My Stalking Diary

Chapter 2

“……”

I was greatly flustered internally, but outwardly I pretended to be nonchalant as I reached into my pencil case to take out a pen.

“Here.”

“Oh, thanks.”

As I held out the pen to Joo Kwon-oh, he reached out towards me. Our fingertips brushed for just a moment.

It was electrifying, like a current passing through.

However, the elation was very brief. I soon realized, a beat too late, that the pen I had given him was a tanghulu pen.

It was an excessively childish and ridiculous design that only an elementary school kid would use. But the tanghulu had already completely passed into Joo Kwon-oh’s hand.

…I’m done for. What if he thinks I’m an otaku?

“Where did you borrow such a pen from?”

Sure enough, Joo Kwon-oh’s friend snickered and mocked the pen.

“I don’t know. Want to try eating it?”

“Get lost.”

“Waaah.”

Joo Kwon-oh laughed playfully, pretending to eat the tanghulu. As he turned his head to the side to look at his friend, a clear smile flowed from the corner of his mouth.

While he seemed fierce when lowering his voice and putting on airs, when he smiled he was as bright as a young boy. His bright smile, like a watercolor painting with very transparent colors, lit up the surroundings.

Joo Kwon-oh already had perfect lighting and color without any need for light or coloring expressions.

At this rate, I felt like my face would burst from blushing with embarrassment.

Even though he hadn’t smiled at me. It was a ridiculous reaction, even to myself.

“……”

It seems I like Joo Kwon-oh.

It wasn’t particularly surprising. Perhaps it was fate for a gay person like me to have a one-sided crush on someone like Joo Kwon-oh.

Of course, I had no intention of telling anyone this secret. After an incident in middle school where a student from another class was revealed to be gay and had to transfer schools, I decided to hide the fact that I like men for the rest of my life.

I lowered my head while stealing glances at Joo Kwon-oh’s large hands rolling the tanghulu pen.

It was unfair, but that wasn’t my pen. Whenever I went home, my older sister would often take my expensive and nice writing utensils from my pencil case and replace them with strange pens. Unfortunately, the tanghulu pen I lent to Joo Kwon-oh was one of those.

“I used it well, thanks.”

As soon as the lecture ended, Joo Kwon-oh turned back again and held out the pen to me.

I quickly closed my notebook and nodded slightly. There were lots of doodles about Joo Kwon-oh in the notebook, so it would be trouble if he saw them.

“Huh? He just spit on it earlier.”

“Be quiet, Choi Kyung-won.”

Joo Kwon-oh cut off his friend’s words as if it never happened. So his friend’s name was Choi Kyung-won.

Joo Kwon-oh waved his hand saying he’d see me next time and left the lecture hall.

I couldn’t even manage a simple “okay” in response, just barely nodding my head while frozen stiff.

I’m done for. I must have looked like an idiot.

*

h4

Joo Kwon-oh was often tagged in Instagram stories when there were active club meetings or school events. It didn’t seem like he joined and participated in all of these, but rather that he was invited and called to join in the middle.

Even though we were in different departments, he was mentioned so frequently in various places that it was surprising I hadn’t known about his existence until now.

This time too, without fail, Joo Kwon-oh participating in another department’s event was prominently tagged in an Instagram story.

In the group photo, he was sandwiched between female students, spreading his legs wide in a “manner legs” pose to match their height and making a V sign.

In fact, it wasn’t particularly surprising for a handsome male student to be called to various places. However, I didn’t expect his fame to extend even to the Painting Department of the art school, where the passion and vigor of college students were hardly to be found.

“Ah, I asked him yesterday if he could be the model for the next assignment, but I got rejected. He would have been perfect for the practical assignment…”

“Model? Who did you ask?”

“Joo Kwon-oh.”

When his name came out of my classmate Bae Yu-rim’s mouth, I almost dropped my brush while painting in the studio.

I calmly regrasped my brush and opened my ears wide to eavesdrop on my classmates’ conversation.

“Oh? He’s in Business Administration, right? Do you know him?”

“Just mutual followers on Instagram.”

“Oh, I see.”

“He always replies well whenever I DM him, so I thought he might agree if I asked him to be a model. What a shame.”

It seemed Bae Yu-rim had already tried reaching out to Joo Kwon-oh on Instagram a few times to make him a model for her painting.

“If you’re just in contact through Instagram, isn’t it a bit weak to ask him to be a model?”

“I greet him when we run into each other at the cafeteria. I’ve seen him in the club room a few times too.”

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”

“I think they broke up.”

“Oh, really?”

“I’m not sure. But I don’t think he’s single?”

“Would people around him leave him alone?”

“True…”

After a brief discussion, it was concluded that Joo Kwon-oh probably had a girlfriend. Although I didn’t participate in the discussion, I agreed with that conclusion as well.

“What are you drawing, Jeong-ha? Who is it?”

The attention of my classmates, who had been busy chattering about the model for the painting, suddenly turned to me.

“Nothing. It’s no one.”

I calmly lied.

“Just the back view, no face showing?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm. Isn’t the composition a bit awkward if it’s diagonal?”

“I’ve never tried drawing from this angle before, so I wanted to give it a shot.”

“It is fresh.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re too stuck in entrance exam art. It’s new and good, why not?”

I smiled ambiguously instead of answering. My classmates then resumed their conversation among themselves.

“Ah, I need to decide on a model quickly too.”

“Don’t draw people. Do a still life like me.”

“No matter how I look at it, Joo Kwon-oh would have been perfect. I was planning to color it in Jackson Pollock style.”

“…Isn’t that abstract? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“The professor said it would be fine too. Should I try offering him money?”

“Give up. He’s from a wealthy family and has a girlfriend, why would he agree to be a model?”

“Seems like money won’t work and seducing won’t work either.”

Bae Yu-rim clicked her tongue as if it was a shame. If I had asked Joo Kwon-oh to be a model and got rejected, I would have been terribly hurt, but Bae Yu-rim seemed unfazed.

To begin with, I didn’t even have the courage to ask him to be a model for my painting. Instead, unlike Bae Yu-rim who boldly proposed to Joo Kwon-oh directly, I decided to draw him without permission. The diagonal back view that only I knew from the liberal arts class.

Yes. Surprisingly, Bae Yu-rim and I wanted the same person as our model!

Since I didn’t have the same straightforward conscience as her, I silently applied color to my canvas.

Who cares. It’s only going to show the back view anyway, so no one will know who the subject of the painting is.

*

The liberal arts professor, who had seemed easygoing, delivered some shocking news.

“From today, decide on a business model by team and research it. One person should compile the materials and upload them once a week, and on the last day, we’ll replace the final exam with presentations. Let’s see, should I make the groups for you?”

In the fourth week of the semester, the professor announced the group project I hated the most.

“What? No, we’ll do it ourselves.”

“Then form your teams freely, and submit your topics as soon as you decide.”

I thought we would just continue with lectures, but suddenly there’s a group project.

We had to form teams of three or four and even give presentations.

How am I supposed to form a team without Kim Jae-hyun? I was in despair. How could I join a team when I didn’t know anyone in this class?

With my extremely shy personality, it was impossible for me to step forward and ask to join a team or suggest forming one together.

Moreover, I had barely been following the class content because I had been only observing Joo Kwon-oh. Even if I luckily got into a team, I wouldn’t be much help.

I huddled up as much as possible and looked around.

Oh, what should I do?

As soon as the professor finished speaking, students who already knew each other started gathering to form teams.

I remained motionless in my seat, just chewing on my lower lip.

In the Painting Department, each mandatory practical course is basically four hours at a time, and we always work on paintings individually. Since there’s no need to cooperate with anyone like this, I was inevitably weak at group projects.

“Hey, if you haven’t decided on a team yet, want to join us?”

As I was closing my notebook where I had been doodling while spying on Joo Kwon-oh and just watching other people’s movements, a familiar student approached and spoke to me.

Choi Kyung-won. The guy who always hung around with Joo Kwon-oh.