Chapter 103: This is Almost Messed Up
The next day, Lynn invited me and Dust to a hotel. It's a pretty decent hotel in the middle of a city. Not the kind a noble would use but a perfect one to meet up with people.
Dust told me to go one hour earlier than planned. Mostly because he's extremely suspicious of the noble.
"I wonder how Lynn get to know a noble…" I muttered to myself while going upstairs the hotel.
"I heard the noble recognized her as the pope and practically worshiped her now," Dust replied. "I don't really like the way he clings on to her like a lost sheep. That's what we argued yesterday,"
"I see…"
We were about to knock on the door when we heard a heated conversation coming from inside it.
"...and Alexei has a larger influence than my family. Pope sama, it'll take me a miracle to gleam anything!"
"Come on, please? I gave you that photo didn't I?"
"... make it lewder…"
I pulled away Dust who was about to storm into the room.
"N-no… I can't do that… selling…"
I missed a part of what Lynn was saying because I was too busy draining Dust of his stamina and magic.
"...venturer and you're a noble."
"Pope sama… I can't keep holding it in… I've been praying everyday to the goddess Aqua and now… with you in front of me…"
"O-okay… but not with those… Lingerie? that's impossible. Maybe… topless?"
"To-Topless?!"
"Dust and sensei are going to murder me…" we heard Lynn mutter to herself, though barely audible. "Yes, I'll give you a topless photo…"
"Can you… give me something… physical?"
There was an exasperated sigh before Lynn answered his question.
"Fuck it, I've dug the hole anyway. Maybe, with a capital M Maybe, I can get you a… used T-shirt after training?"
"Oh dear Aqua, yes!!!"
Seriously?! Okay, I can't let her do something like this just to gather information for me. Megumin is going to murder me again if she knows about this. I have to stop this quick and maybe teach this guy a lesson.
I turned towards Dust who looked very murderous even though he's out of power and stamina.
"Ahh… Aqua sama… have I thanked you today? I think I have, but let me thank you again anyway! Truly there are no better religion than yours, the one who has freed us from the shackles of evil! You've shown us the path!"
"Alright, calm down, I know I said that I will try but…" Lynn groaned a little. "You must not tell anyone about this okay? If Dust knows about this, or worse, Kazuma knows about this. We both will be in a huge trouble, okay?"
"I understand… Just… make sure you'll give me the best shot, okay?"
"Oh god… this is embarrassing… yes, but the amount of photo I give you depends on the quality of the information,"
"Got it,"
"Kazuma and Dust are going to arrive soon. You will talk about the plan with Kazuma. If he ask you what we were doing, just tell him I was just helping you get ready to meet him, okay?"
"Got it,"
"Good, now let's go downstairs and get something to eat while we wait for those two to arrive."
Footsteps came from the room and I quickly hide Dust and myself. Lynn and the mysterious noble stepped out of the room. The former has that embarrassed look on her face while the latter looked incredibly determined for some reason.
I returned back the mana I stole from Dust and the Dragon Knight stood tall beside me.
"Okay, let's beat him up," Dust said.
"Not yet," I pinched the bridge of my nose. "We need to make sure that what we heard isn't a complete misunderstanding," I used a silent door unlocking technique. "Come on, let's see what this noble has in store for us."
…
"Huh, this is fascinating…" I muttered to myself while inspecting a magical camera. I managed to figure out its function and took a photo of Dust ransacking the nearby cupboard. The photo isn't all that HD and has the quality of colored analog camera. But I think it's already pretty awesome for a medieval aged world.
"Senpai look!" Dust showed me a red lace. "That bastard is trying to make Lynn wear this!"
"Well… at least he asks for consent, right? Though, it could be that since he's noble, he never knew about the Succubus Service. Maybe we can convince him to do something like that?"
"I don't care! I will make that bastard pay!"
"Dust, we are not beating him up, he asked for consent and Lynn gave it to him. As much as I hate it, he is not at fault. He doesn't even sound demanding at all... I'm actually more concerned about Lynn for selling herself so easily like that."
"Don't worry, that's not what I had in mind…"
Dust then began stripping in front of me before putting on the laces. He then grinned evilly at me.
"All right, Kazuma! Use that high quality magic camera to take my pictures! I want his expensive films to be filled with my naked pictures. Just in case he gets a picture of Lynn, this will at least scar him for life!"
Fuck it, I don't give a damn…
"Yosh! Default adventurer poses first!"
'Click' The fuck are you doing Kazuma?
"Now put your arms in front of your chest and look away, there we go you Tsundere!"
'Click' You tell me Kazuma!
"Lower, lower, there we go, a naughty wind flipped your skirt? You got it man!"
'Click' You're taking pics of a nude guy?
"Okay, deep thinking, like you're an ancient sculpture!"
'Click' Apparently I am.
"A brave warrior surrounded by a group of orcs?"
'Click' Why?
"Play injured!"
'Click' I don't know!
The heated mental battle between me and Kazuma went on as I took as much pictures as I can. Apparently, Dust is an expert at posing naked and he's making some pretty darn good photos for a gay magazine cover.
"Well done Dust, that's the way! You're sparkling right now!! We're done with glamorous poses, let's move on to the lewd ones! First, bite your finger and point your ass this way!"
Goddammit, what am I doing with my life?
"Okay, now for a cooler feeling! Spread your legs, lower your waist and put your hands… Right, that's the feeling!"
Fuck it! I don't give a damn anymore!
Dust lowered his waist like a sumo wrestler, stretching his right arm to the front. He'd a serious expression on his face as he repeated the lines I told him.
"Let's get it on!"
At this moment, we hit our limit and rolled on the floor laughing our asses off with tears in our eyes…!
Our eyes met Lynn who was looking at us stupefied, her staff dropped onto the floor.
---
"For the record, this is Dust's idea, seriously," I said before anyone could say anything. "I swear it on the goddess loli, the dragon loli, the princess loli, and the explosion loli," I added.
Dust shot me a betrayed look before turning to Lynn. "I'm very sorry!" he said.
Lynn face palmed, sighed in exasperation before looking at me. "Sensei… You should have told me your plan in advance…"
Huh? "Yeah, sorry," I pretended to know my plan.
Lynn then looked at Dust. "And you, just what do you think you're doing?"
"Well…"
Dust told her his side of the story.
Lynn face palmed for the third time that day.
"I shouldn't even feel bad in the first place…" Lynn muttered to herself before turning to the noble beside her.
"Consider this," she gestured at Dust. "As the advance payment. I will take the camera and all the photos for when you get the information later, got it?"
The noble dropped on his knees and raised his arms. "Waahhhh, Thank you so much Pope Lynn! I'm so very grateful! Truly, befriending the pope has brought me to this blessed day… I was right to join the Neo Axis Order and devote myself in prayer…! T-There really is a goddess… Aqua samaaaaa!"
"Oi! What the hell are you praying to Aqua for?" Dust asked suddenly. "Just because you're a noble doesn't mean you're getting out of here unscathed. I don't care if you're a noble at all really,"
The noble gasped as a blissful expression formed on his face. "Y-you mean, you don't mind if I'm a noble?"
"Of course not! Heck, I'd like to have a word with you, just the two of us," he then turned towards Lynn who just stared at him like he's a dead man. "Lynn, Senpai, you mind if you give us some privacy?"
Lynn sighed in exasperation before grabbing my hand. "Fuck it, he volunteered for it himself, come on sensei…" she muttered.
I, who knows exactly what's going on, quickly grabbed the camera.
"Like she said, advanced payment, and…" I showed him the magic camera. "I'll give this back after you give me the information I need. Have fun you two,"
"Thank you so much! Satou dono! Pope sama!"
…
I sat down on the hotel's dining room with Lynn sitting across me. The girl has that tired and slightly regretful look on her face.
"Okay, so, let me get this straight. You were trying to sell out Dust to a horny nobleman?"
"Sensei, I was a merciful assassin fully intent on sparing his life and fake his death with a few speck of his own blood. Him on the other hand decided to show up butt naked in the mercenary guild doorstep while holding up his own bounty poster,"
Yeah, I can't fight against that analogy…
"Still, you gotta apologize to Dust after this. He could very well be scarred for life,"
"I'll keep that in mind."