Jörmungandr

I hate that I'm getting used to mind numbing pain unexpectedly kicking my teeth ever since coming to this bullshit world. Watching Gregorny get sucked into the coffin with my body had been a strange sight. Follow that with my spectral self getting pulled into the same coffin and you had something that you'd normally experience with a bad acid trip. 

Sleep paralysis is a terrible experience, but it had nothing on what I was feeling now. It felt like I just had Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson drop The Peoples Elbow™️ on my balls while I was also getting rag dolled by Hulk. The worst part was I couldn't move, my limbs weren't responding. I couldn't even open my eyes, much less scratch the itch on my nose. I don't even know how much time has passed since I was sucked back into my body. Gregorny wasn't responding to my mental questions. 

More time passed… I think. Little by little I could start to feel my arms and legs tingling. The TV static sensation was almost welcome after not being able to feel my body for fuck knows how long. I forced my eyes open and blinked away the weight. It was dark as shit still, telling me that I hadn't been disturbed. Then again, who the hell would walk up to some creepy old castle that was the basis for hundreds of 'ghost sightings'. I wasn't going to tell anyone that said 'ghosts' was actually just me fucking with the locals. It kept people away from my castle and that was how I liked it. The descendants of the gypsies that served Vlad still lived outside the walls. They kept out of the castle too unless I called for them directly. 

I waited patiently for full control over my limbs to return before unlatching the coffin's lid. Pushing the heavy metal lid open I took a breath of fresh air and sighed. I fumbled for my wand and cleaned myself off with a spell. Taking a look at the room I was in I observed the lack of dried blood and dirt that I had trailed in. Either someone had cleaned up or I had been trapped for much longer than I had expected. 

A spell to confirm later I cursed loudly resulting in glass breaking somewhere in the castle and voices to start approaching the room I was in. 

[Scene Break]

August 7, 1940

Castle Dracula, Transylvania

'SIX YEARS! NEARLY FUCKING SIX YEARS! What the actual fuck…' 

"What happened here?" Vlad asked me. 

Shrugging I gave a noncommittal grunt and sifted through the 'new' memories that had been jammed into my brain. The more I looked into them the more I didn't like what I saw. 

"We came here to visit and find you writhing in pain on the floor. What happened?"

"Potentially another botched ritual Vlad, one that I'm not sure how to feel about." 

"I take it your new look is a part of it then?" 

"New look?" 

"Have you not seen yourself in a mirror lately?" 

"Fuck… Vlad, brother, please tell me I still look normal."

"Hmmm, Normal? No. But you don't look like a fool." The vampire lord replied. 

"FUCK!" 

I conjured a mirror with a wave of my hand and took a look at my own reflection. My hair was fine, my face looked a bit more masculine, less baby fat around my cheeks. I had stopped aging at around 20 so I was or I had been perpetually stuck looking like I was around 18 years old. Whatever had happened must have pushed me to my peak physical condition since I looked more like I was in my mid twenties now. My eyes were still the normal bright green but now they had taken on a soft glow. If I focused enough I could almost see them swirling like emerald pools. I stared at myself and tried to shift. Smiling when it worked I muffled the glowing swirly eyes and scanned the rest of my body. I had grown several inches now standing at a whopping 6'6". I wasn't ripped but I did put on some muscle. I popped out my wings and sighed, they had stuck out like a sore thumb before with how white they were after I had been turned into an actual Angel. Now after the incident they practically radiated golden light. At this point I didn't even need my enchanted angel impersonator armor. I put out an annoying glow naturally now. 

I wondered if my dragon and basilisk forms had changed and shrugged. I'd have time to check later, for now I had bigger issues. Such as, trying to find out what the actual fuck happened. Gregorny wasn't responding so either he fucked off, he got knocked out, or the worst case scenario; I had absorbed his soul. Vlad looked at me with concern and I realized that I had been standing in place looking at a mirror for several minutes now. 

"Are you alright?" 

"Not in the slightest, though I reckon this isn't anything a good bit of alcohol won't fix." 

"I thought you couldn't get drunk."

"I can't, or at least I don't think I can. Doesn't hurt to try though. It's been years since my last drink, care to join me?" 

"Maybe in a bit, Mina is getting antsy. She wants to see how much has changed in England." 

"Alright then, I'll be at the usual spot when you do decide to come out." 

Vlad nodded, "It's good to see you again." 

"You as well Brother, go tend to your woman now. Before she decides to drive a stake up your arse." 

Vlad chuckled and disappeared into a cloud of bats. I struggled to not sigh again. Sighing was a terrible habit in my opinion. It was almost as bad as constantly using 'like', 'umm', and 'fine' in everyday speech. Vlad never came out to join me for a drink. Whipped bastard… I tried to drink myself silly to no avail. I had gone through several casks of wine and half a dozen barrels of whiskey. None of it made me feel the slightest buzz. With the plan to drink myself unconscious failed and with not much in the way of actual things to do I decided that checking my beast forms was long overdue.

Conjuring a larger mirror I stepped back and first tried to transform into my basilisk form. I was now nearing 60 meters from the tip of my tail to my snout and around twenty feet tall from the ground up. My scales had changed from their black color to a pearlescent white. My eyes had also changed from their normal green to iridescent gold. Overall nothing crazy but I still found the changes annoying. When I had black scales it had been practically childsplay blending in with things. Now that I was a shiny white I very much doubted that I'd be able to camouflage myself to anything. Shifting back to my human form I finally noticed that my clothes also shifted with me. I had been prepared to conjure some clothes but there had been no need. 

'Since when have I been able to change my clothes along with my body, and where do they even go?' I thought to myself. 

Making a note in my growing mental notebook I shifted to my dragon form and let out a relieved breath. Fortunately my scales in my dragon form had also shifted like my basilisk form. Otherwise I would have been a painfully mismatched dragon with black scales and glowy white wings. It was strange enough having feathery wings as a dragon, I didn't need to be giving people headaches with an obnoxious color scheme. 

"I've put on more muscle in this form too… wait what the fuck? I can talk in this form?" 

It was unmistakable, unless I was properly losing my mind my own voice, albeit deeper and much more booming was coming out of my dragon form's mouth. 

'This will let me pull off some diabolical pranks.'

Shifting back to my human form I vanished the large mirror and sat down on the ground. Listing down everything I had discovered so far I started making changes to my plans.

'Six years have passed, it's around 1942 now WW2 should be going as is unless Grindelwald had a massive role in egging things on… I'll have to check on that. I'll also need to go check on the Chamber. Tom is in his final year now, with the Chamber sealed and hidden away I doubt he got in. Dumbledore may also be a problem so there's that. Hopefully Freya isn't too mad that I disappeared for over half a decade.' 

With all the things I needed to check on being in Hogwarts I apparated myself to the castle after throwing on a warm coat. Scotland was cold, no scratch that, Scotland was currently a winter wonderland. If 'winter wonderland' meant covered in snow and bizarrely cold that is. Maybe it was my reptilian side but I couldn't stand the cold. In my pre-botched ritual life I had loved the cold, preferred it even. Now I couldn't stand being in sub 70* weather without layering a few heating charms on whatever I was wearing. 

Thankfully I apparated directly to the Chamber where Freya was curled around a brazier. She looked up at me and hissed a greeting as if no time had passed. Affectionately patting her tail I looked around and smiled when I noticed nothing immediately concerning. Checking on the wards I found that Tom had unsuccessfully attempted to recruit  his cultists. Unfortunately for him he wasn't able to find the Chamber so he was unable to learn dark spells. Even if he did, I had already stashed all the books Salazar left. 

Turns out trying to recruit purebloods to kill other purebloods as a halfblood wasn't such a smart idea. Tom had been ridiculed and if it wasn't for the old man then he would have gotten jumped by a bunch of snobby rich kids. He was powerful, but even his power was no match for a gaggle of rich douchebags who were trained from birth. Dumbledore on the other hand, the old man had started slipping up since his alleged lover was killed. Dippet was still headmaster and Albus had aged significantly since I last saw him. The wards also hadn't been tampered with, letting me relax a bit knowing that I had averted a lot of deaths just by hiding a room and killing a terrorist, who would have thunk. 

Seeing that things were going good thus far I decided to visit Salazar and Rowena's graves again. I had a strange feeling that I would find some answers there.

Greeting Helena first, who didn't at all seem very surprised that I had somehow wound up losing track of six years. I then went to the graves, brushing away the dust that had accumulated. 

"Thanks for visiting Jörmungandr…" A voice said behind me. 

"No problem pops- 'wait a fucking minute.' Pops?" I spun around and came face to face with a transparent Salazar Slytherin who had a shit eating grin on his face.

"Surprise." He smiled widely. 

A mess of emotions flew through me and I frowned. He was a ghost, that meant that he was stuck here due to unfinished business. Which also meant that my adoptive father was around the whole time and didn't visit much less reveal himself. 

"Errr… Jörmungandr, you have a frightening look on your fa- AHHHH!" Salazar dodged the ball of holy fire I launched at him. 

Rowena materialized next to him, "Told you he wouldn't be happy." 

"Ma? WHAT THE FUCK, both of you are ghosts? Why did no one tell me?!" 

"We wanted to, or at least Helena and I, Sal decided that he was going to surprise you though." Rowena rolled her eyes. A surprisingly modern action I didn't expect her to do. 

"Well consider me surprised, I'm not happy that I wasn't told however." 

"Sorry?" Salazar tried. 

"Why are you ghosts? I thought both of you accomplished everything you wanted? Also please tell me that Godric isn't here too, he'll bust my ear drums yelling at me for not being a battle manic like him."

"In order, We don't know why we're ghosts, we just sort of appeared here. We did accomplish everything which is why we were shocked to find ourselves away from the afterlife and no, Godric isn't here. As far as we know it's only Ro and I." 

"Thank fuck for that… and don't think I've gotten over this whole coming back as ghosts and not telling me bullshit. Now what have you two been doing since coming back?" 

"Errr." 

Rowena deadpanned at Salazar, "We've been watching you." At that Salazar winced. 

"You don't have to put it like that, it'll make us sound lik-

"A bunch of voyeurs?" 

"No! Well yes, but no. We weren't doing that . We just kept an eye on you over the years to check up on your situation." 

I hummed. "What have you learned?" 

"Nothing crazy, you're growing much stronger than we could have anticipated." 

"All thanks to you pops. You gave me my start I just followed through." 

Salazar smiled. "I just did what I thought was right, now tell me. Have you run into any devils or angels yet?" 

I raised an eyebrow, "You know?" 

"We were going to tell you, we just never got around to it." Rowena placated. 

"To answer your question, no. I haven't run into devils and I haven't run into angels directly. Though I have a feeling that they might just be watching now that I've absorbed the power from the Elder Wand." 

"What?!" Salazar practically shouted. 

"I absorbed the power from the Elde-

"Jörmungandr do you realize what you have done?"

"I've gotten stronger obviously… I can feel it now. It's this well of power within me that makes me feel as if I can do anything." 

"No not that foolish child." 

"What then?" 

"By absorbing the power of a Sacred Gear you become host to that Sacred Gear." 

"Well yeah, isn't that how it works." 

"What he means is that you've taken in the soul of that Sacred Gear." 

I froze, this was the worst case scenario come to pass. 

"Wait… you're telling me that the True Longinus was a fucking Horcrux?" 

"Not exactly, but it may as well have been."

"How do you even know all of this?" 

"We've been watching you, when you disappeared for six years we went around the world searching for answers. Since I spotted you training with the Spear of Destiny we started there. We learned plenty of things along the way." 

"Fuck! Why didn't he tell me." 

"Why didn't who tell you son?" 

"The God of the Bible, that fuckers soul was inside the True Longinus." 

It would have been funny watching two ghosts become more transparent, their version of going pale, but I was too busy trying to sort through my raging emotions to notice the humor in it. 

"I still feel like me though." I muttered. 

"The stronger soul usually wins out." Salazar replied to my unspoken question. 

"So you're telling me that I've absorbed god's soul and now I have his powers?" 

Salazar shrugged, the old wizards ghost actually fucking shrugged. 

"I'm not sure, this has never been recorded or heard of before." 

"Well, there's only one way to find out." I raised my hand and formed a shape out of dirt. 

"When did you stop using your wand?" Rowena asked. 

"Hmm? Oh… I didn't even notice." 

The two ghosts looked at me as if I had grown a second head. Shrugging I continued to pump more magic into the dirt shape until it looked like a massive wolf.

"Is that… is that a direwolf?" Rowena asked with a shocked face. 

"Yeah, give me a second this is actually stupidly easy." 

With a snap of my fingers the dirt turned to flesh and bone. The direwolf shook her fur and looked around. She spotted me and nuzzled my hand. Smiling, I turned to Salazar and Rowena who's ethereal jaws had practically hit the floor. 

"That no mere transfiguration…" 

"Do you realize what this means?" 

"That I am create life out of dirt?" 

"No! Well yes! It means that you've ascended." 

"Ascended? To godhood? HAHA, pull the other one." 

"We're serious son, magic follows a set of laws. Creating actual life is supposed to be impossible." 

"Apparently not." I shrugged while continuing to play with my new direwolf pet. "All things aside, what the hell should I do now?" 

Salazar and Rowena looked at each other, "We don't know. Your status has changed greatly. More so than before. It would be wise to brush up on your mind magics. Occlumency would probably help you find some answers." 

"Adding that to my list, I regret not taking it up sooner. It just seemed like way too much work." 

"You developed a spell that instantly dresses you because you found that getting dressed was a hassle in the mornings." Salazar deadpanned. 

"See, that's the thing though. I did more work so that I could do less work." 

"I don't even understand how you got so powerful being as lazy as you are." Salazar sighed, making Rowena giggle. 

"I'm not lazy, I just work smarter not harder." My reply came out more passionately than I wanted. 

Salazar hummed, "Right… what will you do now?" 

Thankful that he changed the subject, I thought about my options. Voldemort would never gain significant power thanks to my intervention. Dumbledore may or may not be a problem but I could deal with him easily now. That's not to say I could do so before. I could have quite literally stomped out the old man in my dragon form. 

"Research, first I need to get Occlumency down so that I can sort through this mess of memories I have floating around in my head. Then I'm going to see just how powerful I am now. Finally, after all that is done. I'm going to find the rest of the supernatural world." 

"A tall order, we will be here should you ever need to speak with us." 

I smiled at my two adoptive parents, "Thanks ma, pops… I'll see you when I see you." 

Waving at the two I apparate away, or I think I apparated away. There was a flash of light when I teleported so I had a feeling that my apparation style had changed. 

Scene Break

Occlumency was to put it simply… a fucking cheat. It was a way to get true photographic memory and being magical made it stupidly easy. I was sure normal people aka non-magicals could also do it. I had read a number of stories where they did and meditation was a thing.

What was difficult was creating a mindscape, solely because I was indecisive when it came to what I wanted for mental defenses. I settled for a mansion filled with traps and illusions. Then I created a landmass around the mansion filled with more traps. After that I extended it to a whole continent filled with decoys and more traps. After a month I decided to go ahead and just make an entire planet filled with lifelike creatures as guardians. Seeing that I already made a planet I added the solar system and the universe. I'm sure I went a bit overboard with the mental defenses and mindscape but it never hurt to be cautious.

Once I was sure no one, and I mean absolutely no one was able to fuck around in my head without my knowing, I began to sort through the memories. I had put it off for a while since I was still in a bit of denial about the whole thing and I didn't really want to accept the reality that I had somehow become the biblical god. I wasn't even sure up until I began sorting the memories Gregorny bestowed upon me. 

He had eons worth of memories to sort through. Everything from being born in the dimensional gap with the other gods to creating angels and humanity. It was all very overwhelming and I nearly had a stroke simply organizing everything so that I could access the memories smoothly. 

I didn't suddenly become him , no. It was like he simply became a part of me. Almost like a past life. I knew everything he knew but I could differentiate between our personalities. He was a bit of a bipolar ass truth be told. I was glad that I didn't outright become him. I still accepted the fact that I was now The God. 

Also I knew it was only a matter of time before heaven caught on to his apparent 'rebirth' through me. The System he set up was already beginning to latch on to me. It was either that or I was finally going crazy since I started hearing voices after I had finished sorting through all the memories. They were quiet, almost indiscernible at first but soon they became clearer and I realized that I was hearing peoples prayers. 

I looked up from the cup of coffee I was sipping towards the house across the street from me. I had been watching the Potters for the last few days now making sure that they'd be safe since today was the day they were supposed to be attacked. 

Until recently I had been adamant about not involving myself too much with anything so I just watched. Years had passed since I became the biblical god. I was used to my new powers now and had become proficient in hiding my true nature. I was 100% sure that heaven knew something was up since a few months ago I had spotted an Angel poking around. 

The wizarding world hadn't changed all that much, the racist idiots still harassed people and there were still aspiring dark lords. Tom Riddle Jr. had become one of these dark lords, but he wasn't anywhere near as powerful or as infamous as he originally had been had I not intervened. 

He led a few failed attacks that only made the general public see him as a nuisance instead of a feared dark lord. It also helped that I thoroughly enjoyed trolling the asshat. He had tried to create horcruxes of course, he had somehow found the information anyways, but I always destroyed them as he created them. 

He'd create the soul anchor and I'd blast it with my divine power the second he left. Then I'd resurrect the people he killed to make them. So far he had created five, and I knew he was still planning on attacking the Potter family for some stupid reason. Apparently Fleamont had insulted him back in school and it had really triggered the asshat. James and Lily had gotten married and Harry was born a year later.

Dumbledore had disappeared a few years ago, the old man had been caught trying to tamper with Hogwarts' wards to siphon power from the castle. He fled the authorities and tried to escape the country. I say tried, because I caught the old wizard before he could. It had been laughably easy to rip the magic out of him, turning him into a regular old man. He ran away afterwards swearing 'revenge' since I apparently was 'dark' and he was the 'leader of the light'. His delusions were honestly pretty entertaining. 

Without his manipulations Peter never betrayed his friends and I didn't have to smite any rats. I drank the last of my coffee and continued to stake out the Potter's house. A few minutes before midnight several cracks echoed around the empty street. I sighed and cracked my neck as more dark cloaks appeared in the street. They hadn't even noticed me sitting on a park bench across the street. They were rather clueless to the fact that cameras became very prominent less than two decades ago. Magicals had, in the last century, developed this mindset that they were superior to everyone and everything. Their knowledge of the non-magical world was outdated by over two centuries. Evidence of this was the fact that these terrorist bozos just apparated in the middle of a mundane street in full view of the dozens of cameras situated around the streets and buildings. Funnily enough the world government knew about them and deemed them not a big threat. Yet the wizarding world still thought themselves above everyone else.

"Fucking idiots." I muttered. 

"Guard the entrances, I shall deal with the family myself." Voldemort hissed at his followers. 

Somehow the idiot still managed to find gullible asshats to follow him. After being denied access to the Chamber he had left and traveled to Eastern Europe and got followers there. By followers I really meant Russian mercenaries that he passed off as 'loyal pureblood henchmen', and the wizarding public, as brain dead as they were, actually believed the retard. Some pureblood 'lords' had actually flocked to his side completely forgetting that they jumped his ass when they went to school with him. 

I don't even really have a reason as to why I let him run around doing stupid shit. Maybe a part of me had grown bored and wanted to see how far he'd get. Enough was enough however, I was planning on vaporizing him and all his minions tonight with the whole world watching. 

I had finally figured that it was high time for me to reveal myself. Wandering around had actually become monotonous and Vlad had insisted that I find a new hobby. Salazar and Rowena supported my decision to take a more active role in things and I was tired of seeing the Angels fumble around. It was time that GOD returned. 

Voldemort blasted the front door to the Potter's home inwards. Taking that as my signal I snapped my fingers and blasted all his followers with holy lightning instantly cooking them from the inside out. Voldemort spun around in shock completely forgetting that he was attacking the Potters.

"YOU DARE!!!" The deranged dickhead snarled. 

I rolled my eyes, "Shut the fuck up Tom." 

He snarled again and sent a barrage of spells at me. Yawning I let them wash over me making the snake faced lunatic's eyes bulge. Not wanting to draw it out, I snapped my fingers again. To my surprise, the cock juggling thundercuck managed to barely dodge the bolt of holy lightning I had called down to smite him. He did lose his wand and most of his arm though. 

"YOU CAN NOT KILL ME! I AM LORD VOLDE-

"Man you scream a lot, are you basing that fact on your little soul anchors?" 

His eyes bulge comically again and he sends a snake shooting at me with some unexpected wandless magic. The snake burst into flames before it even got within two feet of me. 

"H-how!" 

"Easy, I'm just built different. Bye bye fuck face." 

Before he could even cry out in shock I struck him again. This time pouring a tiny bit more power into the bolt of lightning. The dark asshat was instantly turned into atoms along with a chunk of the Potter's front porch. James and Lily gaped at me with little Harry babbling happily in Lily's arms. 

"Right then, I apologize for the property damage," snapping my fingers I repaired the nearly caved in front half of their home, "I'll be off then." 

"Wait! Who are you?" 

I turned around and grinned. 'Time to put on another show.' "I have many names James Charlus Potter. You can call me Elohim." Extending my wings I bathed the darkened street with golden light.

Lily's eyes widened in recognition, I turned to leave again but was stopped by the appearance of multiple aurors pointing wands at me. 

"Halt creature! You're under arrest for attacking URKKKK

I flashed over to the Auror and kicked him in the balls doubling him over. The other aurors shot stunners at me that washed over me harmlessly. I had reacted instinctively I admit, but the guy had it coming. He was likely to accuse me of attacking 'upstanding members of society'. 

"You people are really fucking stupid huh?" 

"Shut up mudblo- 

The Auror that shouted never finished, he was immediately struck by lightning leaving nothing but his smoldering boots where he once stood. 

"Hold your tongues, you will know your place mortals." A voice commanded the wizards. 

'There they are, I was wondering when they'd show up after I stopped masking my divine aura.' 

The wizards gasped and looked at the glowing figure descending from the sky. White wings radiated holy light illuminating the darkened street. 

"F-foul creature! You should know your betters!" A particularly stupid Auror shouted. 

I sighed, these wizards really were hopelessly stupid. I wondered why Gregorny even bothered creating them, much less giving them so many chances. The archangel glared at the Auror with so much malice that I was surprised he didn't fall then and there. The Auror must have been really corrupt if a pure being like a Seraph didn't fall from grace by displaying too much hatred towards him. 

"Uriel, how are you and your siblings?" 

The archangels' eyes softened when they turned to me. I could tell he was holding back tears.

"Father, it's good to have you back."