I Became a Fake Priest the Saintess Is Obsessed With

21 – Trouble After Drinking

Strolling the streets while drunk, feeling the refreshing breeze brushing by, I feel good. The murmurs of the people who used to bother me seem like the voices of welcoming angels, and the sun high in the sky smiles at us along with the clouds.

Ah~ Why have I been avoiding this feeling until now?

Alcohol is the best, drinking is the best!

“Ta-da! This is the famous restaurant I know! Let’s grab a meal together!”

“Sure thing!”

Just when I was feeling hungry, a thoughtful elf led us to the restaurant.

“Wow~ This is really delicious! Where did you find this great restaurant, Miss Elf?”

“hehehe! Exploring great restaurants is my hobby! And I’m not an elf, I’m Tina.”

“I see, Tina! Please call me Ivan!”

“Sure thing, Ivan!”

After the delightful meal, as we were about to leave, the staff at the counter grabbed our shoulders.

“Guests need to pay for the meal.”

“Huh? How much is it?”

“Meat soup, salad, duck fried rice, smoked foreleg, beef curry rice, and 3 pieces of bread.”

Wow, we really ate a lot for just the two of us.

…Huh? But I think I only had the curry?

Curious, I looked around and confirmed that Tina’s stomach was bulging.

Wow, so this is the Elf’s feast.

“It’s seven silver coins altogether.”

“I didn’t bring my wallet!”

Tina, rummaging through her pockets, showed the empty hands to the clerk.

“I happened not to bring mine either!”

Dragged here without a wallet-like thing to grab, I also presented my empty hands to the clerk.

“…Are you priests? I will report you for drinking in broad daylight and not paying for the meal.”

“Oh~ Don’t report us for such things~”

“We are reporting a clear violation of the law.”

Come to think of it, priests were not allowed to drink during the day while setting an example for the citizens.

“Priests are people too! We can enjoy a drink in broad daylight!”

“Please stop, Tina. It’s not right to be so confident when we’ve committed an offense.”

I pushed aside Tina, who was insisting on her drinking rights, and decided to charm the clerk.

“Miss Counter~ Do you like magic?”

“Magic, you say…?”

“Yes! Bang, it explodes! I mean, something spectacular like that.”

“I prefer serious magic full of skills rather than flashy tricks…”

“Well, you’ll like it from now on.”

I pulled out a deck of cards from my pocket.

“Look~ If you use this card like this…”

I fluttered the stack of cards in front of the staff and then threw it on the ground.

Bang!

The flour bomb hidden in the cards exploded, obscuring the surrounding view.

“Let’s run, Tina!”

“Wow, that was intense!”

I grabbed Tina’s wrist and fled the store.

“Cough, cough! Someone, catch them!”

The staff tried to chase us, but it’s okay.

I’m confident in my speed!

***

“Waaah!!! Sorry, Ivan!!!”

Tina sat down and cried.

The reason was simple.

She got caught.

While escaping, Tina tripped over a rock and got caught.

I thought we would be taken into custody, but I managed to persuade the staff by holding onto their apron and ended up doing dishes for a few hours to get off the hook.

‘Why did I even do that…’

Feeling the cool breeze of the sunset, I gradually sobered up and came back to my senses.

And as I thought about what I had done today, the regret started to sink in.

“Did I… Did I really do that because I was drunk…?”

I had always believed in not committing any other criminal acts besides scamming.

But to think that just because I couldn’t afford a meal, I resorted to sneakily stealing flour from homes and then fleeing…

This is why I stay away from alcohol…

“Uh… Ivan, why are you like this? You don’t look well… Is it because of me?”

“No, it’s just a momentary realization of how I’ve shattered my own beliefs.”

“Oh, really?! Well, in times like this, you should have fun to relieve stress! There’s a playground nearby that I know of, want to go?”

“No… Right now, I just really want to go home…”

“Really? That’s a pity… I was planning to take you to an underground gambling den I know of…”

Tina sighed heavily, as if expressing her disappointment, and slumped onto the floor, her chest feeling heavy.

“Let’s go.”

“Huh? You said you wanted to go home?”

“What are you saying, Tina? It’s time to have fun!”

I thought I wouldn’t be able to find any illegal gambling places in this safe empire, but it turns out they’re hiding in secret.

Excited as if I had found a pearl in a sandy beach, I grabbed Tina’s back, forcing her to stand.

“hehehehe~ Let go, Ivan~ Even if you want to have fun, you’re being too rough~”

“Allow me to escort you.”

I let go of Tina’s back, which was emitting an unpleasant laughter.

“Alright~ If you really want to have fun like that, then I have no choice but to go with you~”

“Let’s go quickly. I’ve been holding back my grudges from not gambling for over a decade, and now I can finally relieve them. Where is the gambling den?”

“At the entrance of the back alley.”

“Are there one or two entrances to the back alley? Please give me a more detailed location.”

“Well~ So, it’s… toward the Cheonsin Church on the east side…”

“What are you doing, Priest Ivan?”

The location Tina mentioned was closer than I had thought. I was about to dash there to enjoy a round before curfew, but a cold voice interrupted Tina’s words.

The owner of the voice was someone I knew well.

Yes, the Saintess of the Lecea from the Cheonsin Church.

“Yes? Oh, nothing special, Saintess!”

“But why are you trembling like that?”

“Oh, uh-hahahaha! That’s, uh, because of some strong liquor I had, makes my body a bit wobbly!”

The excuses I gave made Lecea widen her eyes in surprise.

Though her expression hardly changed, that’s how it seemed to my eyes.

“Just how dire a situation must you have faced in the Daejimosin Church to drink liquor that wouldn’t even touch your hands? Indeed, Priest Ivan, I should bring you to our congregation.”

“No! As a mid-level priest, have I faced such dire situations? It’s just that a high-ranking priest here offered me a drink…”

I gestured to where Tina was sitting, only to find Tina had vanished.

It seemed she might have received a sense of discomfort from Lecea and bolted.

Instead of Tina, there was a single sword left behind that seemed somewhat divine.

But Tina, so fast on her feet?

When we tried to escape together, she was as slow as a tortoise, frustratingly slow, and now she leaves me behind and bolts at lightning speed?

“Damn it! I thought we were friends, at least while drinking! Turns out there’s nobody in this world you can trust!”

But I suppose I can’t really complain, considering I was about to sell Tina, right?

“So you’re saying you were forced to drink a type of alcohol you dislike by a high-ranking priest? …Seems like there’s some corruption within the sect. I should convert as soon as possible…”

“You’re right… I’m really tempted to convert. By the way, why is the Saint here in the first place?”

“I’m on my way back after shutting down an illegal gambling den that was thriving among the Imperial citizens.”

“…Could it be the gambling den near the Heavenly Temple?”

“Yes, it was surprisingly close, so I took some time to thoroughly dismantle it. I punished the individuals running the gambling den accordingly.”

aaahhh!!!

I silently screamed in my heart upon hearing Lecia’s nonchalant words.

Goodbye, illegal gambling den… It seems like you and I weren’t meant to be in this lifetime…

“Gambling and drinking are my absolute loves! No one can stop meee~!”

As I was making a face similar to Munk’s wailing, some crazy person passed by between Lecia and me.

“…Let’s talk about conversion later. I have to apprehend that person.”

Lecia stiffened her expression and ran after the villain.

Meanwhile, I cautiously picked up an expensive-looking sword that was lying on the ground, with a thrilled expression on my face.

“Yes! What a jackpot!”

[Where is the belief that the goddess doesn’t commit crimes?]

“What? What did I do wrong?”

[Is the goddess not trying to steal from others?]

“Wait, are you accusing me of picking up something that fell on the ground?”

[The goddess nods vigorously]

“Ha, really. Look here, goddess! I simply followed the rule, or rather, the national rule, that the first person to pick up what has fallen on the ground becomes the owner!”

[The goddess listens to your words and sighs deeply, saying she’s going to do some work]

“Yes! Work hard.”

After sending away the nuisance, I carefully stroke the hilt of the sword.

hehehe… this one… will fetch quite a sum if sold to the antique shop…

As I was imagining the delight of a rare find, suddenly what was nestled in my arms changed from the sword to Tina.

The situation of caressing the hilt had naturally transformed into a strange one of caressing Tina’s belly, and I was startled, throwing Tina to the ground.

“Eek! How could you…”

“S-sorry?”

“Why are you questioning it! Since you made a mistake, apologize more convincingly!”

“But it was clearly a sword in my hand, and then suddenly it changed to Tina, so it was surprising.”

“Hmph! The sword you held was me too!”

…What nonsense is this.

“What do you mean? You love alcohol so much, could it be that you’re not in your right mind?”

“No! I’m a spirit of the sword, so I can choose to appear as a human or a sword!”

Suddenly, a brilliant light emanated from Tina’s body, and shortly after, the sword was lying on the ground.

By the way, that sword was the one I had been holding.

In essence, Tina seemed to be some kind of spirit or entity of the sword.

“Just to add, the villain earlier was someone I controlled with my power! I saw you struggling with that woman, so I played a little trick on her! How was that? Clever, huh?”

For now, one thing can be certain.

Tina, the person, or rather, the fairy of the sword…

Seems not entirely normal.