I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

---

“Hana.”

“······.”

“Really… It’s already 11 o’clock. Get up quickly!”

Please just leave me alone.

But Sophie lightly betrayed my heart and lifted the blanket.

“Why have you been like this since yesterday? Are you sick?”

“···Sophie. Ghost, ghost.”

“Oh, we’re back to that story from yesterday.”

“I really saw it!”

Yesterday, I went back to my hometown at Kim Shinwoo’s suggestion.

And there, I saw a ghost.

Eww. So creepy…!

Fortunately, except for bumping into that boy once, nothing special happened.

But since then, I’ve been trembling in fear.

A ghost, seriously.

I really hate stuff like this.

Could it really have been a ghost?

Or maybe it was just an ordinary local kid with the same name?

But Kim Shinwoo kindly told me there was only one child named Hanseol.

Is it related to Yu Hana’s ability?

I don’t know.

It might make sense if I pieced it together, but I don’t remember any direct mention of such abilities in the original work.

Ah, I don’t know!

I just want to bury myself in this blanket.

I want to skip next week’s classes and just stay in my room until the field practice.

Surely the ghost didn’t follow me to the academy…?

Sophie sighed and muttered.

“Hana, you’re really a coward, aren’t you?”

“···Sorry for being such a coward.”

I mean, I didn’t want to be in this world.

I really don’t want to live as Yu Hana.

Especially when my whole body hurts from a seizure, it’s really sad and makes me want to cry.

But now, ghosts?

I can’t take it anymore!

“Staying curled up like this won’t solve anything. Why don’t you go outside and take a breath? Maybe a short walk or something.”

“Not really… Being cooped up at home is the best.”

“But you’ll have to go outside at some point, right?”

Something felt unsettling.

Especially Sophie’s beaming smile.

“···Why?”

“Because we’re out of milk.”

Oh my.

That’s a real emergency!

I looked up at Sophie with trembling eyes.

Was it more accurate to say I pleaded?

“Y-you’re going to go get it, right? Please?”

Sophie smiled and dramatically answered in a theatrical tone.

“Thirsty one, dig your own well! Now hurry up and go!”

“···That’s too much.”

For the first time, I felt a bit resentful towards Sophie.

In the end, I reluctantly got out of bed.

Okay. Maybe going out will make me feel better.

And more importantly, I absolutely can’t give up on the milk.

*

Blue skies.

Refreshing air.

It wasn’t bad to be outside for sure.

Yeah. There’s no ghost here.

I’d rather believe I’m just losing my mind than believe in ghosts.

I headed to the convenience store right in front of the dorm.

“Ah!”

“Eek!”

I collided with someone while turning a corner.

The boy dropped several books he was holding onto the floor.

I hastily bent down to help him pick up the books.

“Ah, thank you.”

“No problem. ···Oh?”

A boy with a face I felt I’d seen somewhere before.

As I tilted my head, he recognized me first.

“Hana! It’s you! Hi?”

“Um… Hi.”

Who was he again?

If I remember his face, it means we met within the past week.

I suddenly realized he was from my class a beat too late.

He sat quietly in the last row, and I forgot his presence.

He probably doesn’t have much significance in the original work either.

So his name is definitely…

“Juhyun, right?”

“Yeah. That’s right. I didn’t think you’d remember.”

Isn’t it just natural to remember your classmates’ names?

Even if it’s the start of the semester, you get to know everyone within a week, right?

Of course, he is quite the forgettable one.

“What are you doing with all those books piled up?”

It was as if he was about to build a tower out of them.

Is he one of those quiet nerdy types that every class has?

Juhyun replied with an awkward smile.

“Ah, I’m taking them to the church.”

“···The church?”

That was an unexpected location.

I assumed it would be a library or study room.

“Why are you moving books to the church?”

I casually read the title of one book I picked up.

“The Original Sin Erased Through the Atonement of Christ.”

“······.”

What kind of nonsense is this?

I seriously have no idea what a single word means.

Is this really Korean? It looks more like some cryptic script than Korean.

As I frowned and shot daggers at the book, Juhyun said,

“I was moving them for the priest’s errand.”

“Oh… Do you need help?”

“Huh?”

“It must be hard to carry alone. I’ll help you.”

There was no special meaning behind it.

If I had to justify it, perhaps out of curiosity.

I had only been to a church once when I was a kid because they were handing out delicious treats.

Back then, I thought it was kind of boring and dull.

What’s the appearance of religion in this world where monsters roam?

And, even though I don’t want to admit it…

A little of it is because I’m scared of ghosts.

*

Within the academy grounds, there are various facilities, including religious ones.

Not just churches, but also temples, shrines, and even monasteries.

The reason there are so many religious facilities is simple.

There are surprisingly many believers among the academy students.

It’s a grim world where gates open around the globe, threatening humanity with monsters.

It’s not strange to cry out that there’s no God in such a dark worldview.

Yet, believers still exist.

Some of them even directly fight against the monsters.

“Juhyun, do you believe in God too?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Even the classmate sitting right next to me believes in God.

It’s quite mysterious when I think about it.

I know this place isn’t the real world but a created one.

Just a stage made for the progress of a story.

The center steering the world has been determined. The protagonist is fixed.

The overwhelming majority, who are not leading roles, are all lumped together as extras, hardly mentioned.

Is there really an omnipotent God in such a world?

Should I see the original author as a God?

“You’re coming to the church for the first time, right?”

“Yeah.”

I followed Juhyun into the church.

It was smaller than I expected.

Well, there’s no reason to make it big and take up space.

Seeing the cross in front and the painting of Jesus in the back gave me a strange feeling.

Some people blindly criticize religion, calling it useless.

I’m not that hostile, but I do harbor a skeptical view of religion.

However, actually entering a church, there’s a certain sacredness that only religion possesses.

I could slightly understand why people believe in religion.

“Just put them over here.”

“Ah, okay.”

I came to my senses and began carrying the books.

Normally, I would have just placed the books and headed straight out, but now that I was here, all sorts of questions arose.

“Juhyun.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think ghosts exist?”

“Um… Perhaps they do.”

So does that mean the kid I saw yesterday was indeed a ghost?

I got chills all over as I thought of it.

“Well, I’ve never seen one myself.”

“···I feel like they exist.”

Juhyun seemed slightly surprised by my words, then he smiled and said.

“Then why not give praying a try?”

“Praying…? I’ve never done it.”

“You don’t have to think of it as anything special. Just asking God earnestly could be considered a prayer, right?”

Is that so?

By that logic, I must have prayed a lot.

I begged and begged every time I had a seizure.

Of course, there was no response to my prayers.

Instead of some God who might or might not be there, a damn strawberry saved me from the pain.

Thanks to that, I ended up falling deeper into a more serious quagmire of pleasure.

Still, since I’m here, I might as well give it a try.

I approached the cross, bowed my head, and closed my eyes.

God.

Are you listening?

If you really exist, please help me a bit.

It’s really hard.

I don’t know why you sent me to this hellish world, but please send me home soon.

…Actually, I’m scared of suicide.

I don’t want to do it.

But what can I do? If I don’t, a much worse future awaits.

It’s already pretty awful as it is.

You’re really listening, right?

I don’t ask for much, just…

My prayer couldn’t continue further.

Another seizure started, and I knelt down clutching my stomach.

“Ah… Ahh…!”

“Hana? Are you okay!?”

What the hell is this?

What is this?

Is this my answer to prayer?

This is too much.

It hurts. It really hurts!

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for whatever I did wrong…

I won’t complain anymore.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek until it bled.

I felt like I’d lose my mind if I didn’t do something to numb this pain.

Enough with the praying now.

What I need is not God, but a painkiller.

“Is someone there? What’s going on?”

“P-priest! My friend…!”

“Juhyun? What’s next to you… Come out for a moment.”

Someone approached me.

My vision was blurry, so I could hardly see clearly.

It was an old man with white hair.

He placed his hand on my forehead and began muttering something.

“Pater noster, qui es in caelis:”

Just before losing consciousness.

My vision suddenly lit up with brightness.