I Became a New Magical Girl Priest

---

2020.

Humanity was invaded by beings from beyond the universe.

Or, if you think about it, the nations that could really be called “invaders” are probably only those so-called “advanced countries” on Earth.

Representatives of the Galactic Federation who visited Earth assessed that after checking how things were running here, it was “illegal” what these superpowers were doing.

They concluded that all the middle-income and developing countries suffering under the wealth of advanced nations, not to mention those being exploited to the point of not even achieving proper development, were being “abused on a global scale.”

They also paid attention to Earth’s ecology, which was groaning under human-induced environmental destruction.

And included in that groaning ecosystem were humans as well.

To their eyes, Earthlings seemed like a species that was gradually strangling themselves.

The Galactic Federation immediately took action.

Though you might think the Galactic Federation would enlist planets on a planetary basis, they actually respect the independence of each nation. It’s more of a loosely structured system, quite like the European Union, where nations or colonies from each planet can join.

This super-giant entity in the galaxy started inviting the nations that would be at the very back of the line in terms of “wealth order” on Earth to join their federation.

As a result, ironically, the nations classified as “advanced countries” on Earth didn’t join, while almost-exclusively suffering nations were the first to become part of the Galactic Federation.

Moreover, their development speed was noticeably rapid.

The great powers obviously resisted. The “expansion policies” carried out by the Galactic Federation that impacted Earth turned the history of space development upside down.

Suddenly, there were warp points directly connected to the headquarters of the Galactic Federation, a headquarters was established for citizen delegations to stay, and shipyards were built for spaceships to be used on Earth.

All the astronomical sums of money that advanced nations had been using for space development turned to dust.

And of course, seeing this, the advanced nations cried out—

“This is an invasion!”

On Christmas evening, Gwanghwamun Square.

From a crowd holding large placards, an unwelcome voice rang out.

“Isn’t this an announcement that they are going to colonize this planet? Think about it! What would happen if they join forces with the North!”

That’s quite an exaggeration. The Galactic Federation does manage its image.

After all, they entered Earth criticizing advanced countries as “illegal,” so what could they possibly do now by teaming up with a dictator?

Of course, they make sure to lay down the groundwork to “firmly” subdue and invite them in.

They’re aliens after all. That much should be simple enough, right?

In fact, the countries the Galactic Federation most wanted to recruit through such actions were precisely those “advanced countries” that they initially excluded. No matter how much they were aliens, countries armed with nuclear weapons or advanced nations clustering around those powers seemed very dangerous.

If they were to accidentally poke the bear and Earthself-destructed in war, it might tarnish the Galactic Federation’s reputation, it seemed.

Following the clichés of this world, humanity here perfectly satisfied the requirements of a hellish Earth that was “full of technology yet shockingly advanced in weaponry.”

So, the Galactic Federation carefully avoided the detonation button, and is now threatening in slightly different ways.

“You have better technology than us? If you don’t cooperate with us, we’ll make the nations beneath you live better than you.”

……Is that even possible?

The work I was looking at was a kind of absurd gag show, a comic world that twisted the clichés of magical girl stories at the author’s whim.

It would feel incomplete without phrases like, ‘Those Earthlings are so wretched!’

Are they really going to convert the horn of Africa into a megacity-sized port? Without being able to even deal with Somali pirates? I don’t understand why a ship belonging to the Galactic Federation would get caught by Somali pirates still riding on makeshift rafts.

The announcement that Earth’s religions were flawed and unscientific triggered the ire of various religious organizations on the planet. The warp points they had painstakingly constructed were periodically attacked by rocket projectiles made by local insurgents.

“Labeled as peacekeepers,” they can’t carry out large-scale massacres. But they also haven’t brought lasting peace to the area.

They don’t know anything. If they were truly going to have it all settled in a few years just by coming in and taking charge, then the US could have done it from the start.

……

Well, in summary.

North Korea is located somewhere a bit detached from the chaos on the continent, and its image is considered extremely evil.

On top of that, due to stretching time too much, there are parts that have been completely overlooked.

Colossal interplanetary conglomerates reaching out for Earth.

Not going to share technology with advanced countries?

So, those advanced countries chose.

In that case, they decided to buy outdated technologies cheaply from those interplanetary conglomerates.

The Galactic Federation tried to regulate those companies later, but oops, some of those companies had already established subsidiaries on Earth enormously. Some even moved their headquarters entirely.

Those companies had already become “Earth-based companies” under the loose intergalactic legislation, so unless the nations where those companies settled on Earth join the Galactic Federation, regulation was impossible.

Yeah. Given that resources aren’t plentiful and the population isn’t that significant, the reason so many intergalactic companies are interested in Earth, where deep-rooted cultural content thrives and the market size isn’t that good, is precisely that.

A great tax haven and money laundering space. In their eyes, an entirely different meaning of a goldmine stretches right here, on the third planet of the solar system.

So, five years later, in 2025, it was the timeline of the story.

For reference, aside from the declaration that we were invaded in 2020 at the very top and the statement that five years have passed since then, the rest of the world settings won’t be revealed in the webtoon itself. This is what I’ve learned living in this world for 16 years.

……Maybe the snippets of dialogue and situations that were humorously portrayed in the webtoon are all patched into the history of this world.

“They will take our land! They will take our jobs! And finally, they will even take the gods we believe in! What else could this be but an invasion!”

“…….”

Ignoring the elderly gathering in that group, I tightly gripped the paper bag in my hand and walked on.

Inside was the OST album of the animation I had seen recently in the theater. It wasn’t a limited edition or anything, just an ordinary plastic CD case.

In today’s world, with so little money to spend on hobbies, it might be somewhat too extravagant. After all, streaming is unlimited for a small monthly fee nowadays.

But…… it’s still the realm of hobbies that shouldn’t be limited by reason or efficiency; it’s more about sentiment.

It was a physical playlist created by people who composed music themselves, determining the order one by one. That ‘compilation’ tugged at my heartstrings.

……No matter how tough life gets, a little healing is necessary, isn’t it?

Especially for someone like me without a girlfriend. I’d appreciate it if you cut me some slack for trying to find healing with this second-hand vinyl I picked up from the street.

Beep beep.

“Ah, come on.”

I glared at my smartwatch on my left wrist in annoyance.

It was a call.

All combatants are to change into combat suits and gather at Dongmyo Front Station. Within 30 minutes.

I frowned.

If you’re going to call, at least give me a little more time.

What’s 30 minutes? If I were at the orphanage, there’s no way I could arrive in time.

I just knew if I was late again, the officers would be on my case.

With a sigh, I moved on.

……Yeah, isn’t it Christmas?

It wouldn’t feel right if there weren’t any battles between the evil organization and magical girls.

*

The Galactic Federation and interplanetary multinational corporations.

Those settings were probably initially meant for ‘laughs’.

But you know, such setups inevitably lead to deeper issues.

Third-rate combatants lying around in a Black Trousers Corporation. That ironically realistic setup could make you chuckle the first time you see it.

But if it gets worse and worse, and those massively powerful heroes with pretty daughters at home keep getting their butts kicked, what would happen?

And if a combatant dies?

Irony is best when it’s a one-off gag. If it stretches into a long-running series, it’s bound to morph into an episode about the struggles for employee rights.

That’s why I commented on the original blog after this webtoon “Magical Girl Happy Cherry Blossom” was formally promoted, saying, “This was way better back then.”

And perhaps one of the reasons I ended up reincarnating in this world was the same.

“Wow, student. You’re out today too.”

Strangely enough, all the combatants from “Noir Corporation” are all irregulars.

Me included.

It isn’t only made up of Earth’s people. Once you’re in the combat suit, you can’t distinguish an Earthling from a Phrog-Suyunian from the planet Phrog-Suyun at all.

For reference, the kind-looking middle-aged man in front of me is from Phrog-Suyun. He immigrated with his family from a planet very far from Earth… uh, how far was it again? Anyway, it’s a very distant planet.

He said he came along when the company headquarters moved because that was the only thing he learned.

“Is it okay for a young kid like you to keep doing this? You doing all right?”

He says he has a daughter my age, but honestly, I can’t imagine it. It seems that Earthlings are quite famous in the Galactic Federation, as gender differentiation and age classification methods appear to be quite widespread, but honestly, to me, a Phrog-Suyunian just looks like a blue rock.

How does he articulate so clearly when he doesn’t even have a mouth? I seriously wonder every time we talk, but it feels impolite to ask.

Ah, is this overly Earth-centric thinking? I’ve never been outside the universe, but outside there might be even more of such beings…

“Uncle, don’t worry! I’m a high school student! Teenager! Teenagers on Earth are amazing! Maybe I’ll work here and then go home for a date with my boyfriend or something?”

—That might not be it?

The kid still looks remarkably similar to an Earthling except for her blue skin and two antennae.

She isn’t too bad-looking by Earth standards. She appears to be around my age, but until I hear further details, I must not let my guard down. After all, she could actually be in her thirties and might even be male.

Or she could be a being from a place that doesn’t even have gender concepts. Who knows?

But by this kid’s words and behaviors, I do know one thing: She’s what you’d call an ‘Earth Buddy.’

In simple terms, it’s like this. Among Koreans, there are some who deeply admire Japan, go there to work and live, and find joy in it, just as Japanese or Westerners might get into K-pop. This kid is submersed in ‘Earth’ culture.

If you trace it back, you would end up at least several years before the Galactic Federation started to make contact in 2020—well, let’s save that story for later.

“Hey, what are you doing! Hurry up and put on your helmet!?”

Ah, the captain is nagging again.

I’ve never seen what the captain looks like. Every time I see him on-site, he’s always completely suited up with his helmet on.

Our combat suits… well, to put it simply, they’re tight. They look like the outfits of the henchmen from Japanese Tokusatsu shows, and we wear black motorcycle helmets on our heads.

At least the female version has something resembling a skirt around the waist, so that’s a bit decent.

Since the male ones don’t, they must look like guys.

We all hurriedly put on our helmets.

A simple UI is displayed on the eyepiece of the helmet. You could call it a heads-up display… or maybe not? It just shows a percentage number in the corner of your vision, indicating the energy for the ‘circuit’ to function.

Beep.

I checked the “circuit” on my wrist.

50 percent. That’s how it is. This circuit starts at 50 percent every time. If I was particularly poorly conditioned or if something bad happened, it might start at around 60 percent.

This ‘circuit’ is why Noir Corporation has entered Earth.

Only humans like me from Earth wear the circuit. The boss wouldn’t take it, so it’s natural to assume it’s not operated by Earthlings.

“Ready!? Good! Prepare the slogan!”

“Hey!”

“Helmet, check!”

“Check, check, check!”

“Circuit, check!”

“Check, check, check!”

“Alright then, let’s go!”

The captain jumped on the back of the truck, and all the ‘combatants’ poured in after him.

……Wouldn’t it be easier just to direct us straight to the objective? Is there a reason we need to take a truck halfway? They told us to wear our suits in advance anyway.

Well, it doesn’t matter.

As long as I get paid properly, that’s what matters. At least this company pays well.

Vroom, the old truck started with a loud engine noise.

*

“Hehe! Damn filthy Galactic Federation bastards! They’re the enemies of space capitalism!”

The one shouting that was an ‘officer’ dressed in a black suit.

A being who stirs up excitement at the forefront of battle and takes action if necessary.

Of course, actual combat falls to us, the combatants.

Beep.

A sound came from the circuit.

The percentage displayed in my helmet showed 55 percent.

……I seem to have adapted to this place.

When I first stepped out, it was at 80 percent already.

……Not good.

The reason they insist on forcibly mixing weak Earthlings among combatants is because of this circuit.

Looking at the watch, the middle hand was rotating almost imperceptibly counterclockwise.

I tapped the watch, and the circuit’s revolving speed increased a bit.

57 percent.

Great. I thought I’d be kicked out, but it’s slightly higher now.

“Phew.”

I let out a sigh.

“Humans can’t live on money alone!”

The magical girl faced off against the officer and yelled.

“If people like you start driving out small business owners, the world is surely going to fall into the hands of corporations!”

“Hehe, and what’s wrong with that? If we all become employees of large corporations, isn’t that the way? Huh? We treat you way better than corner store owners do!”

“No one knows what you’re doing behind the scenes.”

“Oh dear, oh dear, a mere illegal squad is trying to punish a respectable businessman.”

The figure dressed like a high-ranking official of the company spoke while taking off the tall silk hat he was wearing and holding it in his hand.

“Then… it seems we have no choice but to show our power. ‘Legally’! Right, miss?”

“That’s exactly what I wanted! In the name of Happy Cherry Blossom, I will defeat you!”

What corporations typically do is buy land and torment the people who work there.

Governments usually just stand there. In fact, this is all planned for ‘some purpose’ from behind the scenes.

And that plan benefits the government too.

Though the officer referred to Blossom as illegal and whatnot, she’s also teetering on the edge of legality. After all, the government turns a blind eye.

If corporations go on too much of a rampage, won’t the anger be directed towards the state that permitted them?

Still, they manage to make it look like they’re letting the side of justice win.

Is it better to keep buying corporate technology?

Or is it better to stick with the Galactic Federation?

This ‘show’ was also to gauge where things lied on that scale.

“Let’s go!”

The captain yelled, and the back door of the truck opened.

We rushed out.

We’re somewhat trained, and while I can’t say we aren’t weak at all—

“Ah-ha.”

“……!”

Everyone raised their heads simultaneously at the sound that came from the spot we landed.

Beep beep beep!

70 percent.

I could feel the circuit functioning through the vibration on my wrist without even having to check the display on my helmet.

Ah, crap, I made a bad choice.

“Isn’t doing the same flanking maneuver three times stale?”

From the darkness beyond the streetlight, a girl came walking slowly wearing a purple off-shoulder dress that suited this weather remarkably well.

She looked to be about my age.

A very pale lavender ponytail sparkled in the light of the streetlamp, and her skin radiated light somehow. She looked like she had a mist filter on her camera lens.

Click.

What she was holding was a long rifle. Just from its looks, it seemed to be an antiquated bolt-action rifle you might use in World War II, but the ammunition didn’t come from gunpowder; it was powered by ‘magic’ produced by the ‘circuit.’

It was a “circuit” operating in entirely opposite directions from the one we use.

Instead of bullets, it contained a disposable fuse that controls the rifle’s energy, preventing it from overloading when shot.

“You all cannot reach Blossom. I, ‘Iris,’ will send you all to a comfortable place.”

Beep beep beep—!

85 percent.

But against ‘Happy Iris,’ there’s no hope at all.

She doesn’t care about the circumstances.

“Damn it, scatter—”

That was the captain’s trailing words.

Pew.

A sound rang out from Iris’s rifle.

It was a sound resembling a silencer-equipped rifle you hear in films.

However.

Boom—!

Chills ran down my spine.

In the spot where the uncle was standing a moment ago, just a long barrel remained.

For an instant, my vision turned too bright; I couldn’t see the dim surroundings properly.

I instantly turned and ran.

Bang!

Even if I did get hit, I probably wouldn’t die.

Magical girls aren’t murderers.

But I would probably break a few bones. And I’d get discovered somewhere far away.

That’s how Iris’s ‘magic’ worked.

“Oh my.”

Iris laughed.

“You can’t escape easily★”

I heard her voice followed by the sound of running.

But even the sound of her landing didn’t reach me.

From above……!

“Ah—”

Bang!

That Earth Buddy kid didn’t even finish her scream before disappearing.

“Eek!”

95 percent.

The circuit spun madly.

At this rate, running is pointless.

I stopped in my tracks.

At least the view through the helmet was clearer than a moment ago.

By this time, over half of the combatants had already vanished. The ground around me was pockmarked all over.

“Oh my?”

Iris’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh, yes, I remember. The scratch on that helmet. You’re—an Earthling, right?”

Iris spoke, while standing mid-air.

“With a circuit.”

I waved my arms around.

A black blade protruded from the circuit on my left wrist.

……Well, admittedly, it looks overwhelmingly weaker compared to the circuit weapon Iris has.

“Alright then. Shall I capture you? I’ll adjust the output, so you won’t fly too far.”

Iris cocked her rifle toward me and said.

“I find your circuit quite interesting.”

Ah crap, I should have just stayed escape.

……I shouldn’t have come out.

What on Earth am I doing on Christmas?

 

---