Naruto : Venom

The Next Morning

"HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE!?"

I'm yanked out of my sleep, I leap off the couch, grab a kunai and haul ass to Sasuke's room.

Don't be dead! Don't be dead! Don't be dead!

I kick the door open and take stock of the situation.

"Yo." It's Kakashi.

Kakashi broke into Sasuke's house. I glance at the clock. Correction: Kakashi broke into Sasuke's house at 4:45 in the morning. What the hell is going on?

"Oi. Kakashi-sensei." The other males turn to me. "I thought we were on leave. Why are you here?"

"Oh I decided we need to have a team meeting. I've already told Sakura, and I was going to get you next Alvarcus, but I don't need to. How was the slumber party?"

"It was brilliant. We painted each other's nails and talked about how my parents kicked me out of the house!" Huh, I may have some unresolved anger.

Kakashi goes deathly still. "They did what?"

I refuse to elaborate.

"Alvarcus told his parents about the Demon Brothers." Sasuke blurts out. "They told him to not come back until tonight. He crashed here."

"It's not important." I am not talking about this. Kakashi let the subject drop, for now. I can tell he wants to say more. "What was this about a team meeting?"

"I want you to be at training ground seven at 6am. I'll tell you about it then." Kakashi vanishes in a swirl of leaves.

"Well we better get going. I'd hate to be late after all."

...

Training Ground 7

At 9:00 Kakashi finally shows up.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura yells at Kakashi. "You can't call a team meeting like this and then be late to it! You're a jonin! Act like it!"

"Today is Pakkun's monthly grooming day, and I just couldn't leave him half groomed."

"Of course, grooming is very important. I'm glad you finished it, I know if my hair was half combed I would be in a hissy fit the entire day." Wait a moment, I know that name.

"Who is Pakkun?" Sasuke asks.

"He's one of my summons. I'll introduce you all eventually."

Ah that is where I know that name from. He's the cute pug summon with the soft paws.

"I've decided to enter you three into the Chunin Exams." Kakashi casually tells us.

Oh shit that is happening now?

"Here, take these forms. If you want to take the exams, fill it out and report to the Academy building one week from today."

Seven days. The Chunin Exams are in seven days.

That means Orochimaru is going to attack in seven days.

Goodbye life, it was nice while it lasted.

"Well now you know!" Kakashi is was too chipper with our imminent demise coming. That's right, he doesn't know. "Do you three want help training over the next week? It is your leave time, I can't force you to."

"Teach me more fire ninjutsu." Sasuke demands.

"I think I'll be fine. I'll be there next week!" Sakura adds.

"Fire whips. I need help on my fire whips." I need more offense than my floating kunai trick. As cool as that is, it won't work on Orochimaru. Who am I trying to fool, my fire whips won't work on him either. He is a damn Sannin! He beats the Hokage! A lowly gennin like me has no hope for survival.

"Alright. Sasuke stay here. Alvarcus come back here at noon. Sakura, enjoy your week off." Kakashi vanishes.

"Well. I'm hungry." Sakura sates. "Do you two want to get some food?"

"No. I am going to train." Sasuke leaves us.

"I'm going to have to decline as well. I'm going to do some research into past Chunin Exams. Maybe it'll give us an edge if we know what to expect." Plus there is the off chance that the exams will not be the same as cannon. It won't hurt to be prepared.

"Alright. I'll see you around."

...

Noon at Training Ground 7

"Yo." Kakashi shunshins into the training ground.

"Who the hell are you?" I demand, instantly going on guard. "You're not Kakashi-sensei. He is never on time."

"Very funny Alvarcus. I can be on time if I want to."

I don't buy it. This is too strange. "Prove to me that you are Kakashi."

Kakashi shrugs, and pulls out a familiar orange book. He starts reading it.

"On our last mission you had your first kill." He turns a page.

"Not good enough. Anyone could check mission records and find that information." I am 90% sure this is Kakashi. No one else would have the audacity to start reading porn in this situation.

"It was Sasuke that helped you through your first kill. Not me." Damn. I can't refute that one.

"Alright, you're Kakashi-sensei. So! Fire whips. I need help with them. Either I need to make them more chakra efficient or I need to increase my reserves. What would be easier?"

"Hold on Alvarcus. I have something for you." He does? What could it be? Kami forbid an Icha Icha book, I already have my own. Kakashi reaches into his hip pouch, and pulls out an envelope. "Catch." I catch it, and look at him questioningly. "It's a key to my house."

"What? I don't think I heard you right."

"I said," Kakashi speaks very slowly, "it's a key to my house."

"Yep, that's what I thought I heard. I hate to break it to you, Kakashi-kun," I flutter my eyelashes at him, "but we will never work out."

"Ha ha. Hilarious." Kakashi turns a page. "The address is in there too. If you ever need a place to stay, use it."

This is him being there for me. He never was good with words, Kakashi let his actions speak for him.

"Kakashi, I can't take this."

"After what your parents said," He talked to my parents? "you better take the damn key."

I wince. "Were they really that bad?"

"You want the honest truth?"

"Yes. How bad were they?"

He snaps shut his book. "I am surprised they are letting you come back at all."

Ouch. "That's bad." I pocket the envelope. Its better to not make it a big deal. "So. My fire whips. What will be more effective, increasing my control or supply?"

Kakashi is okay with letting my change the subject. "Neither. It is out or your reach right now. You won't be able to wield them properly in time. Your chakra supply can't keep up with the amount of training you would need to do."

No. I need this. I need something, anything to combat Orochimaru!

"Although, I do have an idea for your chakra strings." This better be a damn good idea.

"Let's hear it."

"It's based off of your kunai trap idea. The logic behind it is that you attach strings to a heavy object and a light object, and by making your strings elastic you launch the lighter object, usually a kunai, at a high velocity. That is how it works, correct?" I nod. "My question for you: can you be the kunai?"

"You want me to launch myself at the enemy? That is a terrible idea. Did you get hit in the head?"

"Ha ha. Very funny. I haven't been anyone's puppet recently." He is still mad about that. "I don't want you to launch at an enemy. I want you to launch away from an enemy."

That is a brilliant idea. How have I never thought of that? Imagine, fighting an opponent and suddenly I launch in a random direction, like upwards.

Not upwards, I have no desire to ever be high up in the air again. Any other direction is fine. Besides, how do you counter that? There is no muscle tension, no visible way to see that move coming, unless you have a doujutsu or are a crazy accurate sensor.

That thought must have shown on my face, because Kakashi looks smug. I think so, I'm getting better at reading him through his mask.

"Good idea, isn't it? Well hop to it! I'll be here to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

"Alright, alright. This can't be that hard. I already know how to do it and everything." I attach a string from my wrist to a nearby tree. "See? It's exactly like my kunai trap." Without a care in the world, I let the elastic string pull me to the tree.

POP

"Oh sweet mother of Kami it hurts! Fuck, fuck fuck fuck! My shoulder!" I dislocated my shoulder. I ripped it right out of it's socket.

Kakashi rushed over to me. "Alvarcus! Calm down. I know how to fix this. Look at me. I'm going to put it back in on three. Okay?"

With teary eyes I nod. He grips my arm firmly.

"One."

POP

"Ow! That fucking hurt you filthy asshat! You said three!"

THWACK

He smacked me in the back of the head. "Bad Alvarcus. You do not insult your sensei, especially when he just popped your shoulder back in place. Now, what did we learn and how do you fix it?"

"Fine." I grumble while experimentally moving my shoulder around, "One string is a bad idea. Having the string come from a limb is also a bad idea, as seen by me dislocating my shoulder. I'll make them from the torso, chest or back. 

At least four, more if possible. Spread the force out, don't have it all in one spot. And for the love of Kami do not pull myself in two directions! Death by ripping yourself in half would be a very stupid way to die."

"I don't think anyone has done that before. You might start a new trend."

"Oh shut up Kakashi-sensei. I'm going to try this again."

From the torso this time, I connect multiple strings to the tree.

"Here we go."

SLAM

"Alvarcus?" Kakashi looks up from his book.

"Shut up Kakashi-sensei."

"You just threw yourself into a tree." He says factually.

"I said SHUT UP Kakashi-sensei!"

This will take a lot of work to get right. At least I have a week.