“Help! I’m the Chosen One (and I Didn’t Sign Up for This)!”

Kazuya stared at the ancient map in his hands, trying to decipher the illegible scribbles and strange stains.

"Is that ketchup?" he muttered, squinting at a suspicious red blotch.

"It's the blood of adventurers who failed before us," Mika said, clearly enjoying his discomfort.

Lyria leaned over his shoulder, her hair tickling his cheek. "Or it's tomato soup! Ooh, I love tomato soup!"

"Focus!" Kazuya snapped. "This map is supposed to lead us to the Crystal of Ultimate Convenience, and I am not getting lost again."

"The Crystal of what now?" Mika asked.

"Ultimate Convenience. Apparently, it grants the wielder the ability to summon anything they want," Kazuya explained.

Mika raised an eyebrow. "Sounds fake."

"Sounds awesome!" Lyria said, twirling. "Imagine! Cookies on demand!"

Kazuya sighed. "Let's just go. The map says we need to cross the Valley of Distractions."

"I hate this already," Mika muttered.

The Valley of Distractions

The Valley lived up to its name. Everywhere they turned, something weird was happening.

First, there was the giant flower that emitted a sweet fragrance, luring Lyria into its petals.

"It's so pretty!" she said, reaching out.

Kazuya yanked her back just as the flower's petals snapped shut like a bear trap.

"Stop touching things!" he shouted.

"But it smelled like cookies," she whined.

Next, they stumbled upon a sign that read, "Free Treasure This Way!" with an arrow pointing into a cave.

"Don't even think about it," Mika said, grabbing Kazuya by the collar as he took a step toward the cave.

"I wasn't going to!" he protested.

"Uh-huh. Sure," she said, dragging him along.

And then there was the giant chicken.

"Why is there a chicken?" Kazuya asked, staring at the enormous bird blocking their path.

"It's a guardian beast," Mika said.

"It's a chicken," Kazuya repeated.

The chicken clucked loudly, its beady eyes glowing red.

"Okay, it's an angry chicken," he amended.

The Chicken Fight

The chicken charged, flapping its massive wings and kicking up a dust storm.

"Why do we keep fighting ridiculous things?!" Kazuya shouted, ducking as a giant talon swiped at him.

Mika leapt onto the chicken's back, trying to wrestle it into submission. "Because this world hates us!"

Meanwhile, Lyria was running in circles, flailing her arms. "It's so fluffy! I don't want to hurt it!"

"It's trying to kill us!" Kazuya snapped, dodging another attack.

Thinking quickly, he grabbed a bag of breadcrumbs from Lyria's pack and threw them at the chicken.

The giant bird froze, sniffed the air, and began pecking at the ground, completely ignoring them.

"Ha! Outsmarted by breadcrumbs!" Kazuya said triumphantly.

Mika jumped down, brushing herself off. "If you tell anyone I got beat up by a chicken, I'll kill you."

"Your secret's safe with me," Kazuya said, smirking.

The Bridge of Regret

After escaping the Valley, the group found themselves at the edge of a deep chasm. The only way across was a rickety rope bridge that looked like it had been constructed by someone with a grudge against safety.

"Nope. Absolutely not," Kazuya said, shaking his head.

"We have no choice," Mika said, stepping onto the bridge.

The wood creaked ominously, and a gust of wind sent the entire structure swaying.

"This is fine," Mika said through gritted teeth.

Lyria skipped onto the bridge, humming a tune. "It's like a fun ride!"

"It's like a death trap," Kazuya muttered, inching along behind them.

Halfway across, the bridge started to wobble more violently.

"Is it me, or is the wind getting stronger?" Kazuya asked nervously.

"It's not the wind," Mika said, pointing.

Behind them, the giant chicken was back, flapping its wings and glaring at them from the edge of the chasm.

"WHY?!" Kazuya shouted.

The chicken took off, soaring toward the bridge.

"Run!" Mika yelled, bolting for the other side.

The group sprinted across the swaying bridge, boards snapping behind them as the chicken's talons slashed through the ropes.

They made it to solid ground just as the bridge collapsed, taking the chicken with it.

"Is it gone?" Lyria asked, peering over the edge.

A loud cluck echoed from below.

"Let's keep moving," Kazuya said quickly.

The Crystal Cave

At last, they reached the Crystal of Ultimate Convenience. The massive gem pulsed with light, surrounded by glowing runes.

"This is it," Kazuya said, stepping forward.

"Wait," Mika said, grabbing his arm. "There's always a catch."

As if on cue, the crystal began to hum, and a booming voice filled the chamber.

"WHO DARES CLAIM MY POWER?"

"It's always like this," Kazuya muttered. "Can't we just grab it and go?"

The voice ignored him. "ANSWER MY RIDDLE, OR FACE DESTRUCTION!"

"Another riddle?!" Mika groaned.

The voice began: "What has no beginning, no end, and devours all?"

Kazuya rolled his eyes. "It's time. The answer's time."

The crystal paused. "Uh… correct."

"Can we go now?" Kazuya asked.

The crystal dimmed, and a small, handheld version floated into his hands.

"Great! Now I can finally summon—"

Before he could finish, Lyria grabbed the crystal. "Cookies!" she shouted.

Instantly, the cave was filled with piles of cookies.

"I hate everything," Kazuya said, burying his face in his hands.

Back to the Campfire

As they sat around the fire that night, Lyria happily munched on cookies, Mika sharpened her spear, and Kazuya stared at the crystal.

"You know, we could've used this to summon money, weapons, or literally anything useful," he said.

"But cookies make people happy!" Lyria said, offering him one.

He sighed and took a bite.

"Okay, they're pretty good," he admitted.

As the night wore on, the crystal pulsed faintly, almost as if it was laughing at them.

"I swear," Kazuya muttered, "if the next quest involves chickens, I'm retiring."