Fate at Work: A Love Compelled

Acting cool and pretending that everything was okay in front of Ray was very difficult, and with the guilt eating me up, I didn't exactly enjoy our time together. Our chats which used to be so fun and casual came with alot of difficulty for me that day and Ray being his normal sweet self kept inflaming my guilt. For a moment, I wished he would get angry at me for something. Not that I want him to know what I had done but I just wanted him to be mad at me for some other reason. Maybe that would make me feel better. Because I've been feeling terrible being near him since he came. So when I went to pee, I wasted alot of time in the bathroom thinking about how to continue lying to him. I was already scared there'd be a slip up in my act and things will get sour from there, so I had to be extra careful with my words. I wasn't worried about Don saying anything because I knew him well. He's a man of his word and since he promised not to say anything I knew he'd keep his word. So just imagine the shock I got meeting his eyes in the mirror. I was scared shitless.

"Why....why are you here? I asked.

I don't know if he heard me or not because he didn't say anything.

"What are you doing here" I repeated practically whispering. I turned looking from his face to the door but see no signs of Ray and I sigh in relief.

"Are you deaf?" I whispered and he just shrugged.

"Is there a problem?" I asked hoping he'd say no but he says the opposite.

"Yes" he said and my heart sank.

"What....... is the problem?" I asked stammering a bit. At that moment, I was so sure I didn't want to hear his response but I had to. I was thinking of every possible thing that could have gone wrong. (Everything is already wrong as it is). Not like things weren't already bad for me, but to have what I considered the worst happen at that moment was not something I was prepared for.

"I have to tell him Jess. I can't hide this any longer" Don said smoothly after the silence, his hands gesturing between us. I looked between us wishing I didn't hear him right. So I asked him to repeat himself and he did.

" What did you say?"

"I just have to tell him. I can't continue hiding it." he repeated in a voice so cool you'd think he wasn't being serious but I knew he was.

"Yes we can Don. What's with the sudden change. You already promised me you won't."

"We have to tell him" was all he said this time.

"Are you crazy?" I whispered desperately, eyes darting between him and the door. "Is this the time or place to talk about this?" I asked bewildered. Of all the times to talk about that, I couldn't believe he chose that moment, with Ray just a door away. I was scared shitless. He doesn't say another word. Just kept an expression I was way too familiar with. One that had my entire body running cold. (He cannot do that. He just cannot.)

"No Don," I said shaking my head. "You promised to give me time, remember?" I added trying to remind him for the second time, with my gaze always darting to the door. What if Ray comes in?

"And I did give you time" he answered.

"But I'm not yet ready" I said unable to control my shaky voice. A sound coming from the living room captured my attention. It sounded like footsteps and it began getting closer with every step. My eyes scarily went to the door before looking back at Don but he doesn't even move. He was still looking at me, as if waiting for an answer.

"Ple.....ase" I said in the lowest voice possible but his expression says it all. His mind was made up. "Don please don't do this," I added, my chest beating so hard it was the only sound I could hear.

The door knob turned slowly and Ray appeared behind the door, his gaze curious as he stared at us. I turned to look at Don but he has shifted from his spot and was leaning against the dresser. In my panic, I didn't even notice he moved.

"I was wondering where both of you were." he said smiling. He's always smiling. That's one nice thing about him. Though he has too many nice sides to him.

"Are you cold baby?" He asked, taking a few strides towards me. "You were not wearing this earlier" he added and I just managed a nod since I was still stealing panicked glances at Don. I didn't know what to expect at all at that particular moment, but then Don looked so relaxed I doubted he was going to say anything. I hope he doesn't. He wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were on the floor.

"So what where you going to tell me dude?" Ray asked when he got beside me as he wrapped his hands around my shoulder. My body suddenly tensed as my eyes went wide. I quickly looked to Don but his eyes where still down.

"Sorry I had to get that call. Important client and all." Ray added smiling as my eyes shifted to him. Again with his smiles. They are usually what I love most about him but I couldn't bring myself to appreciate him smiling at that moment. It made my skin crawl in guilt. I didn't deserve that smile neither did I deserve the apologetic look he gave me after I couldn't control my mouth next.

"Must you smile all the time?" I practically shouted. I didn't know when that came out. I didn't mean to say it out loud or worse scream it out loud like that. I just couldn't control myself. I was panicking. I didn't want everything to come crashing down. Not at that moment. I was going crazy.

"What's...... What's wrong babe?" Ray said giving me another look that drove me to the edge.

"No....no no no, not that look Ray. I don't want it okay." I said again. And at that moment, I didn't know what came over me. I started crying. The damn pregnancy hormones added to everything. I'm tired of everything.

"What look? And why are you crying, Jess?" I heard Ray say. He sounded helpless, but I was helpless too. I couldn't even look up to meet his eyes, neither could I respond to him. The door suddenly closed with a loud bang and our heads both turned to that direction. Looking back to Don I couldn't find him anywhere in the room. I guess he was the one behind that dramatic and obviously angry exit. The front door went next and I was sure he has left the apartment. My feelings were mixed. I was glad he didn't get to say anything to Ray but also angry at myself for not having the courage to tell Ray the truth and being dramatic on top of everything else. I couldn't control myself.

"Wait... what's wrong with both of you?" Ray asked sighing. His hands on his waist. "Did you have a fight?" He added but just shook his head when he got no response from me. I wish I had the courage to answer him. I really wish I did.