Naruto : Monsters

We all agreed that the 'blame Kakashi' was a more practical slogan, so it stuck. And since choosing a team motto was a group decision instead of just the instructor, Kakashi couldn't do a single thing about it.

I swear our Sensei sulked for days afterwards.

...

Around us the graveyard was bathed in an orange hue as the sun began to set, dyeing us with its light. The smooth surface of the gravestones burned, set alight in crimson orange flames as they reflected the evening light.

It was peaceful here, empty save for the two of us, the silence filling the hill only disturbed by Naruto's voice as she recounted tale after tale to her mother. It was how we always spent this day, a tradition that we started together ever since we were six. 

Every year we came here, just Naruto and me, and Naruto would spend all day telling her mum about all the adventures and mischief she had managed to get up during the year while I would occasionally chime in whenever the blonde left anything out.

And seeing that Naruto could get into a lot of trouble over the course of a year, it didn't surprise me in the least that we had to stay until well after sunset till she finished.

"...Wait," I cut in, interrupting Naruto as she was in the middle of recounting another tale. "What did you just say?"

"Huh?" Naruto, caught off guard by interruption, turned to shoot me a perplexed look.

"Just now, that story you were telling your mom." I explained, my voice sounding unnaturally calm even to my ears "What did you just say?"

"Uhm..." Naruto must have sensed something off in my tone because she began edging away from me, shooting me with a worried look. "I said that Mio-san thought it was so cute that you wanted to become my house-wife."

"It was you!" I hissed out, pointing at the girl, indignation and surprise filling my voice. "I thought it was Kakashi who was spreading those rumours but it-was-you!"

"Eh?" Naruto blinked in bewilderment, caught completely off guard. She stared at the finger I thrusted at her face, going a little cross-eyed, before looking back up to me, "What was me? What rumours."

"Waifu! Wai-fu!" I hissed the word out like it was poison. I hadn't even known that term existed in this world until I saw Kakashi holding a copy of 'Icha Icha – How I met my Waifu'. 

Which reminds me, I'm going to have to do something really nasty to Jiraiya for his part in this, but for now, I had another target for my rage. I stalked up to Naruto, who had the audacity to look genuinely baffled but I knew better, "It was you! Don't try to deny it. You're the reason why everyone keeps thinking I want to be your house-wife!"

"Ah!" Naruto gave a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of her head, "I wasn't supposed to not mention that?"

"No!" I snapped, resisting the urge to throttle the girl, "You weren't."

"He-he, sorry," She pokes her tongue out, "My bad, I didn't know."

Even though Naruto tried to give me an apologetic expression, I wasn't buying it. The way the edge of her lips kept twitching told me that she was fighting to keep a smile off her face.

"It's not like I went out of my way to tell people," She quickly explained, raising her hands up in surrender as she caught the stormy look brewing on my face.

"But I was talking to Mio-san about how we met Kakashi-Sensei for the first time and she wanted me to hear everything, so I couldn't leave that part out, now could I? Besides," by this point, Naruto dropped any pretence of being sorry and a wicked grin bloomed on her lips. She reached out to pat my head condescendingly, "There is nothing to be embarrassed about Hikaru-chan, I'm sure you'd make a wonderful Waifu one day."

Naruto couldn't hold it in any longer and broke into another fit of laughter, all but collapsing into the floor and kicking her legs in the air. The glare I sent her did nothing to diminish her humour as she rolled on the ground and kept laughing for a solid minute.

"It's not funny," I told her sullenly when her laughter began to abate, "do you have any idea what you've done? My entire Clan thinks I want to become your house-wife, not husband but wife. I'm not sure if they actually believed that or were just saying it for laughs but it was all they could gossip about for days. 

Hanabi even told me I'd make a wonderful bride someday. Who the hell knows what my father thinks of this once he finds-" I stopped talking as I felt my face turn pale. "Oh god."

"What?" Naruto asked, curious at the cause of the horrified mortification that appeared on my face.

"My Dad, he must have heard the rumours." I answered, palming my face, "No wonder he was giving me all of those odd looks during dinner, he thinks that the rumours might be true." I lifted my hand off my face to glare at Naruto when she broke out laughing again, "Stop that." I snapped sullenly, "It's not funny."

"No," Naruto managed to reel in her laughter and sit herself up, propping her hands behind her. Grinning mischievously, she pointed straight at me, "That is very funny." She snickered again, "And what makes it even better Mio-san had no trouble believing it."

"I know," I thought back to how my mother had been behaving recently, "I thought it was weird when she handed me an apron out of the blue last week. Oh god, my mom is actually supporting the idea, she's actually ecstatic with the idea of me becoming your wife. It was probably her fault that the rumours spread so fast."

"Now, now Hikaru-chan," Naruto gave me a teasing grin, "you can't blame this all on Mio-san. It's partly your fault for giving her the impression that you want to be a happy house-wife."

"My fault?" I shot Naruto a half questioning, half offended look "How exactly was this my fault. When did I ever do anything that would give her that impression?"

All the humour drained from her face as Naruto shot me a deadpan look, "Hikaru, this morning you were scrubbing the floor of my apartment wearing the very same apron your mum gave you."

"There was a STAIN!" I yelled out in outrage, "What was I supposed to do? Leave it?" All but snorting at the thought. Preposterous, as if I would allow such a thing. You can't let dirt get a foothold in your house, give it an inch and the next thing you know your entire house will turn into a pigsty.

"...and you wonder why people have no trouble believing the rumours," Naruto said while giving me a pitying look.

Seeing the expression, I decided enough was enough. She wanted to rat out my embarrassing secrets to my mom, well then two can play at that game.

"Kushina-san," tuning Naruto out completely, I turned to face the gravestone and began speaking directly to it, my tone pleasant and conversational, "did you know I once thought Naruto was a boy? It's true! When we first met I honestly believed she was a boy. She had her hair cut short back then and had such a boyish name that it never even occurred to me that she could be a girl. In fact, I kept believing Naruto was a boy for the entire first day we met and only found out the truth when I-"

A hand suddenly clamped over my mouth, muffling the rest of my words.

To my right, the owner of said hand was glaring at me, her blue eyes narrowed in warning. But whatever threat Naruto held in her eyes was diminished by the way her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

"We agreed never to speak of that day." Naruto hissed, her entire face turned crimson at the memory of the event.

Gently pulling her hand free from my mouth, I turned and gave Naruto a smile, one that was every bit as wicked as the one she had been giving me earlier.

"But Goshujin-sama," I purred, deliberately using the traditional word for husband, one that only an overly submissive wife would use today as it could also be translated to mean 'master', "You surely must know how us lowly house-wives love to gossip. Why we couldn't keep a secret if our lives depend on it. Besides," I nodded to the grave, "this is your mom, my future mother-in-law, and I'm sure she would love to know about the first time you took a bath with a boy-"

"Nooooooooo-" The rest of my words were literally knocked out of me as a blonde missile crashed into my side and pushed me onto the ground. I barely had the chance to gather my wits together when I felt a weight straddle my waist and before I knew it, I found myself pinned to the ground as a pair of powerful hands latched to my shoulders and held me down.

"Shut it, Hikaru," Naruto ordered from above, face burning such a shade of crimson that it would have put any Uzumaki's hair to shame.

"Now, now, Goshujin-sama." Still playing the role of a submissive house-wife, I looked away and pretended to be embarrassed, "Are you sure you should be doing this? Isn't this a little much?"

Naruto stared bewilderingly down at me, clearly not understanding what I was trying to imply, so to help her along I nodded down to where she was straddling me. "I know you're excited but Goshujin-sama, it is rather inappropriate to mount your wife right in public, in front of your own mother no less?"

Still confused, Naruto slowly lowered her sights from my face and looked down to see what I was talking about before, somehow, managing to turn even redder at what she saw.

Pinned to the ground by the shoulders while she straddled my waist, her face held only a hand's span over my own while I laid trapped beneath her on my back, we painted a rather suggestive image. Had anyone been watching, and were our gender's reversed, it would have looked like she had pushed me to the ground and was about to have her way with me.

And I could see the realisation dawning on Naruto.

With her face only a few inches away, I had a first-row seat to witness her reaction. And let me tell you, it was a thing of beauty. What I wouldn't give to have a camera because watching the rest of her face turn into a tomato red was a Kodak-worthy moment as I had ever seen.

"But if Goshujin-sama demands it," still playing my role I raise a hand to my cheek and looked to the side, feigning embarrassment, even as I twisted the metaphoric hilt, "then as your wife I have no choice to but to help sate your lust."

"Hikaru!" I swear the sound of her mortified embarrassment was music to my ears.

...

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