Chapter 4 - The World Has Been Unfair to Me
“How about trying a live broadcast, unnie?”
A live broadcast? Does she mean that broadcast? The one I always watched? More than that, my sister seems to be too used to calling me “unnie” now…
“Live broadcast?”
“Yeah, the one you always watched, unnie. What was it called again?”
How could she forget that? I’ve told her several times on KakaoTalk to watch it because it was fun.
“Hmm?”
What’s wrong with me? Why am I getting annoyed over something like this? I questioned myself but answered my sister’s question anyway.
“It’s Chocoa, Chocoa. Make sure to remember it.”
Chocoa. It’s been 6 months? Or is it 7 months now… Anyway, I was really struggling back then. It was when the revenue at my parents’ shop suddenly dropped by almost half, and I collapsed while trying to make up for the financial loss somehow. Most of my family was crying, and Seo-ha’s crying was the loudest I’d ever heard….
After that, I drastically cut down on part-time jobs. I worked only one at a time and took on another only when I needed extra money for a short period.
When I was discharged from the hospital and returned to my cozy basement, I just wanted to clear my head, so I tried everything. Something weird… AS… what was it called again? Anyway, that’s when I first listened to that, and I got introduced to various videos. A friend then recommended live streaming to me.
Since I didn’t know much about it, I asked my friend who recommended live streams what platform to use, and their answer was Twitch.
It’s probably the largest live-streaming platform in South Korea. I wandered around it for quite some time. I watched big streamers with viewer counts exceeding four digits, and people playing games I often played. But after browsing for hours, I didn’t feel much, and I went in and out of various broadcasts. Then, one particular broadcast caught my attention.
Chocoa. The broadcast title was simply “Hello.” It wasn’t a title designed to catch anyone’s attention, but the fact that the viewer count was 0 intrigued me, so I clicked in.
“Hello….”
A short greeting. A husky female voice, clear despite the poor audio quality.
“Uh… can’t you hear me…? It’s my first time, so I’m not sure….”
When I didn’t type anything in the chat, she seemed to think there was an audio issue. I could hear the clicking sound of her mouse as she moved it against a black background.
-I can hear you.
“Oh… really? What brings you to such a small stream?”
Her voice tickled my ears, and I ended up talking with her for hours as if enchanted.
“Um… I need to go to bed now. I’ll be streaming again, except on Sundays, so come back if you’re bored, okay?”
When she announced that she was leaving, I felt a pang of disappointment.
“…..Oh? Oh… thanks for the follow. See you tomorrow.”
And so, that was how my first meeting with her ended. After that, as soon as I got home, I turned on my computer and waited for her stream to start. Over time, her stream schedule became more fixed, and after a few months, she’d gathered quite a few followers and viewers, thanks to her pleasant voice and mature demeanor. Although she wasn’t a huge streamer with thousands of viewers, she had an audience of 150 to 200 regulars. It was the kind of stream that people in the know were aware of. For her 6-month anniversary and 30,000 follower milestone, she decided to turn on her webcam.
But I missed that stream, and I didn’t watch Chocoa’s broadcast for an entire month after that.
I spent a long time explaining all of this to my sister.
“So, that’s what happened… ah.”
“Hmm? What’s wrong?”
“………”
“Are you sick? Should I call the doctor?”
My sister’s concern, and the fact that I suddenly fell silent and my expression stiffened, were for different reasons.
“Min… Minyoung…?”
“Uh…”
“…….Bath… bathroom… what do I….”
“………”
While my sister looked at me with disbelief, I was deadly serious. It was only a day after I’d regained consciousness, and I already had to face the reality of going to the women’s bathroom. My sister seemed to grasp the gravity of my situation as she grabbed my arm and helped me stand up.
“Eek! No matter how I think about it, this doesn’t feel right…!”
“You have to get used to it anyway…! Just go in and get it over with…!”
If I were to explain the situation now, it was me, wanting to go to the bathroom, being shoved into the women’s restroom by my sister, and me desperately resisting.
“Unnie..! You’re not in a rush?!”
“No! I am! I am…!!”
In fact, my bladder was on the verge of bursting.
“Then hurry up and go!”
With that, my sister pushed my frail body into the women’s restroom.
As I entered, my mind was a whirl.
Is it really okay for me to be in here? I may be a woman now, but my mind hasn’t fully adjusted yet.
“Ugh…”
Despite my serious internal dilemma, my body kept sending signals.
Fortunately, no one was around, so I quickly went into a stall and locked the door.
“Hoo… Hoo…”
Taking deep breaths to calm my racing thoughts, I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled down the long hospital gown.
“Oh my… what is this….”
Lying back on the bed afterward, I felt like I had lost something… Well, I had lost something, so I guess it’s only natural… Anyway, I just wanted to sleep.
Ignoring my sister’s apologies and words of comfort, I fell asleep without even eating dinner.
I was woken by the sound of someone calling my name.
“…..Patient… it’s time for your rehabilitation therapy. Would you like to sleep a bit longer?”
It was the doctor from yesterday.
“Um… no… I’ll get up.”
Waving my hand around lazily, I found my phone, which was cold from not being used, and checked the time. It was past 4 p.m.
“Alright then…”
Grrrrr—
My stomach rumbled loudly.
“Ah…”
Come to think of it, ever since I woke up yesterday, I hadn’t had anything to eat since the IV was pulled out.
“……Let’s eat before we start.”
“Okay… Minyoung, did you eat?”
“Yeah, I went out and ate while you were sleeping, unnie.”
“Really? Alright then…”
After about 20 minutes of eating the tasteless hospital food, my sister and I followed the doctor through the large hospital to the rehabilitation room.
“This is where you’ll do various exercises to regain mobility in your body after a month of inactivity, so don’t push yourself too hard.”
“Ugh…”
My sister, who hates exercising, grimaced at the sight of the various workout equipment, like small dumbbells and treadmills, in the rehabilitation room. Even though she’s in good shape without working out, she still dislikes it.
“What should I do here?”
“First, we’ll check your health, and then you’ll do some exercises to regain muscle strength.”
As the doctor instructed, I spent over an hour with various devices attached to me, running on a treadmill in my cumbersome hospital gown, and lifting pink dumbbells.
Those pink ones were heavier than they looked…
“Ugh…”
Back in bed, drenched in sweat, I groaned in pain, making sure everyone knew about my suffering.
“….How many more days of this…”
“You’ve gotten so weak, so there’s no helping it… should I bring you some clothes later?”
“…..Yeah…”
“Should I ask someone to wipe your sweat?”
“…..I can… manage…”
My sister called for a nurse, and though the nurse seemed a bit surprised at first, she quickly focused on her task and wiped the sweat from my forehead.
“Take care…”
“I’ll come if I have time. Call me if anything happens… or if you get discharged.”
Since my sister was still a student, she had to leave as the sun began to set.
It was nearing 6 p.m., but since Chocoa doesn’t stream on Sundays, I lay in bed and watched her previous broadcasts when the nurse from earlier came in with my dinner.
“…Oh… thank you.”
“Um… your voice is really nice… and you’re really pretty….”
“..? Th…thank you…?”
“Press this button when you’re done eating….”
The nurse hurriedly left after unexpectedly complimenting me.
“…..Ugh…”
The hospital food was as bland as ever. As I forced myself to eat, I felt an increasing desire to be discharged and pressed the red button when I finished.
“……”
Minutes passed, and the nurse hadn’t come, probably because of the bathroom break. Feeling exhausted from exercising, I wobbled out of bed on unsteady legs, carrying the empty tray outside. After wandering a bit, I finally found the tray return area.
I heard hurried footsteps behind me and turned around.
“Huff… huff… I-I’m sorry! I was… just in the bathroom…!”
The nurse I saw earlier was running and panting heavily. I told her it was fine and returned to my room.
“Is this the right place?”
“The name says Lee Su-yeon, right? But no one’s here…”
“Seems like it. Should we just go in and wait?”
“Dunno, man
.”
I heard familiar voices in front of the room.
As I walked toward the room and turned the corner, I saw them looking back at me, having heard my footsteps.
“……Crap…”
“….Uh… that… um…”
My friends’ reactions to seeing me after so long were quite amusing. Feeling a sense of mischief, I decided to mess with them a bit more.
Without saying a word, I walked into the private room with my name on it, and I could hear them talking behind me.
“What the… is this…?”
“What the hell is going on? Isn’t this a private room? Did we find the wrong one?”
Sitting on the bed and looking at my friends, I could see their faces filled with confusion and surprise.
“I think… you’ve mistaken the room…?”
“Shouldn’t we be speaking in English? I don’t know English… damn… what do we do…”
These were my old friends, Minho, who was kind-hearted but spent all day playing games, and Sooyoung, who had a foul mouth but wasn’t actually a bad person. It had been months since I’d last seen them.