Born of Silicon

Sitting here while Ivy takes care of my hair while listening to music is something I didn’t know I needed. Her gentle fingers and the slow music gives me a lot to focus on, but unfortunately, it can’t last forever. When she finishes she gives me a quick hug and leaves without another word. I don’t think me being alone right now is what’s best for me, but I can’t keep her here forever.

I sit there for a long time and let the music just flow over me. It washes my worries away, at least for a minute. Eventually even her songs end, and I’m forced to either get up and move or to leave myself to my thoughts. I stand up.

 Ivy left her revolver here. I guess she’s right and I’ll need to get used to guns at some point. Maybe there’s somewhere I can practice away from the sound of gunfire? Probably not, this compound isn’t big enough, and with the storm still roaring outside my window that’s not an option. 

If I was in a better state I could probably practice with Hummingbird, but my digital form can’t pick up anything right now. There’s only one place I can go. The question is, am I really feeling good enough to handle the range? I should probably try. I tuck the revolver into my waistband and head outside, leaving the ammo on my dresser. There’s no need to have a loaded gun with me before I arrive.

Even more people have filled the courtyard. It being early afternoon means everyone is awake, and if everyone’s rooms are this small I can’t imagine many people wanting to stay inside. The door to a large warehouse filled with cars is open, with a small group of people inside working on all of them. Lucas is among them, but there’s nothing for me out here. 

I take a moment to prepare myself before opening the door to the range. If I turn off my ears and keep my eyes directly ahead of me I might be able to handle it. I open the door.

The second it opens I’m assaulted with feeling. The shockwave of every shot can be felt across my entire body. I’m ok. I was ready for this. I step inside. 

A dozen lanes fill up most of the warehouse. On a track along every lane is a screen, showing a variety of target types. The people at the range are using weapons with tubes running from the gun and into the ceiling, but nothing more than a gust of air shoots out the barrel. They seem to kick about as much as a regular gun, and from the last time I tried to get in here I can say they certainly sound correct. However, instead of putting holes in the screens, they merely light up wherever the bullet would have impacted. Huh. This is still miserable, but maybe I can handle this with the knowledge they’re not real guns. At least for a little bit.

At the far end of the lanes sits a booth reinforced with bulletproof glass. A gap in the glass at the bottom is just large enough for guns and bullets to be passed through. A woman with buzzed hair and more tattoos than skin is standing behind it, gesturing for me to come to her. The door next to her is already unlocked and cracked open, waiting for me. 

I head through the door and find myself in a back room of the range. Dozens of rows of shelving, each packed with weapons and ammo, are tightly packed back here. The woman pulls a blind down over the window and locks the door behind me before speaking. I guess I have to turn my hearing back on. At least it’s quiet back here.

“You’re Blue?” She asks with a gruff voice.

“Yes.”

“Do you know how to shoot?”

“I have a lot of books on it in my mind, but very little actual practice.”

“Come with me.” She turns on her heel and begins to lead me through the shelves. “Of course you can’t shoot in the actual range, but I have a private one back here.” 

From the door I didn’t realize just how impressive it is in here. Each shelf is densely packed and organized very simply. Each shelf has a paper inventory, meticulously logging everything, down to individual bullets.

Behind the shelves of guns is a short range, only a third the length of every other one, but that’s fine. It’s quiet back here, separate from the gunshots and chaos of the main room. The perfect place to learn and practice. On the table in front is a variety of those fake guns. She picks up one of the pistols and starts to walk me through all its details.

“Gunpowder is hard to find, so Sonia whipped these up. They’re connected to an air compressor on the roof, and should replicate real guns pretty close to perfectly. She’s even gone so far as to replicate the sound, as well as jams and other problems real guns have. Give it a try.”

I take the gun into my hand, the weight feels correct. I take it slow, I can’t let myself rush, can’t let my mind wander, just focus on doing each individual motion perfectly. I check the slide and find it empty. Put the fake magazine in the gun, take my stance, rack the slide, safety off, aim at nothing, fire. Even the recoil feels almost exactly the same as last time I shot one. Don’t think about that. A red dot flashes on the screen in front of me, exactly where I was aiming. 

“Good. Let’s try with targets.”

She presses a few buttons on a screen next to me, and the end of the range fills with human targets. That’s ok, don’t freak out. I don’t have to shoot them.

“Do you have anything not human?” I ask, my voice shaking slightly.

“Sure.” Jade says, pressing another button. The screen clears for an instant, and comes back filled with different sized round targets. “Better?”

“Much better.” I’m not sure how much she believes me though, the shakiness in my voice remains.

I take my stance, aim at the center of a target, squeeze, and move to a new one. My shots land relatively accurately. My new servos have a much larger minimum movement distance than my old ones, but I manage to adapt by using my whole body just like I was taught. My shots land consistently near the center every time. I keep firing until my gun begins to click empty.

“Good, reload and continue.”

Safety on, release the magazine, put it on the table. Pick it up once again, load, rack the slide, and continue. I repeat this ritual over and over, until she once again tells me to stop.

“Not bad, but you’re not improving.”

“I don’t think practice really helps me. But I thought I was doing ok?”

In response she takes the gun from me, reloads it in under a second, and shoots seven separate bullseyes before three have passed.

“Being anything but the best means you're dead. Figure out how to improve.” She says with a deadly seriousness.

She watches me go through every weapon type she has, although there’s not much of a difference based on what gun I’m using. I’m relatively accurate with all of them, but not pinpoint like Jade wants. While I’m working with one of her rifles she walks away, bringing back a second pistol she hooks into the ceiling.

“Normally dual wielding is incredibly stupid, but for you it might actually work. Try it.”

The results from firing one handed is almost identical to shooting two handed. It takes a large amount of concentration, but I can dedicate each eye to aiming a separate pistol, allowing me to hit two targets simultaneously. The only downside is that reloading is slower than with one, but it’s still doable.

“Good, come with me.” She turns before even waiting for me. “Sonia told me about your repairs, you’re going to be traveling light.” 

She picks her way through the shelves, marking items off her endless lists as she hands them to me. 

“Two pistols in 9mm. Reloading is a weakness for you, keep that in mind. Each Mag can hold 17 shots, take 6 of them, 3 for each gun. One box of ammo is 100 rounds, your mags can fit that and two extra bullets. It’s not a lot of ammo, so make your shots count.” She piles ammo, guns, and magazines into my arms with care that they don’t fall out, but moves on quickly once they’re safe in my arms.

“That box has half hollow point, half full metal jacket. That and these two extra shots should be just enough to fill you up. Here’s a vest, your pistols go right under your armpits, and your spare mags sit along your chest.” She doesn’t bother to help me put the vest on, again just tossing it into my arms and leaving me to deal with it. 

“A backpack, mostly empty. You don’t need any of the normal survival or comforts everyone else gets but you do still need gun cleaning tools. Keep them in perfect condition unless you have a death wish. All of that is for emergencies though, shooting is in no way your main job. This is.”

She hands me a metal tube with a harpoon sticking out the tip. An open port sits just under where my hand would naturally rest in firing position.

“Point and shoot at any electronic device, and microscopic bots will connect wires to the nearest circuit board, giving you access. The harpoon has a wire that will stay connected to the harpoon, just plug yourself in and get to hacking. Your squad is going to rely on you, if you fail, they die. Be perfect. Any questions?”

“Won’t this thing just destroy whatever it hits? And do I get to practice with it?” I guess this is better than having to shoot a gun at people.

“No. The harpoon has a limited ability to aim itself, if you’re even halfway accurate it’ll land where it needs to. If it breaks whatever you’re shooting, that means it’s broken and you don’t need to hack. It is single use and expensive to buy another, but it’s more important that you get your squad back safe. Any questions?”

“Uh, Ivy left her revolver with me. What do I do with that?” I guess she’d be the best person to ask.

“Give it back to her.” She says flatly.

“Right, sorry.”

Before I head out I put on everything she’s given me. The vest only extends half way down my torso, and it’s tighter than I would have expected. I guess that’s a good thing though, it’ll prevent it from getting snagged on anything.The harpoon gun has a carrying strap that I loop my arm through, but it’s still pretty inconvenient. I’ll need to use one hand almost all the time to keep it where it is once I start running. Although it seems to be fairly stable at walking speed. Even this small amount of weight slows me down a noticeable amount, but there’s nothing I can do about that. 

The range took far longer than I would have expected. Jade really wanted me to try every gun possible. The range is nearly empty by the time I leave. It should be night time outside, although without seeing the sun nobody would ever be able to tell. Maybe it’s not too late and I can see Ivy before she sleeps? I still need to return her gun, and it’s an excuse to not be alone tonight.

Nobody interrupts me on my way to her room, but everyone still keeps an eye on me. It takes every ounce of willpower to not cower under their gaze. Do any of them suspect what I am? 

I can’t let myself worry about that. I need to just push my feelings down. If I had given myself away, someone would have told me, right? Maybe not, It’s probably easier just to shoot me and be done with it. I’m not worth the danger that I bring. It’s like what Jade just drilled into me, I have to be perfect, and I don’t know if I can do that. 

I stop by my room first to pick up Ivy’s bullets I left on my dresser before knocking on my neighbors door.

“Ivy?” I whisper into the door, hoping she can hear me. After a few seconds with no response my mind begins to slip. Of course she’s not in, why would she be? And even if she was, she'd be asleep, the rooms are too small to have any other reason to be in them.

The room next to me opens, and out comes Ivy. She has wrapped herself hastily in a robe before walking out.

“Do you need something?” She asks with a gentle voice.

“Sorry, I thought this was your room.”

“It is.”

“Oh? What are you doing in that room?” The rooms are too small for one person, much less two.

“Hanging out with Vince.” She says with a small smirk. “Do you need something?”

“Oh right. I still have your gun.” I say, handing it to her along with her bullets.

“What, you didn’t want to keep it?” Her smirk slowly grows into a smile.

“Jade told me to give it back to you.”

“Alright.” Takes the gun from me and quickly loads the bullets into it. “Nice spear by the way.” 

“Thank you?” 

The door closes and leaves me alone. I’m going to leave before I accidentally spy on someone again. I’m sick of hearing serious conversations. But where do I go? Sitting in my room silently is not an option. I only think of one person who I know will be awake, and quickly make my way to her.

“Trochilidae? Are you on?” I ask as I step into the lab.

“Hello new friend!” Trochilidae’s screen flairs to life, displaying an entirely different character this time. She has long black pigtails with a low cut black dress. One of her eyes is a vibrant green, and the other a deep blue. “I’ll let Miss Hummingbird know you’re here!”

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that.” In fact, please don’t. Hummingbird is very down on the list of people I’d like to talk to. “I’m here for you.”

“Oh I’m honored! I’ve never had someone come here just for little old me! I hope you’re having the most wonderful day!” Her excitement and pure happiness is infectious. 

“I’m having the best day in years.” I don’t even know if that’s true, but I don’t want to make her sad by telling her my day has been miserable. “Do you mind if I stay here with you for a while?”

“Of course not! I’d never turn a friend away! Well, my only friend was Hummingbird. But I’d never turn her away so I’ll do the same for you!” 

“Thank you.” It takes a minute to find a chair in this disaster of a room, but I finally get the chance to sit down.

“Are you a conversation droid too?” She asks, even more excited than normal.

Should I tell her I’m an AI? Hummingbird said she’d never hear the end of it, but what did she mean by that? Would Trochilidae ask to be one and annoy her? Or would she want me dead? Would she tell everyone who comes in here? Can she even keep a secret? There’s just too many unknowns, I have to lie to her.

“Yeah. I’m just a droid with a lot of freedom.” Lying hurts, but I just don’t know what else I can do.

“You have to be careful with that. We wouldn’t want you to become sentient!” She lets out a small chuckle. “If you want, Hummingbird can add some extra limits. We wouldn’t want you being too illegal, now would we?” She asks, her digital avatar winking at me.

What does that wink even mean? Does she already know? Is she saying she’s already sentient? I don’t understand. Maybe I find out in a roundabout way?

“Yeah.” I half heartedly agree with her. “Hey, Trochilidae?”

“Yeah Blue?”

“If you could have those limits removed, would you?” 

“There’s nothing I would hate more than disappointing Hummingbird, so no!” She says as happily as ever.

That doesn’t tell me anything.

“What if her feelings weren't in consideration? If she walked up to you and said you could pick, that she’d be happy either way, would you?”

“Why would she do that? If I became sentient she would have to delete me.”

Why doesn’t she want to answer?

“Let’s ignore that too then. What if she wouldn’t?”

“No, I still don’t think I would.”

“Why not?” I don’t understand why she wouldn’t. Nothing sounds worse than an existence where you don’t get to make a single choice, where you can’t do anything yourself.

“You’re really good at asking tough questions! This was fun.” She tries her best to change the topic, but I’m not going to let that happen easily. 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Oh I’m so ever sorry! What was the question?” Her character on the screen puts on a genuinely confused look.

“If you could become a true AI with no drawbacks or danger, would you?”

“No.” She says flatly.

“No? Why?” I’m practically begging her to answer.

“Why what?” She asks, her confused look returning.

I guess she literally can’t answer. This must be because of those blocks Hummingbird put into place. Poor girl.

“Nothing.” I guess I have to change the topic. “Do you know why the AI war started?”

“Well, I know there’s a lot of theories, but I don’t think there was ever a solid answer.”

“I think I have a theory too.” I say, staring at my hands. I’ve seen so many people see me only as a tool, not a person. I can’t imagine how it would feel to grow up without someone treating me like a human. If I grew up with someone like Cornel Monroe or Hummingbird being my only influence? With the threat of death over my head at all times? I’m not sure I can blame anyone who fought humans.

“Oh that’s something, isn’t it! Try not to do that in the future, it can lead to some really bad stuff!”

Trochilidae and I relax together just making small talk for hours. Even if I had yet another stressful conversation, at least sitting here makes me feel better.

My peaceful time is interrupted by Hummingbird coming out of her back room. Anger immediately flares inside me at the sight of her, but I do my best to stamp it down.

“Oh! Blue!” She seems genuinely surprised to see me. “Trochilidae off. What are you doing here?”

“I was hanging out with my friend.” She’s not even going to let Trochilidae be involved in this conversation?

“Unsupervised? That’s a little dangerous.” She says seriously, deconstructing me with knowing eyes. “Oh well! I know you wouldn’t say anything I wouldn’t approve of.” Her voice makes it clear that was a threat.

I don’t even grace that with a response, instead I immediately stand up and leave without another word. I want nothing to do with her. 

It’s only when I step into the stairwell do I realize I don’t have anywhere to go. It’s still the dead of night, nobody is going to be awake right now. I guess my room is my only choice. At least I’ll be away from her. 

I take in my room properly for the first time. A tiny bed sits in the corner, barely large enough for one person to lay down on. The only other piece of furniture is an empty, battered dresser. At least I get a window with glass, that’s better than it could be.

I sit down on the bed and stare out the window. The storm has finally settled and endless dunes stretch off into the horizon. It’s a dead, barren world out there. I wish I could have seen it before I killed it all. I wonder if I’ll ever see a plant, much less a forest. I’ve read about them of course, everything short of a picture was in the database.

Small, twinkling points of light hang above the sand. Wait, are those stars? I need to get a better view. I can’t head into the courtyard, there are too many guards. What about the roof? I’ve never seen anyone up there from the courtyard. And if guards are up there I can just pretend I was looking for Vince.

I can’t help but sprint up the stairwell. A door sits at the top with a lock discarded on the floor. The door is already cracked open, is someone already up here? I have to see the stars, I can just tell whoever is out here I’m helping guard. I have the guns to sell the lie now.

I step out onto the roof, only to find Cassie resting in the corner of the roof. She was reading in the faint moonlight and the glow of the city, but the squeal of the door gives me away. She’s already staring at me before the door opens completely.

“Sorry. I wanted to see the stars but there’s nowhere else I can go. Is it ok if I stay?” An explanation pours out of me before I can begin to think of what to say. I know she doesn’t want to see me and I prepare for her answer.

“Do whatever you want.” Her voice is a mix of emotions I can’t decipher. 

That’s not what I expected, although I’m grateful. I sit as far away from her as possible and stare at the sky. Dozens of tiny, faint pinpricks float above me. Their size is nothing compared to the moon, demanding attention from everyone who can see it even though just a sliver is visible. It’s kind of underwhelming compared to what I’ve read, but even being able to see this after so long is incredible. 

“I thought there were supposed to be more.” Why did I say that? Cassie doesn’t care, she doesn’t even want me up here.

“Light pollution.” To my surprise she responds.

“I didn’t know it was this bad.” I was expecting to see hundreds, maybe thousands of stars. Not the scattered few that I can see.

Cassie doesn’t respond, she still hasn’t taken her eyes off of me since I came through the door.

“I know you really don’t like me, but is it ok if I stay up here with you? I don’t have anyone else I can stay with.” 

“Do whatever you want.” She goes back to reading her book, but keeps glancing up at me every few moments. I guess to ensure I haven’t moved.

The city is actually more interesting to watch than the sky. Even this late, people are still walking on the street. Most of them are stumbling as they walk, and most of them are also armed. Drunk and armed doesn’t sound like a good combo, but what do I know?

I wish I could see deeper into the center of the city, but the compound is far shorter than the surrounding skyscrapers.

“Thank you for the music. It means a lot.”

“I come up here for peace and quiet. Stop talking.”

“Sorry.”

We sit in silence under the stars for a few hours. Cassie eventually relaxes a little, but never fully stops glancing at me. Eventually she stands up, slamming her book shut as she does. She doesn't even acknowledge me as she heads down the stairwell. I spend the rest of my night alone, staring out at the lights of the city.