Between Your Letter and My Reply

Chapter 49

[Translation By Divinity]

To be honest, even now, I’m not sure. You need to have experienced love to know what it is. I don’t even understand friendship because I have no friends, so love is an even more difficult emotion for me.

He was like a child who couldn’t properly identify his own feelings in relationships with others. Interacting and forming connections with people was incredibly challenging for him.

That’s why he wanted to meet her in person and confirm it. Whether this was truly the love for the opposite sex that others talked about. What it meant to like someone.

Whenever he thought of Lady Lintray, he felt a ticklish yet painful sensation in his chest. He wanted to see her, missed her, wanted to talk to her face-to-face… He wanted to reach out to her.

But it seemed too late. Lady Lintray had disappeared, leaving only a mystery behind, and Damian had no way to find her.

He replied with a bitter smile,

“I can’t confirm it even if I want to.”

“Who is she? Why can’t you confirm it?”

“Because I can’t meet her.”

At his brief answer, Lilliana stared at him with a curious expression. He hesitated for a moment, then lowered his eyes.

“I told you I mistook you for someone when I first saw you, right?”

“Ah, right. Her name was Lin… Lin…”

“Lintray.”

“Ah! That’s right! I think that was her name!”

As Lilliana recalled, Damian spoke as if telling an old tale.

“There was someone I exchanged letters with while I was in the military. I don’t know her face, and I don’t even know her real name. She sent letters under the name ‘Lintray,’ but later I started to think it might be a pseudonym. I knew she lived in Edenfallen, but now I’m not even sure if that’s true.”

“Why? If you had her address, you could have just gone to see her.”

“I did, but she wasn’t there.”

“She wasn’t there?”

Lilliana furrowed her brow, and Damian gave a wry smile.

“When I went there, the house at the address was completely burned down, and the whereabouts of the people who lived there are unknown. It’s not even clear if they’re alive or dead… So I tried to find out, but there was nothing I could do, so I didn’t get anywhere.”

Damian muttered, almost like a sigh.

“I just hope she’s alive…”

After that, Damian fell silent, lost in his thoughts. Lilliana, sensing that he was more depressed than usual, rolled her eyes and asked,

“But how could you mistake me for her if you don’t even know her name or face?”

“She once sprayed perfume on a letter, and it was the same perfume you’re wearing.”

“Just because of that?”

“Yes, it was foolish of me.”

“Hmm…”

Lilliana hummed, and a few flower petals were now tangled in her hair. Damian finally noticed that flower petals were falling like rain. It was quite picturesque, and he belatedly understood why Lilliana had wanted to walk along the riverside.

Damian reached out to remove the petals from her hair, and Lilliana simply watched without any sense of wariness. Damian carefully picked the colorful petals one by one, making sure not to pull her hair.

“But it’s not just that, Lilliana. There are many times when being with you feels like being with Lady Lintray. We have a lot in common.”

“Like what?”

“Well… we’re around the same age, our handwriting is similar, the way we talk is similar…”

Damian lightly brushed his fingers, and the petals he had removed flew away in the wind.

“Many things… More than you might think, Lilliana.”

Damian’s eyes weren’t looking at Lilliana as he sighed and let his words drift away in the wind. Lilliana felt a bit hurt and pouted.

“But I’m not her. I don’t even know what Edenfallen is.”

“That’s exactly the problem.”

Just then, a family of ducks crossed the promenade, forcing Damian and Lilliana to pause and wait. A brief silence fell, but it didn’t last long as Damian soon spoke up.

“At first, it was just a pastime. It was a pen pal exchange the military was doing for fun, and I didn’t want to get too involved. But when I heard that she would think I was dead if I didn’t reply, I couldn’t not respond. I didn’t want to make her sad, even though I didn’t know who she was.”

Damian’s throat felt dry from talking, so he took a sip of his juice.

“So we exchanged letters quite often. It was mostly trivial chatter, but before I knew it, I found myself looking forward to Lady Lintray’s letters. Exchanging letters with her became the only joy in my arduous military life. But at the same time, I was afraid. I didn’t want to worry her because I was always on the battlefield. So I cowardly ran away. I stopped replying to her letters at some point. I thought that way, Lady Lintray would give up and stop sending me letters.”

Damian closed his eyes tightly, then opened them again, recalling his foolish past.

“But I was wrong. She kept sending letters. But I ignored them and didn’t read them, so I don’t know what she wrote. She probably scolded me for not replying. Maybe she was hurt by my actions. But at the time, I thought it was for the best.”

Damian’s blue-gray eyes were lost in thought. After a moment of silence, he looked at Lilliana and asked,

“Do you know what I thought of first when the grenade exploded in front of me?”

Lilliana slowly shook her head.

“It was the words ‘don’t die in battle’ from Lady Lintray’s letter. That was the first time I didn’t want to die.”

He gave a self-deprecating smile and continued.

“I don’t know if I’m alive because of that letter, but I think I might have died if it weren’t for Lady Lintray. Then I wanted to meet her. It’s funny, isn’t it? Only after nearly dying did I regret my actions and want to see her… So I went to see her as soon as I was discharged. But as I said, I couldn’t meet her.”

Damian’s face darkened. He didn’t notice, but Lilliana saw the sadness in his expression.

“It doesn’t matter if my feelings aren’t what people call love. I don’t care about defining my emotions. The important thing is that I want to see her now.”

“What do you want to do when you meet her?”

At Lilliana’s question, Damian looked at her and smiled awkwardly.

“I don’t know. What do I want to do? What should I do once I figure out what my feelings are? Does it even make sense to look for her?”

“…”

Lilliana tilted her head towards Damian with a warm smile, her beautiful golden hair cascading down. In contrast to Damian’s somber tone, she spoke lightly.

“You don’t need to worry about that, Damian. There are many times when you don’t need a reason or something you want to do to meet someone. And from what I see, it seems like you already like her a lot, regardless of what kind of feeling it is. If I were you, I’d want to find her too. It’s natural.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“You said you want to meet her, right? Then just wanting to see her is reason enough. You don’t have to decide what to do. Whether it’s love or friendship, wanting to see someone you cherish is a perfectly natural feeling, Damian.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Well, you’re still young, Damian. You’ll understand what I mean someday.”

“…Lilliana, there’s something I’ve been wanting to point out.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to hear that from someone whose mental age is 20, with two years of missing memories.”

“Hey!”

Lilliana exclaimed, and Damian, who had been looking somewhat lonely, smiled playfully.