Chapter 31: 1.27: Matter That Worrisome
Pan glances at Shu. Right now, the girl is sitting next to Zee. They were talking to each other discreetly. Sometimes, the girl is glancing at her. Then, she continues talking to Zee again. Pan can see that Zee is trying to calm the girl from the bersk act just now. It was supposed to be her job as a mother, but right now, it seems like Shu prefers to be alone with Zee.
"Pan, lunch's ready," Mei whispers to Pan. She nods a bit, leaving those two alone at the dining table.
As Pan enters the kitchen, she grabs Mei on her wrist. Her friend turns around and halts.
"Something happened, isn't it?" asks Pan.
"I don't know what are you talking about, Pan..." Mei avoids her.
"All of a sudden, Zee and Shu suddenly get close. Since when?" Pan inquires Mei again. The girl lifts her shoulder.
Comes Sofia, with Win in her embrace. She looks at her two friends and frowns.
"What are you guys talking about?"
"I'm asking Mei if she's keeping something from me," Pan leans against the kitchen counter, crossing her arms and waiting for Mei to reason the matter with her.
"Are you?" Sofia asks Mei.
"Why are you guys stammering me? Is it a bit unfair?" Mei slowly losing her chill.
"I don't know. Does it sound unfair?"
"I know nothing about it. Besides, Zee is a nice guy. Anyone can like him just like that," says Mei.
"Hah, now you called him nice! Four years ago, you despised him, calling him a jerk. What now?" Pan presses Mei.
"What's with the overreaction, Pan?" Mei dodges Pan and steps away from her.
"My daughter is mad at me because I told her not to get close to Zee. How can I be cool about it?" Pan almost lost her patience. But, she controls her emotion, afraid that Zee might overhear the conversation.
"What's wrong with father/daughter bonding?"
"Mei!"
Before things get worse, Sofia stops them from fighting.
"You two should stop before things get out of hand," Sofia tries to calm them down.
"I know you're keeping something from me!" Pan pricks Mei so she can spill the truth.
"Don't you think it's time for Shu to know the truth about Zee?" Mei asks Pan.
Pan backs off. She looks angry, but she doesn't utter a word. Maybe she's a bit confused, or worried. Everything seems a wreck for her.
"Shu is my daughter!"
"No one denies that. You're her mother. But, don't you think she'll keep the thoughts away forever? Sooner or later, she will find out," says Mei. She sits on the stool, holding a huge sigh. There is a strain of sadness coming from her face.
"I know..." Pan slowly speaks up. "But, not right now. I'm not ready yet. It's too early for me! I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose Shu to that jerk!"
"There is no way you will, Pan. Just look at how much Zee changed in the past 4 years," says Sofia. "Look at him now. He's a totally different person!" she continues.
"Your selfish thoughts create a gap between you and Shu. Sooner or later, she will raise a question, and if you still living in denial, she will hate you for sure!" Pan gasps in shock.
"Mei, that's too harsh!" Sofia smacks Mei's shoulder. Instead of backing off or feeling sorry, Mei resumes.
"If that is the best method to wake Pan up, I'm willing to take a risk!"
"You'll never understand me, Mei!"
"I am. I'm not gonna understand you, even in a million years I won't, Pandora! Because I can't be a mother,"
Now, everyone is silent. The truth feels like a bomb, dropped in the middle of a house that silently kills inside.
"But I'm not ashamed to claim that I know Shu, more than you as her mother. I see myself in Shu. And I know how hard it is when you are separated from someone who puts hope and happiness in your life," Mei crumbles her fist.
The image of a 5-year-old self, crying in the middle of a rainy day, chasing a man whom she called father after the harsh separation from her mother, replays in her head.
"I'm not asking you to tell the truth at this very moment, Pan. But, at least, let Shu have what she wants. She never asks anything from you, even though she always whines and complains..." Mei holds Pan's hand, very tight. "You said, you wanna make her happy. If Zee is the one who can make her happy, why don't you just let it be?" tears drop from Mei's eyes. She's not Shu's mother. But she spends more time with her than Pan herself.
Yes, Pan is the mother. She takes care of Shu from the beginning. But, Shu grows in front of Mei. And she knows what's inside her mind. She's a kid, but a very broken kid. Fatherless. Facing mocks from other kids because of that.
"Pan..." Sofia taps Pan's forearm after she handed Win to Mei. "You don't have to explain such a complex thing to everyone. You can just let Shu and Zee bond like this. When the time comes, we'll tell the truth," says Sofia. She tries to put a breeze onto Pan. Her approach is kinda softer than Mei's though it has lies in it. But, at least it can ease Pan's mind.
Pan takes a deep breath. She calms herself for a moment before giving a tiny nod. The fear of losing Shu eats her alive until she feels anxious. But, there is no way Shu will suddenly pack her bag and move in with Zee, right?
Some things take time.
"Ma..."
Three of them almost jump when Shu suddenly appears at the kitchen door. Mei turns her back away from Shu and tries to wipe those tears from her eyes.
"Yes, bunny?" Pan approaches her daughter with a sweet smile on her face.
"Er... There is someone... Who wants to meet you," the girl points at the front door. Pan nods and leaves the kitchen.
When she arrives at the front door, she's in deep shock.
There is Cray, standing at the front door, looking at Zee, who probably was the one who opened the door for him.
The air around them seems a bit dense.
"Cray..."
Both of the men turn their heads towards Pan. Cray waves at Pan, wearing a sweet smile like usual.
***
It's lunch time. The dining seems pretty normal but with the third eye, it feels a bit cramped and tensed.
"I came to check on you. You were drunk quite badly last night. So I brought you some remedy," Cray hands the container to Pan.
"Someone was having a good time last night..." Mei sneers. Pan glares at her. The anger hasn't been sims a bit from her, yet Mei chooses to pour more gasoline into the fire.
"I'm not that drunk actually. But, thanks for the reminder," Pan replies with respect.
Shu keeps staring at Cray. The man manages to catch a glimpse of the girl.
"Your little sister is cute..." says Cray.
"Daughter. Not sister," Shu corrects him. Cray immediately looks at Pan.
"She's my daughter. Her name is Shu. Shu.." Pan gives her a signal. The girl sighs before she stands up.
"Greetings... I'm Shu. Nice to meet you," Shu greets Cray politely even if she feels half-heartened.
"Hi! I'm Cray. I'm your mom's friend," Cray introduces himself.
"Friends like how?" Shu asks.
"Friends. You know... Like mom and Zee!"
"Uncle Zee is a family,"
Zee halts. He feels the soup is bitter for his tongue.
"Oh? Then.. Can I be a part of your family?" asks Cray.
"No. I don't know you," a direct answer from Shu causing the table to grim. Sofia winces a bit, and Mei tries to stop Shu but well, guess it's too late for that.
"That's easy! We should meet each other often, so we can know each other well. How's it?" asks Cray. Looks like he won't give up.
Shu shakes her head. Slowly, her hand lingers on Zee's arm.
"It's okay. I didn't mean right now. We'll get to know each other slowly, okay?" knowing that Shu might be uneasy, Cray slowly retreats a bit.
"Let's eat, everyone!" Sofia smiles widely while inviting them to eat. They enjoy the food in silence. Zee glares at Pan while having his food, and studies her reaction from afar.
Suddenly, Zee feels like his shirt's hem is being pulled aside. He turns his head towards Shu.
"Uncle Zee..."
"Hm?"
"I don't like this guy..."
Zee flashes his fainted smile. He nods in tiny.
"Don't worry. I will protect your mother, no matter what..." Zee takes a pledge. Shu smiles at him.
"That's more like my father!" she shrieks in happiness.
Zee feels his whole world is fully blossoming. He can't understand why he feels so happy when Shu calls him 'father'. A part of his heart is suddenly resolute...
I'll protect this family, no matter what!