Harry Potter And Bellatrix Lestrange

Harry was doing his best to be silent as he entered the bedroom he shared with his wife, but he needn't have bothered. The instant Bella saw his form silhouetted against the light outside, she called for light, causing them both to blink away the sudden brightness. Harry looked weary, Bella though, though a full day of planning and discussing battle tactics would probably do that. She also noticed something else - there was now a confident square in his shoulders that she hadn't really realized was missing, though she really should have. After all, despite all his power and skill, despite his riches and his heritage, Harry was just… Harry. He wasn't a trained wizard, nor a trained duelist, but merely a teenager, who had, through some fluke of fate, ended up with the job of killing the most powerful dark wizard in centuries, or be killed.

Wow, if I put it that way, it really does sound hopeless, she thought with a wry grin as she waved off Harry's apologies for waking her, patting the spot next to her on the bed. She hadn't really thought about it much, but the thought simply occurred to her - how did Harry feel about the burden on his shoulders? How did someone who hadn't even finished his schooling deal with something like this? She had seen the hope that had sparked in his eyes when Xerina had informed them that the Rod would very likely be able to kill Voldemort, and realized that his duel with the dark wizard had shaken him more than he'd let on.

Harry slid into bed next to her, and she slipped her arms around his waist immediately, pulling him close and relishing his warmth. He waved his hand and the light turned off, but they didn't go to sleep. She could feel the tension slowly drain from him, but as always, a part of it lingered. She had a good feeling that he needed to talk about it, and this was as good a time as any to start.

"You're bothered by something," she said, and it wasn't a question.

"I am?"

"Yes, you are." Bella nodded into the crook of her husband's neck.

"I think I'd know if I were," Harry chuckled, though to her, it sounded only half-hearted.

"No, actually, I don't think you would."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry turned around in her embrace so they were face to face. "Are you calling me dense?" he asked with a smirk.

"Maybe just a bit slow on the uptake," Bella replied cheekily, with a matching grin. Her mirthful expression vanished quickly, however, to be replaced by a serious one. "Honestly, you have this thing about just pushing everything away. You've said 'I'm fine' so often even when you weren't that you're starting to believe it, yourself. It can't work forever, Harry," she whispered.

"I'm-"

"You're not fine. Maybe you believe that you are, for now, but you're not. You're just pushing everything that's bothering you out of your mind, and eventually, it's going to come back with a vengeance, and it's going to be ugly."

Harry smiled wryly. "Can't be any worse that it'd be if I let it all out right now."

"Oh, but you're wrong. It'll be much, much worse." Bella didn't notice as a tear slid down her cheek. "Take it from someone with too many regrets. I spent years in Voldemort's service, pushing the things out of my mind that bothered me, and where did that leave me when I was left in Azkaban with nothing but time to think about them? Nearly insane."

"I thought that was the Dementors?"

She shook her head. "They were only part of it. They made me relive the memories, but I was the one who kept thinking about them. Eventually, the wall I'd stuffed all of my baggage behind got pried open, and look where it got me."

"You turned out fine," Harry protested, only to be silenced when Bella placed a finger on his lips, a haunted look in her eyes.

"I'm not," she whispered quietly. "I probably won't ever be. I've got so much guilt to deal with I don't even know where to start. I did horrible things while I served the dark lord, and I can't ever make up for them - and I'll live with that for the rest of my life."

Harry gently removed her hand from his lips and kissed her knuckles. "You'll be fine," he told her, "Neville even forgave you, and you're already making up for what you did back then. Sometimes, it's the thought that counts. Before you can accept anyone else's forgiveness, you'll have to forgive yourself, first. And I'll be there for you, I'll make sure you do, because I love you, Bella. I need you. Our child needs you." Harry placed a hand on her stomach and smiled at her, his eyes lighting up in joy as if the situation had only just now fully settled in his mind.

"I'll be there, I promise." Bella swallowed hard. She had been meaning to be the one to make Harry talk, but somehow, the topic had changed to her. She grasped his hand and joined them on her stomach as she allowed herself a smile, as well. She was going to be a mother. A few years ago - even just a few months ago she wouldn't ever have dreamed of becoming a mother, much less being able to be one, with the situation she was in. But now… she had a husband who loved her, a child to care for, and people whose forgiveness she so desperately wanted to accept, but couldn't until she'd completed her repentance. "The potion is almost ready, you know," she told him.

"It is?"

Bella nodded. "I talked to Neville after we left you three in the room to discuss matters. He'll be coming over for the procedure, and we both agreed it'd be best if the first thing his parents see is their son instead of someone they hate." She couldn't really hold back the strangled sob that escaped her throat as she thought about the Longbottoms. Never really had she been bothered by other people's hatred for her. She used to relish it, in fact, feeding off their hate and fear of her, but that now seemed like a lifetime away.

"I'm sure they'll forgive you," Harry encouraged her. "Neville did, after all."

They drifted into silence for a while, both of them lost in thought, when Bella asked something that utterly surprised Harry. "How do you feel about this? About having a child? It must be hard on you, you're almost one, yourself."

He didn't quite know how to answer that, and the fearful tone in her voice told him he would have to pick his answer very carefully, but fortunately, she seemed content to give him time to choose his words properly. "I'm happy," he finally said. "You're right, I'm still kind of young, and I really didn't expect for this to happen until a few years from now, but it doesn't really matter. Whether we get started with our family now or five years from now, I'll love you and our child just as much. It'll be pretty awkward to have someone call me 'dad' who's only sixteen years younger than me, but hey, we're wizards. We live so long, a few years here or there don't really make much of a dent in anything."

He almost feared he'd given her the wrong impression when Bella threw her arms around his neck and gave him a long, loving, passionate kiss. When they pulled apart for air, he smirked. "I guess I should answer your questions about parenthood more often, if this is the reply I can expect."

"Oh you," Bella swatted his arm playfully, tears glistening in her eyes. "Thank you, for everything."

...

Join my P@treon and get 60+ advanced chapters.

Free members get 2 chapters free.

Join Right Now

Link: p*atreon.com/0LordSilvere0 (Remove the *)