like a sheep at a new gate until he blows it down," Richard's mind flashed. - Harry Potter is a stubborn little fellow, and it was not for nothing that he had to take down the main villain in the series. Only in the first series he seems to have bought his wand in a different shop, just from Ollivander's. But I don't think it matters. What difference does it make where one buys a magical instrument?"

- That will be seven galleons each," said the wand-master.

- Mr Kiddel," Richard turned to the man, "we'd need something else to hold the wands: a scabbard or something similar, preferably reinforced. This instrument looks very fragile.

A lively interest appeared in the wizard's eyes.

- There are standard belt pouches, arm and leg mounts. I can also offer wand care kits.

- Good belt pouches, sir," Richard began to list, "a couple of them. Two wand maintenance kits and a manual on how to use them," he added after a moment's thought, "Why bother? Give me both wrist and foot mounts at once. All the best!

- The best?! In two copies? - The wizard rejoiced. After Richard's nod, he continued:- I can offer a scabbard made of dragon skin, impregnated with an anti-jinx potion and protected against alluring and disarming charms.

- That will do," Ritchie agreed. - Is there anything else, sir, that you could offer us?

Mr Kiddel seemed to glow with happiness like a little sunshine.

- Mr Grosvenor, you're an excellent customer. I can offer you special sheaths, which are put on the wand with the same set of protection as the scabbard. They'll keep the wand from slipping in your hand.

- That'll be all, sir. Also, the wands look very fragile to me. Is it possible to buy a spare?

- No, Mr Grosvenor. I'm sorry," Mr Kiddel smiled guiltily. - The Ministry of Magic forbids wizards to have more than one wand. If, unfortunately, a wand breaks, you'll have to order a new one. But it's best not to let that happen. The longer a wizard works with a wand, the better it gets used to him - magic is a little easier. That's why no wizard would trade in his old wand for a new one without a good reason.

- I see your point, sir.

Here Richard got the idea to disguise his wand as a magician's cane or even a technologically advanced gadget.

- Sir, can you make a wand case in the shape of a cane? Preferably one that can be used for magic.

- It's possible, but the cane will only do simple spells.

- I would like to make such an order, sir," Richard said. - Let me send you the sketches by owl, and we can correspond to agree on a price.

- Of course, I'd be happy to take your order, Mr Grosvenor. But it won't be cheap, and it won't be ready for some time. At least six months, if not a year, I reckon.

- That suits me fine.How long?

Richard had expected to hear some cosmic sum, no less than a hundred thousand pounds or, in local parlance, twenty thousand galleons, but when the wand master answered, the young Lord could barely find the strength not to laugh.

- In the region of a hundred galleons, maybe a little more or less. Depends on the materials and the amount of work involved.

- That's fine with me, sir, even if we go far beyond that budget with rare materials. How much for the whole thing?

The wizard with a wave of his hands with the help of levitation collected all the ordered items, only sheaths and scabbards he had to take with his hands. Then he quickly calculated the amount of the purchase:

- That'll be seventy-three galleons.

Richard, from the compartment of a purse enchanted for Invisible Expansion, silently laid out stacks of gold coins on the tabletop.

- Thank you, sir," he said.

- Thank you for shopping," Mr Kiddel smiled broadly at the boys, focusing a little more on Richard. - Come again. I look forward to your owl, Mr Grosvenor.

- Well, boys," said Detective Potter, frowning, who felt embarrassed, for he had once dreamed of being in the boys' shoes, but it had turned out differently, "for the robes?

- Yes, sir," Richard replied politely.

When the trio were in Oblique Alley, Harry said:

- 'Richie, I'll give you the money.

- Harry, forget it. Think of it as another birthday present.

- No, lad," Scott said. - 'It's one thing to get a present, it's another to shop for school. I realise you've got money, but you shouldn't spend it frivolously.

- Sir, you can give it to me in sweets," Richard said. - They don't spoil me much at home. They keep scaring me with scary words: diet, tooth decay, healthy eating....

- Sweets? - Scott interjected.

- Yeah. We're going to the middle of nowhere for ten months. Give Harry a big bag of sweets... We're going to Madame Malkin's shop, I think they sell uniform robes.

- Whatever you say, lad," said Scott. - I'll get you some candy.

Madame Malkin turned out to be a squat, smiling sorceress dressed in pinkish purple robes.

- Good afternoon. Going to Hogwarts? - She asked before the boys could say anything. - You've come to the right place.

- Greetings, ma'am," Richard indicated a polite bow.

- Hello," Harry muttered.

- Boys, I'll wait for you in the café down the street.

Scott hurried away before he could be contradicted. It was obvious that he didn't like shopping.

- Take a seat on the benches.

Madame Malkin led the boys to the back of the shop where there were high benches. Harry stood on one of them, and another wizardess immediately whirled around him. She threw a black robe over the boy's shoulders and began to adjust it. The neighbouring bench was occupied by Richard, and the shopkeeper was busy with him.

- Ma'am, are there any other options in the UK besides Hogwarts? - Richard asked curiously.

- No," replied Madam Malkin. - We have only one school of magic in our country - Hogwarts. There is no need for more. There aren't that many wizards.- I'm sorry, ma'am, my letter didn't say what robes, gloves and hats were needed. I take it they're standard?

- Yes, dear. School robes are the same for everyone, - Madame Malkin touched the sleeve of Richard's jacket and saw platinum cufflinks with diamonds on the snow-white shirt cuffs. - Nice suit. Did you want something special? Hogwarts doesn't forbid you to wear other clothes after classes and on weekends. I have a wide selection of clothes to suit all tastes.

- Aunt Diana showed up in public in the same coat four times," Richard said at length, "and it was such a scandal that... Well, never mind, I'm a man, and I can afford to wear a suit as much as I want. Still, ma'am, I'd like to have a choice of clothes and a couple of sets of robes to grow into. After all, I am a young, fast-growing organism.

- Ritchie, not this..." Harry groaned. - The last time you dragged me to the atelier before my birthday last year, I thought I was going to die!

- Harry, are you unhappy about something? - Richard asked in surprise. - We picked out a decent suit for you to wear in front of the Queen.

- I know how it ends... First you ask about the range, then you start choosing fabrics, styles, sizes... You're worse than a girl in a clothes shop!

- Oum-m-m-m-m! - Richard stretched meaningfully and winked: "My dearest friend, and how long have you been going to the shops with girls?! How many secrets were hidden in you....

- N-no! It never happened! - Potter exclaimed in horror. - Ugh! How--how--how could you think such a thing?!

Madam Malkin could barely contain a chuckle, while her assistant smiled wide of the mouth.

- 'Honey, don't worry, we'll find you some robes to grow into,' the shopkeeper said to Richard. - If you want to buy anything else, come back any time, we'll find something, and if we can't find something, we'll make it to order.

- Thank you, ma'am, I'll think about it," Richard replied. - Tell me, do you use any special magical fabrics?

Harry Potter put his right palm to his face and moaned softly:

- Oh, noooooooooooooooooo... It's started!

- Harry, suffer in silence!

Richard's snide remark caused Madam Malkin's assistant to chuckle. Harry, on the other hand, sighed, and in his sigh you could hear the pain, sadness, and suffering.

Richard was actually curious to know if wizards had any special materials for clothing.

- 'Yes, dear, of course there are magical materials,' replied Madam Malkin. - The most popular is dragon skin. It is used to make gloves, jackets, belts, shoes, and inserts in a variety of clothes.

- And fabrics, ma'am?

From a nearby bench came a muffled groan from Potter.

Despite Harry Potter's anguish, Madame Malkin was happy to share information with a potential customer:

- The most famous magical fabrics are silk made from the web of the acromantula, a giant spider; cloth made from demimask wool, which goes into making invisibility cloaks; and cloth made from unicorn wool. The last one is the best thing ever!

- What is so good about this cloth, madam?

- Unicorn wool has a weak healing effect and destroys dirt at the point of contact. It always stays clean and adds to the wizard's health.

- And for a common man? - Richie asked.

To this Madame Malkin replied:

- The common man will also benefit from wearing clothes made of such fabric, but who will let him do so in violation of the statute of secrecy?

- If there is such a benefit from this material, where is the catch?

Richie was sure that there was more to the unicorn wool. If it was so useful, all wizards would wear clothes made of it.

- Expensive, my dear," Madame Malkin said sadly. - Madame Malkin said sadly. Only the richest wizards at best can afford underwear made of such fabric. And that is, if there are any health problems.

- And if there are no health problems, it is possible to wear clothes made of such fabric?

- Of course! But...

- I understand, ma'am, it's expensive," Richard said. - But I'd still like to know specific numbers.

- Ten gallions for an ounce of wool, and twice that for cloth.

Richard didn't hesitate long. Without leaving the till, he decided to order:

- Madame Malkin, I would like to order myself three sets of unicorn wool underwear and three times that many for growing out for the next few years. And five more sets of underwear for a man of size fifty-six, one hundred and eighty centimetres tall. Pajamas for him and me - let the last one be for growing up, so that I don't have to change for the next couple of years. And a nightgown for an older lady, one hundred and sixty-three centimetres tall, who follows fashion trends closely.

With each word Madame Malkin and her assistant's eyes grew further and further out of their orbits, and their jaws sought to pierce not only the floor but also the Earth's mantle. With a thud, a ruler fell to the floor from the hands of the young sorceress.

- Young man, are you not joking? - asked the shopkeeper in a hoarse voice with a certain amount of disbelief.- Not at all, ma'am. Allow me to introduce myself as the Earl of Grosvenor, Richard, heir to the Duke of Westminster. I have the honour to assure you that I have sufficient funds in my safe at Gringotts to pay for such an order, even with your work.

Madame Malkin's mouth went dry. She felt sick to her stomach. She tried to calculate in her mind how much it would cost to buy the wool, but the numbers were confusing and would not add up.

- My lord...," the pale shopkeeper said in an even hoarser voice. - I... We must first calculate the cost of the materials... Besides, such a large purchase of unicorn wool cannot be done quickly....

- Ma'am, I'm not rushing you. Send me an owl with the preliminary amount, I will write an order to my goblin at Gringotts to pay you in advance. And when the order is ready, you'll receive a generous payment for your work. Madame Malkin, is that satisfactory?

- Y-yes. Yes, Lord Grosvenor. Of course I am! This will be an incredible experience for me. To work with unicorn wool on such a scale... Oh, Merlin Almighty! I never dreamed of such a thing. But that's at least eight pounds of wool!

- One hundred and twenty-eight ounces?! - Richard said, as if it meant nothing. - Only about thirteen thousand gallions for wool? So the finished garment will cost in the neighbourhood of thirty thousand. I'll write you an order for a fifteen-thousand-dollar deposit at once.

Madame Malkin swayed and aghast. She tried to grope for her heart with her right hand, but fumbled with her lush breasts.

- 'My lord, please do not frighten me so. My shop doesn't make that much profit a year!

- Then, ma'am, you must have a good incentive to do everything quickly and well," Richard smiled broadly at her. - And another thing...

The boy opened his jacket, revealing the Grosvenor crest in the form of a shield on the backing, but if you looked closely you could see that it was made of trouser straps and had two haystacks and a couple of bars with chains on it. The shield is supported by two golden dogs in blue collars standing on their hind legs, and the shield is crowned by a knight's helmet in the form of a dome with a third small golden dog without a collar standing on its top. At the bottom runs a ribbon with the motto "VIRTUS NON STEMA", which means "Virtue, not origin".

- This crest is to be put on all clothing except the woman's nightgown, ma'am. I'll send you a sketch by owl.

- Very well, Count Grosvenor," Madame Malkin exhaled happily.

A short while later the boys left the shop. Harry breathed in the fresh air of Rutting Lane with incredible joy. It seemed to him that the sun shone brighter, the sky was bluer, and life in general was a wonderful thing if you didn't have to be stuck in a clothes shop with Richard. Harry was ready to do anything but shopping. If someone offered him the choice between shopping with a friend and killing Voldemort again, which was attributed to him, he'd choose the latter without a second thought.

- How, Richie? How can you spend an hour choosing underwear styles?!

- Harry, you don't understand the importance of underwear," Richard said in a stern tone. - You're wearing underwear almost twenty-four hours a day. And if it does any good...

- Pants! They're fucking pants, Richie!

- No, they're not! - Richard was outraged. - They're unicorn pants!

- Richie, they're fucking pants made from the wool of a rare fucking magic horse! Oh, my God! One hundred and fifty... One hundred and fifty thousand pounds for pants!!! Richie, I'm speechless.

- Harry.

- Yes? - Potter stretched out questioningly.

- I get it.

- You get what? - Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

- You want those knickers too! Let's go back and place an order for you.

- NO-E-E-T!!! NO-NO-NO-NO-NO! I'm not going back to this hellhole. Especially not for pants.

Many wizards turned round at Harry Potter's scream, but he didn't care.

- Anything, Richie, kill me, but not a clothes shop! I'm begging you!

- All right, all right," Richard put his hands up in the air. - Would an ice-cream parlour suit you?

- Oh, yes!