Chapter 6: It's A Chicken Coop… (2)
Bang─!
Elfrida, with the username ㅇㅇ(154.55), slammed the desk fiercely and cried out,
“Who the hell is this damn dark-skinned brat calling a chicken coop?!”
Of course, there was no confirmation that ㅇㅇ(74.812) was a demon.
But that didn’t matter.
Seeing such a rude way of speaking, Elfrida was convinced that they must be a demon.
“Really, I block this troublemaker, but they keep changing their IP! Ah! Seriously! Where do I look like a chicken coop?!”
Elves, especially High Elves, aged very slowly. However, around the age of 240, signs of aging started to appear on their faces.
Yet, the mirror reflected a very cute and charming High Elf with green hair and not a single wrinkle.
“Look! How fresh! You’d believe I’m 15! But a chicken coop? A chicken coop?! Ha… Sh… I should have chosen better back then…”Elfrida sat down in her place, pulling at her hair as she recalled a memory from the past.
Three years ago, the problem was that she hadn’t properly erased her birth year while verifying her age on her birthday.
[Author: ㅇㅇ(154.55)]
[Hawawa~ It's the cute high school girl's birthday today~][11]
(A hastily erased ID card.jpg)
Everyone, please wish the high school girl a happy birthday~
BabyNapmi■: Happy birthday! Eung-ae! Eung-ae will grow up fast and stop being Eung-ae!
Flame Sandwich■: Happy bday cccccc
ㅇㅇ(113.111): Congratulations. Give me your address, and I'll send you a gift.
As someone who had been active for a long time with a high school girl concept, she received quite a lot of comments, which was rare for a user with a dynamic nickname.
ㄴ Eung-ae unnie, thanks for the birthday wishes~
ㄴ Flame Sandwich unnie, thank you for the birthday wishes~
ㄴ Hawawa~ The high school girl's address is a secret~
While she was farming attention with these replies,
ㅇㅇ(74.801): Huh? Is it just me, or is there something odd here?
ㄴㅇㅇ(113.111): What's odd? It's really her birthday.
ㄴㅇㅇ(74.801): No, not the birthday. Look at the birth year. If you look closely at the erased part, you can see it's 1986.
ㄴ Virginity Detector■: Wait a minute... If this year is 1023 in the Goddess's Era... Let me do the math...
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(113.111): ???
“…!!!”
Elfrida deleted her post less than a second after reading the comment, but someone quickly uploaded a targeted post.
[Author: ㅇㅇ(74.801)]
[Breaking) The 'high school girl' dynamic user confirmed to be 'at least' 137 years old lololol][24]
(A hastily erased ID card.JPG)
(A restored version of the ID card.JPG)
[The top image is the original, and the bottom is my restoration. Look at the birth year lololol. No wonder she smells old no matter how much she tries to act like a high school girl lololol]
ㅇㅇ(113.111): Hmm... But isn't 137 years a bit too much? Couldn't she just be 37 years old? That's still plausible...
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(74.812): ㄴㄴ They tried to cover the first digit, but it's definitely not a 9. It's either an 8 or a 7, but surely she wouldn't be 237 years old and still using the internet.
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(113.111): Hmm... 137 years old and acting like a high school girl is tough... Too bad, she's not my bride material.
ㅇㅇ(53.71): But if she's 137, she could be an elf, right? Elves don't age, so that's fine, isn't it?
ㄴ Virginity Detector■: But she's a chicken coop...
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(53.71): What does chicken coop mean?
ㄴ Virginity Detector■: (Link) Check this out.
ㄴㅇㅇ(53.71): Lol, this is hilarious, for real lololol
ㄴ Virginity Detector■: Still want to go with an elf?
ㄴㅇㅇ(53.71): Ah! I need to clean up the chicken coop!!!
“AAAAAH!!”
Elfrida screamed again as she remembered that moment.
“What’s wrong with a 237-year-old elf having a little fun! In human years, I’m only 23!!”
Considering the average lifespan of a high elf was 500 years and assuming the average human lifespan was 50 years, she argued that she was the equivalent of a 23-year-old in human terms.
“And why do people believe that nonsense about elves smelling like chicken coops?”
Elfrida lifted her arms and sniffed her armpits, smelling nothing but a fresh, lemongrass-like fragrance.
“Ah! Really! This is all because of those ridiculous memes!”
A few years ago, it was a universally accepted fact that elves, whether they were 100 or 200 years old, were considered beautiful.
But ever since someone posted a nonsensical meme claiming elves smell like chicken coops, the equation [Elf = Chicken Coop] spread all over the forums.
Bang─!!
“If I find the jerk who created that meme, I’m going to beat them half to death… How dare they portray elves in such a manner?”
“What’s the matter, Grand Elder?”
“Ah! Third Elder! Didn’t I tell you not to open the door without permission! And stop calling me Grand Elder! How many times must I say it? I resigned from that position long ago! Are you still going on about that!”
“But there was a lot of noise coming from here, Grand Elder…”
“…Hey, Third Elder.”
Startled by the sudden drop in Elfrida’s voice, the Third Elder tensed.
“Yes…”
“Try calling me Grand Elder again. If you keep annoying me, I’ll make a campfire of the World Tree before I go to the Academy. Understand?”
“…Understood.”
“Understood…? That’s strange… The Third Elder of the elf tribe using honorifics to a normal 19-year-old high elf?”
“Understood.”
“Good. Now leave quickly.”
“…Sigh.”
As Elfrida waved her hand in a gangster-like manner, the Third Elder sighed deeply and closed the door.
‘How did things end up like this?’
It wasn’t always like this with Elfrida.
Once, she was the light and hope of the elves, as her name, Elfrida, suggested.
‘I miss the old days…’
500 years ago, when the empire was still a kingdom, elves were revered.
Beastly beastmen, who could never possess the innate spirit affinity that elves were born with, even if they were resurrected.
Unlike humans, who resembled hairless monkeys and could barely climb trees, elves were blessed with superior physical abilities and a long lifespan.
Thus, it was only natural that elves were considered the most superior race in the world, unmatched by any other.
Unfortunately, everything changed 300 years ago when those baseless demons appeared.
Those short, dark-skinned creatures introduced strange technologies like magical engineering, metallurgy, and agriculture. By the time the elves realized it, humans had multiplied like cockroaches.
As their numbers grew, they began to act up, boasting about being an empire rather than a kingdom and daring to defy the elves!
The audacity of humans defying elves!
What a terrible and horrifying turn of events!
While many elves were in shock and horror, fearing that the era of elves was over, the World Tree did not abandon them. As if to prove its support, it blessed them with an unparalleled genius.
Elfrida Carlerea.
Born with an affinity for all four primary elements, she made a contract with all four superior spirits before she even turned 100, becoming the hope of the elven race!
‘Elfrida can do it!’
Recalling the days of glory, the four elders adopted the motto ‘Make Elves Great Again!’ and secretly supported Elfrida as the Grand Elder. They poured resources into her efforts to contract with the Spirit King, away from the scrutiny of other races.
But everything changed five years ago. While Elfrida was enhancing her affinity at the World Tree to contract with the Spirit King, she witnessed something strange and began to change.
From that day, she started using vulgar terms like ‘old fogey’ or ‘stick-in-the-mud’, phrases that other races might use…
And then she began openly mocking and ignoring long-standing elven rules such as ‘Magicians below intermediate level are prohibited from using magic elevators above the 7th floor’ and ‘Prohibition against those under 100 years old walking with hands in pockets’.
The elders, who held the rules as dear as the years they had lived, were deeply shocked, but they couldn’t give up on Elfrida.
She was the only one with the potential to make a contract with the Spirit King.
“Let’s endure this! Once the contract is made, the era of elves will return!”
Convinced of this, they appeased Elfrida as much as they could and confined her within the World Tree.
Finally, a year ago, Elfrida successfully made a contract with the Fire Spirit King and underwent a transformation with the primal flame.
The elders rejoiced, believing it was time to ‘Make Elves Great Again.’
…It was a grave misconception.
[Resignation Letter]
ㅗ I quit because it's bullshit ㅗ
The day after making the contract with the Spirit King, Elfrida resigned from her position as the Grand Elder.
Naturally, this turned the elven elders’ world upside down.
“Resigning as Grand Elder! This is unprecedented! What is happening to the world!”
“I knew this would happen! We’ve been overly indulgent with Elfrida!”
“Tsk tsk, in my day, young elves couldn’t even step on an adult elf’s shadow… Tsk tsk, the youth these days…”
“Elder, even if she’s a high elf, isn’t it excessive to call a 240-year-old young?”
“Ah! Is that the issue here? Think about how we can persuade Elfrida to come back!”
“…Well, what other choice do we have? If words fail, we must resort to force. Didn’t we all grow up that way?”
“But how can we use force against someone who has made a contract with the Spirit King?”
“Elfrida may have a contract, but she’s a greenhouse flower who’s only ever lived within the World Tree, isn’t she? The combined strength of our four experienced elders should suffice to overpower her.”
“Hmm… Third Elder, still… times have changed, resorting to violence…”
“First, Elder, I understand your concern for Elfrida, but now is the time to make a decision. And consider it not violence, but ‘a whip of love’.”
“Sigh, alright. But…”
“Yes, we must be careful not to seriously injure Elfrida. Despite her flaws, she is a great treasure to our elves!”
Thus, the four elders gathered to confront Elfrida.
The result was immediate.
Whoosh─!
“Hey, elders, I’m stopping here before you old folks break a bone,” Elfrida warned.
She was the Contractor of Ifrit, the Fire Spirit King.
A high elf born with the blessing of the World Tree.
“If you bother me one more time, do you want the World Tree to really heat up?” she threatened.
Elfrida Carlerea was too strong.