Born of Silicon

I guess I can worry about who Jessica is later. Humans need a lot of sleep and I’m almost certain Kara hasn’t been getting enough. 

How do I burn time until Kara wakes up? The few hours that I’ve been conscious for have felt so long. Having all that time again to myself is too much. Just sitting here alone quietly is nice, but I’m not sure if I could do it for more than a few hours. 

I feel like I already have a pretty good grip on moving, I don’t really need to practice that anymore. All of the scientist's computers are locked up securely, except for Kara’s laptop of course. I can’t mess with that though, right? Not without her permission, and I’m not going to wake her up to get it.

Well, if I use it to help Kara with the project she’s been working on, that’s probably ok. If she’s wasting her time working on me, it’s the least I can do to make it up to her. I do know a lot about how electronics work, I just need to find some schematics for whatever this was originally in.

Upon opening up Kara’s laptop I’m confronted with a login screen. What would she use as a password? Jessica? Nope. 

I’m definitely too young for her password to be anything related to me. How am I already out of guesses?

There is another thing I could try, I have a USB wire in my wrist that I could plug in. No idea how that would actually work, but it’s worth a try.

The second I connect myself to the computer I find my mind being ripped apart into two existences. One is the physical world. The other digital, similar to the world I first found myself in but far more hectic. My mind has to grapple with the endless data that isn’t my own.

My mind can’t handle both existences at the same time, and I’m forced to plug the stream of data from my physical body. It leaves me blind and deaf, but at least the pain stops.

The pure data is hard for even me to parse. Every thread of data has to be processed and dissected to figure out what it is, and while I work I miss a dozen different things. Instead, I slowly begin to morph the data into something familiar. Each aspect of this computer’s code is slowly shaped into its own object, molded into something mimicking the physical world I’m more familiar with.

The login screen becomes a door, security systems become walls and a roof. Obvious weak points become windows. As I work I begin to notice vulnerabilities I never would have noticed from the pure code. Easy ways into the computer manifest themselves as holes in the walls. 

When I finish, in front of me lies a decaying house. The front door still looks firmly installed, but the walls around it are full of holes. What’s the point of putting a password on your laptop when there are so many glaring security flaws?

My body in this digital world is different from the physical. I’ve shifted from mannequin-like to an actual mannequin. My body is hollow, made of smooth plastic. I’m just a featureless nobody. I hate it enough that it almost makes me leave, but I came in with a goal, I need to see it through.

I carefully maneuver my way through one of the holes, trying not to make her security any worse. Inside is nearly as ruined as the outside. Hundreds of pieces of paper are strewn across the floor and stuffed roughly into cabinets. Nearly all of them are scattered, half finished projects. If I’m hacking in, I can at least organize things for her.

Let’s start with creating an archive. Anything that hasn’t been accessed in over a year can be organized in their own folder. Every scattered file can be moved with just a passing thought and it only takes a few seconds to get everything moving. My only bottleneck is that the computer’s hard drive is maddeningly slow. I spend so long just waiting for files to move from the floor to the shelf.

Next I organize active projects by category. Software, hardware, writing, and art go in their own individual categories. All completed projects can be grouped together, but still in their own categories as well. There are a few projects that defy any attempt at categorizing them, but I guess that makes a natural group for them.

By the time I’m done her computer is looking much much better. I guess I might as well patch up those security holes while I’m at it. Weaving threads of code into patches for the holes takes a while, but by the end I’m confident it’d be hard to burst through. It’s very obviously a patch job, but it’s effective and I’m the only one who has to see it. I’m certain a specialized worm would be able to squeeze past, but it’ll stop your average attack.

Much better. And even better is that thanks to my organization, it only takes a moment to find the schematics for my original goal. Kara’s convinced there’s a way to flash the ROM and get her game running, but with my current knowledge of how electronics work I just can’t see an obvious way to do it. This laptop doesn't even have an internet connection for me to learn from. Although that’s maybe a good thing, Finn put a lot of papers in my mind about misinformation and danger on the internet.

A tap on my shoulder causes me to jump. I look around frantically for the culprit, but it’s just me in this empty room. It’s only when a second tap follows up that I realize I’m focusing on the wrong body. I block out the data from my digital self and return to the physical world. I scramble to unplug myself, even though it’s already too late to hide what I did.

“Having fun, Blue?” Kara asks once she finally sees me moving.

She looks much better than when she first fell asleep. My internal clock says I spent 5 hours in there. Did organizing really take that long? How can anyone survive with such a slow hard drive?

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

“It’s alright.” she lets out a small chuckle and drags her laptop back towards her. “What all did you do?”

“Well, I was originally going to help with your doom thing, but your laptop was a bit of a disaster. I organized everything for you and patched a few glaring security holes.”

“Well, I appreciate the second part, but I guess this is a learning opportunity.” She slides her laptop over to herself to check what I’ve done. “I’m not mad, but some people are really touchy about that sort of thing. Just make sure you ask next time, alright?”

“Ok. Sorry.” I should have known that was a dumb idea, why did I even do it? Even when I’m not looking at them, I can feel her eyes boring into me. Sure she says she’s not mad, but how do I even begin to guess if she’s telling the truth?

“Hey,” she leans down to try to get into my vision. “Don’t say sorry.”

“But-”

“But nothing.” Kara cuts me off before I can argue. “You’re a child, now’s the best time to make mistakes. That’s the best way to learn.”

“Then why do I feel so bad?”

“Recent mistakes hurt more. Don’t worry, only the biggest mistakes stick with you.” Even I can see regret and sadness paint her face for just a moment before she hides it.

“How do you know that’s how it works for me? I don’t think I can forget things. Memories are stored in my chip, and I don’t have direct access to it.”

“I’m not sure how it works exactly, you’ll have to ask Simon about that. Even if you don’t though, you’ll learn to live with it.”

“But how can you know that? What if you’re just lying to get me to be quiet?” My mind takes that possibility and runs with it, spiraling into panic. Kara’s voice brings me back to reality.

“Blue.” Kara lets out a large sigh before continuing. Her eyes stay glued to her hands as she talks. “I learned years ago that lying is never worth it. Sure, it makes things easier in the short term, but in the long term? Things always end up worse.” Silently, she turns her focus back to reshaping my plates. “I’ll never lie to you.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“Nothing I want to relive.” She still keeps her eyes anywhere other than on me.

Part of my mind itches, waiting for an answer that will never come. That itch begins to grow, twisting into baseless guesses. Though I can keep the guesses to a minimum, the itch remains, slowly morphing into a burning need to know. 

I shouldn’t push it. The facts in my mind tell me people are allowed to have secrets and are allowed to not share for any reason. The longer I don’t ask, the stronger the burning gets. It’d be bad to ask but I just can’t stop myself.

“I need to know.” The words rush out of my mouth against my will.

“No, you don’t Blue. The lesson doesn’t change if I tell you. All that me telling you does is make us both feel bad. Trust me, drop it. Please.” 

I can see moisture welling up in the corner of her eye. I don’t want to hurt her and I’m not even sure I want to know. That doesn’t stop the burning though. 

“I’m not sure if I’m capable of dropping it. My mind is screaming for an answer, it’s only getting worse every moment I don’t have an answer. I’m sorry.”

“You’re going to have to learn. Life is full of unanswerable questions.”

“I know that, and none of those questions hurt. I think the difference is that I know there’s an answer here. I don’t know how to handle that.” I want to let it go so badly. Why can’t I control my own mind? Why am I like this?

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll write my story in a letter, and give it to you in a year.”

“After you’re gone.” I hate that I have to say that as a statement and not a question.

“Mm hm. Hopefully by then you’ll have learned not to open it.”

That’s not a perfect solution, but it at least quenches my burning desire. I can live with that.

“Ok. Sorry.”

It seems like Kara has nothing more to say. I guess I don’t either. So much for having time to relax. This conversation was way more stressful than anything I’ve done with the others. Actually, I’d rather have this lesson again rather than whatever Mary thought was a good idea.

It takes a while before Kara speaks up for the first time.

“Stand up.” She grabs the plates she’s been working on and stands up. “Is it alright if I touch you?”

“Yeah.” I stand up and raise my arm, giving her access to my side. 

“Hmm.” She seems unhappy with something when she tries to line up the plates up on my waist.

“What’s wrong?” From my perspective it looks like it’s seamless.

“I just need to adjust the arms.” She pulls out a screwdriver from nowhere and gets to work. “Luckily I made you pretty modular, it should be super easy to change.”

It’s really weird to have her working on my insides. I’m already so used to feeling when something touches me. The fact I can’t feel anything with my plates missing is weird. My sense of touch returning as she reconnects them is equally weird.

“Can you feel this?” She taps gently on my side.

“Yeah.”

“How about moving them?”

I slide the plates out of the way without any issue. Kara looks happy with her work, and only a few minutes later she gets my other side reconnected as well. 

“What do you think?”

I run my hands down my side, slowly taking in the shallow curve. It’s not much of a change, but it makes a world of difference. I don’t know how to describe it, it just feels good. Like it should have been this way the whole time. I have to fight to keep tears from welling in my eyes once again.

“It’s really good. Thank you.” Even if I can keep my tears from spilling, my voice betrays exactly how I feel.

“Good. I need some more parts to adjust anything else, but I’ll buy what I need in the morning.”

“Wait, you have to pay for it?” I can’t make her do that for me.

“Yeah, this lab is already a few million over budget. No way in hell Jared is signing off on non-essential purchases.”

“You don’t have to do that! I’m ok like this, really!” 

“Remember what I said about lying?” Her eyes pierce straight through my lies, straight through me. “Besides, I’m free to spend my money however I want. I want to spend it on this. 

“Ok.” I can already tell there’s no sense  arguing with her. 

“Alright Blue, I think it’s about time to get you to bed. Jared will be coming in before too long.”

“Ok.”

Kara wordlessly gets me strapped into my station.

“Goodnight, Blue.”

“Goodnight.”