My Precious little Diamond

I stepped into the school hallway, fully prepared for another day of normal teenage life. You know, tests, lunch drama, maybe dodge a spitball or two. What I wasn't prepared for was the instant spotlight that hit me the second I walked in, courtesy of the ethereal creature strutting beside me.

Her. My "wife."

Yes, you heard that right. Wife. As in married. Legally bound. Somehow, my teenage self managed to lock down a woman who looks like she moonlights as a goddess of chaos.

"Darling," she cooed, slipping her arm through mine like we were on the red carpet instead of surrounded by gum-stuck lockers. Her voice was sweet, like honey. The kind of honey that makes bees homicidal.

I tugged my arm away, mumbling, "Can you not?"

She pouted. "But isn't this what couples do? You know, walk arm-in-arm and make everyone jealous?"

"Yeah, except everyone thinks you're my delusional girlfriend, not my wife."

Her crimson eyes sparkled with amusement, which wasn't a good sign. "Hmm, delusional? I'll take that as a compliment."

Before I could reply, the queen of all things petty and plastic arrived: Lucy.

Now, Lucy is the type of girl who's never met a reflective surface she didn't adore. Perfect hair, perfect nails, and an ego so inflated it probably has its own weather system. And, lucky me, she had her sights set on me.

"Alex! There you are," she chirped, tossing her curls over her shoulder like she was auditioning for a shampoo commercial. "I was hoping we could talk."

Here we go. I opened my mouth to politely decline, but of course, my wife swooped in like some overprotective dragon.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, her tone dripping with fake sweetness. "Did you need something from my husband?"

Lucky's smile faltered for a fraction of a second before she recovered. "Husband? Right. Sure." She leaned closer to me, her voice dropping conspiratorially. "You don't have to play along with her little fantasy, you know. If you ever want to... talk, I'm here."

Before I could die of secondhand embarrassment, my wife pulled me closer, practically gluing herself to my side. "Oh, he talks to me plenty, sweetheart. Especially at night."

The sound I made was something between a cough and a dying cat. Lucy, meanwhile, looked like she'd been slapped with a glittery fish.

"Whatever," Lucy said, her voice strained as she turned on her heel and stormed off.

"Did you have to do that?" I hissed, glaring at my wife.

She grinned, her expression as innocent as a wolf in sheep's clothing. "Of course. She's a threat to our love, darling. I was protecting what's mine."

By lunchtime, the rumor mill had reached critical mass.

Apparently, my wife was like a vampire, a Russian princess, and an escaped experiment from a secret lab. Meanwhile, every boy in school couldn't stop drooling over her, and every girl was plotting her demise.

"Hey, Alex," some random guy called as I walked into the cafeteria. "You gonna share?"

"Share what?" I asked, already regretting it.

He pointed at my wife, who was currently at the lunch line, dazzling the lunch lady with her smile. "You know. Her."

I glared at him. "What is wrong with you?"

He just shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

By the time I sat down with my tray, my wife was already waiting for me, her chin resting in her hands like some lovesick anime character.

"Darling, you didn't wait for me," she said, her voice laced with mock betrayal.

"I didn't realize I had to," I muttered, shoving a forkful of mystery meat into my mouth.

She leaned closer, her lips quirking into that infuriatingly smug smile. "Do you want me to feed you?"

"No," I said immediately, but she was already holding up a forkful of spaghetti.

"Say ahhh," she teased, wiggling the fork in front of my face.

I tried to wave her off, but in the process, she accidentally launched the spaghetti into my lap. The cafeteria erupted into laughter as I sat there, frozen in mortified silence.

"Oops," she said, her voice brimming with fake innocence.

Things hit peak disaster during gym class.

We were playing volleyball, and for once, I was doing okay. Not great, but okay. And then, like clockwork, she showed up.

"Darling!" she called, her voice carrying across the gym.

I turned, already dreading what fresh hell awaited me.

She was sitting on the bleachers, her chin propped on her hands as she watched me with that same amused expression. "You're so athletic," she said loudly enough for the entire gym to hear.

I groaned, turning back to the game just in time for the volleyball to slam into the back of my head. The sound of laughter echoed around me as I stumbled, clutching my head.

"Smooth, Alex," one of my teammates said, smirking.

From the bleachers, I heard her giggle. "That's my husband!"

Kill me now.

By the time the day was over, I was ready to crawl into a hole and never come out.

As we walked home, I finally turned to her, my patience hanging by a thread. "Do you have to make my life a circus?"

She tilted her head, looking genuinely confused. "A circus? I thought I was adding excitement."

"Yeah, well, I don't need excitement," I muttered. "I need normal."

She stopped walking, her expression softening. "You're not normal, Alex. You're extraordinary. And extraordinary people need extraordinary love."

I stared at her, completely caught off guard. For all her antics, there was something sincere in her voice that made my chest ache.

"...Just try not to get me expelled, okay?" I said, looking away to hide the blush creeping up my neck.

She laughed, the sound warm and melodic. "No promises, darling. But I'll try."

And with that, I braced myself for whatever chaos tomorrow would bring.

Meanwhile, back home, Mom and Dad were busy pampering my demon child. No, seriously...a real demon child. The adorable little giggler with crimson eyes and silvery skin? Yeah, she's the offspring of a demon lord named Maltraxus. But of course, my parents were completely clueless.

"She's so playful!" Mom probably said as my sister darted across the yard, chasing squirrels and terrifying the neighborhood monkeys with her unholy speed and sharp little fangs.

"She's got such a wild imagination," Dad added proudly, watching as she cornered a particularly brave squirrel that had no idea it was facing the literal spawn of hell.

Meanwhile, I was at school, dodging hormonal classmates, my wife's relentless seduction attempts, and the queen bee's jealous death glares. All while wondering if I'd ever get a normal day again.

Spoiler: probably not.