Ketch Me as I Fall

It had been a few weeks since Ketch had come home beat up. And things had been quiet. It was almost too calm. But it had been long enough for us to relax just enough to continue hunts, though I hated letting Ketch out of my sight for long, so if he left at all it was usually accompanied by one of my brothers. And with Mrs. Butters around now, the boys, Elly and Lucifer, and even the angels were busier than ever clearing out hoard after hoard. It was often enough now that I could easily slip into Hell to check on things, or stand by and watch how Ally's training was going. She was catching on quickly and it was nice to see it, even if her soul was slipping away more and more each day. 

But today. Today I was on my knees on the cold bathroom floor, hands gripping the toilet bowl tightly as I retched into it for the third time this morning. This had been happening on and off the last few days. I had been able to hide it fairly well from everyone, even avoiding a round of questions from Cas one morning when he noticed I looked a little pale. But this morning was worse than it had been. I felt sick to my stomach. I had been sure demons couldn't contract illnesses, yet here I was.

I retched again before pushing myself back onto my ass, leaning against the cool porcelain bowl. My chest felt tight, and I was sweating profusely. I still felt so sick as I let my head hang, eyes closed as I just tried to focus on breathing.

"Just fucking kill me…" I breathed to myself.

There was a light knock on the open bathroom door, making me jump a little. I turned quickly, too quickly, and stared at Elly as my head swam, nausea threatening to overwhelm me again.

"Your door was open. I could hear you in the hallway. Are you ok?" She asked kindly.

"No. I…" I tried not to throw up on myself. "I think I'm dying."

Elly laughed lightly, but came over to rub my back as I turned to the toilet again and retched once more. 

"You're not dying. Do you have a fever?" Elly asked. She pulled my face up gently and placed a cool hand against my forehead. "You don't feel like you do. How long have you felt like this?"

"I don't know. A few days?" I honestly wasn't sure anymore. I was still trying to wrap my mind around how it was possible.

"A few days?" Elly was silent for a few seconds. She hummed in thought. "I don't think….would that be possible?" She turned back to me, confusion in her eyes. "Has it just been roughly in the mornings?"

"I guess? It happens if I smell food sometimes too." I wasn't sure what she was getting at. "You're asking some weird shit, Elly."

"Alex," She said my name sternly. "I feel as your best friend and a person who has seen you naked, I have the right to ask you when your last period was."

I gave her a weird look. "I'm a demon, Elly. I don't get those anymore." Why did she ask that?

"Then I'm even more confused." Elly got to her feet and patted my head softly. "I just had the same symptoms when I was pregnant with Ally."

"Wait. You thought I was pregnant?" I asked, trying to look at her seriously, even as my stomach churned again. "I…I can't, Elly. I couldn't even when I was a human. I was born infertile."

She shrugged. "Maybe you should check anyway. What could it hurt? It would narrow it down a bit if you did." She pointed at my waist. "You have been wearing slightly larger clothes. Don't think I haven't noticed that. Have you been bloated? Gaining weight? You haven't been tightening your boots as much either."

"I…I…" I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of that.

There was no way in literal Hell I could be pregnant. It just wasn't possible for a demon. Sure, Ketch and I had stopped using any means of protection since we had gotten back together. But that had been because we had been sure there was no possibility of anything happening. I couldn't even have STDs.

"I think I'm going to be sick again," I mumbled.

"I…I didn't mean to…" Elly exhaled deeply and knelt beside me again. "I could be completely wrong, Alex."

"No. You're right. It needs to be ruled out as a possibility. Even if there's only like a half percent chance." I tried to get to my feet, my legs shaky underneath me. "I'll be back in a bit."

"Ok, hun." Elly's voice traveled after me as I left the room, a hand still on my lower stomach.

I stepped through the door leading from my room and into the hallway, using it to make the jump to Hell. I landed on the warm stone floor of the throne room on my hands and knees, my energy immediately sapped from me. I took a minute to lay on the ground, breathing heavily.

I had been so tired lately too. And more easily irritated. Especially with poor Ketch. Even when I had no reason to be cross with him. And Elly was right, I had been wearing a size or two bigger clothes. I hadn't had an explanation for it other than they were suddenly more comfortable. I huffed as I lay on the floor, trying not to throw up again. I couldn't even bring myself to sit back on my calves.

"Crowley!" I yelled, willing all my remaining energy into the call.

After a few moments of silence, I was sure it had worked, so I called his name into the dimly lit throne room again.

"What?" The words came on a flutter of bat wings. Crowley's snarled feet appeared in my view. "I was at the Mauna Lani Spa in a session with Leilani, who has the touch of an angel, and it's costing me a pretty penny. So this better be important."

"I need you to…" I choked back another bout of nausea. "To check something for me."

Crowley sighed, but his voice softened slightly. "What is is Mouse? Kingdom falling apart? I've heard rumors that you're having issues. Are you begging me to come back? It would be nice to finally have a Winchester on their knees for me."

I glared up at him, finally feeling strong enough to push back into a sitting position. I stared at him for a moment, taking in his god-awful Hawaiian shirt and swimming trunks. 

"You gave it to me fair and square," I said, not in the mood for his teasing. "I need you to check if I'm…" I hated even the thought of asking for his help. I could do it myself if my mind was clearer. I could've always asked Cas or Cael, but neither of them could keep a secret. "If I'm…"

"If you're…?" Crowley motioned with his hands for me to continue. "I can't help you if I don't know what's…"

"I think I'm pregnant, Crowley." I spat out, hating the way it sounded so absurd on my tongue.

The demon huffed a laugh and nodded. "I don't think you're far off on that guess, Mouse. You do look it to me. Gained a little chub in your cheeks." He patted his face, a teasing smile on his lips. 

When I continued to glare at him, he sighed and stepped towards me, placing a hand on my head. I felt the pulse of his energy push through me and run through my blood. It would have felt intruding if it hadn't been for all the years he had healed me. It wasn't long before he pulled away from me, taking the energy with him and nodding again.

"You're about two months along." Crowley folded his hands together behind his back. "Need anything else? Or can I get back to Leilani?"

"How the fuck is that possible…" I said, disbelief clouding all judgment. "I was infertile as a human. And demons can't get pregnant…right?"

"It's never happened before, but that's never stopped a Winchester from hitting the jackpot before." Crowley sounded annoyed, but that was nothing compared to how I felt. "Shouldn't you be thanking me? I fixed you. Every last inch of you. I rebuilt you from the ground up. I only kept the scars because you insisted."

"Why would you fix something like that and not tell me?!" I put a hand over my mouth, eyes wide with surprise.

"Well I didn't think you'd go sleeping around the whole bloody kingdom, now did I?" He said, his voice dipping into that scraggly one that came out when he was upset.

"I didn't sleep with 'the whole bloody kingdom', Bat," I grumbled.

"Oh please. Everyone knows about you and Orion." He scoffed. "Who else would it be? His royal highness is gone. We both know that."

"Well, it's not Orion's. I'm sure about that." I fell back onto my back, the stone floor cooler than the flush of my skin. "And the 'Royal Highness' is back in town."

"You found him?" The demon looked shocked briefly. "Well, isn't that just perfect, Mouse? You can have a family. Sure the kid will be one hell of a saint."

"Can we not joke about this, Crowley? I'm not even sure what this kid will be." The thought of that made me feel sick again. "If a Nephilim is stronger than the angel parent then…" I thought for a second. "If there even a name for a human and demon child?"

"There was. Once upon a time. I believe it was something called a cambion," Crowley shrugged. "But I have no idea if that's right."

Crowley stepped closer to me again and gently ruffled my hair. It was a gentle, soothing motion, something he had done when I'd come to him still so young.

"I should get rid of it, Bat," I said quietly.

"We couldn't even get rid of the Nephilim." He huffed another laugh. "What makes you think we can kill this?"

"Well, I can't keep it!" I yelled. "If a Nephilim kiss the mother, I don't want to know what this…this thing will do to me."

"You're not human, you nitwit." He said the word harshly, but his hand was still soft in my hair. "I doubt it will kill you."

"And if it doesn't, then what am I supposed to do with it? It's going to be more powerful than me right?" I closed my eyes against his hand. "It'll be like giving birth to the antichrist…" My eyes shot open again and I leaned back, looking up at him. "Fucking hell! It'll be the goddamn antichrist won't it?!"

"Will you calm the fuck down? If anything, Jack, or whatever the other Nephilm's name is, would be more likely to be the damn antichrist. And yes, I know they're back." Crowley said, rolling his eyes at my dumb expression. "News travels fast when you're taking out all of supernatural life. So Unless you fucked Lucifer."

I took a deep breath. He didn't need to know about that. "I've never thought of myself as a mother, Crowley." My tone was softer now. "I'm not ready for this. And what if…" the words stuck in my throat for a moment, breaking my heart more. "What if he doesn't want it? What if he leaves me because of it…"

"What do I look like to you? A marriage counselor? You just have to tell him, Mouse. There's nothing else I can tell you. I'm sure your girly will be there with you if the killer won't." Crowley rubbed at his tired eyes. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll stay on call for you."

"Thank you," I mumbled softly. "I should get back."

"Get some rest, and stop drinking," Crowly suggested before disappearing from the throne room.

I sighed, tears brimming my eyes now that I was alone in the room. What was I supposed to do? I knew Crowley was right. I just needed to tell him. How had Elly done it? How could she be so strong? She had said he was happy for her. Would he be happy?

I blinked, and the stone room around me was replaced by my bedroom as I sank into my soft bed. The travel hadn't made me weak then, which I was grateful for. I sighed and sat up on the bed. How was I going to tell him? I still wasn't sure we were even going to be officially married anymore. I hung my head in my hands and let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"So?" Came Elly's voice, startling me yet again. I brushed the tears away from my face before greeting her with a nod. She quickly pushed into the door and came to wrap her arms around me. "It'll be ok." She whispered. "I'll help you through it. What could a new little monster do to you?" She smiled at me, but it didn't seem to relieve any of the stress I felt. She kissed my forehead. "Everything will be ok, Alex."

"What if he doesn't want it, Elly?" I whimpered softly. "You said Lucifer was happy when you told him." I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks. "But we're…he's a hired gun and I'm a damn demon. We can't raise a family."

Elly cooed softly. "He loves you, Alex. Loves you more than you could ever know. He will not abandon you. He will never stop loving you. And he will not let you raise a kid on your own. If the devil could stay from me, then there is nothing the two of you can't handle." Elly nudged me gently with her elbow as she released me. "Plus, If he does, we can hunt him down together. All three of us."

I laughed a little at her implication. 

"And, you have to find a way to name them after me." Elly continued. "It's only fair. I nomad my daughter after you."

"You thought I was dead," I said.

"I don't need the excuses! I just want the results!" Elly laughed, the sound made me feel lighter.

It didn't last long enough. A knock on the partially open door made us turn towards it, the ease being leeched from the room again. I looked at Ketch, who leaned against the doorframe now, dressed in a newly tailored and pressed suit. He looked good.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked.

"When I said I missed the suits, I didn't mean to go out and buy so many brand new ones." I tried to koke, but the smile fell from my face too quickly. "We need to talk."

Ketch frowned but nodded and stepped into the room. Elly patted my arm lightly before she quickly excused herself from the room, closing the door behind her. 

"Is this a first-name kind of talk?" he asked softly, his arms folding over his chest almost defensively.

"No…I'm not sure." I bit my lip, not sure how to start this. "It's more important than that."

Ketch looked back at the door, the gesture made my heart pound in my chest. He didn't want to be here. How the fuck was I supposed to tell him? A hand went to my abdomen instinctively as I waited for him to look back at me.

When he did, there was a smile on his face. "I'm guessing this isn't about the shopping spree, is it?"

"No." I let my head drop into my hands again, he was unintentionally making this worse. "Can you…just come here?"

There was a moment of silence, but I didn't dare look up at him again. After what felt like hours, I could hear him step across the room before the bed dipped on my right side as he sat on the edge.

"Did I do something wrong?" Ketch asked, worry heavy in his voice. "Whatever it was, I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong." I couldn't look at him. "Arthur…I…I don't even know how to tell you…" my head was spinning. This was all such a mess. I knew nothing at all about this. And the thought of him leaving me was still running through my veins like a bad cold.

Ketch hushed softly and took my chin in his hands, pulling my head around gently until I was looking at him. "You're crying, love. There's no reason for that." He said softly. "Whatever it is, we will work through it together."

I looked into those calming silver pools. The eyes I had fallen so desperately head over heels for. The eyes that had held anger and contempt for me once. The eyes that had held such gentle and protective love for me since. The eyes that still made me feel so deeply calm and immensely loved. I took a deep breath. How did he always manage to make me feel like this? I closed my eyes, took another deep breath, and opened them again.

"What if I showed you?" I said softly.

I reached a hand up and gently caressed his cheek, dragging my thumb over the light stubble there before closing my eyes again. I searched for and then focused on the small second heartbeat that I could just barely hear over my own.

And in that moment, it was all too real. All too nerve-wracking as I kept the focus there, listening to the small thing beat in time with mine. There was no denying it now.

My hands trembled as I released my hold on him, though I kept my hand against his face as I exhaled again and opened my eyes. And he looked just as shaken as I felt. He slowly reached up and loosened the tie, clearing his throat. It was a few seconds before he moved again, his hand reaching up to take the one of mine still against his cheek. He held it tightly, enough so that I was sure it would have broken had I been human.

"Ok." Ketch finally breathed out, worry heavy in those silver eyes. "Um…I…"

The world began to feel like it was crashing down around me. He was going to leave me. I knew it. He would disappear and I would never see him again. He would make sure of it this time.

"What do you want to do?"

I wasn't expecting that question, and it took me aback. He…wanted to know what I wanted?

"I…" I had no idea. "What do you think we should do?" This was an 'us' thing after all. There was no longer a he or I.

Ketch was quiet for a long time, but he was still here. Still in this room with me. He finally looked over me carefully, and I jumped as he pulled me to him, taking my lips into a long kiss and stealing the air from my lungs. He pulled back and pushed his head against mine. 

"I'm going to be with you, forever." He whispered to me before kissing me again. It washed away so many of the worries that had been crippling me just moments before.

"I…I…" I had nothing to say when I pushed away from him again. "You want this?" It was the only clear question left in my head.

"I don't know," Ketch answered honestly. That was more than I could ever ask for. "I am scared beyond belief, Alex. I am fucking terrified. I have no idea how to do this, but I love you. And I am not going to leave you."

He kissed me again then, and god…it made my head spin.

"But…" He took a deep breath. "Is this something you want to do? This is between the both of us. It is our child, but it is your body and your life. Is…Am I enough for you?"

I almost fell into tears again as he asked. But instead, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

"You are more than I could ever ask for." I breathed against his lips.