Is That My Alter Ego

Chapter 137 – Leader of the Skar Mercenaries

My head spins. It feels as if I am adrift on an endless, boundless sea.

My body is so heavy that I cannot even twitch a finger. No, I am not even sure if my body truly exists.

“……..!”

And now, waves of unknown memories crash into my mind, relentless.

It is as if someone is forcefully shoving another’s memories directly into my brain, causing a pain so intense it feels like my head might shatter.

Yet… no voice escapes my lips. I writhe in maddening agony, wishing only for this moment to pass.

What has happened to me? If I am dead, then why does this pain torment me so, and what are these memories that swirl chaotically in my mind?

In that moment, filled with excruciating pain and thoughts of this dire situation…

“….oh.”

As if awakening from a deep slumber, I open my eyes. Before me lies a space that is familiar yet somehow different.

The scorching sunlight feels as if it might melt my flesh. The cries of cicadas resonate in my ears.

…The South. I stood in a small village somewhere in the South. This sweltering heat and the sound of cicadas must be unique to this region of the Empire.

“Venice! Come inside quickly!”

Though I had never seen this place before, it felt so warm and inviting. At that moment, I heard a voice calling my name.

“…Yes, Mother!”

A youthful voice escaped my lips. It was a voice so familiar, echoing the sound I had before my voice changed, back when I was very young.

I smiled at my mother’s voice calling my name and ran home. I sat down to eat and engaged in conversation, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

A kind mother. A father who was a bit gruff but steadfast, and me.

‘……..’

A heartwarming family meal. No, I was witnessing another version of ‘myself.’ My body… it felt as if it were a mere spirit, floating above, gazing at this happy family scene.

…Now I understood. This situation, the identity of the child called ‘Venice,’ and the predicament I found myself in.

I was… observing the memories of another ‘me.’ And if Venice is set in the South, there could only be one person it could be.

I still vividly recall the moment I first opened my eyes using ‘synchronization,’ staring into the mirror above the sink.

Bulging muscles. Scars etched across my body. And… those crimson eyes that seemed to reflect nothing but endless rage and hatred.

Gazing upon the monsters, each time I faced them, my heart boiled with emotions like molten lava. And as life continued, the thought of wanting to slay every last beast filled my mind to the brim.

…Why have you, no, why have I changed so? The image of my childhood… a child so utterly ordinary, and the visage of a happy family.

Time began to pass swiftly. A pace so quick that an ordinary person might not even notice, yet curiously, those rapid scenes began to stack neatly in my mind.

My daily life was mundane. A young man living in a nameless, sultry village in the South, utterly unremarkable.

Aside from possessing a physique superior to that of the average person, there was nothing special about me, and I desired nothing beyond my tranquil existence.

“…Indeed. I was… truly an ordinary child. I simply wished for a happy life, for my family. And for the laughter of friends to last forever.”

In that moment, as I looked back, there stood a figure beside me, arms crossed, floating in the air like me, gazing at ‘my’ smile.

Scars remained upon bulging muscles, with wild black hair and sharp crimson eyes.

…Me. ‘Venice,’ the leader of the Sky Mercenaries. I stared blankly at another version of myself.

“Do not worry. This space… is not one that harbors ill will towards ‘me.'”

Perhaps sensing my gaze, the red eyes met mine with a slight smile. The emotion reflected in his gaze was one of nostalgia.

If I failed to grasp this situation… I would be a fool. I averted my eyes from him and quietly spoke as I watched ‘me’ pass swiftly through time.

“Why… have I changed like this?”

“…I do not intend to belittle you, you know? Personally, I take pride in it.”

“N-no! That’s not it…!”

“Ahaha… I know. There’s no need for me to explain.”

He chuckled softly at my flustered apology and began to gaze at the shifting space before us.

As if, by looking there, the answer to my question would reveal itself without a word. Thus, I too remained silent, staring ahead.

‘My’ daily life was so very ordinary. Each morning, I would rise, stretch, have breakfast, help with the village chores, and in the remaining time, take a rest.

I would chat with friends, play pranks, eat, and seek sleep. That was all.

My talents were quite remarkable, so my parents and the villagers recommended combat-related professions, but I turned them down each time.

I did not wish to take lives. I simply… wanted this happiness to continue, even if I didn’t have much money.

There was no grand reason behind it. I was a timid young man, content with small joys.

Then one day, I was asked to run an errand to the neighboring village, and without a worry, I set off.

I was the fastest in this village. It would be nice to do the errand and breathe in some fresh air.

And above all, the special pies from the neighboring village… were delicious no matter when you ate them. I should bring back a few. My mother, my friends, and I all loved them dearly.

With excited steps, I quickly left the village, and those I loved saw me off.

“…Every night before I sleep, I think about it. If that day… I hadn’t left the village. If I had refused the errand, would things have turned out differently?”

At that moment, I, who had been quietly observing the situation, spoke in a low, dark voice.

It was a voice that seemed to carry the endless weight of self-reproach, akin to the growl of a beast.

…Then. After leaving this village, a tale of events must have unfolded.

“Thank you! I’ll come again next time!”

“Indeed. Enjoy your pie.”

Having swiftly arrived at the neighboring village, I hurriedly completed my errand and began my return, clutching the apple pie that was my true purpose.

In stark contrast to my worry-free face, the ‘me’ standing beside me clenched his jaw, hands tightly balled, as if struggling to contain emotions that threatened to erupt at any moment.

I ran fast, and then I ran faster. My speed surpassed that of an adult man, yet the pie remained intact.

As I continued my joyful strides, I soon found myself at the entrance of my village.

But.

“….Huh?”

A thick, horrific stench began to permeate the air, one that should never have wafted through a village that had always been warm and fragrant.

When I had begun to build muscle and wield a sword, I had accompanied my father on several animal hunts. Each time, I had refused, leaving him to catch the animals himself. The scent of blood that arose when he set traps and shot arrows, dismantling the creatures, lingered in my memory.

Just the thought of it made my head spin, a nauseating recollection that still haunted me. Perhaps that was why I kept my distance from taking life.

But why… even now, so far from our village, does the thick scent of blood echo through the woods? This deep, cloying smell of blood could not possibly be from just a few animals.

Thump… thump… thump…

My heart began to race uncontrollably. An endless anxiety gnawed at my mind.

I hurried toward the village, my gaze fixed on the entrance that soon came into view.

Crash.

The pie box I had clutched tightly fell to the ground, the pie inside becoming unrecognizable, a mushy mess.

Yet, more than the ruined pie, my heart shattered into smaller pieces, splintering apart.

“Ah… ah…”

The village I loved. My warm and happy village… lay in ruins, broken and shattered.

Friends I had laughed and talked with since childhood, now reduced to mere upper or lower halves sprawled across the ground.

Body parts, unrecognizable as belonging to anyone, littered the earth, the brown soil stained a deep crimson.

As I wandered through the burning wreckage of my village, the only sounds were the crackling flames and the collapsing buildings, until I arrived at a place where a faint breath could be heard amidst the chaos.

My home. The space where I had lived my entire life, where all my memories and happiness resided. Now, it lay in ruins, unrecognizable, and I sank to the ground.

“….Ah… Father.”

“Be…nis…”

My mother lay collapsed, a gaping hole in her abdomen, her vacant eyes staring into nothingness, while my father, barely breathing, looked at me with eyes that seemed on the verge of fading away.

The gaze of my father, who had always looked steadfastly ahead, was now dim, as if it could scatter into the air at any moment.

“…The monsters… attacked. Everyone… tried to resist, but we could not hold them back.”

“Ah… Father… aaah…!”

“I’m sorry, my son. All I can show you is this wretched form… I must leave. Both your mother and I… we love you.”

The moment his trembling hand brushed against my cheek, my father departed, leaving only a faint smile behind.

Drip—drip—drip.

Swoosh…!

As I stared blankly down at my father, the raindrops that had been falling lightly began to intensify, transforming into a torrential downpour.

I sank to the ground, gazing up at the sky. The dark clouds seemed to gaze back at my deadened heart, and the relentless rain poured down like the tears of me and those I loved.

Why… did this happen?

I… wished for only a small happiness. Was I unable to even protect that?

…Monsters. Beings that snatched away my happiness, my loved ones, and my village.

“….I will kill them.”

Water began to flow down my face. Was it my tears, or the rain?

I cared not for such distinctions. Though the cold raindrops chilled my body, the heat swelling within my heart grew ever hotter, as if I might melt away.

“Monsters….! I will kill every last one of you… in this world…!”

I howled and screamed, hoping my cries would reach the heavens, from the place where all I cherished crumbled and vanished into nothingness.

Time began to spin rapidly once more. Except for the hours spent sleeping, I poured all my energy into training.

Even when it felt as if my heart might burst. Even when muscle pain made it hard to move a single finger. Even when fatigue crashed over me like a wave, urging me to stop, I did not rest for a single day.

Only the will to kill every monster burned ceaselessly in my heart.

From the point where I had trained to a certain degree, I began to alternate between training and hunting monsters. Naturally, there were many mistakes at first. I came close to death more times than I could count.

When a goblin’s blade cut into my flesh, when an orc’s fist struck my solar plexus, when an arrow from a gnoll embedded itself in me.

It was painful, exhausting, and difficult, yet I clung to life with tenacity. As long as I could kill monsters, nothing else mattered.

One by one, scars etched themselves into my body. But alongside those scars, muscle and skill began to take root within me.

I started to learn the tricks of killing monsters. I studied where their weaknesses lay, where living beings were generally vulnerable, and applied that knowledge.

One day, while I was alone dealing with monsters, I happened upon a merchant being attacked by them and rescued him.

Seeing my skills, the merchant suggested I join a mercenary group, and I, tempted by the offer, became part of a small mercenary band that no one knew about.

I did not care where I belonged. As long as I could kill monsters, that was enough.

However, the mercenary group I joined was, to put it bluntly, a mess. None of the mercenaries wanted to take on requests; they were too busy loafing around.

On my first mission, I was terrified even to face a mere gnoll, and they even hindered me while I tried to deal with them, so I quickly left the mercenary group.

Though distrust and disdain for people began to build within me, I found myself growing intrigued by the idea of being a mercenary.

I am not alone; if I join forces with those I can trust, perhaps we can vanquish more of these monsters.

Countless mercenary bands have come and gone since then. Yet, none have truly satisfied me.

They were either lacking in combat prowess, lost in the allure of women and debauchery, or filled with nothing but scoundrels.

“…So, why are you leaving? You’re quite the useful one, you know.”

“You lot… spend your days lost in lust, neglecting your contracts.”

“What did you say?! You b*stard!”

“Go ahead, strike if you dare. If you wish to engage in a life-or-death battle with me.”

“Ugh… you filthy wretch!”

“The filthy ones are you and your crew. Your management is a mess, and your skills are nonexistent.”

“…Do you think this is an easy task?! If you’re so brave, why don’t you try leading the band yourself!”

I left the mercenary group right then, but the words he spoke lingered, striking a chord within me.

…If I were to become the leader. If only I could, I felt I could handle the monsters far more efficiently.

I made my way to the village of Leriah in the south. There, the mercenary guild not only recruits members but also seeks a leader to guide the band.

And… the memories that followed were all too familiar to me.

All the memories began to rush by, yet I recalled them as vividly as if they had just happened.

At the same time, a thought began to surface.

The days I spent as a doppelgänger… taking over my own body.

What would he think? Would he despise me for stealing away the pain and effort he endured throughout his life, acting as if I were the original? Would he harbor hatred for me?

Royu said it was fine because we were all the same ‘me’… but to be honest, I still didn’t quite understand.

“Do not worry. I have been watching over all those journeys… firsthand.”

“…What? How…”

“At first, I was bewildered. Suddenly, my perspective shifted, and unknown thoughts flooded my mind.”

“…..”

“I feared I had lost my body, and if I acted contrary to my beliefs, I would attempt to reclaim it immediately. I knew that if I set my mind to it, I could.”

He… no, I had been watching over myself from the very beginning. Yet… he never reclaimed his body. Therefore…

“…It’s true. Everything you did was something I would have done as well. In a way… isn’t it only natural?”

—I am you, and you are me.

His words made my heart swell. At the same time, a twinge of guilt remained.

“Do you… hate me?”

“Not at all. In the end, you fulfilled my wishes. And… I am grateful to you.”

Why does he thank me? His eyes were so warm.

“I saw your actions and felt them. You… Seris, you saved her and countless mercenaries. But… at the same time, you saved me as well.”

He began to whisper softly. He said that when he first took command, he cared for nothing but slaying the monsters.

Yet, as I entered his body and observed my own actions, he reflected upon himself.

Not merely a machine that massacres beasts, but a being who converses with people, who laughs in the ordinary days.

“I thought… that day, all trivial emotions were buried with the village. But… it was not so.”

I, the leader of the Skar Mercenary Company, Venice, began to smile brightly. In that laughter, not a trace of worry or regret remained.

“…Thank you. For fulfilling my wish. For allowing me to remain… human.”

“…..”

“I look forward to our future. I, ‘we,’ will be with you for a lifetime.”

As I grasped his outstretched hand and shook it, all the memories of ‘me’ as the leader of the Skar Mercenary Company began to settle perfectly in my mind.

All the trivial emotions, habits, and memories—everything.

Then, the space surrounding us gradually shattered and crumbled, returning to the initial dark realm.

“Is it all over? Then… it’s my turn now.”

“Yes. Go ahead.”

“Nice to meet you, um… what should I call you? Another me?”

And at that moment, a sly yet profound voice echoed, and as I turned my head, I faced another version of myself.