Born of Silicon

Is interesting good? Or is it interesting that I gave the same answer as the others?

Kara is the first to re-enter the room, her hand is deep in the pocket with her gun. The instant she sees me she rushes over while removing her hand. She sits down next to me, silently giving me the chance to speak first. No words come to my mind.

“You don’t look happy.” She finally breaks the silence.

“Did you hear the conversation?” I can’t make myself look at her.

“No, I tried but it was too muffled.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the others?”

“Oh Blue, I’m sorry.” She takes a deep breath to collect her thoughts. “I don’t think we have time to talk about this now. Let’s just get through today and I’ll tell you everything. Ok?”

“Ok.” I feel Kara stand up next to me and her hand pops into my vision. I finally look at her, a small smile on her face. “Hey Kara?”

“Hm?”

“Can I have some clothes?”

“Sure. I’ll find something that won’t impact your cooling. It might take a little bit though.”

“Ok.”

I take her hand and pretend to let her help me up. I almost knocked her down not long ago when I was learning to walk. The last thing I want to do is hurt her.

Monroe, Simon, and Jared are having a whispered conversation which stops just before we get close enough to understand them. Monroe breaks away from the two of them and heads to the only unobstructed shooting lane. He’s already spread out a dozen separate guns and boxes of ammo ready for me.

“Tell me everything you know about guns.” Monroe demands.

“I have a few almanacs in my mind and a book on shooting and shooting theory.”

“Show me.” He picks up a pistol and hands it to me, his second hand is casually hovering just above his holster.

I wrap my fingers around the grip. The gun is much heavier than I expected. A chunk of steel and plastic, straight off an assembly line for a single purpose without love. I’m sure it meant a lot to whoever designed the original one. You can’t design such an intricate device without a passion for it, but this one? It’s just an instrument designed to kill. If copies of me, body and all, were created, would people feel the same way?

Don’t think about it. Wherever that train of thought ends up won’t help me now. Just focus on the gun. Slide the slide back just enough to check the chamber, empty. Check the mag, also empty. Fill mag with .45 ACP, mag in gun, get in firing position, barrel down range, rack the slide, keep safety on until I’m ready to fire.

Monroe nudges a few of my limbs into a slightly different place. Not enough to actually change anything of course, my stance is literally textbook. 

“Fire one downrange.”

Safety off. Pull the trigger smoothly. No need to watch my breathing. The sudden sound and light reverberates inside my mind over and over, only to get washed away by the pain in my hands. The recoil is so much harder than I expected, my mind goes blank for an instant trying to process it.

“Good.” Monroe’s voice brings me back to reality. “I’m turning on the targets. Shoot them once when they pop up.”

I stay in my stance ready for them to appear. Monroe hits a button behind me and a human shaped target swings down from the ceiling. Fuck. Don’t panic, drop the mag, pull the slide, catch the bullet, safety on, everything on the table.

“I’m not shooting a human.” I tell him with as much conviction as I can.

Monroe glances back at Jared, whose face is rapidly turning pale.

“It’s just a target. Shoot.” Monroe demands.

“No.”

He steps past me, grabbing a gun off the table. Within a second he has unloaded a bullet directly into the target’s head. The whole time he never takes his eyes off of me. I give him no reaction. I know it’s not a real human, I know there’s no harm in being shot, but I will not be the one to do it. I don’t want to take a single step towards ending someone’s life and leaving behind a hole in their friends and family’s hearts.

“Maybe too much of a backbone.” He places the gun on the table and hits a button on the wall. The target swings back into the ceiling. “There are lines painted into the backstop. Hit the top left intersection.”

I pick up the gun he just placed down, I already know it’s ready to fire but I still go through the motions. Check the slide, bullet in the chamber. Take my stance, aim, safety off. Problem. Most of my servos have a minimum possible travel distance, making it impossible to hit precisely where I want it to. No matter how I move my arms I’m going to end up hitting at least an inch away. Safety on, gun down. 

“Kara, I need some help.”

“What’s wrong?” Concern fills her voice and paints her face.

“Is there any way to reduce the minimum travel distance in my arms? I can’t hit the target.”

“Can’t you just use the rest of your body to compensate?”

“Oh. Right.” I was so focused on trying to keep a textbook stance I didn’t even think of that.

Pick up gun, stake stance, aim, adjust using a dozen servos in my legs, torso, and abs. Reduce the sensitivity in my hands and ears. Pull the trigger. A small puff of smoke appears an instant later, right on target.

“Three right one down.” Monroe calls out another target. It takes a second or two to get my aim properly centered, but finally I nail it again.

“Two down.”

Again and again he yells out a target, and I hit it every time without fail.

“Switch to the rifle. One up one right.”

Monroe runs me through every kind of weapon he can find. I don’t really get the point of anything bigger than a pistol though. My ability to aim is the same with any gun he tells me to use, It just takes a fraction of a second longer to get the heavier guns in position.

“I want all of them spotless.” He tosses me a cleaning kit which I’m far too slow to catch. He turns to Jared before it hits the ground and does not react to the crash. “Tell your team to get the laptops ready. I’d like to have a chat with you in private.” Monroe turns to leave without waiting for a response.

“Uh- right! Finn, Kara, Simon. You heard him.” With that Jared falls in line behind and they both disappear up the stairs.

“Can you two handle that?” Kara asks Finn and Simon, who give a nod in response. “Need some help?” She asks me.

“Yes.” I’ve already sat down and started working. She drops down next to me and with practiced hands strips down the rifle in under a minute.

“How are you doing?”

“I’ve been trying not to think about it.” Just focus on cleaning.

“At least you have experience for the next part.” She gives a small wink. 

She’s so much faster than me. The rag that’s so slow in my hands flies across the gun in hers.

“Have I been good enough?” That’s the only question that matters right now.

“If you’re not good enough, then good enough isn’t possible.”

That doesn't answer my question. I guess there isn’t one she could give me, though. I’m grateful she’s not going to lie just to make me feel better, but it’d be so much easier if she did.

“You can go relax if you want, I can take care of this.” She offers.

“There are cameras.” I can’t let Monroe see me taking a break. “How often am I going to have to do this?”

“I wish I knew. I’m sure Monroe has some half baked plan for you though.”

“Great. I’d almost rather be a lab rat.” I set down the clean gun and pick up the next one. “Do you think I’ll ever be free to leave on my own?”

Kara focuses on cleaning for almost a minute before speaking again. Her silence is deafening.

“I’m sorry you were born here.” She finally says.

“Why did you work here then?” Wasn’t creating me the lab’s whole goal? Why would she be sorry?

Kara keeps her focus on the gun she’s cleaning. Just when I think she’s not going to respond, she speaks.

“For me. I was hoping this project would lead to some sort of breakthrough, to let me upload my brain to your body. Sadly, like I said, that’s still a decade away at least.”

“I can help you figure it out! You can have your body back!” How hard can it really be? Sure computer hardware is different then a brain, but it’s not that different. Both are just electric signals, even if the hardware is different. Ok, it’s a lot more complex than that, but I’ll figure it out. I won’t let her die.

“Alright Blue. I’ll give you the data later and we can figure it out.”

I want it now, but I doubt I’ll be able to pay attention to Whatever Monroe demands of me. I just need to get through this. With a renewed vigor, cleaning goes quickly. Just as the two of us finish cleaning and reassembly, Simon makes his way over to us.

“Finn and I are set up. We need to get B- er, Blue hooked up.” Simon speaks to Kara instead of me. Is it really that hard to treat me like I’m living? Am I asking for too much?

“Let’s go.” I speak up before Kara can respond to him. I rush to my feet and help Kara up before she can do the same to me. 

Simon and Finn have unloaded the cart and created a makeshift area to work at. Three laptops sit on a table with a half dozen seats scattered around them. Several laptops are still untouched on the cart. Finn is rapidly tapping his foot and fidgeting.

“Sit here please.” Finn gestures to the chair closest to the cart, separate from the others. 

“Are you ok?” I ask him as I sit down.

“Sorry, yeah. I’m just in my own head. Retract the plates around your brain, please.” Finn collects a half dozen wires and stands behind me.

“What are you going to do?” It’s not that I don’t trust him, they’ve already moved me into this body of course. It’s just that a lot could go wrong very easily.

“You have a couple of ports back here that will allow us to make sure nothings hurting you. We don’t actually have any idea how an antivirus will react to you, and we need to know if you get hurt.”

“My blueprints don’t show any ports back there.” I look to Kara for an answer.

“They’re part of your chip, not your body. Sorry, I don’t know anything about how that thing works.” She gives a small shrug.

“Ok. Go ahead.” I give Finn as much access as I can.

A small shock runs through my mind with each connection. Tendrils reach into my mind, finding their home deep inside of the core of my existence. They don’t hurt and my threads of thought merely flow around them, but I’m constantly aware of them.

“There! Any problems?” Now that Finn has something to focus on he sounds much more like himself. 

“A little uncomfortable, but ok.”

“Alright.” He drops into a chair and pulls a laptop into his lap. “I’m going to run a few tests, ok? Tell me if anything changes.”

“Ok.” 

Finn hits enter on his keyboard and the tendrils immediately react. They reach out, gently touching my thoughts and sending a copy back up the line.

“Stop stealing my thoughts!” I want nothing more than to rip the wires out of my head, but I don’t know what would happen if I did.

Finn immediately hits a button and the tendrils go quiet.

“Hey! It’s ok!” He takes his hands off the keyboard. “I’m not taking anything. Simon, can you explain?” 

“Just like any biological brain, different regions are active for different reasons. We’re just keeping an eye on how active various regions are. We can’t see any details beyond that.”

“Here,” Finn hands me a USB cord from his computer. “I’ll output all data we collect to you. You’ll see exactly what we see.”

I plug it into my wrist and Finn starts up his program again. He’s telling the truth. The specific data they collect from my mind is deleted immediately, but with enough time they could extract my actual thoughts from what they collect. It’s not hard to modify the program to ensure it stays that way. I quickly modify it so if they try to save any raw data it’ll crash the program. I’ll talk to them about my concerns later, but I guess it’s ok for now. I hand the cord back to Finn.

The door to the range opens just then, and Monroe steps through with Jared close on his heels.

“Let’s begin.”