I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

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Ah, I want to commit suicide.

With such trivial thoughts, I headed to the science lab.

Peeking through the window, it seemed no one was inside.

Except for one science teacher.

Creak.

I opened the door without knocking.

A form of timid rebellion, I suppose.

He greeted me, holding a beaker and observing something.

“Oh, you’ve come. Did you enjoy the class?”

“I don’t know.”

I awkwardly pulled out a chair and plopped down anywhere.

I rested my cheek against the desk.

Why am I even here when there’s nothing to do?

I just want to go back to the dorm.

So I want to kill myself quickly.

But I can’t do that.

For now, suicide has become difficult.

If it weren’t, I wouldn’t have even shown up to class.

I would have just killed myself right away.

Last night’s incident complicated many things.

What’s most important when committing suicide?

First, it’s quiet. Second, also quiet. Third, still quiet.

More accurately, the term “secretly” might be appropriate.

As I’ve emphasized multiple times, if there weren’t conditions, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

I could just open the window and jump.

Right now, no matter how I try to commit suicide, I’m bound to be caught.

The attention has already risen too high.

Both Kim Shinwoo and the demon.

So what should I do now?

I need to reduce the interest first, rather than recklessly attempting suicide.

Is that possible, you ask?

Probably.

Even if they want to pay attention to me, as the original story progresses, they’ll be overwhelmed with busyness.

There’s no need to wait until then.

Just until next week.

Next Wednesday is my D-day.

Exactly eight days from now, everything will be over.

If everything goes as planned, that is.

“So, why did you call me?”

“Um, there’s no particular reason. You were planning to go back to the dorm anyway, right? If that’s the case, isn’t it better to stay here?”

At that statement, my expression soured.

What kind of confidence does he have?

Does he honestly believe being with him is better?

“Lighten up a bit. We share a secret, don’t we?”

“Hmph. Whatever.”

I’m tired.

My head hurts.

Even without showing symptoms of a seizure, Yu Hana’s body is frail.

Always in poor condition, I guess.

Ah, I’m bored.

I want to commit suicide.

Sitting still, my impatience grew.

So, I decided to explore the science lab.

Of course, I didn’t ask for permission.

“Oooh…”

I admired a chilling model of a skeleton.

The science lab skeleton had always been a staple in school ghost stories.

Huh? I feel like I’ve seen this before…

Well, it must be a misunderstanding.

I looked at the periodic table stuck to the wall and spoke to him.

“Is there anything interesting here?”

“Hm. This is a classroom, not a playground.”

“Boring.”

Is he cosplaying as a teacher?

As if a demon could do that.

As I lingered around the science lab aimlessly, this time he was the one to speak first.

“How was Shinwoo?”

“…That’s really out of the blue. What are you asking about?”

“Aren’t you going to talk about yesterday’s events?”

Yesterday’s events.

The conversation that took place while I was asleep.

Kim Shinwoo probably thinks that way.

In reality, I wasn’t sleeping.

I had my eyes closed and was listening to everything.

As memories resurfaced, my expression automatically scrunched.

Yesterday, I made a deal with him.

It felt like a pact with a demon.

Something I didn’t want to do and was worried about the consequences, but a transaction I had to make.

It was at that moment.

“Ugh…!”

A tremendous pain started in my chest.

Seizure symptoms.

It’s hot.

My whole body feels like it’s boiling.

It’s as if lava flows through my veins instead of blood.

I’ve heard that even a single use of drugs can leave a person unable to forget that ecstasy for life.

I wouldn’t disagree.

Thanks to that damned strawberry-flavored vitamin he gave me, I can’t forget the pleasure.

The agonizing pain on both sides also appears much clearer.

And so, I become addicted, yearning for it.

Before I knew it, I was aware of my desires.

Not that I wanted the pain to stop.

I want to experience ecstasy instead.

In that moment of desperation for pleasure.

No, in the moment craving the ecstasy.

He silently handed me a bottle.

My eyes fixed on it.

If I ate that sweet strawberry, heavenly blessings would await me.

I slowly reached out my hand.

Smack!

“Get that away from me.”

“Even again, that’s amazing mental strength. How do you endure it?”

“…Shut up. It’s buzzing in my head.”

“I’ve never seen anyone reject this medicine while being sober. Not even twice. You can’t imagine how surprised I was yesterday.”

To be honest, I was surprised too.

I know better than anyone the happiness that medicine brings.

Because I experienced it firsthand.

My mind constantly cries out for pleasure.

My brain commands me to take that right away.

Yet, my body is being troublesome.

No matter how much my brain signals, it’s completely unmoving.

Instead, my arm pushes away the outstretched hand offering the medicine, while my mouth firmly refuses.

How is this even possible?

Perhaps.

It’s because my mind is ‘me’ but my body is ‘Yu Hana’.

Yu Hana’s body knows instinctively.

That if I take that medicine again, I would completely break down.

Not myself, but the relationship with Kim Shinwoo.

The moment I decided to take the medicine, Shinwoo’s face appeared.

He’s just a protagonist in a story to me.

But seeing that face, my clarity returns, and I regain my rationality.

“Yu Hana. What on earth….”

But the pain doesn’t disappear.

The seizure still continues. The effect of the medicine remains.

It’s a level of suffering I can’t endure alone.

I struggled to pull out a syringe I had prepared in advance for situations like this from my bag.

It was sealed well, so there shouldn’t be any problems.

Even if something went wrong, it would be better than this damned pain right now.

“Hah… Hah…”

Breathing is a struggle.

He, who was rejected, quietly observed me.

What’s there to be afraid of if you help in a moment like this?

My hands were trembling as I tried to find a vein.

I couldn’t concentrate because of the headache.

I bit my lips until they bled and forced myself to focus.

Fortunately, I didn’t miss the vein and jabbed the syringe in.

I pressed down on the piston and injected the painkiller.

After about a minute, I felt the effects starting to set in.

“Ugh… Hah…”

With a blissful sigh, I collapsed onto the ground.

Soon, my body was filled with an unpleasant calmness.

It’s a contradictory expression.

Yet, it was also the most accurate expression.

To someone like me, who has tasted overwhelming pleasure through the strawberry, the narcotic effect of the painkiller felt like child’s play.

I want pleasures beyond this.

I want to crawl over and beg him for strawberries.

Of course, I didn’t do that.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Please leave. I want to be alone.”

“This is my science lab, you know.”

“Well, that’s true.”

I couldn’t refute.

I want to jump and die.

“If it’s the pill that’s the issue, I can make it in liquid form.”

“No thanks.”

A strawberry-flavored potion, huh?

Would it taste like strawberry milk?

The painkiller made my head fuzzy.

Why did I come to the science lab again?

Ah, he called me.

Yet he’s doing nothing after calling me.

Should I just go back?

I don’t know why I need to be here.

I hope I won’t run into Kim Shinwoo on my way.

“I’ve heard that Hana is a powerless person.”

Is this an auditory hallucination?

No, he really just said that.

“Yes. And so?”

“Don’t you wonder what your ability is?”

My ability.

Yu Hana’s ability.

I’m not particularly curious.

Because I’ve somewhat figured it out from reading the original.

“Why are you bringing that up all of a sudden?”

I was more curious about why he suddenly introduced that topic.

“I’ve heard that Shinwoo’s ability is quite special.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“Haha, there are sources that hear everything. So, about that…”

He paused for a moment and asked with a meaningful tone.

“Do you feel any jealousy?”

Ah, so that’s what this is.

Is he trying to get into my insecurities and sow discord between us?

No chance. I can’t let myself be influenced by Shinwoo…

Huh. Well, whatever. I’m not going to fall for such an obvious trap.

“That’s right. Shinwoo’s ability is amazing. But he’s not special because of that. He shines not because of his powers.”

He stared at me intently and then said.

“You must like Shinwoo.”

Hmm? It’s true that Yu Hana likes Kim Shinwoo, but…

Was my performance that natural?

What did I say?

I can’t remember well, maybe because of the painkiller.

The painkiller makes my head fuzzy.

By the way, strawberries vanish as soon as you eat them.

“That’s envious.”

“…What? Ugh! Gross!”

“That wasn’t my intention.”

Of course it wasn’t!

Yu Hana is eighteen!

Plus, she looks even younger than that!

He’s truly a demon.

How can a human act like that?

He easily disregards human morality.

So dirty.

If I were near, I might get assaulted.

They’d forcefully feed me heaps of strawberries before…

Hmm…

Strange…?

No, that’s not it.

This still isn’t right.

I am a human, unlike that trash, not a demon.

I shook my head vigorously to dismiss the evil thoughts to maintain my morality.

“A guest has arrived.”

“…Huh?”

A guest?

Before I could even process his words, someone knocked on the science lab door.

“Come in.”

The door opened slowly, revealing the guest.

It was a familiar face.

“Hello, teacher.”

A well-mannered female student greeted him with a bow.

He nodded in response, recognizing her.

“Hello. So, this must be… Han Si-hyun, right?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”