Mr. Magical Girl

Chapter 01: Prologue

When I was young… well, I guess I wasn’t that young. Let’s correct that: it was around the time when I started to mature a little.

I enjoyed watching anime with magical girls. Beautiful, flashy women would appear, delivering stunning scenes as they defeated villains, with grand productions and flowing dresses adorned with frills. I loved it all.

At school, when I talked about these stories, I was often treated like a girl and became the target of teasing. But I knew the truth. Those same kids who mocked me were quick to turn on their TVs at the airing time of those “girly” shows, finding excuses to watch.

I’m sure they also mimicked the transformation poses in front of the TV like I did.

“Reality and Despair’s Witch Queen, Mars!”
“With the power of the sun, Princess Sun!”
“Return to your original form! Swallow Card!”

Hmm. It’s been a while since I last heard those lines, but they come back to me so easily. Though I’ve grown to dislike magical girls now, the memories from my childhood seem to linger on.

Anyway, on a day like any other, while mimicking transformation poses as I watched magical girl anime, something special happened.

*

While I was sitting in the living room, watching TV, the screen suddenly started crackling loudly before going black.

“What the heck?” Just as I got up from the sofa…

“Would you like to form a contract with me and become a magical girl? Poyo!” A loud, white something popped up in front of me.

“Eek!” Startled, I flopped back onto the sofa. “Am I… dreaming?”

“This is reality! Poyo! You’ve been chosen as the Magical Girl of Justice!” A white-furred creature, resembling a ferret, floated in mid-air, beaming at me. I was sure it wasn’t an actual ferret—after all, ferrets can’t talk.

While I stared at the ferret-like creature with surprise, the words ‘Magical Girl’ deeply embedded themselves in my mind.

“Magical girl…?” I stammered, as if those words held some kind of power over me.

“Yes! Poyo!”

“But I’m a boy!”

“That doesn’t matter! Poyo! Anyone can become a magical girl as long as they possess a heart that loves justice, Poyo!”

“I won’t turn into a girl permanently, right?”

“Only when you transform! Poyo! A magical girl’s true identity is a top-secret!”

Even though I had started asking questions about becoming a ‘magical girl,’ it didn’t feel real at all. I must be dreaming, right? I slowly raised my left hand, covering my vision. You’re not supposed to feel pain in dreams, right?

I twisted the skin on the back of my hand and winced as a sharp pain shot through me.

‘Maybe this isn’t a dream…?’

“Are you thinking this is a dream? Poyo?” the creature asked.

I nodded absentmindedly.

“Then why don’t you try transforming? You’ll see this isn’t a dream, Poyo!”

It was definitely strange. My instincts screamed that something was off. Although my life had been short up to that point, something definitely felt wrong. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, I couldn’t shake off the phrase ‘magical girl.’

So I asked, “How do I transform?”

“Just sincerely wish for it! Imagine your new self, Poyo!”

Thankfully, I didn’t have to utter any cringy lines or strike some weird pose. I clasped my hands together and earnestly wished for it—the magical girl of my dreams.

Image after image flashed through my mind—a magical girl representation I had seen somewhere before. Her silver hair, crimson eyes, a short stature with an imbalanced twin-tailed hairstyle topped with a stunning ribbon, and a long dress without any skin exposure.

It may sound like a detailed request, but I believe everyone has a vision of their ideal magical girl, right?

The image locked in my mind grew clearer, as if it were enhanced with every breath. It transitioned from a simple sketch to a detailed artwork, then to a doll, and finally into a living being.

The silver-haired, red-eyed magical girl extended her hand toward me, and as her small hand touched my chest, a whirlwind with astonishing force enveloped me. The gust was so powerful that it felt like it could knock anyone over, and it continued to intensify.

“What incredible mana, Poyo!” The small, white ball of fluff also seemed swept away by the winds, spinning upward before vanishing.

In that instant, silence fell upon the scene.

Even though everything around me remained strangely still, the real winds began to clash around me, concealing everything in their wake.

“Poyoooooo…” The creature’s loud voice gradually diminished before disappearing entirely, leaving me alone in a void of silence with the magical girl.

Two apathetic sets of eyes locked onto one another. The little magical girl stood there, watching me in silence, seemingly waiting.

What would happen if I took her hand? I noticed her small, gloved hand still resting on my chest, and I placed my hand over it. It was so tiny that my hand completely enveloped hers.

“Compatible candidate recognized.” Her voice was cuter than I had imagined. Just like in the shows, she continued, “Now imprinting.”

Her hand on my chest started to rotate, moving clockwise for a complete circle. Her crimson eyes fixed on me, seeming to penetrate deep into my soul.

“May my past, present, and future luck be with you.”

Was this another phase of the imprinting process? I watched, awestruck as her hand moved one last time. With that final gesture, she transformed into countless particles of light, scattering into the air.

The light that once formed the magical girl rushed into me, surrounding me in a blinding luminosity. My body began to morph into the slender shape of a magical girl.

Sparkling light condensed into form over my bare body. First, the light formed into my undergarments, then white stockings; a white, long one-piece dress followed. A red skirt and blue coat flowed over the dress, and finally, black boots and blue gloves adorned my feet and hands.

With my entire outfit complete, I touched the floor. When I instinctively reached out with my right hand, a golden hammer appeared as if it had always belonged there. I could sense it would be the weapon I’d wield throughout my magical girl life.

Finally, a radiant light materialized above my head, taking the form of a semi-transparent wing-shaped ribbon.

That had to be the final step of the magical girl transformation! Typically, at this point, the magical girl would shout her name, but since I had never practiced that before, my mouth didn’t open.

Fortunately, shouting my name didn’t seem to be an absolute necessity, and the light encasing me gradually dissipated.

“It’s a success! Poyo! Now you understand, right? This isn’t a dream! Poyo!” The white fluff popped back into view after my transformation concluded. It was right—I definitely wasn’t dreaming. The magical girl I encountered felt too real.

“Now that you’ve transformed, it’s time I inform you about your duties…”

More importantly, I needed a mirror to see my transformation! This was more critical than what the peculiar creature was saying.

“Listen to me, Poyo!”

Ignoring it, I sprinted toward the bathroom. Of course, I had never been a girl, so why would there even be a mirror in my room? I hurriedly twisted the bathroom handle, entered, and faced my reflection—there stood a silver-haired, red-eyed girl staring back at me.

I couldn’t believe it! I raised my right hand and watched as my reflection raised its hand as if mimicking me. I pinched my cheek, and the magical girl in the mirror did the same. A tingling pain followed suit.

It was real.

I had truly become a magical girl.

*

“How could you just run off on your own, Poyo!?”

“What do I do now?” I asked. “Gather cards? Fix a broken magic formula? Help people?” I was so excited about doing magical girl stuff that I grabbed the floating creature and began shaking it.

“Poyo? Poyoooo?!” The small instance of white fur let out a strange cry, clearly shocked by my enthusiasm.

Maybe I was a bit over the top. I took a deep breath to calm down before setting it down gently. “Tell me. You didn’t let me become a magical girl for free, so there must be something you need me to do, right?”

The creature’s eyes spiraled for a brief moment, likely struggling to regain focus after my rough treatment, but it quickly spoke, “Of course! You must defeat the evil demon king who aims for this world! Poyo!”

Right, the main villain. It was the typical way things went, so I guessed I’d have to face a weaker opponent first. “Is there an enemy I need to defeat right now?”

“I was just about to tell you! Poyo!” The creature waved its paw lightly, magically opening the sliding door to the veranda and showing me the chaos outside. “Look over there, Poyo!”

A bizarre sight met my eyes, one I could never have imagined.

‘What the heck is that?’ I thought.

A huge robot fighting a colossal dinosaur… something shiny darting through the sky… and something that looked like it was kicked off the top of a building? Even at that moment, a multi-colored laser sliced across the sky, hitting a monster.

“Am I… dreaming?” In just a single day, my mundane and seemingly boring world had morphed into a chaotic, haphazard nightmare.

“The ‘Otherworld’ is invading, Poyo! I need you, as a magical girl, to join the fight against them!”

It wasn’t what I was expecting, but it didn’t sound too bad. Essentially, I was going to be an idol-type magical girl fighting out in the open, rather than in secret.

While managing this fight alone seemed daunting, I noticed others battling the monsters too, so I felt confident everything would work out.

As I reminded myself I wasn’t alone, the fear slipped away, replaced by a soaring exhilaration. The feeling of being a magical girl tasked with defending the world ignited my spirit.

Standing on the veranda, I turned to the fluffy creature and said, “Teach me how to fly!”

“I don’t know how, Poyo!”

‘What even is that supposed to mean?’ “If you don’t know, then who does?”

“Magical girls learn how to use their powers on their own! Poyo!”

I tried to contemplate my powers… but nothing came to mind. “I don’t understand at all!”

“Just need more training, Poyo!”

‘What? Was I supposed to do push-ups or something?’

*

Eventually, I took the elevator down from my apartment. A magical girl using an elevator? What kind of image was that?

“You just need to run for one more minute, Poyo!”

“That’s what you said a minute ago! Use meters instead!”

“I don’t know what that is, Poyo!”

My faith in the fluffball waned. It hadn’t been an hour yet… and I was already regretting having such an unreliable partner.

Though it promised to guide me to the monster I needed to defeat, we ended up wandering in circles for quite a while. Fortunately, my new body felt perfectly built for this physical activity, requiring no energy even after sprinting at full speed for several minutes.

“Go right, Poyo!”

“Are you sure this time?!” I yelled.

“I’m confident, Poyo!”

“You were ‘confident’ the last time too!” Fortunately, this time it led me to a black monster with eyestalks that extended toward someone.

I felt a natural dread toward it, but instinct told me at first glance that it was my prey. A surge of hostility and heroism welled up inside me. Allowing those feelings to guide me, I kicked off the ground and leapt, raising my golden hammer high.

Hissssssss—

Smoke billowed from the back of the golden hammer as a silver cylinder emerged. The sudden change took me by surprise, but a natural understanding of its function had already started flowing into me.

This cylinder accumulated mana, amplifying my attacks to completely obliterate my opponents. While the hammer alone was a durable weapon, it wasn’t much different than any other blunt weapon unless it packed new features.

‘How reliable,’ I thought as I prepared to bring the hammer down on the monster’s eye.

Crash. Splash—

I felt the hammer embed itself into the creature’s eye and heard a splash of liquid, but I instinctively knew the monster was still alive.

“Dieeeeeeeeee!”

Thunk—

The mana-accumulating cylinder retracted back into the hammer, transferring the accumulated mana as power. A deafening boom echoed as the weapon overwhelmed the creature, turning it into sludge.

Wham—

Technically, it would be better to say it became chunks of flesh. The remnants of the creature and the blood I flung flew back to the ground.

Splash—

Chunks of red meat fell onto me. Perhaps it was because it had been alive only moments before, but I could feel a lingering warmth radiating from it.

‘Can I really call myself a magical girl? What kind of magical girl goes around covered in flesh and blood?’ While contemplating in an effort to piece together my shattered fairytale, I overheard whispers around me.

“What… is that?” someone asked.

“According to various online posts, things were chaotic everywhere else too,” another person said.

“Hey, look over there! Isn’t that a Power Ranger or something?”

‘No, I’m a magical girl, you old fart.’

With that, my first day as a magical girl came to a close.

It truly is a ridiculous story.

*

“Ah… was I dreaming?” My eyes fluttered open in the middle of a dark night, waking from a nightmare.

“What is it, Poyo!?”

“I had a dream about the disastrous first day of this transformation.”

Seriously, everything was a mess.

‘Has it already been 30 years?’

“The first day? Ah, yes… You were overflowing with justice back then, Haram Lee…”

‘Justice, huh? That died a long time ago.’ More importantly… “You’re the source of all this,” I said.

“Gyaahhh! Please don’t wring me like a rag!”

I twisted the nemesis before me even harder. It was the root of it all—the ultimate villain in my story. It’s been forever since I wrung my partner like a rag.

– A wish that everyone harbors~.

“You have a call– Gahhhhh!”

“I know.” I raised my phone to take the call. Not like it was particularly important—just a TV show reaching out to me, wanting me to appear because I was the longest-active magical girl.

“Not interested—” Then I suddenly thought of my bank account and its negative balance.

It truly is a ridiculous story.

*

And so, the gist of my tale is this…

If some weird-looking mascot appears before you, asking you to become a magical girl, snap its neck and toss it out the window. What if it survives? Well, at least it’ll understand you’re not interested, so it’s fine. Being a magical girl isn’t worth the hassle.

Please, heed my words carefully… Once you agree to that contract, you can’t back out. I would’ve quit ages ago if not for the damned pension.

Truth be told, I would’ve given up long ago if only I could get that pension.

---