Naruto : Monsters

After an embarrassingly long period of crying, I was finally able to settle down with some help from my new mother. Being gently rocked in her arms was an unexpectedly comforting experience, and it helped settle my raging emotions down rather quickly.

It seems even though my mind, or at the very least my memories, were of that an adult male my body certainly wasn't. This was an infant's body, and along with it came all the instincts of one. Simple things like moving my finger one at a time was beyond me now. Whenever I tried moving my index finger alone, the rest of my fingers would follow after it, clamping down into a tiny clenched fist.

Great, just great. It seemed that along with learning the basics of this world, I was going to have to learn how to control my body from scratch. Learning to walk was going to be a hassle, not to mention going through puberty all over again. At least I knew what to expect this time.

Seeing that I had finally stopped crying, my new mother leisurely slowed her rocking to a halt and raised me closer to her face. She said something to me while wearing a smile but whatever it was I couldn't begin to guess. When I tried speaking back, all that came out of my mouth was gibbering nonsense, just baby talk.

It seems I'm going to have to add learning to talk to the list.

Her smile widened and she cooed down at me, softly trailing a finger down my cheek. Wait a minute, I think I know this woman. I squinted my eyes and tried to get a better look at her, causing her to laugh at my expression.

Yes, I'm sure of it. I've seen this face somewhere before but I couldn't remember where. I don't recall any named female Hyuugas other than Hinata and Hanabi, and she certainly wasn't either one of them. Though she did resemble them more than a little, in ways other than the eyes of course. But then again almost everyone in the Hyuuga clan were related to each other so they all probably looked like one another.

A voice called out from somewhere and my new mother glanced over her shoulder and smiled. A man appeared from behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and planting a quick kiss on her cheek before he rested his chin on her shoulder and peered down at me.

So this man was my father. Hmm, all in all, not a bad looking bloke. Not going to win any male beauty contest or anything, and that long hair of his definitely had to go, but overall not too shabby. Looks like I'm going to end up alright in the looks department-wait, wait, WAIT! I knew this guy! It was Hiashi. Hiashi was my father!

I just gawked up at the head of the Hyuuga clan in utter bewilderment. And it appeared that my face must have been quite a sight because both of my parents broke down laughing at me. I didn't care, I just couldn't stop staring at them.

This confirmed it then. Not only was I born in the Naruto Universe, but I was also born in the original timeline of the story. I had played with the idea that I might have been reincarnated into a world similar to one from the story, an alternative universe of sorts, but no, it looked like I was in the genuine article.

After gawking at him for a few more seconds, I relaxed and let loose a chuckle. Well, I tried to chuckle but it came out as an adorable sounding giggle instead but I was honestly too happy to care for the moment.

Oh, this was good. No, this was more than just good, this was positively fantastic! I'm in the original timeline, probably the same age as the main cast. Do you know what this means? It means that I would finally get the smack the stupid out of some the characters!

Forget having future knowledge (which admittedly was going to be pretty damn useful) what I was really looking forward to was knocking some god damn common sense into their heads after seeing the dumb shits they got up to. The preteen fan-girling, the Datebayo-ing, the talk ninjutsu nonsense, and dear god the emo-ing.

I swear on my soul that the very first thing I'm going to do when I meet the emo prince of the avengers is to sock him right on the nose. I don't give a damn if the entire Uchiha clan were watching, I'd do it. Lord knows someone needs to and it sure as hell wasn't going to be either Sakura or Naruto.

I was jolted from my thoughts when I felt myself being set down on something solid. Quickly glancing around, I found myself on some kind of dressing table. Oh, that's right, I still haven't had my diapers changed from earlier yet, have I?

My mother leaned over me for a few seconds and wiggled her fingers on my tummy, forcing me to squeal in laughter, before she knelt down to retrieve something from one of the lower drawers.

As she rummaged for something below, I took a moment to examine my new mother. Long hair, so dark it turned blue when bathed in light, framing a gentle face. This wasn't the face of someone who lived out in the sun, her skin was too pale and smooth for that. So not a ninja then.

For the life of me, I could not remember her name. No matter how hard I tried I simply couldn't remember. Now that I think about it, I barely recalled anything at all when it came to this woman, my new mother. All I knew about her was that she died before the start of the series, she married Hiashi, gave birth to two daughters, Hinata and Hanabi-

-Wait a second, daughters?

That's right, this woman never gave birth to any boys, only girls. I turned my head around trying to look around the room for any signs of other children but I couldn't see any. And since one of the few things I do remember clearly was that she had died giving birth to Hanabi so that meant I was her first child.

But that's weird, I'm pretty sure her firstborn child was Hinata…

Wait. Was I reincarnated as Hinata?

Does that mean…I'm a girl now?

…

…

…

NOOOOOO~~~~~~~~~~

My mother practically jumped three feet up into the air, startled by my scream as I began to wail so loudly I was sure that the entire village heard me. She hunched over me, making shushing noises and tried to calm down but I didn't care. I didn't want to be a girl, I'm a man damn it!

I tried reaching down to my groin to check if I still had my tool, but I couldn't reach. My stubbly little hands were too short. I tried sitting up, rocking myself back and forth, but it was no use. My oversized baby head was too heavy for my little neck to lift. 

And since there was nothing I could do I just dropped back down and wailed my very lungs out, this time by my own free will instead of any baby instincts.

It was only because I caught sight of the diaper in my mother's hand that I stopped crying. It seemed like she thought that I was crying because I had soiled myself earlier and was going to change my diaper. Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and change it then. Quick! Open the package, open the Goddamn package right now woman! I need to know if it's still there.

Somehow, she sensed my urgency and rushed to undress me. Using all of the strength I had in my body, I rocked myself slightly upwards when she undressed me and was able to glance down into my groin just for an instant, only to find-

…Oh, thank you God. Thank you.

It's there. We're safe, we're safe. False alarm people, it was just a false alarm. The peanuts are real, I repeat, the peanuts are real.

Really, don't scare me like that. That was a close one. If I found out I was reincarnated without my balls I would have killed myself. And I mean literally kill myself. As in, I'd turn my blanket into a noose, tie one end around my cradle's bars, the other around my neck, and then leap off.

We just barely avoided the first newborn baby suicide in history.

Hey, I may want the Rinnegan pretty badly but even I'm not willing to give up my manhood for it.

After that, I felt so relieved I just collapsed into an exhausted heap and let sleep finally take its hold on me.

===================

Now, something that always bothered me with the typical reincarnation story is that every character wants to save the world or help people. That made no sense to me. You are born in the world where people can possess power that makes them Gods in all but name but almost none of the reincarnated people want it? Well, this in my take one it.

The MC in this fic is going to be utterly ruthless. While he will still have a heart, he isn't here to help people. Don't expect him to be the type who willingly hold the hands and helps the other characters in the story grow up. 

While he'll make exception for those very few he cares for, don't he won't go out of the way to help a stranger. In that sense, he's like you and me. How many of us can say that we go out of our way to help total strangers ever day? every week? Not many I'd guess.

Oh, and I'm sure some of you noticed for a someone who prides himself on his logic and clam mind he broke down rather easily when it came to Jiraiya's gender. That was done on purpose and is a clue for future events. That's all I'm saying for now.