My Stalking Diary

Chapter 10

His gaze was so intense that I felt goosebumps from my back to the nape of my neck.

Did I do something wrong again? I bit my lower lip and asked myself internally.

As I was fidgeting, not knowing what to do, a clear sound of a paper page turning rang out.

Joo Kwon-oh had opened my notebook that had been carefully closed. And he started to scan the contents inside as if to show me.

I silently opened my mouth and stared at him head-on.

I wanted to ask what he was doing, but when you think about it, everything written there was related to Joo Kwon-oh, so I had no right to say anything. After all, it was Joo Kwon-oh whose rights had been violated, not mine.

“Um… Do you have something to say to me?”

Finally, unable to hold back, I spoke to him first. Although my voice was timid, Joo Kwon-oh somehow understood and eventually took his eyes off the notebook.

He rested his chin on the desk and stared at me expressionlessly for a few seconds before opening his lips.

“I’ve been wondering. Are you shameless, or just thoughtless? You don’t seem to care about getting your notebook back. It doesn’t seem to bother you at all.”

“……”

“Are you saying it’s okay if I go around telling everyone you’re a gay bastard?”

“…No.”

I barely managed to answer, stammering.

But after that, my lips seemed to be glued shut, and I couldn’t say anything more. Becoming more taciturn when nervous was one of my long-standing habits.

“……”

“……”

Joo Kwon-oh sharply raised his eyes, seemingly angry at my insincere answer. Then he slammed the notebook shut with a loud bang and stood up. As if he no longer wanted to face me.

He strode towards the entrance, turning around the desk, as if he was about to leave the club room.

I hurriedly got up too. And without realizing it, I followed him and grabbed the hem of his clothes.

“I’m sorry.”

I managed to open my mouth, squeezing out words from my vocal cords that felt submerged in water.

“I, I should have apologized earlier. But I didn’t know how to say it…”

Joo Kwon-oh, who was about to reach for the doorknob, turned around.

“Honestly, it’s almost like you’ve seen all my inner thoughts… It’s so embarrassing… I, I didn’t know what kind of excuse to make… That’s part of why I couldn’t think.”

I felt my face turning red as I bowed my head deeply. I carefully articulated my sentences that were breaking up due to my lack of eloquence.

“It’s because I like you so much. But I know that doing such things just because I like you alone… is creepy…”

Joo Kwon-oh didn’t budge. Worried that keeping my head buried down might make me look insincere, I gathered my courage and slightly lifted my chin to check his expression.

Only then did I suddenly realize that I was still holding onto the hem of Joo Kwon-oh’s clothes. And that his gaze was still fixed on my hand timidly gripping his clothes.

“S-sorry. I didn’t mean to touch you.”

I was startled and immediately let go, stepping back. I thought he might find it disgusting or unpleasant.

“You can still say you like me in this situation…”

“Oh no, is it raining outside?”

Just as Joo Kwon-oh, who had been silent for a moment, was about to open his mouth, Choi Kyung-won’s voice abruptly cut in.

“See, I told you it would rain.”

“It was fine earlier. Damn, I don’t have an umbrella.”

“Me neither. Maybe if we wait a bit, it’ll stop… Huh?”

With the sound of the door swinging open, the two who had left came back into the club room. Caught off guard, I found myself standing face to face with Shin Ji-ye.

“Why are you all standing? Were you going somewhere?”

“Is it raining a lot outside?”

Instead of answering Choi Kyung-won’s question, Joo Kwon-oh naturally changed the subject.

Choi Kyung-won shook his head, lightly brushing off raindrops from his hair and clothes.

“It’s just a drizzle now. Should we run to the bus stop later? Damn, do you have an umbrella?”

I stepped out of the club room, afraid they might notice my flushed face.

“…Then I’ll go buy an umbrella.”

“Now?”

“I need to go to the convenience store anyway.”

“Then buy some for us too while you’re at it!”

I nodded and quickly went outside. As I breathed in the outside air, I felt like my blocked mind cleared up for a moment.

Instead of heading straight to the convenience store, I went to the smoking area behind the building. As I tried to take out a cigarette from my pocket, I noticed my hand was trembling slightly.

I clenched and unclenched my fist before putting the e-cigarette tip in my mouth. I felt strange, as if I could still feel the texture of Joo Kwon-oh’s clothes on my fingertips.

A moment later, only after taking several puffs of the e-cigarette, did I recall that I had just confessed to Joo Kwon-oh.

‘It’s because I like you so much. But I know that doing such things just because I like you alone… is creepy…’

No. Why did I suddenly say I liked him there? Why? And not just like, but like so much.

You should have just apologized, Ryu Jeong-ha. Hearing such things will only upset Joo Kwon-oh.

“……”

But thinking back carefully, Joo Kwon-oh’s reactions from before were a bit unexpected. At least he didn’t curse at me saying it was disgusting, nor did he spread rumors about me everywhere.

Although he did seem to enjoy opening the notebook in front of others and playing with my heart… Honestly, that was nothing compared to the worst-case scenario I had prepared for.

Even when he told me to come up with the table of contents for the liberal arts assignment on my own, I didn’t think he was making an excessive demand. Rather, I thought it was light punishment for secretly watching and recording him.

Yet Joo Kwon-oh eventually came to the art studio separately to admit that his request had been too much. Even when I went to the cafe with Bae Yu-rim, he might have cursed at me internally, but he didn’t show any outward dislike or embarrass me.

Reflecting on his past attitude, I thought Joo Kwon-oh was a much better person than I had judged him to be. Which made this situation even more embarrassing and bitter.

Should I just drop the liberal arts class…

I seriously considered this as I put the e-cigarette in my pocket and started walking towards the convenience store.

But the light drizzle from earlier suddenly turned into heavy raindrops and started pouring like a shower.

“Shit! Hey, let’s run!”

“Ah, wait for me!”

I saw students everywhere putting on hats or placing bags on their heads, running urgently.

I tried to walk a bit faster too, but while I was distracted, my outer clothes had already become damp.

By the time I reached the convenience store, my hair and clothes were completely soaked. I wonder if there’s any point in buying an umbrella now.

But since I had come out making the excuse of going to the convenience store, I couldn’t return empty-handed. I bought four umbrellas, including ones for the others, and left the store.

On my way back to the building with the club room, umbrella in hand, I seriously considered once again whether I should give up the liberal arts class at this point. It would be more comfortable for Joo Kwon-oh too. Rather than having to attend classes and do assignments with someone like me for the entire semester…

As I was about to close my umbrella upon reaching the building entrance, I saw Joo Kwon-oh smoking right next to the building.

“……”

He seemed to have noticed me too, as he turned his head in my direction.

As expected. I think it would be better to skip the group meeting.

I tried to hurriedly pass by him. However, Joo Kwon-oh, standing crookedly with a cigarette in his mouth, beckoned to me. As if telling me to come closer.

“Did you just get soaked in the rain?”

As I hesitantly approached, Joo Kwon-oh looked me up and down as if in disbelief.

“On the way… the rain suddenly got heavy.”

“The umbrella was just an excuse anyway. You could have just come back.”

“……”

“It’s not like anyone forced you to go…”

Joo Kwon-oh paused for a moment and tapped his lips.

“Hey. Your lip is bleeding.”

“Ah.”

I hurriedly covered my face with the umbrella I was holding. Then I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

It seems I had bitten my lower lip so much due to nervousness that it had become injured.

Somehow, I felt embarrassed that I only seemed to show clumsy sides of myself in front of Joo Kwon-oh.

“Here, an umbrella. Use it when you leave later.”

I composed my expression and took an umbrella out of the bag, holding it out to Joo Kwon-oh.

However, instead of taking the umbrella, Joo Kwon-oh put out the cigarette he was smoking and carelessly threw it towards the trash can. Surprisingly, the cigarette butt went right into the trash can.

“Not there.”

“Huh?”

He sighed as if frustrated and bent down, coming closer under the umbrella I was holding.

In the blink of an eye, I found myself face to face with a frowning Joo Kwon-oh. Not stopping there, he precisely pointed to the left part of my lower lip with his index finger.

“Here.”

It was a brief moment, but I had the illusion that Joo Kwon-oh’s eyes were intensely observing my face and lips.

I was so surprised that I almost dropped the umbrella.