Only Realized After Losing You

64. Ellie Has Always Been Ellie, And Will Always Be Ellie

The person who came out of the room in a hurry must not have noticed Lebrado and bumped into him.

“… … !”

Only then did Lebrado realize someone had run into him..

Normally, he would have been quick to react, but he was too deep in thought.

“Sorry.”

Lebrado apologized and looked at who had bumped into him.

“… It’s okay.”

It was a woman who answered in a small, mumbling voice.

She was wearing a dress that was ordinary but not of a maid.

He tried to look at her face, but the woman had her head bowed down.

As a result, Lebrado couldn’t see her face properly.

The only feature he could see was a single brown eye.

The woman quickly passed him by and walked away.

Lebrado stared at her back as she walked away from him.

Her brown hair, which fell to her waist, swayed gently from side to side as she walked.

“This is the first time I’m seeing her at the Duchy… Who is that?”

Was it Lennon’s new girlfriend?

It didn’t seem like an unreasonable guess, considering Lennon frequently dated a variety of women.

As he continued to look at that unfamiliar girl, someone suddenly came to mind.

“… Master?”

Her hair color is completely different, so why did I suddenly think of Ellie?

It was a strange thing.

He was reminded of Lennon and Ellie.

Maybe that woman had something to do with his master.

It was a knight’s exceptional hunch.

Lebrado shook his head and continued walking down the hallway.

His destination was Lennon’s office.

If he wanted to find out information about Lennon, he would have to make contact with Lennon first.

There was a high possibility that investigating Lennon’s activities behind his back would likely lead to it being traced back to him.

In that case, Lebrado thought, it would be much better to confront him head on.

It was at that moment that he was about to tell the maid standing outside Lennon’s office to let him know that he had arrived, when the door slowly opened.

The person who emerged from Lennon’s office was once again a stranger.

This time, it was an older looking man.

The man glanced at him before passing by.

Unlike the woman he had encountered earlier, Lebrado instantly remembered the face of the strange man he had encountered.

Since he was a man who left Lennon’s office, it would be better to remember him for sure.

The man had a tired-looking face.

… Who is he?

At least he wasn’t a man who had previously visited the ducal residence, was noble, or had any ties to Lennon.

Lebrado had a pretty good eye for things.

He quickly took his eyes off the back of the man walking away.

Lennon’s maid was next to him, and the door to the office was still open.

He didn’t want Lennon, who was inside the office, to know where his gaze was.

In other words, he felt like he shouldn’t reveal the fact that he had a slight interest in the man.

It was a knight’s intuition.

He looked ahead and, sure enough, Lennon’s red eyes were on him.

“Lord Lennon. I just happened to come see you… I guess my timing was good, seeing as your guest just left.”

Lebrado said cheerfully.

Lennon, sitting lazily on the couch, cocked his head.

“Maybe? Come in.”

Lebrado entered the room with a short answer: “Yes.”

As he turned his body back slightly to close the open door, Lebrado’s golden eyes flickered slightly.

Information about two strangers who had not been seen before at the Duke’s residence.

Wouldn’t this be helpful information for Ellie?

If this information was truly helpful to Ellie and Hardwin…

Would it be okay to ask Ellie to lick her hand just once?

It had been two months since he last licked her hand.

Lebrado was suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms.

His ability to hold onto the leash of reason had reached its limit.

Perhaps the next time they met, he might unconsciously run towards Ellie and put his tongue on her hand.

Just like the day he first met her, in that flower bed.

Lebrado wished that the week he had promised them would arrive quickly and that he would meet them.

Then he turned his body toward Lennon as a scent seeped deep into Lebrado’s nostrils.

It was the scent of the reddish tea that Lennon enjoyed drinking these days.

What was the name of that tea?

* * *

Hardwin wasn’t sure if he could be happy after Hannah died.

No, he couldn’t even figure out how to live.

Someone he shared the same world with suddenly died.

Not only did his parents, whom he loved, pass away early, but his sister, who was the only shining light in his gray world, also died.

Why did all the people he loved die young?

Being left alone was heartbreaking. It was a feeling he never got used to, no matter how many times he experienced it.

The one who comforted his devastated heart was Ellie, a woman who resembled Hannah.

She, whom he had no particular expectations or significance to, comforted his heart.

After Hannah died, the more time he spent with Ellie, the more meaningful she became to him.

It was a nebulous, undefinable feeling, one that he wasn’t quite sure what to make of.

He swore that Ellie was the first woman he had ever felt attracted to.

At first it was pity.

He felt sorry for her, who had lost her speech because of others, had run away from her home, and had even lost her shoes.

Maybe it was because she looked like Hannah that he felt even more sorry for her.

So, he awkwardly started to take care of her.

He gave her a pair of white shoes to cover her bare feet, spoke small words to comfort her, and covered her trembling shoulders with a coat.

Ellie was a vulnerable, poor, and pitiful woman.

Before he realized it, he was receiving comfort from Ellie more often.

Ellie held him, comforted him, and held him as he fell apart after Hannah’s death.

Sincerely, with all her heart.

There were often times when he suddenly realized that he was happy.

Those happy days were when he was killing time with Ellie.

When Hannah died, he began to wonder if he should feel happy.

He felt guilty towards Hannah, not knowing how much happier he would become in the future.

For the first time, Hardwin leaned on someone other than Hannah.

Eventually, he was able to completely trust Ellie.

When he least expected it, his faith in her had been solidified.

‘How long will it take for us to completely trust each other?’

But he couldn’t answer the question.

Because he wasn’t sure how much Ellie trusted him.

I trust you completely, but what if you don’t?

Hardwin was afraid to hear Ellie’s answer.

He was scared that she would say, ‘I don’t completely trust you.’

He wished that she would believe in him as much as he believed in her.

While he was thinking about it, he completely missed the right timing to answer.

Hardwin promised to ask her again after some more time had passed.

‘I trust you completely, what about you?’

Would he be able to hear the answer he wanted from Ellie then?

It was late at night and he should have been asleep.

But perhaps because of Baltan’s sudden upcoming visit, Hardwin had trouble sleeping.

He pretended to be indifferent in front of Ellie, but in reality he was quite disturbed.

Because Baltan… was never the kind of person who would come here without any reason.

He was a man who took action only when he had a visible goal.

That meant there must be some kind of goal to this visit as well.

There was nothing particularly obvious that could be Baltan’s goal, other than aiming for the title of count.

However, after he was severely beaten by Hannah while aiming for the title, he had not visited the count’s residence for three years.

But then suddenly he’s returning.

Hardwin couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

The thought wouldn’t go away.

Hardwin sat up from his bed, having given up on falling asleep.

He headed to the balcony attached to his room.

As he went out onto the balcony, the cool night breeze brushed against Hardwin’s cheek.

He gazed up at the moon that lit up the night sky as if he had forgotten the cold.

“Hannah… Will we be able to overcome this safely this time too?”

He posed the question to the moon, the same one he had often gazed at with Hannah in the past, but it remained silent.

The silence that followed wasn’t as sad as before.

Perhaps it was because of Ellie.

If it weren’t for Ellie, how miserable and sad would his life have been after Hannah?

Ellie seemed to think she was saved by him and Hannah.

But so was Hardwin.

He, too, had felt saved by her several times.

It was an undeniable fact.

It was when he looked down from the moon.

There was a figure in the count’s garden, where he had thought no one would be.

She was sitting on a bench in the garden with a thin shawl draped over her shoulders.

Her name flowed from between Hardwin’s red lips.

“… Ellie.”

Why is she out in the garden at night?

What is she doing sitting on the bench?

A string of questions filled Hardwin’s head.

Hardwin couldn’t take his eyes off her, as if he was mesmerized by something.

Ellie’s silver hair reflected the moonlight and sparkled beautifully.

It was a similar color to Hannah’s, but it was not a color that could be considered the same.

Ellie would often ask questions along the lines of, “Do I look like Hannah?”

Not once… Not even once.

He never found Hannah in her appearance.

Ellie has always been Ellie, and will always be Ellie.

He would never project Hannah in her.

Hardwin could say with certainty.