My Girlfriend Wants Victory

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Arsène Wenger begins to protest strongly from the touchline against Manchester United’s rough play.

“Boooooooooo─!”

The home crowd’s jeers resound against the Man U players displaying rough tactics at the Emirates Stadium.

“Please refrain from the escalating roughness of the game.”

The referee verbally admonished the captains of both Manchester United and Arsenal.

Upon hearing the referee’s warning, Manchester United’s captain, Cristiano Ronaldo, confidently declared.

“SIU.”

The gaze of the Manchester United players naturally turned towards me.

I began to sweat coldly, thinking that maybe I was the actual captain here?

‘Is this guy not listening to the referee? He genuinely shouted SIU, what should I do now?’

If Ronaldo really shouted SIU at this moment, his teammates wouldn’t believe it.

In a moment of crisis.

The only one I could rely on was myself.

I began to display my dazzling improvisation skills.

“The referee said to avoid fouls.”

I casually recounted what the referee might have said.

“So, let’s foul without getting caught.”

My conclusion drew nods from my teammates.

Among those nodding was Cristiano Ronaldo, who had heard the referee’s words on behalf of the team, but no one else paid him any mind.

Anyhow, after the referee’s warning, we made every effort to avoid rough play.

Even if we committed fouls, we tried to only commit minor ones that wouldn’t get noticed.

But echoes of the aftermath from the Stoke City match occasionally resurfaced.

What can you do?

As Nietzsche said, “If you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.”

And as a famous manga suggests, becoming a ‘master of oblivion’ is to be an ‘absolute servant of the void.’

We, who were guarding the Premier League from the malevolent depths of Stoke City, had somehow become tainted by the abyss.

In other words, Manchester United had become the ultimate Stoke City.

Well… that didn’t mean there were only downsides.

“By the way, was soccer originally such an easy sport?”

I stepped into the singularity called soccer 3, breaking away from the rules I previously knew, and realized anew that soccer was easy.

To evade the defender’s pressure, I didn’t need to trace back, I just had to charge straight through.

Plus, without VAR, as long as I could evade the referee’s eyes, there was no chance of a goal being canceled even if I committed a foul.

In the age before VAR, while I was stealthily committing fouls, I suddenly wanted to convey this to Charlie Adam.

“Farewell, exalted one. A mere commoner born when VAR didn’t exist.”

From now on, ‘we’ were the strongest in the Premier League.

***

20 minutes into the first half.

Arsenal held ball possession, taking advantage of the home field, but they couldn’t create any meaningful attacks.

As they got closer to the penalty box, Manchester United’s resistance grew stronger.

Then, at the 25th minute,

Swoosh─!

Sami Khedira, having gained enlightenment from the match against Stoke City, fiercely punished the charging attacker Olivier Giroud.

Olivier Giroud lost the ball to Sami Khedira’s rugged tackle, which carried the raw sincerity of “Right now, I’m going to break this guy’s legs.”

“Referee!!!”

Despite Olivier Giroud’s furious protest, the referee, realizing he might get broken too, couldn’t blow the whistle.

The referee, being human, was terrified of the half-turned glares of the United players.

While Giroud protested to the referee, Manchester United counterattacked.

[Jinho succeeds in breaking the wall with a one-two pass with Ronaldo!]

Receiving the ball, Son Jinho smoothly bypassed Arsenal’s defense with a 2-on-1 pass with Ronaldo.

[The two players are displaying stunning chemistry.]

[Indeed. Ronaldo’s infiltrating!]

Son Jinho delivered a killer pass to Ronaldo, who was charging into the penalty box.

[Ronaldo!]

And he rushed straight into the penalty area.

It was a habit ingrained in him from the days at Geumsun High School, due to strikers who rarely succeeded in front of the goal.

Entering the penalty box, Jinho saw the figure of Keeper Szczęsny, ready to save Ronaldo’s shot.

Jinho bulldozed his way in, wanting to slot in the second ball.

“Oh, don’t block the path, step aside!”

“Putain! (Fuck!)”

In the process, as he cleared the obstacles in front, a minor issue arose.

[Save! But Jinho! Goaaaaaaaaal─!]

[Looks like the defensive focus has dropped! Jinho cannot be left alone! He’s a player who can score from any angle!]

[Hmm? Coquelin rushes to the referee to complain angrily.]

It wasn’t a problem serious enough to cancel the goal.

[Well… while there was light physical contact, it wasn’t particularly problematic, was it?]

Here, the fans, the referee, and the players combined to pursue the rough masculinity of Premier League football.

[With the turning point hit, Jinho, who has scored 11 goals and provided 16 assists in the league, roars at the corner flag!]

***

After taking the lead, Manchester United pressed hard against Arsenal, maintaining their momentum.

“SIUUUU─!”

Cristiano Ronaldo unleashed a threatening roar on the field.

Seizing on the opportunity created by a mistake, he succeeded in stealing the ball from a high position.

As he received a pass from Ronaldo, a strong connection began to form between the two.

– Gimme the ball, gimme the ball, gimme the ball!

Ronaldo’s desperate heart wishing for a return pass reached me.

I immediately swung my foot to connect a pass to Robin van Persie.

“Son Jinho!!!!”

Cristiano Ronaldo’s scream echoed in my ear, but honestly, at this moment, objectively, Robin van Persie was the better option than Ronaldo.

My right foot executed an outside pass, perfectly reaching Robin van Persie.

In an instant, a one-on-one chance with the goalkeeper was created.

The prodigal Robin van Persie, burning with the desire to play against his former team, succeeded in stabbing a dagger into Arsenal’s heart.

From Ronaldo’s block, Manchester United shook Arsenal’s net again, starting with just two passes.

To comfort Ronaldo, who pouted for not being passed to, I raised my thumb at him.

Meanwhile, seeing Robin van Persie, who successfully scored, smile at the corner flag filled with Arsenal fans, I felt ominous and managed to catch Robin van Persie, who tried to start running back to celebrate.

“Jinho, let go! My inner child is calling me from there!”

***

After Son Jinho suppressed Robin van Persie’s running-back celebration, the game continued.

Manchester United became the second Stoke City against Arsenal, engaging in rough play throughout.

In the dying moments, conceding a penalty kick did lead to a goal against, but they succeeded in achieving a one-sided victory over Stoke.

“… It’s more infuriating that they’re doing well while acting like this.”

Even Arsène Wenger, who had become more temperate with age compared to his younger days, couldn’t help but curse at United’s roughness.

– Gyeouri: Arsenal’s 5th place, lololololol

– Cheolmo: At this rate, won’t Arsenal miss out on the Champions League?

Anyhow, after losing to Manchester United, Arsenal slipped to 5th in the league.

– Science High School Chairman: Yup~ Anyway, Arsenal will finish 4th and qualify for the Champions League by the end of the season.

Chairman Hwang Geum-soon was quite calm despite Arsenal becoming 5th in the league, unable to qualify for the Champions League.

***

[Manchester United overcoming Arsenal.]

[Arsenal shockingly loses 1-4 at home to Man U.]

[Celebroke, Son Jinho? Blocking Robin van Persie’s celebration.]

[Robin van Persie shows disappointment. “My inner child is disappointed.”]

[British netizens shocked to see various dishes presented with traditional Korean kimchi.]

***

The match against Arsenal had ended, but people’s attention shifted elsewhere.

Recently, England football fans centered around Manchester United had stirred up significant controversy.

They were criticized by the global media for messing with foreign traditional cuisine.

[Title: British Fusion Korean Cuisine.]

└ What the hell did we even do wrong to deserve this shit?

└ Pirate bastards average;;

└ Wow… What the hell were they thinking when they made kimchi jelly?

└ Isn’t fried kimchi just kimchi pancakes?

└ Does this look like a kimchi pancake to you?

└ (Fried kimchi with an impressive fish head. Jpg)

└ Why the hell is there a fish head in kimchi pancakes?

With the horrifying food terror brought on by the British, the ‘seriously eating even in war’ Italians joined in.

[What the hell is that horrendous dish?]

└ Seriously, Anglo-Saxons have awful taste.

└ How desperate must they be to create and eat an Americano?

└ Given that Hawaiian pizza was created in America, it must be true.

The Germans, who are rivals to England, mourned for me when the youngest Ballon d’Or winner opted to naturalize for England and was served such cuisine.

[Jinho didn’t feel as bad when choosing to naturalize for England but now feels sorry for him.]

Even Japan, which once proclaimed itself as ‘Asia’s big brother’ and called for a departure from Asia, began to react.

[Honestly, I think that’s an insult to Asian cuisine.]

I couldn’t help but think of something I shouldn’t have, seeing Italy, Germany, and Japan all speaking in one voice.

‘… Huh? This is totally the Axis Powers.’

***

As the global populace grew enraged over England’s atrocities, time quickly flowed by.

[Manchester United continues its winning streak, firmly holding the top spot in the league.]

On January 1, Manchester United won a league match against Hull City, and starting January 5, the already hectic schedule now included FA Cup fixtures.

Thankfully, Manchester United’s opponent was a fourth-division team.

Alex Ferguson rotated his squad and managed to secure a victory.

[Hull City manager criticizes overly rough Manchester United.]

└ Fuck, Stoke City has become two teams!

└ These guys from United got devoured in the abyss while trying to guard it.

└ Still, they seem to be gradually escaping the abyss.

From that point on, Manchester United managed to earn the nickname “the second Stoke City.”

Anyhow, after finishing the Premier League Round 26 match against Southampton on February 21st, Manchester United boarded a private jet for the Champions League Round of 16 against Zenit.

After a long flight, they arrived at St. Petersburg Airport.

“Ugh… It’s fucking cold.”

“Sure enough, Napoleon couldn’t conquer Russia.”

“If I, if I, Son Jinho, the true World Star, don’t fall from such coldness, then I, I, I must be strong.”

As they felt the severe cold as soon as they arrived at the airport, my teammates uttered their thoughts.

I tilted my head at their remarks.

Hmm.

Is it really that bad?