How Not to Be a Dark Lord

Boredom. Predictability. Hopelessness. 

 

Beep. Beep. Click.

 

I shut off the alarm, lying flat on my back and staring at the ceiling.

Great. I’m awake now. It’s nine in the morning. I sure couldn’t see from all that light coming from the window, nope.

 

…

 

I don’t want to get out of bed.

 

This sucks.

 

It’s still a bit too bright to go back to sleep. I don’t want to close the curtains, though…

My name isn’t important. I’m just a high school student, and I’m… a senior. It’s already summer vacation, so I guess I am.

I’ll be applying to colleges soon. I should prepare that stuff, but I don’t want to. I don’t even know what I want to major in. I’m not good at school, and I’m not really good at anything. I like anime, and I game a bit, though!

 

Yeah.

 

I don’t have any aspirations.

 

…

 

Well, actually, that’s a lie. 

 

You see, I’ve never had a girlfriend before! There are so many cool and wonderful things that I wish I could do, but I’m a bit lonely. I really wonder if all that stuff makes a big difference.

 

Oh, and catgirls! That would be pretty cool to see! 

 

But that’s beside the point! I’ve been waiting for this day because of one game…

 

Kiddy Kitty Strawberries 2!!

 

Click! Tap!

 

And now, it’s time to play!

 

 

 

Wow.

That was the worst game I’ve ever played. Imagine if they took the worst parts of the first game and made them ten times worse. But forget microtransactions! They took it to the next level with these macrotranscations, and if there’s one rule I follow, it’s to never spend money on a free game! 

 

Day ruined.

 

Whatever. I’ll open the windows to get some fresh air.

 

Hm?

 

What am I seeing?

I peered down from the tenth-floor window. There was a crazy truck driver who clearly didn’t know how to drive properly in the distance. I’ve been waiting for an excuse to shout at someone.

“Hey! You know you can’t drive on the sidewalk, right?!”

As I put my hands together and got closer to the ledge, I lost my footing.

 

AAAAAAAAKIJIUJFIOENWEJ IWNOI VNSO FW

 

FIUFEIOJIOJEFSOFDS’FD

 

HELPPPFSEESLFPLPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

CRASH!!

…

 

Am I dead?

 

Is this the black void of death?

 

No.

 

Wait a minute.

 

My eyes are just closed.

 

“Oh, what the. I’m actually alright. This bush really just broke my fall.”

 

Welp, I live for another day. 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

What’s that noise?

 

There’s no way.

 

HONK! HONK!

 

The truck was almost right in my face. It felt like time had stopped. I couldn't even muster any last words in the face of death, let alone process the shock all at once.

 

But at least this one moment was dragged out long enough to think. Just a few thoughts.

 

Mrow.

 

Goodness. Why am I thinking about catgirls right now?

 

...

 

I really wonder how fluffy their ears are.

 

Since the ears are connected to the head, I wonder if they have fluffy hair as well.

 

Farewell.

 

 

- New World -

 

I opened my eyes. There was a large dinner table in some kind of medieval castle decorated with red and gold cloth. A couple of people were seated, and they looked important. Whatever, whatever. Forget the details.

“No way…”

An old bearded man with a crown (very important looking) was looking straight at me. He was at the head of the table and I could tell from his regal attire that he wasn’t just a mere nobleman.

I glanced around at the others. They also had their eyes fixed on me, and judging from the shape of their faces and their light blue hair, these people were the sons and daughters of the king. 

 

“Is this...?”

 

…

 

IT IS!!!

 

I'VE BEEN REINCARNATED INTO ANOTHER WORLD! 

 

YES!!! 

 

AND I'M SEATED WITH THIS ROYAL FAMILY LOOKING GROUP, SO I'M ONE OF THEM! 

 

I HAVE THE MONEY!

 

I HAVE THE POWER!

 

I STILL DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND… BUT WHO CARES WHEN YOU’RE ROYALTY?!

The king took a deep breath. There were no happy faces among us (besides me. I'm giddy). 

 

"Boles, my son. I don't know how I can say this to you..."

 

"W-what is it, father?" <-- I am roleplaying.

 

He stood from the table, signaling the others, presumably my new siblings, to stand with him. As everyone looked down on me, I heard my dreams shatter into a million pieces.

 

"Boles Bose, the youngest son of the king, Fyenal Bose. You are hereby disowned and revoked of your status as royalty."

 

"🤯."

- Still the same world but a few minutes later lol -

 

I wandered along the castle, walking down the very familiar long corridor from my childhood. I remember playing in these halls. Oh, the nostalgia...

Except that never happened! Seriously! Why now of all times? They could’ve at least given me a week or two to enjoy my new life in-

 

"Excuse me, prince, but these are the maids' living quarters..."

 

A maid tapped me on the shoulder as I was digging through a random laundry basket, collecting underwear. For some reason, my actions seemed to have drawn a crowd. Luckily for me, the crowd was full of women—a testament of my good looks and charm. Unluckily for me, the women there were giving me weird looks and saying some really bad stuff about me. 

 

Bam!

 

The door shut behind me. Well, great. 

 

So, I know how it seems, but I wasn’t snooping around doing anything malicious.

I’m normal.

You can trust me.

...

Well, okay, maybe I was snooping around. Just a bit.

B-but I wasn't looking for dirty clothes! You see, I was snooping around for things of value. This is a castle, after all, so there must be some treasure.

And lo and behold, I found a book! Strangely enough, I found it lying around on the floor, but I guess that just solidifies the whole "finder's keepers" thing I have going on right now.

I could probably sell it for big bucks since the printing press doesn't exist. I'm strategic like that.

 

Uh, I should take a look at it, though. Just in case it has anything useful, y'know.

 

Let’s see… the book is titled, "Dark Lord’s Grimoire."

 

Oh. Now I understand.

 

I win.