My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

Yuwen Lan was puzzled when he heard her sobbing in her heart again, [I want to eat shredded chicken noodles, donkey meat sandwiches, and big pancakes...]

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"What's wrong with you?" He finally couldn't help but ask.

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Why was her mind full of food???

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Yanshu was startled and stammered, "This humble consort is... is fine..."

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Before she could finish, her stomach made a timely "gurgle" sound.

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Yuwen Lan: "..."

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Yanshu: "..."

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He looked her up and down and suddenly said with amusement, "Didn't eat dinner?"

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Yanshu felt a bit embarrassed, but even more aggrieved, "I did eat..."

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It was just too plain!

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Today from morning to night, she had only eaten vegetarian food. For dinner, she only had two bowls of plain porridge. Although there were four dishes on the table, they were bitter gourd soup, crispy fried lotus root, vinegar cabbage, and golden tofu.

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Damn it, once on duty she had to become a monk. Not even a bit of meat in sight. How was a carnivore like her supposed to survive?

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Yuwen Lan understood and could only try to persuade her while holding back his laughter, "The kitchen is also following the doctor's orders to prepare for you. For the sake of your health, just bear with it for now. You can eat what you want after you're better."

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Yanshu deflated and responded with a weak "...Yes."

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The two closed their eyes again.

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Yuwen Lan's breathing gradually became long and even, but Yanshu still couldn't fall asleep.

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After thinking for a while, she tried to call the system, [System, do you have any mukbangs?]

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System: [??? What nonsense? That's beyond my scope of service.]

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Yanshu: [I'm starving to death. Why don't you tell me what delicious food someone's family ate, just to comfort me a little.]

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System: [...First time I've heard of using this to satisfy cravings. But as it happens, let me tell you about the family banquet at the Minister of Revenue's house tonight, fresh off the press.]

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Yanshu: [? Is there anything special about their family?]

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System: [Ever heard of fish brain tofu? It takes the brains of five hundred carp to make one plate.]

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Yanshu: [What? Tofu made from five hundred carp brains? Doesn't that old man worry about burning through money!]

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The emperor, who was in the middle of a dream, was awakened by this exclamation.

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— That old man? Which old man?

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As he was puzzled, he heard her say, [Braised bear paw in peony sauce? That's too cruel! How much pain must the bear have suffered!]

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[What? A thousand yellow croakers from the East Sea, but only taking the meat from the gills to steam into fish cakes? Tsk, this Minister of Revenue is more extravagant than the emperor. How many lives must be sacrificed just for a birthday celebration!]

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Yuwen Lan then realized she was talking about Qi Weizhai, the Minister of Revenue.

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Indeed, today was Qi Weizhai's birthday.

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But what was this about fish brain tofu, peony bear paw, and yellow croaker cakes?

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If what she said was true, wouldn't this meal cost tens of thousands of taels of silver?

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Yet this old man had been crying poverty to him just days ago during disaster relief efforts.

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This won't do. It seems he needs to send someone to check on the Qi household.

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Thinking this, he suddenly realized - how did she know about all this?

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Of course, there were already so many mysteries about her that he couldn't solve, and he had even... gotten used to it to some extent.

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With mixed feelings, Yuwen Lan spoke, "Are you still hungry? Should I have the kitchen prepare some midnight snacks to be sent over?"

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But he heard her smile and say, "Thank you, Your Majesty, but this humble consort is no longer hungry. Let's just sleep."

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You see, the effect of watching mukbangs is that seeing others eat feels like it's going into your own stomach, thus gaining a sense of satisfaction. In her previous life, when she was seriously ill and couldn't eat, she greatly enjoyed watching mukbangs.

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Of course, things like fish brain tofu and bear paws, although precious, she didn't want to eat at all. It was too sinful!

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So it's better to go to sleep quickly, and when she opens her eyes in the morning, she can eat breakfast.

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After saying this, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

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Yuwen Lan was left behind, "???"

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What was all this?

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Also, what did he come here for tonight?

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Seeing that she had fallen asleep on her own, he lost his sleepiness, his mind full of thoughts about investigating corrupt officials...

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Meanwhile, in Zhongcui Palace, Nanny Zhuang, who was by the Empress Dowager's side, was talking to Noble Consort Zhou.

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"Noble Consort, you must not be anxious. There are so many women in the palace, even if it's not Noble Lady Li, it would be someone else. So you must not focus on what's right in front of you, but grasp what's most important."

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Noble Consort Zhou pouted and said, "But how can I grasp it? His Majesty doesn't give me a chance, and he never mentions the matter of establishing an empress. Am I supposed to just wait for death?"

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Anyway, Nanny Zhuang was the Empress Dowager's confidant, so these words were meant for the Empress Dowager to hear.

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But Nanny Zhuang smiled and said, "You come from a noble background, and moreover, you have the Empress Dowager in the palace to support you. How could you lack opportunities? As long as you don't touch His Majesty's sore spots, everything else will naturally fall into place."

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These words... could it be that there was hope for what she had been waiting for?

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Noble Consort Zhou's eyes darted around, and she quickly responded with a "Good."

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In Ganlu Palace.

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After tossing and turning for who knows how long, the emperor finally fell into a dream.

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Gradually, he had another dream.

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In the dream, there was a vast prairie, with blue sky and white clouds overhead. He lay on the soft grass, with the fragrance of wildflowers at the tip of his nose. The gentle breeze caressed his ears, making one inexplicably relaxed.

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Thus, a night passed. The next day, when the sky was just beginning to lighten, Yuwen Lan woke up as usual.

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He was anxious about important matters and hurried to check, only to find that yesterday's scene had indeed appeared again.

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And it seemed to have made some progress compared to yesterday.

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His heart settled, there was hope.

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If once was a coincidence, then consecutive breakthroughs were certainly not by chance. He had hope.

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Turning his head to look, the girl was still sleeping, her cheeks rosy, her face lazy, like a begonia woven on the bed curtains.

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Especially those slightly pouted lips, pink and moist, as tempting as cherries.

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There was no morning court today, so he was in no hurry to leave. At this moment, his heart moved, and he lowered his head.

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However, before he could touch her, a foot suddenly kicked out unexpectedly.

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Quick as a flash, he reached out and grabbed that foot, and the girl gradually opened her eyes.

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Yuwen Lan frowned and asked, "Why did you kick the emperor?"

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Yanshu, who had just woken up and was still a bit dazed, said hazily, "This humble consort didn't kick Your Majesty, I was kicking a lecher..."

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Yuwen Lan: "A lecher?"

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Yanshu nodded, "This humble consort dreamed that I was walking along the road when suddenly someone pulled me into the bushes. That person wanted to take liberties with me, so I kicked him..."

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Damn, this time was light. Next time I have such a dream, I must beat him to death.

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Yuwen Lan: "..."

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He tried to ask, "What did that lecher look like?"

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But he heard her say, "This humble consort didn't see clearly, but vaguely remember he had a face full of stubble, looking quite sleazy."

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Yuwen Lan silently touched his chin. Fortunately, he didn't have a face full of stubble, so it definitely wasn't him.

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After saying this, Yanshu also woke up completely.

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Having finally endured through the night, today's breakfast was beckoning. She hurriedly got up and said, "This humble consort will assist Your Majesty in getting up."

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[Quick, get up and eat!]

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Yuwen Lan's mood from earlier had completely disappeared, so he also made a sound of acknowledgment and got out of bed.

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After the two finished washing up, breakfast had already been set on the table.

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Hey, since he was here this morning, she could freeload another imperial meal. Yanshu excitedly came to the table, but was dumbfounded.

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She saw that there were more than a dozen bowls and plates on the table, with side dishes, soup, porridge, and main dishes, but they were all vegetarian.

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"Why is Your Majesty also eating vegetarian?"

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She asked with a puzzled face.

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Fu Hai bowed beside them and explained, "Has the Noble Lady forgotten? The day after tomorrow is the Fengxian Hall ceremony, so starting from today, the palace will observe a three-day fast."

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Yanshu: "..."

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Heavens, she had completely forgotten about this.

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The most terrifying three days of the year had finally come.

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You should know, these three days weren't just about not eating meat. Fried foods with lots of oil also couldn't appear. Only steamed and boiled foods could be on the dining table.

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It could be said that after three days, even those who didn't want to lose weight would lose a couple of pounds.

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As she was deflating, Yuwen Lan had already picked up his chopsticks and deliberately said, "Today's meal is light and refreshing, just suitable for you to eat."

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Yanshu: "..."

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There was no choice. If she didn't eat now, even this little bit would be gone.

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She had to pick up her chopsticks as well.

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Soon, as breakfast was finished, it was time for Yuwen Lan to return to Qianming Palace.

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Yanshu escorted him to the door, but saw him suddenly turn back and say to her, "For these three days, the emperor also cannot come over."

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The so-called fasting meant not only eating vegetarian food, but also that the emperor could not visit his consorts, and all banquets and entertainment activities were suspended.

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He wanted to see how she would react.

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But he heard her cheer in her heart, [Great! I can finally sleep in the big bed by myself!]

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Yuwen Lan: "..."

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He knew it, huh.

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Returning to Qianming Palace, Yuwen Lan immediately dispatched the Imperial Guard to investigate the matter of Minister of Revenue Qi Weizhai's birthday celebration.

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Meanwhile, in Zhongcui Palace, Noble Consort Zhou was about to leave with a food box in hand.

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Xiu Yun, the close-attending palace maid, hesitated and couldn't help but call out, "Your Highness, is this really appropriate?"

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Xiu Yun knew that her mistress had put something improper in the pastries. She worried about what would happen if His Majesty discovered it...

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Noble Consort Zhou glanced at her and said, "What's inappropriate about it? This is a rare opportunity for me."

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After three days of fasting, most people couldn't endure a vegetarian diet and usually needed some snacks in the morning and afternoon. That's why the Empress Dowager had specially arranged this opportunity for her.

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His Majesty surely wouldn't refuse.

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This medicine was something she had obtained with great difficulty. It was said to be infallible. If she didn't seize this chance to succeed, who knew when the next opportunity would come?

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Meanwhile, in Ganlu Palace, Yanshu, who was writing a story, received a message from the system: [Big news! Noble Consort Zhou plans to give the Emperor an aphrodisiac.]

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What the heck???

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Yanshu nearly made a mistake in her writing. [An aphrodisiac???]

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The system replied, [That's right. She's already left with chestnut pastries. Tsk, she's almost at Qianming Palace.]

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Yanshu: [...Wait a minute, if she suddenly goes to deliver snacks, would the Emperor let her in?]

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System: [Using the Empress Dowager's name, she'll definitely get in. Otherwise, wouldn't the Emperor appear unfilial to the Empress Dowager?]

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Yanshu: [...That's true, but the Emperor is impotent. Even if he takes an aphrodisiac, it probably won't have much effect. It's fine.]

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System: [That's not necessarily true. Noble Consort Zhou is using the Love-Locking Powder this time, one of the top three aphrodisiacs in the jianghu. For a normal man, it would work for that purpose, but for someone with the Emperor's condition who can't release, it could very likely cause his meridians to become chaotic and lead to qi deviation.]

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Yanshu: [!!! Damn, it's that potent?]

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She imagined what might happen to her meal ticket if he experienced qi deviation...

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Just then, the system said, [Noble Consort Zhou has already entered the Imperial Study.]

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Yanshu could no longer sit still. After a moment's thought, she grabbed something random from the palace and hurriedly left.

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