Ketch Me as I Fall

It was a long and mostly quiet ride back to the bunker. Or at least it felt long as I stared out the window, wishing I could fly through the dark grey clouds like a bird. I tapped my fingers against the door, keeping beat with the song Dean had been playing, Renegade by Styx. The clouds grew darker the closer we got, thunder growling through them as lighting crackled across the air.

I climbed out of the car as soon as Dean pulled up into the garage. The air was hot and damp, the silence hung thick in the air with the humidity misleading in the calmness of the coming storm. We were far from the next town over, but even from here, we could hear the low bellowing tornado sirens that warned of something more to come.

"We should hunker down," Sam commented as the garage door started to close, shutting us into a still darkness, and he began to unload the car. "Jack, can you go make sure we have enough supplies since the bunker looks like it's out of power? Cas," A flashlight clicked on as Dean pulled his phone out. "Check the wardings. Alex…"

Sam was interrupted as a loud crack of thunder resonated through the concrete room. It was instinct as we all crouched low against the ground, regardless of being inside, hands over our heads as if we expected the whole thing to come down on us. The bunker's lights flicker feebly, trying to return, before failing again and staying dark. We waited silently for a moment, listening to the rain as it began to pound against the door.

"I thought we had generators," I muttered, a hand going to my head. "Sam, can you and Dean go check those? I think they're in the basement."

I didn't wait for either of them to nod before disappearing into the bunker, my eyes flicking to the black of a demons so I could see without the lights. However, seeing in the dark didn't seem to help any as I ran into Lucifer at the bottom of the stairs.

"Well," He chuckled softly. "Hello, doll."

I rolled my eyes in the dark, aware that he could see me just as well as I could now see him, and pushed away from him. "How's everyone?"

"A bit lost if I'm honest." Lucifer reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "But we're fine. Cael took off with Ally about an hour ago. He's waiting for your signal to come back I think. But without her, Elizabeth is just…"

"Lost." I finished for him, nodding. 

I pushed past him, only for Lucifer to follow me deeper into the bunker. The boys would be in the basement soon and I wanted to check to see if we had extra gas for the generators, so I started in the storage area we had upstairs. I pushed open a door that was rarely used and attempted to turn the lights on at the switch. Of course, nothing came on and we were left in the dark.

Lucifer tapped my shoulder and smiled as he pointed at his own eyes. I sighed and stepped into the room, ignoring his usual smart-ass behavior. There were several large shelves in this room and I knew a few in the back held a few extra cans of gas. I walked to them with ease and took one, handing it to Lucifer before grabbing another for myself and walking back out of the room.

"There should be enough for a few days," I said, motioning for Lucifer to follow me again.

I could hear the gas in the cans slosh around as we walked, carrying them back into the front room and then through another door and down to the generators. I could hear Dean grumbling to himself as we reached the bottom of the stairs.

I stepped into the cool concrete room first and found Sam and Dean around one of the large, old generators. I placed my can of gas on the floor, watching as Dean yanked at the generator's pull chord. The large machine grumbled and whined, but remained still and silent. He tried again, and the thing barely shuttered. He kicked at it in frustration and sighed. Lucifer, placing his can on the floor next to mine, stepped up to it as well and took a turn trying to convince the machine to run. When the pull chord refused to magically create power again, he tried to convince the thing to start with a little of his grace, but even that resulted in nothing. 

"Well…" I grumbled. "That's not good."

"It's supposed to storm for the next few days," Sam said, looking up from checking his phone. "I'm sure after that we can look into what happened to the power."

"Until then," I started, looking at my brothers. "Do you two think you can make it to town to grab a few small generators to use for phones and shit?"

"Yup. We got it covered." Dean answered.

"Be careful," I said as they started to walk past me.

Dean stopped and pulled me into a gentle hug. "You know most of these don't turn out half as bad." I felt him shrug against me. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Just don't kill anyone while we're gone."

"I'll be the one in the bunker, Dean." I laughed lightly.

"We'll be back soon." He said, ruffling my hair before following Sam up the stairs at last.

I sighed and turned back to Lucifer as he waited silently in the darkness. "We should find some lanterns."

I spun a survival knife in my hand, watching as the golden light of the lantern gleaned off the smooth blade. The light danced off the blade and across the wall like a carousel as it spun, the tip making a small hole in the table.

It should have been a thought that crossed my mind years ago to get new generators for the bunker. The ones it had we had found with it all that time ago. But it had never occurred to me that they could be bad after the fire, and being without light had never bothered me. I could find a needle in the biggest haystack man could create in pitch black dark now if I wanted to.

Everyone else had hunkered down for the night. The boys had come back from their trip into town with three smaller generators, enough to power laptops and charge devices until the power returned. Cael had returned with Ally a little after that, they both seemed to want to turn in fairly quickly. I couldn't blame the girl, it had to be a lot for her to take in, but Cael…it was strange behavior to see from the angel. Regardless, they all slept now or were keeping themselves busy far from where I sat in the kitchen.

My hand stilled on the knife blade, my eyes flickering up to the door frame as I heard the sound of a door opening and closing. It was followed by the light patter of shoes across the ground. Only one pair of footsteps from the opposite direction everyone else would be. Ketch.

I waited silently, my breath stilling in my chest as his steps got closer and closer. I could make out his shadow through the open door now as it crept across the wall in front of him. Then, in one quick movement, I pulled the knife blade over my shoulder and threw it. I would never be as good as Ally, but I could hit a door effortlessly.

Silver eyes gleamed in the reflection of the blade as Ketch stopped before it, inches from his face as it stuck in the wood. The light from the lantern flowed off the blade and onto his face, giving him a blindfold of shimmering fire. He wore another new suit, this one midnight black, accompanied by a black undershirt and tie. He didn't turn to me, didn't seem startled or concerned. And the words that came from him did nothing to lower the temperature of the blood that had begun to boil beneath my skin.

"I assume I deserve this." His tone was cocky, self-assured. "But can you tell me why you want to kill me this time, love?"

"Don't call me that." I growled from the darkness, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, 'love'." It was out of spite that time.

"Don't act all innocent." I slide from the chair I'd been in. "You've been disappearing without saying where you're going or when you'll be back. You've killed seemingly innocent people. And when you do come home, you're covered in blood and try to hide it from me."

"No one is truly innocent," Ketch said calmly, turning from the blade and placing a gun and a bloody knife on the table. He seemed to ignore the rest of what I had accused him of.

"You're contract killing again." It wasn't a question.

And it was followed with silence. We both just stood there, several feet apart, in silence. Those solid silver eyes cold as mine tried to burrow into him and find the answers.

"You've been nothing short of aggressive since we came back from saving Elly." I continued, watching as he moved further into the room, loosening his tie as he went. "It's like you're on steroids."

"You like it when I get 'aggressive'." He tried to flirt, those mercury eyes glowing.

"I like it when you're aggressive in bed." I huffed, I wasn't going to fall for this bullshit or his distractions. "Not when you kill an innocent mother in front of her kid."

"Don't you start that with me," Ketch growled low now, walking back to the door and taking the knife from it before stalking towards me. "You torture souls for fun." He slammed the knife into the table. "You have no room to be upset over what I do. I did a job. I killed a monster."

"A job?" I wasn't phased by this blatant show of dominance. "You're a hunter. Not some exterminator."

"What's the difference? Isn't your whole game in this to rid the world of them anyway?" He took a seat at the table, leaning forward to rub a spot of blood off his boots. "Just add these to the body count. Send a prayer up to the precious guardian angel that holds onto you so tightly. When was the last time he did any good for you?" He threw his feet onto the table, smirking at me. "I will admit, it's a bit poetic. A demon following God's plan."

I wasn't sure just how fast I had moved then, but in the next second, I was in front of him and my hand had gone across his face. Hard enough that not only was his cheek already turning red and his head had been forced to the side, but there was a small cut. I could feel the dark thing in me wanting to crawl up and claim control. It wanted to punish him. To control and abuse him. I could barely swallow it down.

"I am working to create a safer world for those who can not protect themselves." I spat at him, the words hot and angry as they left my lips. "Not assassinating for money."

Ketch turned back to him, his gaze poisonous as blood began to drip down his cheek. A small thread of guilt pulled at me at how hard I had hit him, there was no telling what my strength was like this. I pushed it away, I shouldn't feel sorry for something he deserved.

"I didn't say anything about money, Alex." His voice was hard and cold, nothing left of the teasing flirt from moments ago.

"Don't play dumb, Arthur." I hissed at him. "I know you've been talking to someone again. I know all about the burnt clothes and midnight phone calls."

"You used my first name. Then you are serious." His tone was sarcastic. "What if I have? Do you have a problem with it? I don't see you complaining about the rooms we've stayed in."

"You could've at least told me." I could feel the control slipping. "You didn't have to sneak around like you were cheating on me." My eyes slipped to black without my say-so. "I was starting not to feel good enough for you."

He had the balls to laugh. "That's rich coming from you. I gave you a ring."

"That doesn't mean shit when you're not around anymore." The words ended in an animalistic growl. This dark part of me wanted free and it was fighting hard for it. "I had to beg you to let me go on one hunt with you."

"Love." Ketch swung his feet from the table and stood again. "We can be rational about this. You don't need to go all demon on me."

"'Go all demon'?!" That was enough to almost push me over the edge. Everything I had been holding back the last few months was coming forward. "I am the rational one in this room. You're the one killing people!"

"It's hunting!" He shot at me, unafraid. "Why does it matter if I'm hunting?"

"Because it's not hunting when you're killing humans." I looked away from him, biting my tongue, the pain bringing me back just enough. "You're killing for pleasure again."

"There's not much I enjoy in this world." He huffed. "Is it so wrong for me to indulge in it sometimes?"

"Yes." I laughed harshly. "When it makes you a murdering asshole."

"Would you listen to yourself!" Ketch sounded tired now. Like he wanted nothing more to do with this fight. "You kill for fun too. You can not do this job without enjoying it at least a little!"

"Because I got such a choice over that!" I argued more. We needed this to happen. "If I don't kill now, I think I'd go insane. It's not my fault."

"Oh and me killing is?" He demanded. "Do you know how long killing things has been drilled into my head? I couldn't stop even if I wanted to!" He threw his arms up in exasperation. "What do you want me to do? Become the perfect little innocent boy of your dreams? That's not me, love. And I can guarantee it is not the man you fell in love with. I am not a bodyguard. I am not a damn babysitter. I am a fucking man of letters, and bloody brilliant on at that!"

"No." The word was firm, toxic. "You were nothing more than a British murder dog. I made you into a man of letters and then a hunter." I pointed a finger into his chest. "Without me, you'd still be one of their little brainwashed mutts."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I liked being a 'mindless mutt'? Or that maybe I tried just for you? Because I did. I tried to be the good little hunter you wanted me to be. I tried to be nice to those idiotic brothers of yours. I tried a lot of things to keep you happy, but none of them are me." His eyes burned hot, as molten as new steel. "It never was and never will be. I refuse to be miserable. I love you, Alex. To the fucking ends of the Earth and back. But you can not ask me to cage everything I have ever known. I gave up a lot for you. But this is one thing I can't just forget and give up."

His words pulled more of the human from me. "I want you to be you. I would do anything to have that for you." My voice softened as I began to feel more myself again, the anger draining from me. "But I don't need you brainwashed again. I need you to be strong. Because I…" The words found their way to my lips before I truly knew them. "Because I…I can't be anymore…"

The room fell silent, all heated anger gone from it as the words registered with us both. I looked up at Ketch, his face was blank, as if what I had said had thrown his train of thought away. After what felt like a small eternity, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What?" He managed to ask.

"I…" The words flooded forward, finding freedom from wherever I had been keeping them trapped. "I'm losing control of…of whatever they did to me…" I gestured at myself.

"Love?" It was a cautious word as he stepped towards me, hand outstretched and hesitant. "What are you saying?"

"I…I can't control…being a demon anymore." My voice shook with the truth. "It's going to swallow me whole. I'm…I'm…" My body started to shake with it. "I'm afraid I'm going to kill you."

"You couldn't hurt me." He laughed with the bluff, attempting to lighten to mood. "Demons are incredibly easy compared to most things." That didn't help. But he seemed to know that. He finally seemed to settle on touching me, his hand cupping my cheek and tilting my face up. He kissed me softly. "We can do it together, love. Through better or worse. Til death do us part."

"How do you always manage to make me feel like this?" I asked softly, slowly snaking my arms around him until I was pulled into a gentle hug.

"Feel like what?" Ketch asked softly.

"Make me feel human." I closed my eyes, enjoying the smell of teak wood and gunpowder that came from him. "I never feel more alive than when I'm with you."

"Then trust me when I say I will not let this consume you." He spoke with an unmatched confidence.

"I would trust you with the stars," I said softly.

"Let's not go that far." Ketch teased. "You shouldn't trust me with more than a kettle. I'm rubbish with anything more important."

"Loving me is pretty important, and you're only a little rubbish at that." I pushed onto my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "And sex. You're not bad at that either."

He let out a real laugh at that. "That's good to know." I nipped at his neck playfully and he hummed softly in response. "I'm sorry. About lying to you. I'll find a way to make it up to you."

"You can try to do that now. We have some time to spare before everyone else wakes up." I looked up at him, a playful smile on my face.

Ketch smiled back, his hands taking my hips. "Do we?"

"Of course, 'love'," I whispered, using his catchphrase against him. "Unless I decide to lock our door."