Between Your Letter and My Reply

Chapter 10

[Translation By Divinity]

But the pain vanished as quickly as it had come. Damian scratched his head for a moment and continued reading the letter.

[If you come to my house, Lieutenant, I’ll treat you to a feast, so look forward to it. Ah, it wouldn’t be bad for me to come to you either. Just say the word, and I’ll buy a train ticket to Lebe right away.

October 22nd, 1878. Lintray, eagerly awaiting the day I meet you.]

***

“Lieutenant, you look happy.”

“Huh?”

Damian lifted his head from the letter he was engrossed in.

Several non-commissioned officers were looking at him with narrowed eyes, their chins resting on their hands in a similar posture. Damian asked again, puzzled.

“What?”

“Reading the letter.”

Damian looked back and forth between Lintray’s letter and his subordinates.

“It’s just ordinary…”

As if on cue, they all scoffed.

“With that face?”

Damian touched his face and blinked, clearly confused. Sergeant Benas waved his hand and said,

“You’re back to your usual face now, but a moment ago, you were grinning from ear to ear!”

“Grinning?”

“That letter. You always say she’s not your lover, but you were looking at it with more affection than I look at my own wife.”

“Was I?”

Damian still looked confused, so the other soldiers nodded in unison.

“Yes! You were!”

“I wasn’t.”

He tried to deny it, but there were six witnesses right in front of him. All six of them said in unison,

“We wish you’d look at us like that.”

“You’re so stiff with us. It hurts our feelings.”

“That lieutenant and this lieutenant are completely different people, I tell you.”

Damian was starting to feel wronged by their almost accusatory tone when they started whispering among themselves.

“He says she’s not his lover.”

“He says that, but she’s definitely his lover.”

“What was her name again? Oh, he doesn’t know her last name, but her first name is Lintray?”

They looked at Damian with sparkling eyes and held out their hands as if demanding something.

“Do you have a photo?”

Damian looked at them with a hesitant expression and replied,

“No.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“You’re not lying?”

“I’m not lying. I really don’t have one. I don’t even know what she looks like.”

“Huh? Why haven’t you seen her picture?”

“We haven’t exchanged photos… I’m not particularly curious.”

The soldiers whispered among themselves again.

“Do you think he’s telling the truth?”

“His expression doesn’t seem like a lie…”

“No. The lieutenant is good at lying. He’s just playing dumb.”

They stopped talking amongst themselves, and one of them asked again,

“So, what does she do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you know that?”

“Because I’ve never asked?”

Again, he was met with distrustful gazes.

“Really?”

“Why? Why haven’t you asked?”

“Because there’s no particular reason to ask?”

The soldiers let out a collective sigh.

“Seriously, you don’t know anything about someone you like? Do you even really like her?”

“Lieutenant, aren’t you curious about her at all?”

“It’s not that I’m not curious…”

“Not curious about what?”

“…”

Damian realized that no matter what he said, his subordinates wouldn’t be satisfied, so he just kept his mouth shut.

How could he explain to these people, with their eyes sparkling with anticipation, that he had no desire to go through the tedious process of getting to know someone in a relationship that was likely fleeting?

“Not curious about what?!”

“Why’d you stop talking?”

Nicole, a female sergeant, shook her head and said to the others,

“Don’t even try to understand him. He’s beyond our comprehension.”

It was unclear whether she was defending him or criticizing him.

“Can I ask one last question?”

Someone raised their hand, and Damian granted them permission to speak.

“What is it?”

“You do like her, right? Is it unrequited love, or is it mutual?”

Damian rubbed his eyes, feeling tired.

“You guys… Even middle schoolers begging their teacher for a first love story wouldn’t act like this.”

Nicole slung an arm around Damian’s shoulders and leaned in, feigning intimacy.

“But Lieutenant, you’re still so young… maybe you don’t understand.”

Despite being a sergeant, Nicole was ten years older than Damian due to his abnormally fast promotions.

In fact, not just Nicole, but the youngest sergeant in the platoon was nineteen. If they ranked the platoon members by age, Damian would be second from the youngest.

Most of his subordinates were older than him.

So, when rank wasn’t a factor, they treated Damian quite affectionately, like a younger brother. Now, too, they spoke to him in that manner.

“No man would spend this much time on someone they’re not interested in.”

Damian couldn’t help but flinch at Nicole’s words. He had said the same thing to Lintray when talking about Glenn.

“Huh…?”

While Damian was stunned, realizing this fact, Nicole patted his back and stepped away.

“Well, don’t deny it so much and just go for it.”

Then she clapped her hands and said to the other soldiers,

“Alright, alright! If we tease the Lieutenant any more, it’ll be considered insubordination. Everyone, disperse! Disperse!”

“Aww…”

“That was fun.”

They all clicked their tongues in disappointment, but they dispersed to their tasks, knowing Damian would give them a cold stare and make them dig trenches if they continued teasing him.

Lost in his thoughts, Damian didn’t even notice his subordinates leaving. He stared blankly at the letter in his hand, his mouth slightly open.

‘Huh…?’

Damian felt like someone was tap dancing in his head, making it hard to think straight.

‘Huh…?’

His heart pounded against the handkerchief he always carried in his left breast pocket.

‘Huh? Is that even possible?’

Damian felt his face heat up for some reason. He fanned himself with his hand, then was startled to see the letter still clutched in it.

He hurriedly stuffed the letter into his pocket, as if someone might see it, even though it was a meaningless act.

‘But I don’t even know her name or face?’

Damian’s head spun.

‘Me?’

The more he thought about it, the more absurd the situation seemed. It didn’t make sense. How could he have such feelings for someone he hadn’t even considered being interested in?

“It’s just my imagination.”

Damian slapped his cheeks lightly with both hands.

“Nicole is just mistaken.”

He couldn’t accept it. If he did, things would get complicated. Damian stubbornly shook his head.

***

It took three days for Damian to gather the courage to open Lintray’s letter again.

The rest of the letter was just ordinary, everyday chatter. He finished reading it and nodded.

‘See! It’s fine!’

He didn’t feel the same fluttering sensation as a few days ago. So he was able to write a reply in a lighthearted mood.

Damian, as usual, brought up casual topics and shared his recent experiences, and Lintray responded with a reply that seemed to carry her bright and cheerful laughter.

Just like he would with an ordinary friend. Yes, a friend. Even if it was a fleeting connection, they could at least be friends.

But the problem arose from an unexpected direction.

[Glenn’s been away lately, learning the trade business, so besides my father and the servants, you’re the only one I can talk to. I want to talk to you face-to-face, not just through letters. I’m sure it would be fun.]

With every letter exchange, Lintray tried to close the distance between them. But Damian always brushed it off.

Did she sense his reluctance to give her any leeway? Whenever Damian subtly pushed back, Lintray never brought up the topic again.

It was as if there was an unspoken rule that they wouldn’t revisit any areas where Damian had drawn a line, like with the family talk before.

But.

[Please tell me if anything happens, okay? I’m worried.]

He couldn’t even control his own feelings, let alone someone else’s.

No matter how much Damian tried to ignore it and stay put, Lintray was slowly getting closer to him.

But it wasn’t until several more letters were exchanged and Damian found himself facing the end of the year in the trenches that he realized how indecisive he had been in this pen pal exchange.