Be Careful What You Wish For: A Zombie Apocalypse

"Huh," grunted Lust when I pulled the trigger. Thanks to the suppressor, Teddy's ears weren't ringing, but I could still feel the vibrations through my body from the recoil. "That was actually a pretty good shot. Then again, these zombies don't seem to be fighting back. Maybe she's like a dead clock. They tell the correct time twice a day, after all."

Swinging my arm around, I tipped my gun so that the muzzle was pointing up the stairs. "That's cute coming from someone who is just a voice," I replied, a smirk on my face. Finding Lust's presence wasn't that hard; he felt the same way Greed and Pride did.

But finding where on him I wanted to shoot… that was a bit harder.

Squeezing the trigger, I fired off a shot into nothing.

"That was my dick!" screamed Lust, and I couldn't help my bark of laughter. "You just tried to shoot me in the dick!"

"You know, sometimes, the small brain doesn't work as well as the bigger one. Maybe you should pay attention to what the bigger brain is tellin' you," I replied, spinning back around so that I was once again facing the same direction the moans were coming from.

"Seriously, Lust, what are you bitching about now?" sighed Envy, and I realized that the whole family was here now. "It's not like she actually managed to hit you. Your precious appendage is still safe and sound back in our own world."

"It's called mens rea," sneered Lust. "Look it up sometime. She had the mental desire to commit the crime, so she is just as guilty as if she acted on those thoughts."

"At your ten," sighed Pride, clearly trying to change the topic as he helped me line up my next kill. It would work better if he was actually touching me, but this worked, too.

"If that was the case, I don't think I would ever see the outside of a prison," I shrugged, taking the shot. A second body hit the ground, and there was one less moaner in front of me. "Not to mention, inside of my head is really, really fun. Hey! Have you ever skinned someone? Alive or dead, it doesn't really matter."

There was a brief moment of silence before Greed, this time, listed off another set of coordinates.

"I think you are Wrath's wet dream," grunted Lust, clearly not answering my question. "If that demon ever got the stick out of his ass long enough to have a wet dream."

Another shot, another body dropping.

But so, too, was my enjoyment of killing things I couldn't see.

"Does he really have a stick up his ass?" I asked, cocking my head to the side as Eny helped me line up the next kill. Pull the trigger, bam, you're dead. "Because that doesn't sound comfortable at all. What happens if he has to sit down? Wouldn't that hurt?"

This time, Lust gave me the coordinates of the last kill, and not a single male voice decided to answer my question or address my concern.

"Fine," I shrugged. "I'll just ask Wrath about it when I meet him. I assume that I am going to eventually meet him, right?"

"Yeah, he is somewhere around here. Lucky bastard already has a meat sack to live inside of. We just have to figure out where he is hiding and then…" Lust trailed off as the last body hit the floor, and the house was once again silent.

"We'll worry about Wrath later," said Greed. "Right now, we have to get you stocked up on supplies. Food, guns, ammo, sleeping bags. I am willing to bet that this place is a prepper's paradise."

I shrugged as I tentatively stepped down the last step. My bare foot landed in something that was sticky and slimy, and I fought back the urge to puke. I would need to add shoes to my outfit, clearly.

"I don't have the ability to carry it all," I answered Greed as I balanced on the balls of my feet like a ballerina. I did a little pirouette, coming to a stop when my foot hit something solid. "Maybe we should just find a bag or something to carry it all in?"

"Or, say the magic words, and everything will be yours," purred Pride.

"Please?" I answered, confused as to why I had to remember my manners at a time like this.

"Not the magic words he was thinking of, Princess," replied Lust. There was nothing I wanted to do more than punch the demon in the face for his sarcasm, but that would be a waste of effort. "Make a wish, have it come true."

"And the consequences?" I asked, remembering the guy who traded one of his balls for more zombies. A stupid wish if you asked me, but he clearly didn't.

I also didn't have enough boobs to sacrifice for more food.

Besides, I could go a few days without food. It wasn't that big of a deal.

"That's something you don't have to worry about," announced Envy as I stepped over the bump on the log. I wondered for a second if the zombie was going to grab my ankle or something, but I guess it was dead dead, not just dead. "Ask for a place that can store everything in the house… except the zombies. You don't want them."

I froze, not sure where in the house I actually was, and closed my eyes. "I wish I had a place to store everything in this house… except for the zombies."

"Wish granted," came the woman's voice inside of my head. "If you want to add anything to your space, just say 'add to space'. If you want to take anything out, simply unzip Teddy and think of what you want."

Well, now, wasn't the voice of doom and gloom all chatty all of a sudden? It would have been nice if she explained all that when I signed the contract. It wasn't like I could read it after all.

"Thank you," I replied, because it might be the end of the world, but manners aren't dead, even if half of the population was.

"You're welcome," replied the woman.

"What now?"