DxD : Emiya Shirou

That is why I have always dreamed of seeing the world. Even after I had been discovered as the bearer of Twilight Healing and taken to the Vatican I still dreamt of it. 

Even though they told me the good book is all I needed, I still believed to find God I must look for him out in the world and not in a church run by men.

...

She lowered her sights and looked at the park around us. "I mean look at this, look at this world. To me it's a wonder to behold, a treasure to explore, I never could understand how people can go on living their lives without just stopping and staring at it all the time. 

Look at how everything in the world fits together just right, at how everything need to work in tandem with one another to function, from the smallest ant to the largest mountains. How can someone gaze upon this world and not see that someone had a hand its design. "

"This world is so hideous yet so very beautiful; a world full of painful screams yet filled joyful laughter. Something like this cannot be made by mere chance. 

That is why I believed in the existence of God. Not because of a priest that tells me it so or because of a book that is a copy of another book that is a copy of another commands me to believe. I believe because I look upon the world and see him reflected within it.

"I truly believe that the best way to know God, that to learn of him you must not look through the pages of a book or the words of a sermon, but by traveling and experiencing his world. I wanted to see world itself, to learn of all of his creations that live within it so I can understand him more.

"Those were the thoughts that plagued me as I looked out of my window every morning. That God cannot be found within the covers of a book no matter how holy but can only be found out there in his world. Out past those glass windows and beyond the gates of the Vatican."

She looked back towards Kokabiel. "And those people that stood beside me in the church were not believers of god, not really, not in the way it mattered. Oh they said all the right things but the words out of their mouth did not match their actions. 

In one line they told us to love one another for we are all God's children, while the in next they spew words of hatred and reject those who are not like us. To turn the other cheek and forgive but then they punish any that defies them with an iron fist. 

They tell us that God loves all his children but then say he hates those who are not Christian or do not come to mass or, and here is the most important bit, are not generous enough to donate to the church.

"And that was not even the worst of the lot. Many among them didn't even care about God only pretended to for the power and influence it will grant them. As they back-stabbed and lied to one other in order to make their way up the ranks of the Church. 

The moment that I discovered that the inner workings of the Church, something that I had believed in to be run by the just and good, resembled a politic battle than anything I had imagined it to be was one of the most shocking experience in my life.

"Those people, they didn't understand that what they were doing wasn't religion. Religion is the relation between an individual and God. It was a one on one connection, and it is between just the two of them and no one else. 

No man, no priest has the right to get between them or say whether a person is good or bad in the eyes of the Almighty. 

Or to choose whether you are going to Heaven or Hell. Only God can decide that but they claim to speak in his name as if God had personally walked down from the gates of heaven and appointed them as his voice."

Asia lifted her beer to lips and took several long swallows before continuing. "All the while I was trapped among them. I was a teenager when I first realized that they didn't care for me. 

That all of their kind smiles and praises was nothing but methods to control me, like giving a dog a treat when they did good to train them how to behave. It was then that I knew that they didn't see me as a person or an individual, but a tool. One too important to ever let go of. I was nothing but a caged bird and didn't know it till then."

"Ah, but don't get me wrong here." She waved her hands at us. "It's not like they were all bad, there were plenty of good people in the church. The nuns and fathers in the catholic orphanage was filled with the most wonderful people I have ever met. It's just that," she lowered her hands.

"well, not in the place where I was later taken to when they discovered I was the bearer of Twilight Healing. The Vatican is not a place people reach by being humble and modest after all. Most of the ones that rule there have more in common with politicians than true priests.

"It was then a question entered my mind, 'What am I doing here?'. I knew God could not be found in these tainted halls so why am I even here? Then that was followed by 'I want to leave, I want to leave this place'. Not the service of God but the Church. I haven't lost even a shred of my faith in my beliefs, not then or now, just my faith in the Church.

"But I knew I could not simply leave, that they would not allow me. After all, who will set free the goose that lays the golden egg simply because it wishes to fly? The preachers may tell the masses to be generous and do good, but no one had ever accused them of practicing what they preach."

"Then an opportunity appeared before me. It was as if God himself sent down a miracle to set me free from my prison. But it was not an Angel that God sent to save me but a Devil. 

It happened when I was walking in a nearby park to the hospital that I was working that day, one of many that was owned by the Church. He fell from the sky and landed practically on my feet in a pile of wings and blood, pleading for my help."

Asia shook her head, "And here I thought that Devils were supposed to be excellent liars. I only needed a single glance to tell that the Devil was faking. I am a healer after all and it was easy for me to tell a real wound from a self-inflicted one. I have been called naïve before but no had ever accused me of being stupid.

"Why would he ask me, a nun, for help when there was a hospital half a mile away? Why would he not bother to hide his true form but instead have his wings out in the open so that no one that laid their eyes upon him would doubt what he was? It was clear that he wanted to use me, for what purpose I did not know. In the end it didn't matter as I quickly realized that this was my chance to be free, so I decided to use him instead.

"It was incredibly easy too, I didn't even have to do a thing. The Devil must have somehow set the whole thing up for I had scarcely begun to heal him when one of the priests walked in on us. You would not believe the amount of uproar that soon followed and, well to keep a long story from becoming even longer I was excommunicated.

"Oh several people tried to get me to stay and offered to cover the scandal up, some who genuinely wanted to help me, others who just wanted to keep their Holy Maiden, while others who wanted … favors in return. I declined them all of course, this was what I wanted after all."

Asia sat up and shot us both a beaming smile. "At last I was free! Free to explore world and its wonders, to finally experience it rather than that watch it go by through the windows of an empty room. 

I walked out of the church with a skip in my step and a smile on my lips as I began my journey to discover God…then I found out that God was dead." Then she slumps back into the bench. "Well, Shit!"

I could not explain why but both Kokabiel and I broke out laughing at that.

"Surprisingly that was my reaction as well." She flashed us a weary smile, "When I realized that God was dead, I laughed. I just laughed and laughed at the absurdity of it all. 

In the end after all my efforts, despite my most fevered of wishes the one that I was looking for, that I wanted to meet so very much has already been gone long ago." She looked down into her beer can for a moment before she took another swing from it.

A gentle hand griped her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. She raised her head to find Kokabiel looking down at her with an equal mixed of understanding and sorrow.

"And what about now?" He inquired, "Now that you are aware that God is gone, have you surrendered your faith?"

"No." There was no hesitation, no give in her words. The look she gave the Fallen as she stared back into his eyes had more than a little steel in them. 

"It makes no different whether he is here with us or not. I did not follow God for his strength or the promised rewards in the afterlife. I bent my knee and prayed to him to thank him for his kindness, for the love he gave us though we may not have been worth it at times.

"I followed him because I believed that his words, the message and teachings he bestowed upon us, are true. To do good even when it is hard. Be kind to others even when there is nothing to gain to from it. 

Help a stranger as you would a brother. Tell no lies even if the truth is a difficult burden to bear. To love and forgive one another, even when it is easier to hate. And above all else, remember, to always have kindness.

"I pray to him not because he is a God but because he is a kind God, one that tries to teach to love one another. And God's passing, no matter how tragic it may be, has made his words no less true."

It is easy to forget sometimes how strong this girl was. That behind her somewhat goofy exterior lays a person who lived a hard life yet still has the strength to face each day with a smile.

For the first time since I had met him did I see Kokabiel lose his composure as he stared wide eyed and astounded at Asia, his jaw hanging slightly open in his surprise. For a while he said nothing as he just stared at her. Then he threw his head back and laughed.

It echoed through the park like the ringing of bells and warmed me as if sunlight was shining upon my soul. It was a pure thing, like a child's first smile or the warmth of mother's embrace.

"You," He beamed down at Asia with more joy that it would have made even the most jaded of men smile at the sight, "are one of the most remarkable people I have ever met. Truly remarkable. At first I had wondered if you were like Shirou but no, I was wrong. You're not like him at all. You're like me!" He laughed again.

"Though we are both forever barred from wandering through Heaven's halls we still follow him. Even though your soul was stained with your resurrection, just like my wings were with my fall, you still haven't lost a shred of your faith. No, perhaps it has even grown stronger."

He shook his head in wonderment, "Truly, it is a shame that you two never met. I'm sure Father would have adored you. He had always feared that people had only followed him because of his might not out of their own desires. 

To know that someone would still choose to believe in him even though he no longer has anything to offer would have brought him nothing but unmatched joy."

Asia shot him a cheerful little smile at that, "That is perhaps the greatest complement you could have given me." She took another swing from her beer only to pause, confused. She lifted the beer can to eye level and peered inside. "Well it looks like I'm out of beer." She said before tossing the can into a nearby garbage bin.

She hopped out of the bench and gave us a wave, "I guess I'll take that as a sign that I've had enough for the day." She began to make her ways out of the park but not before calling out over her shoulder. "Now don't be a stranger Kokabiel. I expect you visit me whenever you're in the neighborhood, ok?"

Kokabiel shook his head sadly at her. "No, I apologize but I don't think we'll ever meet again. No matter how things play out it is unlikely that I will have much more time left to live." Then he smiled back at her, "Still, though it was just a onetime meeting I am truly grateful for the chance to get to know you."

Asia paused in her tracks, swiveled in place and narrowed her eyes as she stared at Kokabiel. The look she was giving him reminded me of the ones that Griselda had given me. Then her expression softened before turning to one that held an equal mix of sorrow and understanding. "Ah…I see. Well in that case be sure to die with a smile on your face, it'll be too sad an ending otherwise."

He graciously lower his head, "Now that is a promise I can keep."

Spinning in her spot again she resumed her journey, "It was fun meeting you Kokabiel." She waved with one last look behind her, "I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers."

As she walked away I saw her clasp her hands together and say "Dear heavenly father thank you- OUCH! Oh come on! Will you cut that out already, it's getting pretty old. Not to mention petty. What happen to all that forgive and forget crap you kept going on about?"

Kokabiel shook his head at the sight, "Remarkable," he turned to face me, "how did you ever find one like her?"

"I didn't find her, she found me." At his inquisitive expression I elaborated. "I had just finished returning some lost children to their parents when she just walked up to me in the middle of the street and straight out asked me if I had any Evil Pieces. When I said yes she asked me to make her a part of my Peerage."

"And you just accepted? Without even knowing who she was?"

"I just asked her why she wanted to join my Peerage and she answered 'To be happy'." I shrugged, "What could I do after that but accept."

"You didn't know she had a Sacred Gear did you?"

I shook my head, "Nope."

Again he smiled at me and it was as if the world had become a better place because of it. "See, this is why I can't help but like you two. No, why I like humans. 

You'd never meet people as foolish nor wonderful as you two in any other race." He lost his smile, "It is also why it's so sad to see so many of humanity's greatest lose themselves to the Devil kind."

"And what is so bad about being reincarnated as a Devil if they do so willingly?" While I had a feeling I knew why, I wanted to make sure.

He looked at me with knowing eyes that was filled with sorrow because of it. "Did you think that there was no to price to pay to becoming a Devil?" he questioned.

"That you merely gain a pair of bat-wings, some magic and that was it?"

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