Death is a Girl

Chapter 77 - Anna GPS

“Okay, cup your hands,” Hilda said as she pinched a few strands of the brown hair and started rolling it between her fingers until it balled up. Morrigan watched, almost hypnotized by the process, as the hair became shorter until it disappeared between Hilda’s two fingers.

“Now, concentrate on your mom. Put not just an image in your mind but the sound of her voice, her demeanor, body language… as complete a picture as you can make of her.”

Morrigan exhaled softly as she closed her eyes. A complete picture of her mom… What would that be? Well, when she thought about it, the first image that crossed her mind would be her mom passed out on the couch, barely clothed, with beer bottles everywhere. It was like that even when Morrigan was a little girl. Very vividly, she could remember coming through the front door, her bookbag strapped to her back, and just staring at her. She didn’t understand much back then, but she did understand she didn’t have a normal parent.

Morrigan tried to shake off that image and then tried to think of her mom’s voice. What came to mind were all the time they yelled at each other. One memory that stuck out was when it was dark and raining. She had visited a friend’s house, and her mom was supposed to pick her up, but Morrigan realized far earlier in the day that she had forgotten. Too embarrassed to explain this to anyone, Morrigan just hid down the street and waited. When her mom finally remembered and showed up, they spent the entire car ride home yelling at each other.

Another time, they were in the living room, and Morrigan snapped at her.

Why can’t you just act like an adult for once! Morrigan had shouted, her young teenage voice breaking with anger.

What do you know about being an adult? her mother slurred, her eyes bloodshot and unfocused. You’re just a kid.

I’m not just a kid! I have to take care of everything around here because you’re always too drunk to do anything!

And which one of us is paying the bills again? You’re not the one keeping the water and lights on!

Her mom always loved using that as a defense. Any time Morrigan tried to correct her on anything she always held that over her.

Morrigan sighed and opened her eyes. Hilda frowned as she held an amulet on a chain above her folded hands. It was supposed to have some kind of magical reaction by now, but nothing was happening.

“I… don’t think this is working,” Morrigan said. She glanced over to Emma who was leaning against a tree as she watched, also frowning.

“Right… well, let’s walk for a second,” Hilda said. “Tell me a little about your mom.”

“I don’t know,” Morrigan said as the three girls walked through the park. Everything was so alive around them. The trees and grass were lush and green. There was a soft wind, and somewhere in the distance, children screamed excitedly as they played. This was the same park where Morrigan had performed her first reaping—Momo, the cat.

Morrigan took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “My mom’s always been… kind of bad at being a mom. She’s always drinking, always passed out on the couch, or just flat out not home. She barely takes care of the house, outside of going on a cleaning spree once in a while when it gets too chaotic. She wasn’t good about making dinners and stuff, even when I was little, so I usually had to figure that stuff out on my own.”

Hilda nodded, listening intently. “It sounds like you had to take on a lot of responsibility.”

“Yeah,” Morrigan said. “We fought a lot because I wanted her to be better, but she never listened.”

Emma, walking slightly behind them, spoke up. “That must have been really hard, Morrigan. But… hmmm…” Emma hesitated, then continued, “But there must have been good times too, right? I mean… it doesn’t sound like you hate her, and she wasn’t outright abusive, was she?”

“No… she wasn’t,” Morrigan admitted. Her mom never once laid a hand on her, even at her worst. “But, is that really enough? Aren’t parents supposed to… I don’t know.”

“I get it,” Hilda said. “Sounds like your mom didn’t exactly have her shit together. I never heard anything about your dad either, so I’m guessing she was a single parent?”

Morrigan nodded. “My dad died of an overdose when I was only three. I don’t know much about him.”

“Damn, I didn’t know that part,” Emma said. “I’m sorry.”

“Also… she became pregnant with me when she was only sixteen… so there’s that too.”

Hilda nearly choked on her drink. “What? Sixteen? But that’s how old the two of you are now!”

“Yeah… she had me just shortly after turning seventeen, and I guess she didn’t have much in the way of support either. I didn’t really realize that until recently.”

“Is that why you care about her despite her shortcomings?” Emma asked.

“I really don’t know. I guess I just feel like, as much as she fell short on raising me, she did try. I know it’s bare minimum, but she was still there…” Morrigan felt her eyes stinging again as she thought about the bathroom and all of the blood. She stopped walking and stifled a sob as the reality of the situation caught up with her again. Her mom tried to commit suicide, and for all she knew, her mom would actually die. Now, she wasn’t able to find her because she couldn’t even hold an image in her head long enough without getting angry for the spell to work.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Emma said, hugging her from behind and putting her chin on her shoulder. Morrigan accepted the embrace without getting tense, for once, and she softly cried. Not bawling, she had already spent all of the loud sobs she had to spare in her, but she shuttered softly as she cried.

“Morrigan,” Hilda said softly. “Let’s try the spell again.”

“What’s the point? I can’t do it! Why can’t I just stop thinking about all the bad times!”

“It’s part of being human… but… Tell you what, let’s try again, and think about last Christmas. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. Just think about how that day went, okay?”

Hilda started over with a new strand of Anna’s hair, then dropped it into Morrigan’s cupped hands and held the amulet above them. Morrigan closed her eyes as she thought about it. She remembered coming down the stairs in her pajamas. Her mom was snoring on the couch, but they did have a small tree with a few presents under it. Morrigan remembered staring at it, and briefly feeling guilty because she didn’t get anything for her mom in return.

So, she went into the kitchen and made coffee for when her mom would eventually wake up. Morrigan didn’t like coffee herself, but her mom did. She then made some instant pancakes, and by the time she finished plating the second batch, her mom slogged her way into the kitchen.

She rubbed her eyes and yawned, seeming surprised but pleased. “What’s this?” she asked, her voice rough from sleep.

“I made breakfast,” Morrigan responded. “Uh… Marry Christmas.”

Her mom smiled as she walked over to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup. “Thanks. Don’t know if you saw, but I got a few things for you.”

“Yeah, I saw.”

“We’ll open them after we eat.” Her mom grabbed a pack of cigarettes off the counter and started to slip one out, but she paused. She then returned it to the pack, set it down, and walked back to the table with her coffee.

As Hilda began to chant, Morrigan focused on that moment. Her mom across the table from her, looking a bit groggy but with a genuine smile that touched her eyes.

As for her presents, it wasn’t much, but her mom did put some thought into it. One box had sewing supplies, most of which were things she already had or wouldn’t be able to make much use of anyway, but others she could. The next box was filled with clothes. Her mom said, “Figure anything you don’t like you can just tear it up and use for material or something. I don’t know much about that stuff, but I hope you like it.”

“Thanks mom, its great,” Morrigan said, surprised her mom actually put some thought into it. It was all cheap, Morrigan could tell they were either grabbed from good will or even church donations, but her mom at least made an effort, and she appreciated it.

When Morrigan opened her eyes, the amulet was glowing softly and pulling clearly to one side.

“Ha! Got it!” Hilda cheered, but then she quickly sobered when she saw Morrigan’s wistful frown.

Morrigan then felt Emma rubbing her back as a tear rolled silently down her cheek. “It… worked?” Morrigan asked.

“Yup,” Hilda said as she dropped the amulet into a small sack and held it towards Morrigan.

Morrigan put the hair in, and when she held it by the string she saw the bag still pulling in that one direction. “So… this is pointing towards my mom?”

“Yup. Now, let’s get you to the hospital.”

***

They arrived at the same hospital that Morrigan had become far too familiar with in her three months as a reaper.

“Are you sure you’re okay going alone?” Emma asked.

“Yeah.” Morrigan gave her a soft smile. “It’ll only make it riskier if both of us sneak in… Noir, are you still here?”

“Indeed,” his deep voice answered, and he appeared sitting in the front passenger seat.

“Alright,” Morrigan said, taking a deep breath as Emma squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Let’s do this.”

She stepped out of the car and felt the all too familiar tug of anxiety pulling at her heart. She looked down to see Noir walking alongside her, then made her way through the front door into the lobby. She ignored the front counter, knowing Noir’s perception blocking would prevent anyone from seeing her and walked past the seating area where several patients waited their turn.

Morrigan figured her mom would be in the intensive care unit, and thanks to working as a reaper she knew exactly how to get there.

She came up to a door that would normally need to be buzzed open but used her skeleton key to get through. Once she was in the long, bland hallway with an occasional doctor or nurse rushing up or down, she pulled out the small pouch Hilda had given her and held it by the string. It pulled straight down the hall, so she followed it, watching closely for any shifts in its angle that would clue her to which room her mom was in.

She heard a loud, pained moan come from one room as she walked past, and at another point, a doctor crossed her path without a moment of attention to the strange girl in the black hoodie who was holding a pouch in front of her like a diving rod.

Finally, as they neared the end of the hall, the Anna GPS (or Mom GPS?) started to pull slightly more to the right. As Morrigan approached the next door, it pulled hard towards it, and she knew this was the room. She returned it to her hoodie pocket and took a deep breath as she placed her hand on the doorknob.

She was frozen for a moment, taking a second to steel herself. She didn’t know what she would find behind this door. Maybe her mom would be in not great shape, but recovering and looking healthy. Maybe she would be unconscious and on death’s door.

Morrigan’s memory flashed back to the bathroom, to how impossibly bloody it was. How it felt like no human should be capable of making that much of a mess. But, her mom was alive. She knew that, and she knew she had to go give her some support.

Finally, she turned the knob and stepped inside.

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