Love Business

"Let's break up..."

Those words... He hated it the most.

You can curse him, humiliate him, spitfire on him. Anything... Everything.

Everything but that.

I saw him curling his fist. With a face, darker than the Hell itself. His sharp eyes; once that I adore so much, turned even darker than a black hole.

With only those three words which combine the whole sentences, he turned into someone else. He's not a man that I love anymore.

He became a selfish monster that I'm afraid of.

"You are not leaving me, Pan..."

"Zee, I think I had enough..."

"I will kill you if you leave me!"

I chuckle, glaring at him with my feisty eyes.

Zee is good with words. Too good, I think! He can even stop a war with his words.That's what he always claimed. With those mouth, he ruled this world that we lived in for almost two years. A world that promise nothing but rubbish thoughts and a thin layer of future.

"Words can only be words, Zee. You won't kill me," I reply to him at ease, though I knew he is a man of his words. If he told you he'll shoot you, he will shoot you, if you hand him a gun. But, I rather play by the risk, knowing that I'm right about my opinion and my rights.

He was still on his feet before I tried to walk away. Knowing thay I'm ready to leave, he charged forward. In the blink of an eye, his hand choked my neck. I shut my eyes tight, and gathered my breath so I could take hold of his attack.

"I can kill you in a breeze, Pan!"

"You know what..." I held his hand tight. "You did kill me already, Zee. Because throughout these years, I'm not feeling myself anymore."

His eyes grow larger. He let his grip loose. I cough and inhale enough oxygen so I could breathe. His panting sound with a surpressing anger echoed into my ears.

"Let's end this game, Zee. With no hard feelings. I had enough of this toxic relationship," I try to convince him in the calmest way possible.

"Tell me, what's wrong with our relationship?!"

"I have a million reasons for that, but let me just conclude them in one; I had enough of your controlling nature. Throughout these years, not even once I had my own life, my own decision. You never listen to me, you never really care! You promised to take care of me, but all I got was your never ending jealousy and controlling! You're selfish, Zee!"

"All I did is for your good. I wanna protect you!"  Zee holds my shoulder and forces me to look at him.

"From what? From whom? From the world? Until when?" I ask.

"Your life was miserable when we first met! I help you escape from your family! And now, you said I'm the one who makes your life feel like a shit now?!"

"I know you love me so much, and I'm grateful for what you did for me all these time..." I slowly approached Zee, grabbing his hand and made he looked at me. "But, let's think about it. How long should we keep living like this? Don't you wanna have a better future with me? We can always leave this shia world and starts fresh! Or... if you refuse to let me go, why don't you enroll along with me? We can study together, you and I–"

"Why you have to bring this up? What's with the future talk? You do know I hate study! And still, you want me to do it? Graduate? Work? What is this shia suggestion?!" Zee slapped away my hand fron him, leaving me stood there with my broken heart and weak feet.

"Fine... I won't force you anymore. But, if you can't, at least let me do it! Let me enroll!"

"I can never trust you with that!"

"All I did is for our future, Zee!"

"Oh, is it? Are sure you want to do this for us? Or, maybe you're sick and tired of having me n your life that you're planning to look for someone new?" Zee's accusation stirred a hurricane in my heart. From sorrow, it turned into a storm.

"How can you say that, Zee? You do know I only have you–"

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm away almost all the time, and suddenly you have this kind of idea of going to college and sorts. Who knows, maybe someone plant those ideas and you agree with that. Maybe there's another man out there who is waiting for you! Being away from me can give you a freedom so you can screw him whenever you want!"

Pang!

"I had enough of your stupid jealousy, Zee! Now, you are disrespecting me! I wanna change for the better future, but you thought that I'm cheating on you. What kind of girl do you think I am?" A streak of tears rolls down as I wipe it vigorously.

For two years I've been holding onto his attitude. I let him do whatever he wanted; joining a gang, drugs, booze, nightlife, freedom. I gave him my best, though I got nothing as return. I put him first before me, I love him with my whole heart. My teenage life evolved around him, and him only.

But, he never saw that. He never appreciate that.

So, there's no reason to stay anymore...

I grab my bag from the bed, the one that I've packed before. There's been nothing much ever since I left home. I take off the ring that he gave to me when he proposed to me, place it on the bed, with heart shattered and teary eyes. When I walk away, out of the house, I cod see by the corner of my eyes, that he was devastated. But, he never stopped me. Nor turning his for once to me.

With that, I understood. All of this... It's meaningless for him. I am nothing to him anymore. He didn't love me as much as I love him.

So, I leave for good and never to return. Brought along those sweet memories between us than I plant deep inside the most darker abyss within me.

***

"Pan, where are you?"

I was holding a bunch of files in my hands while ascending the stairs in a hurry.

"Calm down, Fia. I'm on my way!" I replied to her with my panting voice. These stairs, they were killing me! I could felt my feet swollen already!

"See, if you follow me this morning, you won't be late!" I could imagine how frustrated Sofia is now. Perhaps, she must be standing with one hand cupping on her waist and her eyes were giving me the killing mode vibe.

I chuckled as I imagine those amused sight.

"Let's meet at the admission office latter. I think I can't catch up with you guys now!" I reply.

"Remember, you need to send your admission by this afternoon or say goodbye to your college life!" Sofia warned me, making me churn inside.

"I know, I know! Jeez, you sound like my mom!" I snare, as I sprint my way to the high school's administration office.

"Don't forget your High School Transcript and Certificate. We will meet at the college's cafe after that. And please, Miss Pandora, don't be late!" by those words, I almost fly myself into the office so I won't be late.

"Yes, Mom!" I managed to tease Sofia before I cut the call. She must be losing her mind by now!

After I managed to get my High School Certificate and Student's Transcript, I took a grab and forced the driver to speed up so I won't be late. In no time, I finally arrived at the main building of The InterTech Institute.

The college of my choice.

The college admission office was just right in front of my eyes. I sped up so I could submit my admission by the time given.

But, somehow... My eyes were blurry and everything seemed to fade away from my sight. I felt my body was floating. My mind went blank, dark and empty. I could heard noises all around me, but my body seemed failed to reconnect to the world.

The last thing that I know was a thud sound and aching all over my body. A thought suddenly came across my mind.

Am I gonna make it?