“Help! I’m the Chosen One (and I Didn’t Sign Up for This)!”

"Why are we here again?" Kazuya groaned as he stared up at the massive, gothic building that loomed before them.

"The Sorcerer's Guild has the Map of Infinite Misplacement," Fergus explained, practically skipping toward the entrance. "It's the only thing that can guide us to the next artifact!"

"Couldn't we just, I don't know, guess our way there?" Mika muttered, arms crossed.

"Do you want to wander aimlessly through cursed forests for three months?" Fergus asked.

"I'd rather do that than deal with whatever nonsense is waiting inside," Mika shot back.

The group reluctantly followed Fergus into the guild hall, where they were immediately greeted by a gnome in a suit that was two sizes too big.

"Welcome to the Sorcerer's Guild!" the gnome said in a voice that was both cheerful and condescending. "How can we waste your time today?"

Kazuya blinked. "Did you just say 'waste your time'?"

"Standard guild motto," the gnome said, adjusting his tie.

The Paperwork Abyss

"Before you can access the Map of Infinite Misplacement," the gnome explained, "you'll need to fill out these forms."

He handed them a stack of parchment so thick it could double as a doorstop.

"What is this?!" Mika shouted, holding up the stack like it was radioactive.

"Standard protocol," the gnome said. "Form 82B for artifact requests, Form 17C for non-guild members, and Form 99Q for—"

"I'm not filling this out," Mika said flatly.

"Then you won't get the map," the gnome replied, smirking.

Kazuya sighed. "Fine, give me a quill."

The Questionable Questions

The forms were as ridiculous as expected.

"'Have you ever accidentally summoned a demon while attempting to boil pasta?'" Kazuya read aloud. "What kind of question is that?"

"'Do you have a personal vendetta against enchanted furniture?'" Mika added, glaring at the paper.

Lyria giggled. "'If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?'"

"I'm writing 'eggplant,'" Fergus said proudly.

"Of course you are," Mika muttered.

The Hall of Arbitrary Challenges

After hours of filling out forms, the group was led to a chamber with a sign that read: "Hall of Arbitrary Challenges – No Refunds."

"This is where you prove your worth," the gnome explained.

"We already proved our worth by surviving your paperwork!" Mika snapped.

"No exceptions," the gnome said, pressing a button.

The walls shifted, revealing a gauntlet of absurd obstacles.

Challenge #1: The Puzzle of Pointless Riddles

The group was locked in a room filled with floating question marks. A booming voice echoed:

"I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. What am I?"

"A riddle? Really?" Kazuya groaned.

"An echo," Lyria said immediately.

The question marks vanished, only to be replaced by another riddle:

"What has hands but cannot clap?"

"Ugh, a clock," Mika muttered.

The voice laughed. "Wrong! The answer was 'a clock, but make it dramatic.' Try again!"

Kazuya banged his head against the wall.

Challenge #2: The Pit of Mild Inconveniences

The next room featured a narrow bridge suspended over a pit. But instead of spikes or lava, the pit was filled with... Lego bricks.

"Are those... Legos?" Mika asked, squinting.

"Barefoot Legos," Fergus whispered, horrified.

"I'm out," Kazuya said, turning around.

"No, you're not!" Mika grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the bridge.

Halfway across, the bridge wobbled, and Kazuya slipped. His foot dangled precariously over the edge.

"Don't let me fall!" he screamed.

"Relax," Mika said, pulling him back. "It's not like—"

One of her boots slipped, and she landed knee-deep in Lego bricks.

"Why?!" she screamed, tears in her eyes.

Challenge #3: The Sorcerer's Karaoke Machine

The final room contained a glowing microphone and a stage. A sign read: "Sing or Suffer!"

"No," Mika said immediately. "Absolutely not."

"You have to," Fergus said. "It's the only way to pass!"

"Why can't you do it?!" Mika snapped.

"Because I've got stage fright!" Fergus whined.

Kazuya reluctantly grabbed the microphone. "Fine. But if I die of embarrassment, I'm haunting all of you."

The machine lit up and displayed the song: "I'm Too Sexy (For This Quest)"

"Are you kidding me?!" Kazuya yelled.

"Sing!" the gnome's voice boomed.

Grumbling, Kazuya began singing the most half-hearted rendition of the song imaginable, complete with awkward hip movements.

Mika and Lyria were laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

Victory (?)

Somehow, they passed the challenges and were led to the guild's treasure vault, where the Map of Infinite Misplacement awaited.

"This better be worth it," Mika muttered as the gnome handed over the map.

"Enjoy!" the gnome said with a mischievous grin.

As soon as Fergus unfolded the map, the ink began shifting. The map displayed directions for three seconds before morphing into a crude drawing of a chicken.

"Uh, is it supposed to do that?" Kazuya asked.

Fergus grinned nervously. "Did I mention the map has... quirks?"

Mika's eye twitched. "I'm going to kill him."

"Get in line," Kazuya muttered.