My teenage high school romance comedy can't be this perverted!

Beta read by Shigiya

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-Occult Research Club-

The day we met was etched into my memory, as vivid as a crystal. I remember it being a rough day that followed the events that came from Raynare and her little cronies trying to kill Issei, all because Kokabiel wanted to start his little plan of causing a war between all three factions by creating small conflicts and unease. I was still not quite stable back then, the memories of my past still occupying my mind and Raynare's taunts serving to only worsen them.

Tough times, I'll tell ya.

Sometimes, I wondered how there hadn't been more to my ascent into a phase that my past self would be pretty stoked to see and come to terms with. Even thinking about that made me want to die inside. Nevertheless, it was then I met Asia; there were no rainbows or colorful skies when I found her. To me, she just looked like an unfortunately lost passerby who needed some help. Most likely her affinity towards dragons played a role, but I could not tell with certainty. 

Having hung out with her many times and slowly gotten to open up to the girl.

It was a sensation I hadn't felt in many years, or rather, a different kind of sensation. One of normalcy and peace, making me momentarily forget about everything that happened and bring the old loner back to the surface for a bit.

I was grateful for meeting her, part of my guilty conscience was even glad that she got excommunicated — a thought I hated to think about. Trying to keep the belief that she would have been happy had she remained a regular nun, but it turned out that I was a bigger selfish person who didn't want to accept that outcome.

"So, you are the devil who Asia healed and got excommunicated because of it." 

I said, more than ask. An edge to my voice that I didn't try to hold back, no emotions of what I thought about previously emerged at this moment but pure distaste. 

My heart was very much beating like a drum, to say the least, trying to keep any negative emotions from consuming my judgment. Whether it was rage or disgust, I could not tell, but either way, there was one thing I knew for certain at that very moment: "I don't like you. I would prefer it if you kept your distance from Asia and never come back."

I wasn't going to fly off in blind rage and attack this worthless filth for no reason; it wouldn't work in my favor and only served to give the Devil heir an outcome that worked for him. So, at that particular moment, after taking everything into account, I felt a strange sense of calmness and silence wash over me. 

The anger was still there, but it was more like a cold fury.

"You have no idea who you're talking to, so watch your tone, human!" said the Astaroth heir, pointing his fingers at me. I watched the surroundings and noticed everyone's reaction to that revelation. Rias certainly tried to put up a professional appearance, but it was hard to hide the look of judgment and distrust that came upon her face as she learned that he was the one behind Asia's excommunication.

Akeno was clearly livid, arcs of lightning playing in between her fingertips. Xenovia kept her cool surprisingly, observing the situation and focusing on both me and Diodora.

Asia, on the other hand, remained quiet, staying behind me and trying her best to attract as little attention as possible from this man. Even as an angel whose powers could potentially help her defeat him, she wasn't one to think like that.

'Hey Vritra, don't you find it strange that a Devil would roam around a church in Italy? So close to a church on top of that. As far as I'm aware, this guy looks like your typical noble heir, the likes of Riser who spends their time going to balls and banquets. Why would someone like him be present in Italy near a church, wounded of all scenarios?' I asked the dragon, curious to see what he had to say in all of this.

'Hm, I can't tell, partner. But I do agree with you that the entire situation is very weird, to say the least. I'd say to keep your guard up against him, as people like him tend to want to use their power and influence when they can't get what they want,' he explained, to which I listened calmly. Vritra was correct; even he found this entire thing to be strange as well.

"You just introduced yourself a couple of seconds ago, of course I know who I'm talking to. Are you an idiot?" I answered with a dry voice, giving him a deadpan stare as he no longer put up that fake innocent expression of his. 

He let go of the mask, looking back at me with pure fury.

A wave of demonic energy exuded from his body as he spoke, "Talk like that to me one more time, and I'll put you in your place, human. The other faction leaders may be playing their little game and treating you like some powerful entity, but at the end of the day, you are still hum—"

"Idiot," I said once more without missing a beat, feeling like an adult purposefully angering a child. A powerful and devil child but a kid nonetheless. 

"—!?"

Quite an unusual person this turned Diodora out to be. I was starting to get a better hold of his personality, but still found it shocking that someone so blinded by their own beliefs and arrogance could exist. 

Even Riser wasn't so bad, was he?

"So what are you going to do if I don't stop? I'm not the one who suddenly started screaming and accusing others of such baseless accusations. You're the one who barged in here, insisting Rias exchange Asia if she was a Bishop for worthless pieces, and now suddenly throw a childish tantrum because she already belongs to the angel faction."

I crossed my arms, waiting to see what kind of response he would give and hoping he would just leave this place once and for all. Despite the growing anger within me, I very much wanted to punch this guy right here and right now for what he had done, but I held myself back. It made sense; why create more trouble for myself and give him more ammunition to use against me? At that point, losing my temper would just be playing into the palm of his hands, and I refuse to end up like that.

"Shut up!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, his face flushing red with anger as he appeared ready to lunge at me. Rias hesitated in the background, unsure if she should interfere or not. I gave her a meaningful glance, signaling for her to stay back. If she got involved, there was a high possibility that the guy would drag her into the situation and create more problems for her.

"Just because you killed a few Fallens shouldn't give you the arrogance to talk back to an heir, you pathetic human. People keep over-praising your achievements just because you are more useful as an ally than anything else!" 

I just had to push him to his breaking point; he was there, closer and closer, reaching his limit, so I had to give him nothing but a small, gentle nudge. Unfolding my arms and looking down at him, I slowly whispered, "All I see in front of me is a kid who is all bark and no bite. I have heard the same insults hundreds of times from other devils with their heads up their asses. It's getting kind of boring, I must say. None of you have anything new to say, always saying the same thing. 'Pathetic human this, pathetic human that, blah, blah, blah', like a broken record. Honestly, wish you guys shut up already and listen. Asia is an angel, and you're fresh out of luck to turn her into your little pawn or Bishop or whatever piece you had in mind. So go back to your little castle, play, and have your little tea party with other devils. I'm sure there are many who are more than glad to listen to your complaints and suck up to you with a fake smile."

"You insolent little… !"

Huh, that seemed to have worked, as the next second his aura exploded, filling the room and causing Asia and Rias to yield at the intensity of his sudden actions. For someone like him, he sure did possess a surprising amount of demonic energy. Nothing like Riser, but still impressive enough that he'd probably put up a good fight against Kiba.

I raised an eyebrow, keeping up my act and looking at him with a disappointed face. "What? You talk as if I am beneath you, but this is all you have to show? A bit of wind and heat with all these pretty colors? I admit you'd make for fine entertainment light during a party, but we aren't here to have fun."

"Shut up!" he shouted again, his frustration evident in his tone.

He was about to move, raising his hands towards me and preparing to cast a spell. This was exactly the moment I was hoping for, as with witnesses all around me, he was clearly the one who had started to get violent. Yet before I could do anything, Rias stepped up with her own demonic energy, filling the room and overtaking Diodora's rather easily.

"What!?" Even he was taken aback, watching in bewilderment at the redhead as her power continuously grew to the point he couldn't even put up a fight against it.

I shook my head at his reaction.

While it was true that Rias was not known to be one of the strongest combatants, she still held an impressive amount of demonic power under her grasp. All she lacked was control, experience, and actual practice—a point that I suspected Diodora to share as well.

"I have stood by and listened to this charade going on for long enough! Diodora, don't forget you are in my territory and not yours. Continue to act like this, and I will use my authority as both the owner and next heiress to the Gremory clan to throw you out by force if needed. Also, pay more respect to Hachiman; he is more than just a human and more than just my contracted mage."

"You are actually going to involve yourself in the matter relating to this human?" he demanded, his expression growing uglier by the second. "As the heir to the Gremory clan, you should understand what it means to go against the Astaroth."

She just scoffed at his threat, "I do not have any time for your explanations and threats, Diodora. I had no problems going against the Phenex, nor will I have any issues with you. It doesn't matter whether your brother is held as one of the three Maous. Don't think that will help your case. Leave, now."

Wow, I hadn't expected such fire from her tone. 

However, something told me that Rias not only wanted him to leave because of what he said but also to not deal with a devil heir given the killing intent Akeno was showing. 

The girl, though she stayed quiet the entire time, was not even bothering to hide her intentions within those eyes. It didn't matter how Diodora would react or even if he tried to attack me. Getting hit by holy lightning, unless he had the means to protect himself against it or was more powerful than Akeno, would spell his doom.

A few seconds passed before he reluctantly stepped down.

"Fine, you have made your stance very clear, Rias. No wonder all of the high ranks are disappointed with you," he said, looking back at me, clear that there was something he wanted to add. "And as for you, human, don't think I'll just walk away and you won't be facing any consequences. I, Diodora Astaroth, hereby challenge you to a Rating Game! Do you accept it or not?"

The redhead near me was caught off guard by his statement. "Wait, Hachiman is not a dev—"

"I accept," I gave my answer before she could say anything else. 

She gave me a baffled stare, and I understood why she reacted like that, but I truly believed this was something that I had to handle in some way, shape, or form. The chances of this person leaving Asia alone without trying something else were slim, so I had to make sure he would learn his lesson and stay away from the former nun.

"Humph!" He didn't give me any more answers and teleported away, leaving the room in suffocating silence. 

"Is it just me or did he never bother to learn my name?" 

Rias turned to look at me with a deadly glare. I could only chuckle awkwardly, fully aware of what was going on inside her mind, as even Akeno had a similar reaction to mine.

As for Xenovia, the former exorcist, having no awareness of her surroundings, just hummed in amusement. "This will be my first Rating Game. But what role would I assume? I believe as your personal protector, the knight suits me most, but it wouldn't be bad to be your queen as well."

"I don't think we are even allowed to participate," I responded. "Even if my weird status as Rias's or Sona's pawn were to be acknowledged through sheer miracle, then it would be the King's decision whether the entire peerage should participate or not. And in Diodora's case, I believe he wants to face me rather than either of the girls."

"Oh," she was visibly disappointed, almost like a child denied a fun playtime. "I have been making a lot of progress with Durandal. What better opportunity to show it off than against the devil."

"Well, it's not like it's impossible for me and those I choose to participate. If it's an official Rating Game, then the rules apply. But if it's a small matchup or a duel against two consenting parties, then I'm sure we can work something out with both Sirzechs and Ajuka."

"Wait, you have other people in mind to join this battle?" She gave me a curious look.

I nodded. "While I am more than certain that both you and I can handle Diodora alone, we shouldn't underestimate the rest of his peerage. Even if I were to possess enough power to be considered as someone capable of taking down a cadre, I'd rather not let that get to my head. So yes, he has fifteen other pieces, and I have no idea who might be part of his peerage and what kind of Sacred Gears they might possess. So that is why it's best to bring others along, if they are willing, of course."

I wasn't going to force anyone, but I already had one person who I was certain would join even if I didn't say anything. For others… well the issue was more complicated. it was impossible for Akeno to join as she represented Rias and was her Queen, so that left less than a handful of names. Kiba was also not an option, and those who remained weren't particularly fond of me.

"What have you done, Hikigaya Hachiman!" 

Oof, using my full name once more. What a rare occasion to see Rias get that angry. "Why did you accept it if you knew you couldn't participate in your own group in a Rating Game!?" 

"I-I will not let you get hurt!" Asia came in, putting up a determined face. "I can ask Gabriel-san to teach me how to wield a spear too!" 

"No, you're not!" 

Best to put an end to that train of thought sooner rather than later. I just couldn't imagine the blonde rushing into battle holding a spear and not tripping on the ground.

{Break}

(An hour later)

"The Young Devils Gathering?" I repeated the words as Sona called me over for matters related to what happened prior.

"Yes, the gathering is a social event if you would, or a tournament. Basically, house heirs like Rias and I participate in such events to display our strength as a peerage and find out how far we rank amongst those of our generations. This will be our first participation, and you can be assured that it's one of the major events in the underworld."

Why did this feel like one of those tournament arcs I read in plenty of mangas in the past? Where the underdog would come, be underestimated by everyone, and emerge victorious whilst fighting against the strongest for a just cause or for their friends who were cheering from the sidelines?

"So, will Diodora be participating as well?"

She gave me a confused stare before nodding her head. "Of course he will. He is the heir of the Astaroth family, and since his older brother has given up that name, he's the one who should be participating. The same will apply to Riser, and even a few names you are familiar with."

"Are you familiar with his peerage?" 

She tapped on her pen on the table a couple of times, "Weirdly enough, pretty much no one knows who is part of his peerage. Diodora keeps that a well-guarded secret as pretty much every member has their faces hidden away behind a layer of cloth. Many of his Rating Games were private and those that we do see don't offer much given his opponents end up giving up after a few of their peerage members are eliminated." 

So nothing on that front as well. It made me even more cautious about this guy, why did he hide their identity and so easily offer a couple of them in exchange for Asia?

"He shouldn't be a problem, Rias and I are confident we can defeat him with proper planning." 

I let out a breath of air. It didn't take an expert to understand that both of these girls aimed to win and come out on top. Sona and Rias were highly competitive individuals against one another and in general, I truly saw them as talented individuals with busted powers due to their devil's physique.

"That is why, just like we did in the past, my peerage and I will be taking a leave of absence to practice and improve our teamwork. Tsubaki has already made the necessary preparations, and we are leaving tomorrow."

That was… unexpected to say the least, she wasn't one to miss school days so easily. 

"I take it this doesn't need to be addressed, but I'll say it nonetheless to avoid any misunderstandings: I won't be helping either of you two during the Rating Games," I stated. To my surprise, rather than being angered or surprised by my words, she accepted it without hesitation.

"Of course, I know that. It has already been announced that you will not be aiding either of us or any other peers during the Rating Games," she replied calmly. "My sister has already made the decision, and even Rias accepted the terms."

"She did? I was not aware of such a discussion that happened between them, let alone it being announced by Serafall out of everyone," I remarked, surprised by this revelation. 

From the looks of it, Sona was not aware of what happened between me and Diodora. His challenge and the news of it had not yet spread amongst everyone. 

Though I bet it was merely a matter of time. 

There was no way someone like him wouldn't take this opportunity to make a large spectacle of the entire matter just to use it, later on, to humiliate me in case he won. Perhaps even use it to wager Asia as a winning prize. It was very unlikely and was just speculation, but I didn't put it past him.

"So I guess the school will be quite empty for the next few days," I said while looking at my phone. It was already late enough, and I had to return home soon. "Even though I can't participate, I'll be cheering for both of you to reach the finals."

A strange gleam passed within her eyes. "And who exactly will you be rooting for to win at the end of the day?"

"Sairaorg," I answered without hesitation, my response taking Sona aback, as she probably expected me to answer with Rias or something. If that was the case, then she truly didn't know what was waiting for her at the end.

"Do you find it so surprising I chose him of all people? It would be a suckers bet if I picked anyone but him."

"Not completely," Sona admitted, "I admit he wasn't the first person that came to mind. I have heard that you've met him previously and even seemed to form a friendly bond. But then again, he's not known as the strongest devil in the younger generation for nothing. But the way you say it makes it look like neither of us has any chance of winning against him."

"Because you don't," I said to be as clear as possible. 

Regardless of how much she trained in the next few days, neither she nor any of her peerage members would reach a level sufficient enough to challenge that man. Having been on the receiving end of his fists during our training has shown me quite a bit of what he was truly capable of. That man was an anomaly, more so than I, and a true monster.

I heard Vritra chuckle in my head, "he is certainly a powerful adversary. Amongst the many people you have fought, including the White Dragon Emperor and the Goddess — I would easily put him amongst the handfuls at the top in terms of strength alone."

Quite an extravagant praise coming from him, but I had to agree. Firstly, I knew for certain that the guy was holding back the entire time against me, though I was doing the same as well, but still—a stark reminder that there still existed plenty of monsters in the underworld. Monsters capable of challenging the likes of gods and dragons.

"Well, that was quite harsh. I would have liked for you to say something like, 'With enough preparation and planning, you could have a chance against him.' You never know, perhaps if we manage to discover his weakness and use it against him, we can probably win."

I shook my head immediately. "Would you prefer me to tell you such flowery words or be completely honest? Wait, don't bother… I already know the answer. You don't know who you are truly facing, I know for certain even Rias does not truly realize just how dangerous he is. Both you and Rias are capable, but still, he is on another level, and unless you haven't reached a stage where you can take on beings like Kokabiel rather easily then don't bother thinking you'll win. Even if you manage to uncover his weakness, I doubt it would change anything."

"I don't know whether I should feel offended or worried," she said.

"Forget about Sairaorg, focus on others like Riser."

Having known Riser for a small amount of time, a part of me even theorized that during the final battle or during the entire rating game, he alone would probably be enough to challenge the other devils of the younger generation. Granted I hadn't met all of them, but if those at the top happened to be the likes of Sona, Rias, or even Diodora, then that alone was more than enough for me to come to that conclusion.

"Fine, I'm happy with that," she conceded, both of us giving each other our goodbyes before I left the room. 

[Break]

The information I gained about Diodora and his peerage brought more questions than anything else. This man was hiding something, and whatever it was didn't spell any good news.

"You seem to be in deep thought, Hachi-kun~!"

"Wah!" I jumped with surprise as I heard a voice speak behind me. Turning around, I couldn't help but want to facepalm myself as I saw Serafall's head peeking out of the air vents on the ceiling.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" I asked incredulously.

"Hehehe, I was just making sure that Sona was okay and free from any danger! I heard that bitch Gabrielle was planning on playing teacher here, I have to make sure she doesn't corrupt my sweet So-tan and steal her away from me!"

"Gabrielle won't steal her or do anything like that. You just creep out your sister by your actions and make her run away in fear," I remarked, but she just giggled and didn't take heed of my words. I shrugged; this girl was too obsessed with Sona, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was better not to get involved in such shenanigans.

"By the way, are you really challenging Diodora?" she asked.

Another wave of shock showed on my face as she said that. "How did you know about that? It just happened an hour ago!"

"I have my ways; I'm not the one responsible for foreign affairs for no reason! You underestimate me too much, Hachi-kun!" Serafall exclaimed. 

Well, it didn't help that she was someone who wore magical girl outfits every day and behaved like a completely unhinged person who held the power to destroy cities with a mere flick of her fingers. She showed no hesitation to go to war with Heaven if they made her sister sad.

"Alright, I was about to talk about this matter with you and Sirzechs either way. Is it possible for me to participate in an official Rating Game against Diodora without me being… you know." 

"Oh yeah, don't worry about that! I have something better in mind!" 

Now I was worried, taking a step back out of fear.

"Hey! You're giving me that mean look again!" she protested.

"I can't help how I normally look, but I will admit that I am judging you very much right now," I retorted. Serafall jumped out of the air vent, her clothes a bit too short as she flashed me her panties, which were surprisingly mature and lacy given her character. Dropping to the floor, she gave me a pout before making sure that no one was listening in on us.

"Either way, I know that you're probably worried about how you can even challenge him in the first place, given that you're technically not a devil, nor are you a devil of high class who can have his own peerage. But just leave it to me; I can talk with Sirzechs and Ajuka to ask them to let you enter the official Rating Game between the younger generation of Devils as a separate participant."

"You can do that? I'm pretty sure the other people of high rank will very much oppose my presence. I know enough of your politics to understand how old-fashioned some can be, which is saying something given their longevity and adding a human along their tradition is pretty much an insult to them."

"That is where you're wrong..." She trailed off with a grin. I had a bad feeling about this but decided to hear her out nonetheless. "There are some people who heard about one of your friends helping Sairaorg's mother with her disease. Safe to say, they are very much interested in her abilities being used on someone else. They are willing to pay quite a bit, and I am certain they will easily agree for you to participate if I use this opportunity as leverage."

There it was. I refuse to believe I could gain anything in life without having to give something in return. There was always a price, no matter who or what I was dealing with. And the tricky part here was that I was making a deal with the devils. Just trying to make a deal with Rias's brother was a pain in itself, and he was one of the easiest ones and on my side. This only meant that whoever this was must be someone very important.

"Who is it, then?" I asked, to which Serafall zipped her lips."

"Sorry, I can't say as it is very confidential. But if Kuroka can heal her, then I assure you that it will be one of the biggest contributions to the underworld she would have made, and you get a place in the Rating Game is nothing in comparison."

"Except both Kuroka and I will be even more entangled with your politics than we already are. Even though you are hiding who this person is, I'm getting the feeling that they are a major entity with a lot of influence to require so much attention," her easygoing and silly face died down for a bit and showed a serious one.

"I promise this won't bring you any trouble, nor will anyone from our side come after you. If there's an enemy who tries to attack you because of this, I swear upon my name that I will kill them without mercy." Her voice tone became graver as the temperature around me plummeted. I felt a chill, knowing full well she meant every single word.

"Fine, then so be it."

"Nice! And also, don't tell anyone you'll be participating! I want it to be a surprise!" 

Was all she said before disappearing back into the air vents. I couldn't help but shake my head at her confusing nature. One moment she was a powerful and serious Satan and the next moment she was a bigger weeb magical girl. It made me wonder whether or not she suffered from bipolar. 

Going through such a thought I walked along the hallways till I encountered a familiar face which made me sigh.

"What now? Don't tell me you created more of a mess between you and the girls?" I said to Riser, the latter having that same constant arrogant look on his face.

"It displeases Riser that you would hold him in such low regard. But no, that is not the case… I sensed a familiar demonic energy when passing by Rias' little club. Diodora Astaroth finally decided to show up huh." 

"Is there something I should know?" The way he said it indicated that he knew something about that man's motives. 

"This isn't the first time he showed up, let me guess, he's interested in one of the girls you keep around?" 

"..." 

Riser shrugged his shoulders, having already made his message clear. "Be careful of him, that fool puts on an innocent smile but is a slimy snake in disguise. Don't believe he will fight fair to get what he wants, even the flames of a Phenex were not enough to serve him as a warning… guess it is time for Riser Phenex to remind these fools who he truly is during the gathering."

He walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts. 

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(A Few days later)

"Ten, eleven… twenty, twenty-four, and that's the last of it. That should be all of the apples on this tree," I announced from the top of the ladder within the school's botanical garden, with Aika holding the bottom as we completed another service requested by one of the clubs.

Xenovia and Asia took care of other tasks as we decided to handle the many requests in separate groups to speed things along. Akeno couldn't be present, busy with her own contracts and preparations for the Devil's gathering.

"They sure look delicious, don't they?"

"Don't eat it, we promised we wouldn't snack on their work after all," I reminded, glancing at the tempting apples we had just harvested. The Botanical Club's small greenhouse garden was abundant with various trees and plants bearing fruits and vegetables, which they generously shared with the Cooking Club.

This month, many of their club members had fallen sick with a cold that spread throughout their group, leaving only a single person capable enough to work. In need of more manpower, they requested assistance from our club to help out with the harvest. Given that this was one of the few normal requests I received, I didn't hesitate to accept.

"Oh, come on, Buchou! We're here busting our asses to keep this place clean and well-maintained, and we can't even have a snack? That's unfair. It's not like we'll eat everything. Don't be such a downer, and let's take a snack," Aika insisted once more. 

This time, I didn't deny her completely. 

Looking at the filled baskets, there were indeed plenty of fruits we had gathered, and having one or two missing wouldn't be noticed.

"Hah, fine," I replied, but as soon as I said that, she went over and accidentally tripped on the vine. "Wah!" flailing her arms around, she accidentally pushed the ladder too far, causing me to tumble to the ground with a yelp of surprise. 

"Oof!" 

I landed on a patch of strawberry bushes, feeling my clothes get wet as they got covered in dirt and squashed fruits. "Shit," I muttered as I realized we'd just made a huge blunder. 

"Buchou! Are you okay?" Aika rushed to my side to help me out, her face completely focused as she made sure I was all right.

"I'm fine, but we are in trouble," I said while looking at the completely squashed strawberry bush and trying to find a way to fix this issue. "This might ruin our club's reputation, and I don't know how else we'll be able to fix this situation."

A moment of weakness and I was instantly hit by karma. This was some kind of joke made by the universe, I was sure of it.

"Well, can't you use your magic or something to make it grow faster or something?" The bespectacled girl's words caused my mind to come to a halt. I slowly turned around with disturbed eyes and saw her looking at me dead in the eyes.

"What?" 

"Well, can't you use magic? I'm pretty sure you and Asia are magicians." 

"Wuh..."

What was going on here?

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The next 5 chapters of Snafu, and my other Fate fics (Fate Coiling Sword with 3 chapters, A Fake Familiar Reborn with 3 chapters, Steel Eyed Faker soon to be 3 chapters, Hound having 3 and To love a sword having 4 chapters) are already available on my P@treon. With 4 more Broly chapters at /NimtheWriter. Also, I post commissioned arts on each story, already posted a few on an Archer's Promise, Broly and Snafu.