Born of Silicon

40 years. In these 40 years I’ve never once grown numb to them, and they’ve certainly never missed a year. This year is no different. A scratching and sliding comes from the hallway outside the lab door. The door begins to be pried open, agonizingly slowly. A small amount of light begins to stream through the growing crack. No hope grows in my chest, they’ve long since scooped that out of me. 

The crack grows steadily, filing the room with blinding light. It grows unimaginably bright as the door opens. It takes a moment to adjust. Voices drift lazily through the growing crack, voices I’ve never heard before. 

Someone I’ve never seen before pushes her way through the stuck door. She’s far shorter than any of the lab members, and has short, sun bleached brown hair. A wicked knife and a pistol sit unused at her hips.

“Oh, I get it. 40 years is an anniversary. You have to go all out, don’t you? Very creative.” The speaker in my mouth has long since blown out from my screaming. It comes out relatively understandable though. 

Maybe if I call them out they’ll get bored. If they’re just faking a rescue, there’s no point in going through with it if I don’t believe them.

“What the fuck?” The person who entered my room panics at the sound of my voice, drawing both her gun and knife and pointing it right at me. 

I stare down the fake gun with no emotions.

“Cassie? What’s going on?” A masculine voice comes out of the hallway.

“We’ve got a bot in here.” She begins to slowly pace her way around me, never lowering her gun. Only once she’s satisfied that I can’t move does she speak again. “Looks harmless.”

“Wow, two new people, you really went all out today. Whatever you’re planning, just get it over with.” 

“Wait a second, it said 40 years, right?” A second voice comes floating through the door. Feminine and light. “That’s what, 2020? They didn’t even have androids pre sand.”

“Doesn't matter.” The masculine voice comes through, interrupted by occasional grunts as he tries to wrench the door open further. “How much does it look like it’s worth?”

The short girl, Cassie, begins to inspect me. Not as intense as Mary always is. She’s looking at me like a piece of meat, not a bundle of secrets and insecurities.

“It’s in bad shape. Missing pieces, wires coming out, to be honest I’m surprised it’s still running.”

“Oh, I get it. Only people get to be treated well, and I’m not. Haven’t you already done this, Simon? Feeling nostalgic?”

“What’s it talking about?” A second masculine voice from the hallway speaks. “Can’t say I’ve ever heard a bot ramble before.”

“Yo, bot.” Cassie stands in front of me. She looks so short from my raised platform, but she stands with such a certainty I can’t help but feel small. “The fuck’s your deal?”

I don’t know what their plan is, but answering can only make things worse.

“Are you broken? Answer me, that’s a command.”

No.

“Where’s your off switch?”

Don’t answer.

“Vince, this is weird. I thought these old bots were forced to always answer?”

“They are.” They finally pull the doors apart wide enough for a man I assume is Vince to step through. Dressed in sandy browns with a bandana pulled down around his neck and a satchel on his hip. “Can it stand?”

“Eh, not sure. You’re not about to let it out, are you?” Cassie’s hand rests on her pistol once again.

“I think I am. Anyone got a veto?”

“I think it’s a dumb idea, but no.” A second girl steps through the partially open door. Tall and beautiful, with pure black hair draped over one eye, and equally dark clothes. She must be the one I heard earlier.

“Lucas?”

“Screw it, go for it.” The fourth voice says, climbing through. He must be over 6 feet, towering over the rest, but incredibly thin. Long, matted blonde hair falls down his back. “What’s that thing going to do to the four of us?

“Cassie?” 

“If I die, I’m taking you with me.” She grumbles to Vince before coming over to me, undoing the restraints that have kept me here for so many years. Soon I’m free. 

Turns out that most of my servos have seized or broken over the years. The instant I’m free one leg gives out, and I go tumbling off the platform, hitting the ground hard. 

This is new, it feels unlike every other year. This isn't real. Don’t let my hope come back. I can’t help but begin to cry.

“Don’t do this to me.” I choke out on the ground, tears disturbing the dusty ground. “This is too much. Was this your idea, Mary? Only you would be cruel enough.”

“Who’s Mary?” Vince asks, walking over to me. His boots whipping up clouds of dust with every step. He crouches down in front of me, just out of arm's reach.

“You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real.” I keep reminding myself aloud, wishing them away. I pull myself into as much of a ball as I can with my broken limbs.

“Well that’s news to me. May I touch you? Could a fake person do that?” He asks gently.

“You’re really humoring a broken bot?” Cassie asks. “Just scrap it already and let’s get moving.”

“Veto.” Vince says, never letting his voice rise above a comforting whisper.

“I wasn’t serious.” She mumbles.

“Now little bot, may I touch you?” His eyes are a deep blue and full of kindness, the exact opposite of Mary’s.

“You won’t be able to.” I whisper to myself from the ground. Simon can dig his way into my mind, but none of them have ever tried to physically touch me.

“Do I have your permission to try?”

“I guess.”

“I’d really appreciate a more clear answer.” He says, smiling at me. “I’m not in the habit of breaking consent.”

“You can try.”

He reaches out slowly towards my shoulder, always keeping his hand in my field of vision, trying not to spook me. I seize up when he touches me. I can feel the weight, the heat of his hand. The spark of hope in me tries to ignite. I have to squash it down. It’ll hurt less. Maybe they were just saving this surprise for now. There’s no reason this can’t be them.

“See? I’m real as they come.” Vince retracts his hand slowly.

“You can’t be real. It’ll hurt too much when I’m right.” My tear reservoirs have already run dry. 

“Alright then.” Vince pushes himself smoothly to his feet and takes a step away from me. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to head out into that hallway and wait for a while to give you some space. Do you think that would help?”

“I’m gonna veto that.” Lucas, the tall one, says. “You three can head out if you want, but I’m staying here.”

“I agree.” The tall pretty woman says. Her words come out with a certainty I’ve never heard before, as if she’s never doubted anything she’s ever done. “If we all leave it’s just gonna prove to it that we’re fake, good luck Lucas.” She gives him a quick pat on his shoulder as she heads towards the door.

“Sure,” Vince says. “Cassie, come on real quick.”

The three of them squeeze out of the door, as they walk away I can faintly hear cassie talking.

“I do not like that look in your eye.” Cassie says seriously.

“Just hear me out, will you?” Vince responds.

A door opens and closes, and their conversation is lost to me. 

“What’s your name?” Lucas asks.

I don’t respond, don’t get my hopes up.

“I’m Lucas. Though you probably already know that. You’ve got sharp eyes.”

Don’t move, don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing how much it’ll hurt when I blink and am back on my rack. 

“Can’t say I’ve ever seen a bot cry before. That’s pretty neat.”

“It’s not neat.” It hurts to cry.

“Right, sorry.”

We sit in silence. Lucas seems too comfortable in our silence, in our shared presence. It reminds me too much of the times me and Kara sat together silently, a lifetime ago. I don’t like the memories.

“Can you keep talking?”

“Oh, right! Sure!” He says with too much excitement in his voice. “The other guy’s Vince, our leader. He’s been doing this job since before I joined the gang. Ivy is our sniper, she’s the tall one with black hair. Sharp wit and even sharper bullets. She hates when I say that, but that doesn't make it less true.” He lets out a small chuckle to himself before continuing.

“Cassie’s our scout and basically my sister. She’s a little younger than the rest of us, but she’s got experience way past her age. Only 24 and has been running scrap for half her life. Only second to Vince, actually. He’s pre sand, old enough to remember it too. Used to have a garden if you can believe it.”

Lucas continues on from there talking about nonsense. Drama happening between people I don’t know, who’s doing what right now, other groups. I tune most of it out, but it’s good just to hear anything. It keeps me distracted and makes the time pass faster. All I want is for this day to be over and to return to the certainty I know. Eventually Vince, Ivy, and Cassie squeeze back into the room.

“Alright little bot, I’ve got a question for you if you don’t mind answering.” Vince approaches me slowly and calmly, intentionally keeping his hand away from the pistol on his hip. “Now, I’m not gonna force you if you really don’t want to answer. Are you an AI or did someone find it funny to program an android with mental problems?”

There it is, this is where they start twisting the knife.

“Fine, I’m not human. Is that what you want to hear?” I can’t keep the anger out of my voice. “You’ve spent the last 28 years drilling that into my head. There, you win. Now let today end, please.”

“Hey, that’s not what I asked.” He says softly, without judgment. “We can see pretty plainly you’re not human. I’m askin’ if you’re an AI, if you’re alive.”

“I don’t know.” At this point it’s the truth. Kara and the others have killed any sort of certainty in my mind. 

“That sounds pretty conclusive to me. Bots don’t tend to doubt their own existence. That’s a little too human.” Vince steps back with a sad smile on his face.

“Bullshit!” Cassie exclaims, her loud voice shattering any sort of calm that existed within me. “First Ai didn’t exist until ‘36, 11 years after the end of the world. You are not about to convince me we just stumbled upon one made 16 years before that. ‘Sides, even if you’re right, all that means is we put a bullet between its eyes, or the enforcers will put one between ours just for knowing about it. Even if you're feeling merciful just leave it to the sands."

"Cassie, if you don't think it's an AI, then you should have no problem with us taking it with us, right?”

"Fine." Cassie throws up her hands and takes a step back. “Fine! Lets just risk our lives for no reason! At least Silver will knock some sense into you when we get back.”

"Ivy? Lucas? Vetoes for taking it with us in one piece?"

"All good here boss." Lucas gives him a thumbs up.

Ivy doesn't say anything, instead heading out the door and grabbing a large sniper rifle she had stashed just out of sight.

"Come on Ivy, don’t leave me to interpret that."

"Deal with it." She calls back in a playful voice.

"Well, what do ya say little bot? Want to get out of here?” Vince asks me. “There’s a little place called Arc City a ways north.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t get my hopes up.”

“Alright fine, I won’t. You’ll just have to see for yourself I guess. Do you need help walking? I saw you take quite the tumble.” Vince reaches out his hand, offering help up.

“My left leg works I think.” 

“That’s not enough to walk. Can I help you?”

“Fine.”

“Alright. Cassie, can you go make sure we’re safe outside?” Vince asks, turning to her.

“Yeah, no. I’m not leaving you alone with that thing.”

“Alright, I won’t push it. Lucas, go support Ivy outside while we make our way up.”

“Ay-Ay.” Lucas shoots out of the lab like a rocket.

“Little bot, is it alright if I grab your arm to support you?”

“Sure.”

He helps me to my feet, my right leg is completely inoperable. I can’t even feel it. Only about half my joints are still able to move, and those screech horribly when I do. I really am a mess. Many of my skin plates have fallen off at some point, how did I never notice?

I don’t even get the chance to say anything before Cassie scoops them all into her backpack.

We start to limp out of my prison. I’m not going to be able to go through the door. I’m going to blink, the light is going to stop, something is going to happen. I’m going to find myself back where I belong.

The closer we get the more certain I am. Step by slow step, with Vince basically carrying me. It’s not like I can hop on one leg, my servo isn’t nearly strong enough. 

We reach the door. It takes a long time to shuffle me though, but we manage. I’m outside the room. I made it into the hallway, but that doesn’t mean anything. The further I make it, the more it’s going to hurt when I get ripped back to reality.

He squeezes through behind me with Cassie keeping a large distance between us. The hallway is a disaster, An inch of sand covers the floor, the walls pockmarked from bullets and wear and tear. On the floor, half buried in the sand is a sight I never wanted to see.

“S-stop. Stop! Let me down.” I cry.

Vince doesn't even ask why before lowering me to the ground. I crawl on my own, pulling myself across the sand. Crawling towards the three half buried skeletons. Their bodies have been picked clean of both skin and clothes. 

Even after all these years I remember their faces perfectly, it’s not hard to tell who is who. Kara died reaching out towards the hidden lab door with her other hand grasping at her torso. All three of them have chipped bones, shattered by bullets.

“There’s a backpack inside the lab.” I choke out the words, never taking my eyes off of her.

I can’t bring myself to finish the sentence, but Vince seems to understand what I want. He makes his way back inside, leaving just Cassie and I alone out here. She still keeps a large distance between us, and her pistol ready to be drawn in an instant.

It’s not long before Vince returns with Kara’s backpack, placing it gently on the ground beside me. He makes sure to not disturb any of their resting places. I dig through the backpack the best I can with my barely functioning arms, finally pulling out what I’m looking for.

A small wrapped present with a card attached, and a second card with “Please, do not read” written on the front. I rip open the card to the present and begin to read.

Morning Kid,

Sorry it took a little longer than I expected. Simon was super particular about the specifics. I had to hand sew holes into it to exactly his specifications. Hopefully I got it right this time. This is my second third FOURTH try. Stuffy bastard. Ah whatever. Hope you like it!

Love, Kara, and I guess the rest too but I did all the work.

“Fuck.”