Chapter 1
Chapter 1
“I’m sorry. I can’t do it.”
As soon as I uttered those words, sharp gazes from all directions pierced me like daggers, as if trying to kill me.
The intense smell of alcohol made my head spin and hurt, but it was easy to tell that not only the president who had spoken to me, but also my fellow trainees silently resented me.
The president of the agency, who was sitting right next to me, grabbed my shoulder and, with a forced smile, asked, as if giving me another chance.
“You can’t do it?”
“Yes. I can’t do it.”
To prove my point, I shook off his hand and stood up. Murky eyes followed my movements.
“Think carefully.”
“What more do I need to think about?”
“If you just give in this one time, you can live however you want from now on. Doing things you don’t want to do is part of the social life. Didn’t I tell you to think of the company as your family? Can’t you do this for your family? Hajee, if you leave like this, you won’t be able to set foot in this industry again. Didn’t you say you wanted to be a singer?”
Threatening or persuading, pick one.
Listening to the drunken president babbling, I sneered.
“Yes, well. I wanted to. But I don’t want it enough to sell my body.”
My blunt words caused a slight change in the face of the woman sitting at the head of the table, who was said to be an executive director of a major company.
The leader, who had been watching the woman’s expression, rushed to me and pleaded desperately.
“You know, I’ve been a trainee for ten years. Please, Hajee. If I miss this chance, I won’t be able to debut. Just bow down once.”
“Can bowing be used to fix this problem? Get a grip, hyung.”
“You… were this selfish? You shouldn’t act like this, considering all the hard-working trainees who didn’t make it in the debut group.”
My face faintly reflected on the liquor bottle in front of me. Even from the blurry image, it was clear how handsome I was.
‘What good is being handsome?’
Seeing my face, which was undoubtedly was wearing the coldest expression ever, I felt momentarily exasperated.
‘Living a pathetic life with this face must be hard.’
But my self-reproach didn’t last long.
My anger towards the company that had exploited an innocent minor like me was more justified.
“Yeah. I got in because I’m handsome. In this industry, looks are a talent too. The company was the one that made me stick to the basics even when I said I wanted to learn something else. Hyung, you shouldn’t say things like that knowing the truth.”
The more I thought about it, the more absurd it was.
“Who’s calling who selfish? I can’t believe I thought of you as a good hyung. If you want a sponsor so badly, why don’t you do it yourself?”
My head felt as cold as if I had been doused with ice water.
The sharp and fierce words I usually didn’t dare to say came out easily in this situation.
‘That’s why life is real.’
It felt refreshing to finally speak my mind after being so repressed, but it was more important to get out of here before anything else happened.
I grabbed my outer clothes and nodded my head.
“If there’s nothing more to say, I’ll be leaving.”
“Hajee! Stop right there!”
“Really.”
I stopped halfway out the door and turned around. Seeing the loosened facial muscles, they seemed to think I might change my mind even now.
Their shallow reaction only made me laugh.
“I sincerely advise you out of loyalty for the time we spent together, if you want to be idols, take better care of your appearance. Especially you, hyung. You look like a squid chewed up and spat out, and I’m worried you’ll lose your mental health over hate comments.”
“What….”
“Still, thanks for not pretending to be a good person until the end. Since everyone here is trash, I won’t feel guilty about leaving like this.”
Bastards.
“President, you will fail in everything you do. And you, Director, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about this. The woman sitting there seems like someone our president wouldn’t dare to look at, so there’s no need to risk getting stabbed by talking about it.”
Ignoring the president’s scream to catch me and the (ex) colleague’s pleading, I left the high-end bar quickly.
When I thought I had gotten far enough from the VIP bar, my legs, which had lost strength, buckled.
4:30 AM.
There was no one around.
I crouched down in place, feeling at ease.
“I thought I was going to die from trembling….”
It wasn’t pleasant to cut ties with people I thought I had gotten along with in the worst possible way I could never have imagined.
…No, we didn’t get along.
Thinking back, there were countless moments as a trainee when I thought, ‘This isn’t right.’
I could list over a hundred things they said to me while pretending to care, but were trying to break my self-esteem.
I just ignored them.
‘Because I wanted to believe they cared about me.’
There’s no point in dwelling on past things now.
I should consider myself lucky for coming to my senses before signing the contract.
As the president said, I might never set foot in the entertainment industry again.
So what?
I was disgusted by that filthy industry anyway.
I experienced such a thing even before debuting. How much more filth would I have to see as a genuine celebrity?
“The look on that bastard’s face was hilarious….”
Did they think I would be naïve until the end?
* * *
Five years had passed since that day.
I had already quit high school long ago, tricked by my former company into thinking it would be better to focus on debuting and idol activities with the other student trainees.
I didn’t regret that hasty decision, thinking a high school diploma wouldn’t drastically change my life.
Having given up on my only dream and goal of becoming an idol, I was… living very well.
In a comfortable room with a strong air conditioner in the summer and a warm heater in the winter, I enjoyed my meals prepared by the housekeeper and immersed myself in games, occasionally uploading videos to Y*utube, living a leisurely life.
Other than the military service I completed as soon as I turned twenty, I couldn’t think of any hardships.
The military… let’s not even talk about it.
Even now, I avoided the direction of the military base and my former agency, but on the days I ‘coincidentally’ heard that the boy group that debuted there was flopping, I opened my parents’ cherished liquor.
In any case, my wealthy parents were almost like they didn’t exist, leaving me to do whatever I wanted, and since I never got tired of gaming, my life seemed like it would continue like this.
…Or so I thought.
My dream suddenly reappeared in a way i couldn’t believe.