Fantasia: I Am the Dungeon

A dark tunnel and a light at the end.

The light grows and covers Jimbo's field of vision.

Slowly opens his eyes and lets out a yawn. He stretches and senses that lying on a hard, ridged surface. Strangely, he feels no physical or mental discomfort. Despite having his last memories blurred, Jim is as light as a feather, and he might even say that he has never felt better in life. His hand reaches to check the alarm clock, but he only manages to catch air and the smile disappears from the face.

Something is wrong.

He squints and looks at his hand. Where once there was flesh, now there was a strange, fluctuating, semi-transparent white energy, covered by a rainbow aura whose hues vary with Jim's emotions. In this situation, the aura is tinged with yellows and greens of panic and surprise.

Jim screams, stands up, and tries to move, but collides with the semi-transparent white entity in front of him, and then with the one behind him. To the left and right his path is also sealed off, by railings. The marble and gold escalator ascends through clouds of pastel shades.

"What's going on? Where am I?" Jim exclaims as he pats his body up and down. He wears no clothes and has no genitals, just like the hundreds of creatures glimpsed as he stretches around.

Jim has become a figurine of energy, like white fire contained in a small, circular, humanoid container. It might almost look like a stuffed animal or a new pokémon. 

The entity behind him gave a tired, sleepy-eyed look.

"Relax, boy" The voice is masculine and slightly deep, perhaps belonging to a teacher or a military man. "At this point none of your worries matter anymore. Just enjoy the ride. Look, we're near the end," he adds, pointing with his chubby hand.

"Are you an alien? Did the aliens abduct me? Don't hurt me, I'm on your side!"

A feminine laugh startles Jim, it comes from the entity in front of him, one of lesser height than the rest.

"You still don't realize it, do you?" asks the small entity with an amused smile.

"Realize what...?" Jim continues lost.

"How do I put it in words that avoid hurting your sensibilities...?" The little girl questions with a hand near what used to be her chin, and then exclaims, arms flailing, "You're dead! Finished! It's over! The end! Your infinite universe has become finite! Game Over!"

Jim's aura darkens. Trembling, he shakes the head in rejection of this information. In response the entities come clean with him.

"My name is Mary. I just turned 16 when I died after slipping on a banana. In my defense, it was a cloudy day"

"I'm Gustavo, I'm 32... I died in an armed robbery when I was leaving a class at the university"

"Well, I don't remember dying! This has to be a mistake!" Jim exclaims, leaning over the railing and tempted to jump into the cloud sea. "A mistake, yes. This can't be happening. God, no! I'm not even a believer!"

Despite Jimbo's endless complaints, the ladder continues to advance. The top is not connected to anything, and for a few seconds looks like Mary will fall into the void. A light beam breaks through the clouds, illuminates Mary and lifts her up to vanish into the clouds.

The steps move once more and now Jim stands where Mary was a few seconds ago. He tries to make way between the souls, but Gustavo prevents him and pushes back to the place.

"Calm down, boy"

"How do you expect me to calm down?!"

"I know it's complicated, but I'm sure we'll get the answers up there"

"I don't want answers! I want to go home! At least...! At least let me clear my Internet history!"

"I doubt that's possible"

The light beam falls again. Jimbo's soul rises. He barely tries to hold on to Gustavo's hands, but Gustavo lets go.

"Son of a biiiiiiiiiiiitch!"

Jim's voice is heard farther and farther away, until it disappears.

The clouds disperse.

Jim shakes the head, and as he feels solid ground stands up. In front of him is a plain-looking white wooden desk. Taking a seat behind the desk is a tall, gray-bearded man, dressed in a humble red robe, a halo floating above his head. Behind the tall man lie railings and two doors, one gold and one silver, both with pearly arches. The man gives Jim the kindest, most understanding smile Jim has ever seen. Jim shudders and stammers, remembering some cartoons from his childhood where this just happens.

"St. P-Peter?"

The saint nods.

"Do you know all those times I cursed and used God's name in vain...? Just a joke"

The saint lets out a soft laugh. His voice is soothing, it makes Jim calm down a little. The old man opens the book on the desk and glances at the first few pages.

"It looks like life in the orphanage was hard for you, son. But with study, effort, and one or two well-taken opportunities, you managed to emerge"

"St. Peter, look, I'm sure this is a big mistake," he says and approaches the desk. "I'm sure I went into a coma from the thrill of my overwhelming victory, but I can't be dead. Please, talk to God, or Christ, or even Zeus if necessary, and take me back home. To thank you for the favor I promise to go to Mass every Sunday"

The saint's expression becomes contemplative and he looks at the final page of the book.

"Fire"

"What?"

"You died in a fire in your apartment. A sad accident"

"I don't remember that!"

"Letting you forget is one of heaven's blessings, son. I doubt it will do you any good to reminisce about those last moments"

Jim lowers the head and looks at his hands, while St. Peter continues to read the book. Jimbo pinches himself, bangs his head, but neither feels pain, nor wakes up. He repeats under breath that is a dream or a hallucination, but as the minutes add up, he understands that the nightmare is true. His life ended in such a horrible way that he can't even remember how it ended.

"I'm dead... Fuck"

With the colors of his aura darkened, Jimbo raises face to the Heaven's Guardian to receive sentence. The tall man points to a line in the book and frowns.

"It appears here that you masturbated, Jimbo. I guess you'll have to spend eternity in hell"

Jimbo's aura pales and he almost feels as if his soul will break in two. St. Peter's expression softens and laughs.

"It's a prank. We don't so much look at the act, but at the focus. We are more flexible than you think"

"So I'm not going to hell?" Jim is still very stiff and scared.

"It depends... Is your name Nicolás Maduro, by any chance?"

"No. I don't even know who he is"

"In that case you'll be fine. Hell is only for wicked souls, Jimbo. Dangerous souls who have caused, directly or indirectly, much evil, corruption, or pain, with nothing to redeem them. However, I can't allow you to enter heaven either... After evaluating your background, I feel it is best for you to return to the reincarnation cycle"