I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

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Another new day.

I finished my work safely again today.

Fortunately, it flowed quietly without any major incidents.

If I had to pick something, it would be that Kim Shinwoo seemed a bit off.

He kept hesitating as if he wanted to say something to me.

In the end, he left with an uncomfortable state, claiming it was nothing.

Especially the way he looked at Sophie was very strange.

It was a gaze filled with complicated emotions that were hard to describe.

I don’t know what the reason could be.

Could it be related to yesterday’s incident?

I couldn’t remember anything from that time, though.

I heard that Kim Shinwoo made a slip of the tongue while fighting with Hong Yeonhwa.

Because of that, a few of the kids found out about my condition.

Sure enough, there were kids glancing at me today.

It was a bit bothersome, but I figured it would be okay to let it slide.

After all, there’s only one day left anyway.

That’s right.

Tomorrow.

The day of the field training.

I will commit suicide.

*

“Good night.”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“…Yeah.”

I lay down on the bed.

In the dark room, I could hear Sophie’s breathing right next to me.

The bunk bed still hadn’t arrived.

Did the dorm supervisor forget completely?

But I didn’t rush to ask for it.

I’m somewhat used to sleeping together like this now.

Honestly, it wasn’t bad.

Today, for some reason, I couldn’t fall asleep easily.

I don’t know why.

There hasn’t been a day as peaceful as today.

The seizures that would usually torment me two or three times a day were quiet today.

There was no training, so I wouldn’t get scolded by the instructor.

I hadn’t even spoken properly with Kim Shinwoo, who often complicated things.

I spent my time peacefully in the classroom.

After class ended, I briefly enjoyed club activities.

That was all there was to my day.

It might sound absurd, but it was a surprisingly fulfilling day.

The happiest day since I possessed Yu Hana.

At first, I didn’t even realize such a fact.

While enjoying board games with the kids in club activities and watching Hong Yeonhwa receive a penalty, I happened to glance at the mirror hanging on the wall.

And I realized I was smiling brightly.

When was the last time I smiled like this?

My mouth, which had always been contorted in pain, was now—

Useless thoughts filled my head.

As soon as the sun rises tomorrow, I will die.

Death.

Who can fully understand the heaviness of that word?

No matter how intelligent a person is, if they are alive, it’s impossible to understand death.

After all, they’ve never died.

I know too.

I know that I’ll be resurrected three days after I die.

But what if that’s not the case?

What if, as Han Si-hyun said, my ability isn’t resurrection?

Could it be possible that my current soul isn’t Yu Hana, making that possibility exist?

Even if Han Si-hyun was wrong.

What if I don’t meet the conditions for resurrection?

I had planned carefully, but variables can arise at any time.

The body I would resurrect in might disappear.

If someone witnesses the moment of resurrection, it’s all over.

Being just a mere human with an uncertain future.

An anxiety that I might not be able to resurrect and could die for good tightened around me.

Originally, I didn’t have these worries.

My life had been stained only by pain.

Yu Hana’s life hadn’t given me any happiness.

Now it’s different.

Even if it’s something trivial, I found a shard of happiness.

I’ve only just begun to find it.

So what if I’m a little below average?

So what if I’m the only incapable student in the academy?

If I can enjoy my school life with friends who like me casually, maybe I could find happiness?

The dizzying temptation echoes in my mind.

Whose whisper is this?

A demon? Or an angel?

If I’m enchanted by this temptation and don’t commit suicide.

What kind of life awaits me afterward?

“Hana.”

“…Yeah.”

“It’s okay.”

Sophie gently hugged me from behind.

As soon as our bodies touched and I felt her warmth, I realized I was trembling.

“I can’t sleep well tonight.”

“…Yeah.”

“Shall we go get some fresh air?”

*

We went up to the rooftop of the dormitory.

The cool night breeze completely chased away my drowsiness.

Thanks to that, I might end up spending the night wide awake, but I didn’t feel bad at all.

I rather liked this refreshing feeling.

“…What are you doing?”

“Hehe. You try lying down too!”

Sophie suddenly lay down on the ground.

It didn’t seem like a very hygienic action.

I frowned for a moment but then burst into a small laugh.

After all, what does hygiene matter for someone who’s planning to die tomorrow?

So I lay down beside her, acting crazy.

Isn’t it standard to lean against the railing in situations like this?

I don’t know.

And once I lay down, it surprisingly wasn’t bad.

No, it was actually good.

“This is something you’re supposed to do lying in a field.”

“The cold cement floor though.”

“Hehe. But it’s not bad, is it? The important thing isn’t the floor but the sky.”

That’s right.

What does it matter if the floor is a bit hard and dirty?

When lying down and looking up at the sky, it’s so beautiful.

Countless sparkling stars.

It felt like someone had carefully placed jewels in the sky.

At this moment, no worries or troubles surfaced in my mind.

The enormous galaxies brightening up that distant sky.

Compared to them, my worries felt trivial.

Even if I die, those stars won’t know anything and will keep shining brightly.

“Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“You know, I feel strangely sad whenever I see those stars.”

“Why?”

Sophie looked at the stars for a moment in silence before answering.

“I’m not beautiful like those stars.”

I immediately responded to that.

“No, you’re beautiful too.”

“Hehe. I don’t sparkle like that.”

Why is she putting herself down like that?

At least to me, Sophie was more precious than those gas giants in the sky.

“Look over there.”

“Yeah.”

“…If someone betrays you, can you forgive them?”

An unexpected question popped up with no context.

Why is Sophie asking this?

After thinking for a moment, I answered honestly.

“It would depend on the situation, but… I think forgiving isn’t easy.”

“Just as I thought?”

“Why are you asking that?”

“Just. I became curious all of a sudden. Hehe.”

I couldn’t picture Sophie betraying someone.

Then could it be the opposite?

Maybe Sophie was betrayed by someone?

So she’s wondering whether to forgive that person.

Could it be that because she’s contemplating that, she’s berating herself for not being beautiful?

In situations like this, one would usually say something profoundly moving.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t good with words.

So I just ended up saying something unhelpful and formal.

“…Maybe you should just follow your heart?”

Sophie, who was quietly pondering my words, spoke in a tiny voice.

“Doing what my heart says… Yeah. Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Ironically, I myself didn’t understand my own heart.

What is it that I really want to do?

Is it right to go through with my original plan to commit suicide?

Or should I—

If I choose to commit suicide, it would mean saying goodbye to Sophie.

Not just Sophie, but to all the connections I made at the academy.

“I want to be a star.”

“…Huh?”

An unexpected dream declaration.

A dream that seemed quite difficult to realize.

Sophie stretched out her hand.

As if trying to grab a star.

“I want to be a pretty star like that, sparkling.”

“…But if you become a star, you’ll have to say goodbye to everyone.”

At my answer, Sophie’s eyes widened, and then she smiled brightly.

Then she confidently rebutted.

“No! Instead, we’ll be together forever!”

“…How does that work?”

“You’d see me from anywhere, right? I’ll also shine a light on you with my starlight.”

“…….”

Is this supposed to be pure?

I doubt she sincerely believes that. Probably not.

“The important thing is the heart.”

“The heart?”

“Yeah. No matter how far apart you are, if there’s a heart that thinks of each other, you are always together.”

“…Well, maybe that’s true.”

I understood what Sophie meant.

The important thing is the heart.

Yeah. That might be true.

Even if I disappear, Sophie will surely overcome it.

Because she’s strong, unlike me.

Let’s die.

Let’s commit suicide.

The happiness I have seen is like a weak candle flame that might extinguish at any moment.

But the me who dies and resurrects will become even more perfect than I am now.

Like a sparkling star.

Awakening my abilities like that.

Erasing my chronic illness.

Shining brightly.

Let’s return.

Let’s return to the academy.

Of course, the original narrative will be broken, but that’s okay.

After all, the narrative was destroyed the moment Han Si-hyun moved classes.

Then it’s right to help Kim Shinwoo and prevent the incident.

I won’t run away like a coward.

Of course, I’m anxious.

So anxious that my body trembles.

But let’s trust.

The priest said that a firm faith can change reality.

So I’ll try to believe too.

No matter how far apart you are, if there’s a heart that thinks of each other, then you are always together.

“It’s getting chilly… Shall we head back now?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you sleep now?”

“Yeah. Thanks to you.”

I’ll become a star.

A shining star.