I’d Rather Live as a Villain

74 Tension is only necessary when needed

“Of course, I’m scared.”

To my response, my wife, who had been holding her wine glass to her lips, finally took a sip and placed it down on the table.

And she said,

“But we can’t keep avoiding it forever…”

“I don’t know how much it hurts.”

Avoided?

No.

I never avoided my wife.

Why would I avoid her?

I wasn’t avoiding; I was just waiting.

Every night, watching my wife asleep beside me, searching only for the East Sea and Mount Baekdu.

“……”

My wife puffed her cheeks, as if she had heard a reason she had never considered before.

“And I have no sense of when it might be okay.”

That’s what they said at the hospital.

It’s not set in stone that it must be done that way, but at least try again after giving it a three-month break.

I would have felt a strong aversion to the term ‘attempt’ in the past.

But now, I fully understand why the hospital, why educated people like doctors, would use the term ‘attempt’ when talking to couples like my wife and me, who have gone through such pain.

It’s because I’ve experienced how something so natural and easy for some can be difficult for others, even with careful planning and attention.

“The truth is, I am scared, but not because it might happen again. And it’s certainly not because I’m avoiding you. Why would I avoid you? And what if it does happen again? Then we’ll just work hard, prepare our bodies, and try again. What scares me is not the possibility of it happening again, but not knowing how much pain you went through. That’s what makes me cautious.”

And then I said this.

“Do you know what the most common consolation I’ve heard since that incident was?”

“What was it?”

“Without exception, it was always married men who offered that consolation. Bachelors couldn’t even begin to offer any. Makes sense, right? They lack the experience.”

I too took a sip of wine, moistening my mouth, and smiled.

“I haven’t told anyone else, but our couple has gone through that pain before. My younger brother, my older brother, my sister and her husband have all experienced it. But now they have sons and daughters and are living well. Don’t worry too much. It’s truly amazing how they all share these experiences and offer consolation. You know Mr. Jeon Chung-hun, the division manager?”

“The overseas construction division manager?”

“Yes. He also went through it three times before having his first child… But then he had a second child just a year later, and now he has three kids, including a latecomer.”

My wife nodded.

Her expression was as if she too had heard such stories as a form of consolation.

“I’ve thought this way even before hearing those consolations. We live in a world where even cancer can be treated. What’s the problem? Why? Did you think I was being cautious because I was afraid it might happen again?”

“You didn’t touch me at all.”

“Then you should have taken the initiative and given me a sign. Talking about this now, I suddenly feel wronged. Someone had to grit their teeth every night, enduring torture.”

“It was that bad? Torture-level?”

“Of course.”

“Oh, hearing you say that makes me feel like I’m getting some compensation.”

“Compensation? What compensation?”

One corner of my wife’s mouth wickedly curled up.

“You’ve always acted like such a virtuous scholar. Wow… I have to say, I thought there was something wrong with you.”

The moment I heard my wife’s joke, I thought, ah, we’ve really become a true couple now, able to have such natural conversations…

“Me? Wow…”

“Don’t you remember our first night of the honeymoon?”

“Why wouldn’t I remember? Of course, I do.”

My wife said, lightly hitting the table several times with her palm.

“I wouldn’t have insisted on having another beer in that tired state for no reason.”

My wife, seemingly with a plan, began to tease me by mimicking the words I had said to her in the hotel room.

“How can someone who’s charming in the eyes of the world not appeal to me? Pfft. What’s that? It’s so cringy. I thought I heard wrong for a moment.”

“Well, I wanted to try and appeal to you as a man…”

“You thought that would make you look cool?”

“Wasn’t it okay?”

“When I saw you going into your room first, I thought you were drunk on a can of beer. Why is he like that? I really thought that to myself as I watched you enter the room.”

“Ahem…”

“Shouldn’t you at least try to talk? Who’s going to eat you up? Anyway, it’s our first night of the honeymoon, and when we finish the trip and return to Korea, we have to live together in the same house. Shouldn’t we talk about how we’re going to develop our relationship, what we should do? But there you were, all frozen up, even stuttering.”

“Who? Me?”

“You must be tired, why don’t you go in and rest? Wouldn’t that be better? I’ve had some drinks too. Puhaha, so cute.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was cute. It still is. I’m teasing you right now.”

With that, she playfully winked and nudged my foot with the tip of her heel from under the table, as if she had seen it somewhere.

I decided to play along with my playful wife.

“Ah, is this a signal? I was clueless again?”

“That’s always the case.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re clueless when it comes to that. Don’t worry. I’ve already transcended that part while living with you. You know I’m not one to give up easily. But I gave up on that. Some things just don’t work out.”

“Well done. See? You can do it. Why did you only give up now? It would have been so much better if you had done it earlier. It’s all about mindset.”

“Puhaha.”

“Got it. This is a signal, right? If I knew this would happen, I would have ordered wine by the glass instead of opening a bottle.”

“Pff.”

“I wonder if the director will call us tacky if we don’t finish this here and take it home?”

“Hehe. Oh, just stop it.”

“Ah, when will we ever finish this? If this was going to happen, you should have given me a signal at home.”

* * *

A bathtub filled with bubbles.

I held my wife from behind for a long time as she sat with her knees up inside.

Pouring water over her bare skin that wasn’t submerged in the tub, just in case she might get cold.

We didn’t exchange many words.

Just like that, I held my wife from behind, finding comfort through her embrace.

Suddenly, she began to talk about traveling.

“I was evaluating the sensory qualities of Shinlong coffee today when I suddenly thought, ‘I really want to go on a trip with you.'”

“A trip?”

“When I think about it, we’ve never traveled together. We’ve only been on business trips, but never have we held hands and wandered somewhere together.”

“Where would you like to go?”

“Anywhere. But going far might be tough, right?”

“It’s all about how we arrange it. Are we walking? We’ll fly anyway, so what does distance matter?”

“Right now, I’d love to go to Spain with you again.”

“We’ve already been to Spain twice together.”

“What did you hear me say? Not a business trip, but a travel. I want to travel with you, holding your hand. Sacromonte. I loved it there. If it’s cold, maybe Hainan or Thailand? Somewhere warm in Southeast Asia wouldn’t be bad either. I’d like to try spending the whole day doing nothing, just lazing around in a resort with you.”

I could tell how close this person was to their physical and mental limits, whether from work or the succession competition.

Though they put on a strong front, I wanted to hold her deeper, thinking about how tense and stressed they must have been, not even catching a cold in the past two months.

I hugged my wife tightly from behind and pressed my lips to her neck.

This person never says they want to play or rest, even in passing.

Yet, from their lips came the desire to spend the whole day doing nothing, lazing around in a resort.

I wanted to make that happen for them.

As soon as possible, to end this suffocating competition quickly, even if just for a day, so my wife could escape this taut tension and feel at ease.

And then the weekend passed, and it was Monday.

It was just past 11 o’clock when I received an unexpected phone call.

The moment I saw the caller’s ID on the screen, my heart raced so fast it felt like I could hear it.

Chairman.

I hadn’t realized until then that I still had my father-in-law’s number saved under ‘Chairman.’

I had never needed to speak directly with my father-in-law.

For matters related to the conglomerate’s business, it wasn’t me but President Min Byung-jin who spoke directly with my father-in-law.

And for everything else, he would speak directly with my wife, not bypassing her to talk to me.

Thinking about it, this seemed to be the first time I received a call from my father-in-law, the first time we spoke.

Or was it?

Had there been a brief call during my time as my wife’s executive assistant?

I couldn’t remember at all.

The phone kept ringing, and considering who was on the other end, I couldn’t just let it keep going. I quickly answered.

“Yes, I’ve answered, Chairman.”

In that brief moment, even as I answered, I pondered several times over the correct way to respond.

But my dilemma over whether to address him as ‘Father-in-law’ rather than ‘Chairman’ seemed futile as he was already calling me ‘Yoon son-in-law’.

“Are you busy right now, Yoon son-in-law?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“How about this evening? Do you have some time?”

“This evening? Yes, I’m available.”

It was the father-in-law asking, after all. I would have to make time even if I didn’t have any.

But then a thought struck me.

He wouldn’t be asking me to come to Pyeongchang-dong.

If that were the case, he would have called my wife instead.

“How about we have dinner together tonight? We could also have a drink and chat. Would that be alright?”

“Yes, of course. That’s fine.”

I could tell from the tone.

He was suggesting a meeting, just the two of us, without my wife.

“I’ll have Director Jang make a restaurant reservation later and send the address to you, Yoon son-in-law. Let’s have a drink together after work.”

“Yes, I understand. But what about President Kang Moon-jung…”

“Just the two of us. I have something to ask you personally.”

“…Yes, I understand.”

“Yoon son-in-law.”

“Yes, Chairman.”

“Even within the company, when there’s no one else around, call me ‘Father-in-law’, not ‘Chairman’. Why create such a formal distance?”

“Ah, yes. I understand.”

“What’s this about President Kang Moon-jung? Surely the group chairman wouldn’t call a subsidiary head just to talk business? Even if that were the case, there’s no need for formality when we’re alone. Save the tension for when it’s necessary. You’ve done enough showing off by now.”

“…Yes.”