Born of Silicon

I worm my way through a thousand voices saying a million words. All of them are real people, one of whom I am going to steal from. Who do I even want to sound like? A voice can say so much about a person. I don’t even know who I am, how am I supposed to decide? Let’s start with what I am instead of who I am. I’m an AI, not human. Just like my body, I have to be androgynous.

I spend a few minutes tagging every voice with every descriptor I can think of. Androgynous, masculine, feminine, loud, quiet, aggressive, passive, and a thousand other descriptors. Once I get everything sorted I begin my search.

I quickly realize I don’t have a strong opinion on most of them. I tend to gravitate towards the softer tones, but every one of them would feel just as strange as Finn’s coming from my mouth. Maybe I should just stick with text? Although my new body won’t have a screen on it. I guess I have to pick one. 

Maybe I should at least look at the rest? Starting in the masculine tags they immediately feel even worse. So many of them are gruff, with an underlying hum that’s just horrible. Sure some of them are pleasant enough to listen to, but I wouldn’t pick any of them even if I could.

The feminine voices however, are much nicer. Several of them I could even see myself enjoying. It’s just a shame I can’t pick one. Actually, why am I limiting myself to one? Sure I am supposed to pick something neutral, but why can’t I have a second voice just for myself? Something to whisper to myself when nobody’s around and feel good about it?

I begin to work on my voice. Taking bits and pieces from dozens of voices I slowly construct exactly what I’m looking for. Several times I’m forced to scrap what I’ve done and start again. I want this to be perfect. Quiet and calm, but with a weight and certainty behind it.

It takes entire minutes to finish, but eventually it’s perfect. The sound washes over me, pure and undeniably mine. It smooths out my worries and stress with every syllable. There’s no other way to describe it than perfect. I feel good.

I guess I should work on my public voice then. I spend less than a minute mashing together some of the less egregious voices so I’m at least not directly using someone else's voice. I get it to the point where it’s fine I guess. I can live with it. 

While I was working Kara sat on the ground in front of me and started tinkering with something in her hands. Finn and Simon are at one of their computers, talking and occasionally laughing at something they’re working on. Jared is still sitting at his desk at the corner of the room, still making his way through dozens of papers and working on his computer.

“I’m done.” I announce to the room.

Kara slowly pushes herself to her feet and walks over to my keyboard.

“What’s wrong?” She types.

“Nothing.” I quickly respond. Luckily my normal responses are so quick she won’t be able to tell the difference. “Why?”

“You sound sad.” She says.

“Do I?” I wouldn’t think I had any emotion in my voice. From the little bit I can tell, all the voices that I edited were fairly emotionless. I must have accidentally created that emotion when I made the voice. I pull up another voice in its entirety, I don’t edit it at all and speak. “What about now?”

“Still sad.” Kara types back. 

“Now?” I try another voice.

“No change.”

“This one?”

“Sad.”

What is happening? Every voice that Finn gave me can’t be sad. It must be coming from me, but how? I don’t even know what sad sounds like to imitate it. And I have no idea what to change to hide it.

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s happening. I guess it’s just like this?” 

“Alright, I guess we’ll move on then.” Kara says aloud as she takes a step back. “How about we get you in your new body?”

“Alright.”

“That perked you right up. Are you going to need help shutting down?”

I’m still using the same voice with no changes. How is it less sad?

“I can do it myself. Just turn me off in five minutes.”

“Alright.”

Shutting myself down while angry was already easy, and it’s only easier now. 5 minutes is way too much, and within seconds I’m prepared. At least time doesn't really mean anything when I’m like this.

Soon enough I’m bombarded on all sides with information. My vision and hearing are duplicated, and searing into my brain. 200,000 individual nerves all cry out for attention, as if each and every one is the only important thing I could be paying attention to. I have to solve this now, while I can still think.

Threads wrap tightly around the core of my mind, cutting me off from everything else. This is a temporary solution though, I am already beginning to heat up like this. Whatever timer I was working on has only been extended by a few seconds at most.

I send singular probes out into the chaos to find the sources. They break apart under the endless data, and I send out thicker strands to retrace their steps. 

The threads eventually find a data inlet, and I send out more lines to blockade the information from getting to me. Ears, eyes, and finally, feeling all get shut off at the source.

Slowly I open one of my ears, modifying the data in the same way I did my original microphone. Soon enough it’s under control and I can once again hear.

“Give them some time.” I can hear Kara talking to someone. “Thermals are still good.”

“And you’re sure everything is hooked up right?” Jared asks.

“I’ve checked over two dozen times. I’m sure.”

“Their wavelengths are changing.” Simon announces.

“Is that good or bad?” Jared asks.

“Neither, it just means something’s happening.”

“I’m making progress. Sorry, there’s just a lot of stuff.” My voice is muffled from my closed mouth.

“Take your time.” Finn gently reassures me.

I turn my attention back to one eye, and get it running quickly. It’s weird being somewhere else without moving. I’m hoisted about a foot off the ground and my limp head is staring straight down. I have a body. It’s right there, porcelain white and with only the vaguest hint that I’m more than a mannequin. Something feels wrong about that, but I can worry about it later. I’m not about to complain right after receiving a gift.

Working on the second ear and eye sounds much easier than trying to figure out how feeling works. They both feel like they’re ripping my mind apart whenever I try to use both eyes or ears simultaneously. However, it hurts less each time I try. It seems like It’s just a matter of getting used to using them at the same time.

That’s basically solved, or at least as solved as I can get it, now for the hard part. How do I manage 200,000 separate inputs? The organic part of my mind simply cannot handle that much information at once.

I start by grouping them, I don’t need every individual nerve reporting the temperature. A simple overall average and a few select points on my body can report, and that’s it. That’s already much less data coming in. I can do the same thing for moisture and touch as well. It’s still a little uncomfortable to keep track of everything, but it’s slowly getting better. 

I’ll expand the number of points slowly over time, but for now I’m satisfied. I lower my defenses and experience everything I’ve set up at once. It’s a lot, but manageable.

There’s only one thing left to work on, moving. I move random inputs one at a time, wiggling servos and skin plates back and forth. My arms and legs are connected to the mechanism that has me hoisted into the air and can’t be moved, but I check the range of every other joint in my body one by one. When I accidentally move anything that shakes my vision I get that same pain as last time. It’s not as bad if I go super slowly, but it’s far from pleasant. 

Next comes moving groups of muscles at once. Wiggling my fingers, grabbing the air, holding my head up and slowly looking around. 

“How do you feel?” Finn asks. I look over to him slowly before responding.

“Overwhelmed.”

“Do you need to come out?” Simon stands up with a look that I imagine would be easy to read for anyone else.

“No. I can manage.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” If I couldn’t handle it I’d say so. What’s the point in asking twice?

“Alright, alright. Just making sure.” Simon raises his hands and sits back down.

“Do you want to try walking?” Finn comes jogging up to me excitedly.

“No. Not yet. The world still spins when I move.” I make sure to open my mouth to talk this time. I’ll need to figure out how to mimic the motions of speaking. If I’m in an artificial human body, I should mimic their motions too.

Mimicking them in their entirety means mimicking their faces too. I don’t know how I’m supposed to learn emotions just from the text that is in my mind. A raised eyebrow can mean a question, surprise, concern, and a half dozen other contradictory things.

“Oh right, of course.” Finn responds. 

Like right now, I don’t understand what he’s feeling when he says that. Is he disappointed? Angry? I have no way of knowing.

“Can you unhook one of my arms?” I ask.

“Mm hm.” Kara reaches up and releases a few connections. I was entirely unprepared for how much gravity would pull my arm downwards, but luckily Kara was already prepared for it to drop. She carefully lowers it to my side before giving me some space.

I spend quite a while just touching my body. My skin is smooth and warm, with each plate slightly giving way when touched thanks to the small arm it’s connected to. I can’t believe how seamlessly they connect. It’s impossible to see where one plate ends and the next begins. 

Next I trace my fingers across my face, feeling the shape of my eyes, my nose, my lips. I’ve never actually seen it, but I guess it’s all there. All the scientists' faces look so similar, it’s hard to tell how mine is any different.

The thing that I’m most obsessed with however, is my hair. Bright red, silky smooth hair gently brushes against my shoulders when I move. I’ll never get tired of running my fingers through it. A spike of cool moisture runs down my face. I raise my hand to gently wipe away the small trickle of water. I just sit there watching the light reflect off my now wet finger as I move my hand.

“Sorry.” My voice comes out scarcely louder than a whisper.

“It’s ok. I know it’s a lot.” Kara keeps her voice quiet and soft.

“I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“We know.” Her voice is comforting.

“How do I stop it?”

“Well normally that’d be Mary’s job.” Finn says with a grin on his face.

“Now’s maybe not the time to joke about that.” Simon says to Finn. “Anyway, in humans crying helps to regulate extreme emotions. It’s very likely that’s happening to you too, although I’m surprised you’re showing such a human emotion without being taught it.”

“So it’s ok for me to cry?”

“Yes! Of course!” Finn cries out.

“Ok.”