I Became a New Magical Girl Priest

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I’ve never had a pet in my life.

Of course, I couldn’t have raised one in this life since I lived in an orphanage, and in my past life, it was purely too much of a hassle.

I understand they’re cute, but the responsibilities involved in taking care of them were more than I thought. I had to feed them, clean up after them, groom them, and take them for walks every day.

There are cases where animals don’t need walks, but aside from that, everything else was on me.

So, during my childhood, I often wished animals were incredibly smart and could wash themselves, eat on their own, and even go to the bathroom by themselves.

But then I thought again—if that were the case, they wouldn’t be much different from children, and if animals were smart, there’d be no reason for them to live under me. So in the end, I concluded that and completely discarded the thought.

“…A talking hamster.”

“No, no.”

But now, right in front of me, there’s a hamster that can talk and think.

Of course, when I said that, Earth Buddy shook his head seriously.

“That’s not it; it’s a Squeaky Adult.”

…Given that it was named Squeaky for not being able to understand language in the first place, isn’t this a pointless debate?

Though he’s called an adult, he doesn’t seem much like a ‘human.’

No, I at least have some common sense.

That pink hamster in the webtoon was an alien and could talk. It was part of an alien species with an intelligence capable of creating circuits.

Thinking of it that way, it makes sense. James was able to hand me a new circuit casually because it was a circuit he had made.

Conversely, it seems like he was conducting some sort of experiment on me.

“……”

“Could you please put me down for now?”

Today was the first time I learned that James’s identity was that of a Squeaky Adult, but according to Earth Buddy, I already knew he was an officer of the company.

I carefully set James down on the blanket as directed.

Small animals like hamsters typically have a body temperature higher than that of humans, and James was no exception.

However, I couldn’t tell if it was because he was sick or if it was simply his normal state.

For now, his body resembled that of a hamster.

“…Should we take him to the animal hospital?”

“…The animal hospital.”

“No, it’s just that he looks like this.”

“Isn’t what you’ve been saying just a bit too much?”

If Earth Buddy was saying this to me, then perhaps I was being a bit too harsh.

I glanced again at the unconscious James.

His body was entirely black. Anyone could see it had the design of an ‘evil executive mascot.’ In the webtoon, he only appeared as that humanoid robot, so I didn’t know his true form. He might have shown up after I had exited the story.

Even though he had such shiny, black fur… it wasn’t that his whole body was black.

Do you know the creature known as the Panda Mouse? James’s fur was a blend of white and black like that pet.

Especially the white fur around his neck looked just like the collar of a white dress shirt. Strangely, he even had a real necktie on for some reason.

Aside from that, the fur around his hands and feet was also white.

It certainly seemed like the design of a webtoon artist. With large ears and a fluffy tail, he looked like a hamster wearing a suit that was slightly bigger than a fist.

To be honest, it’s cute.

I’m not sure if calling him cute is a discriminatory term or not.

The reason I’ve been harsh all this time has to do with that.

I didn’t have particularly good feelings towards James.

My faults were mixed in there, but generally speaking, humans tend to notice their own disadvantages more than their own faults, right? It might be one thing to punish me, but trying to hold my friend’s future as collateral was something I honestly struggled to accept.

But the problem is, the fact that the one who did such a things is showing up in this form makes me feel strange.

The scale of the punishment ought to be the same, but somehow, imagining that this cute creature was the main culprit makes it feel a bit ridiculous.

Unless I don’t look at the humanoid robot that’s sitting in the corner of this room.

“……”

I lifted my head and stared blankly at that robot for a while before getting up.

“Should we clean up the robot?”

“Is your body alright?”

“No, it’s like that because of me.”

In multiple ways, that is. With James, or even with Earth Buddy’s room.

Earth Buddy nodded at my words.

The two of us left James as is and cleared away the humanoid robot James was riding. By using the power of the circuits a bit, I was able to manage to get it cleared away.

…I stuffed the body as tightly as I could into a large trash bag, but unless you looked directly at the cross-section of the head, it only looked like a corpse.

And, of course, it looked exactly like a victim of a grotesque murder.

The two of us silently watched that scene for a moment before laying it flat on some plastic we had in a corner of the room.

Then Earth Buddy went outside and brought back a box to cover it up.

Yeah, it’s better to have trash in the house than a corpse.

I tried my best not to look at the red liquid that was continuously soaking through the box.

After we disposed of the corpse (?) adequately, James, who we had placed on the electric mat, began to stir.

“Ugh…”

He looked cute, but his voice was anything but cute. It sounded like an uncle’s voice.

Objectively speaking, you could say it was a well-rated voice like a voice actor’s.

Earth Buddy told me that the tie around his neck was probably a translation device. All Squeaky Adults don’t have vocal organs like Earthlings, so they could only make sounds that resembled squeaks to us.

I wonder if Squeaky Adults always look like animals on other planets too to prevent them from being in a hurry.

Earth Buddy and I hurried over to James and looked down at him closely.

While we were anxiously staring down at him, James’s eyes suddenly opened wide.

He had round, black eyes like a hamster.

So cute indeed.

Like a golden hamster.

“…Where am I?”

His voice came out in an attractive, middle-aged uncle tone, and his mouth moved as if he were lip-syncing, which was incredibly cute.

“More importantly, who’s that next to you—Squeak. Squeak squeak? Squeak squeak squeak!”

I pulled on the tie as James was speaking.

The tie stretched out like a rubber band, and as it slightly fell from his neck, James’s voice changed to a squeaky sound.

Wow, that really was squeaky.

Of course, it was a changing tone of what was probably a language of his, but it seemed like the sounds were definitely incomprehensible to other planet people.

As I kept pulling on the translator, it seemed like James was trying to attach it back to his neck, and he jumped up from his place.

He flailed his arms and hopped with his short little legs. Given his size, his jumping power was quite something.

“Squeak, squeak—Give it back! I said give it back! What do you think you’re doing!? You uncivilized brat!”

As I released the translator, James’s voice returned to that of an Earthling.

He must have felt terribly embarrassed about jumping around and yelling, as he seemed flustered for a second before clearing his throat and adjusting his voice.

“I will warn you now, but if you act like that again—uh, uh, uhh!?”

I picked him up with both hands and held him up high.

James screamed and kicked his legs.

Holding James up and down like that, I took a lap around Earth Buddy’s room before finally placing him down again, and he yelled in exasperation.

“What are you doing, you punk! After saving your life, you repay me with this!?”

After shouting for a while, James started gasping for breath as if he had run out of energy.

The tips of his large ears quivered.

It seemed like he was genuinely angry, but to be honest, even his anger looked cute.

And right after I felt that emotion, I also felt a tremendous sense of awkwardness.

“…What on earth is this about?”

Seeming to feel a bit embarrassed by his earlier actions, James quickly replied, as if to brush it aside, “Well, seems like you’re James after all. You yelled like that when the magical girls beat you up too.”

“Were you trying to find that out?”

“If so, wouldn’t there have been a better way?”

Earth Buddy and James spoke at the same time.

No, actually, it was just something I did to help a bit with my depression.

And it seems like it actually helps. He didn’t show affection like a pet I’d raised, but at least he looked cute and could communicate.

A hamster that could talk, surely it would have been incredibly popular if it had been sold on Earth.

Oh, right, he’s an alien, isn’t he?

Then, that won’t work out.

“So, what brings you here?”

I asked while sitting cross-legged with my arms crossed.

I still didn’t feel completely at ease. My gloom hadn’t wholly vanished either. However, I felt like I had momentarily forgotten my worries, and moreover, I felt much better than when I was alone.

Earth Buddy was clearly siding with me. If he had suspected me from the start, he would have turned me over to the police right away. I may not be able to stay in this room indefinitely, but for now, at least, I won’t be driven out immediately. That is indeed something I’m grateful for.

And James.

I had some idea about how James came to be here.

This circuit running around my wrist. If James made this, it would naturally have a tracking function attached to it. To prevent him from running away easily.

The company that developed it had also devised ways to detect energy used by magical girls in order to track them. If that’s the case here as well, it should be possible. Well, at least, judging by the fact that neither the Eun-ha Federation nor the company stormed in here, it seems like there’s some backup measure in place.

“……I feel like I’ve been using informal language.”

“Ah.”

I had forgotten that I was speaking to a hamster in front of me.

I had unwittingly begun thinking less of him because he couldn’t put up any proper resistance aside from squirming around while I continued to bully him.

Moreover, the head of the robot James had been riding was half-destroyed. It was clearly proof that someone had tried to blow him out of the machine.

If his life was seriously threatened, then James would indeed find it hard to survive without me.

So, what we needed to do was cooperate. And the partner in that cooperation must naturally be ‘equal.’

Yeah, I decided to think that way.

It’s definitely not because I didn’t want to use honorifics just because my partner was a hamster.

“How can I hold on to my dignity when I’ve been wronged?”

“…….”

James narrowed his eyes and looked up at me.

He had a look that was completely harmless and somewhat easygoing. The humanoid robot James had once occupied had looked much more menacing.

“Well, it’s fine.”

Knowing that he wasn’t in a position to be too optimistic about his situation, James seemed to decide not to mind the details.

“A little while ago, you asked what was happening, so how much do you understand about the current situation?”

‘You’ had become ‘you.’

Well, perhaps it’s similar that I had dropped my honorifics.

“……I know I’m being chased.”

I replied in a gloomy voice.

The circuit on my wrist began spinning rapidly.

Yeah, I remember everything. Beyond my hazy vision was Ha-yoon, who had been confronting me.

Is it possible that I’m being treated like a monster? I guess that’s likely. The equipment they were using to catch me was all the same as what they used to catch monsters.

“That’s probably the case.”

James answered, and raised a hand under his chin and paused to organize his thoughts.

Then he plopped down on the floor, sitting on his butt.

“First of all, I was almost assassinated. At the last moment, I managed to warp away.”

“Warp? You had a personal warp device?”

“Very unstable, and it’s even a one-time-use item. I made it myself. Of course, I had to steal quite a lot of energy for it.”

“So you stole from your company?”

“It’s not theft; it was an investment for the future. I used the budget allocated to my department.”

No, you just said you stole outright.

But James continued on as if it didn’t matter at all.

“Anyway, it must’ve been completely wrecked by the time I used it, so you don’t need to worry about anyone chasing after you. Originally, it was a device developed for escaping detention.”

Though he said that, I believed James had essentially made it entirely his own. It wasn’t weird at all.

“So, the company was trying to purge you?”

“They executed a permanent layoff. The company is probably right now rolling on the ground with headaches along with the Eun-ha Federation.”

“……The company and the Eun-ha Federation?”

“As I told you in the hospital, the company gave up on you. Foolishly.”

“……”

“It seems they were supposed to receive your investigation from the Eun-ha Federation to conduct similar research. Regardless of the verdict you receive, whether it be months or years, it shouldn’t matter. After just a few months of research, you would have become part of the Eun-ha Federation and would have ‘been employed’ somehow.”

“Me?”

“The Eun-ha Federation is a ‘state government’ on a scale that spans the entire galaxy. It shouldn’t be hard to imagine what the ‘developed nations’ of this nation are doing behind the scenes.”

So even the Eun-ha Federation was doing such things behind their backs.

They would catch me, use me as a research subject, brainwash me, manipulate my testimony, and then ’employ’ me for their own ends.

“……Hold on, what about Ha-yoon?”

“Ooh.”

James spoke in a tone that seemed a little interested and somewhat mocking.

“Are you worrying about a magical girl in such a situation?”

“Of course, how could I not?”

Right now, I was the one worrying more. I don’t want to die, nor do I want to be caught in a research facility and be a subject of experiments.

I just wanted to get through life normally.

But it seems that opportunity has already passed.

“……Ha-yoon is my friend.”

“Maybe it would be better to worry about your own life first instead of worrying about a friend’s life? Are you perhaps hiding?”

For a hamster, he sure has a sharp tongue.

Could he still be holding a grudge over my earlier ‘height height’ stunt?

“……So, what then.”

I sat down, hugging my knees, and glared at the hamster in front of me. As I leaned closer, the sound of the circuit sped up. It was heating up, showing that the power efficiency was indeed astonishing. I guess that’s why everyone seems so eager to catch me.

For a moment, I had faced off against all the magical girls, had flipped over several police cars while fleeing, and even soared into the sky at the end.

Now, looking back…

If I had exerted my strength from the beginning, it wouldn’t have been this bewildering. I would have adjusted my power accordingly.

Throughout the years, I had never once been informed of being an important character, and now being told ‘that person is a strong villain’ just leaves me at a loss for what to do.

No, is that how it should be, since it’s the author’s intent? Is it really such a grudge-worthy act that I left comments expressing my disappointment?

I’m not so sure.

If I regret that incident, I’d be regretting my existence in this world and the fact that I became friends with Ha-yoon.

But I couldn’t help but feel regret.

Had I lived on there, I would have at least had a normal life.

I believe living a long and uneventful life is far better than being a major character who might die someday.

Ah, thinking about it makes my head all the more complicated again.

“What should I do?”

“How about revenge?”

James said.

I raised my face, which was buried in my arms.

James was looking straight at me.

The mention of revenge didn’t seem like a mere empty statement.

“I may look like this, but I’m a Squeaky Adult from the planet Squeaky.”

Wait, is that really the official designation?

That’s the only thing I can say, but even so, isn’t that just a bit ridiculous? Wouldn’t it be better to refer to yourself as a hamster adult from Hamster Planet?

“And my home planet has produced countless outstanding engineers. Despite physical limitations, our engineers are at the core of the technology of the Eun-ha Federation.”

I looked at Earth Buddy.

Earth Buddy nodded.

“That’s true. With a large population, each individual is smart enough to sell ships here and there. They also seem to have plenty of AS centers, and they’re quite good at fixing things even in tight spaces.”

James continued with an expression of undeniable pride.

“That’s right. So, I can repair and enhance your circuit.”

“……With no materials?”

“I came with a concentration of advanced technology.”

I and Earth Buddy glanced at the ‘body’ of James placed in the corner… or something that closely resembled it.

Well, it would indeed be a concentration of that technology if it were a robot.

“So, let’s seek revenge. I feel like avenging myself against the executives of the company that tried to kill me will put me at ease. Also, the ones that harmed the chairman.”

“……”

I stared at James.

“I will gift you with a ‘normal life.’ Of course, it’ll be temporary for now.”

“How?”

“The robot I rode had a ‘face.'”

James looked up at me.

As if he knew I would definitely accept that offer.

“And fortunately, there’s enough material in this room to create a convincing facial mask. I can create a ‘mask’ sophisticated enough so that no one would chase after you for a while. What do you think?”

“…….”

That was indeed a pretty tempting offer, at least for the time being.

“And ultimately, I’ll make sure you can stop the forces that are pursuing you. I don’t have a plan right now—”

James shrugged.

“Right now, you don’t have any other options either, do you?”

That’s certainly true.

“……”

In the end, I had no choice but to nod.

“Alright, for the time being, I’ll cooperate.”

James spoke with a triumphant expression.

I found it somewhat annoying, so I started to squeeze him in my hands.

Though James screamed again, I didn’t pay much attention to it.

…Though, I decided to hold back a little, as it seemed Earth Buddy found it slightly dangerous to see me like this.

 

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